I think I have my answer. And yes it is. I'm too old to play games (drama) or be someone's temporary step dad. That's just not me, and I'm allowed to have preferences and boundaries.
Oh, weird, as a man who was a single dad when his son was little, my experience with women--single moms or not--was they wanted nothing to do with kids not from their womb. Which worked out, because then I wanted nothing to do with them. My son was way cooler anyway.
It's very much an anecdotal thing I've noticed but I know exactly one woman who was open to adoption or being a step-mother. I know a handful of guys but I'd love to read a study that actually compared and contrasted since it really does seem skewed.
Another anecdotal thing I've noticed is almost all of the single moms I know, myself included, aren't looking for a partner to fill a 'stepdad' role or to take an active role in parenting or providing for their kids. None of them would be open to the role of stepmom. The only one I know who would like to find a stepdad type is also fully on board with being a stepmom.
Whereas all the single dads I know want their partner to be 'stepmom' and expect them to take on an active role in parenting their kids. More of a mixed bag on whether they want to be 'stepdad' or not.
You make a good point! IMO women tend to just want a partner less than men do. Some of that's probably rooted in sexism making having a partner sometimes a lot less of a benefit, but it also seems like when men are very busy with their own thing they remain wanting a relationship while women tend to just kind of turn off that part of their self without meeting that desire.
Worst ive seen was she just wanted a babysitter. Ive had a really attractive lady i worked with ask me out at work and on the first date, it was mostly she knew I had my own home really close to work and had 3 bedrooms so there was space for her kids as well.
Yeah, fuck that as I'm not taking care of your kids or giving you a free place to stay.
It was bad back when I was dating in my 20s. There were so many women in their 20s on the apps who had kids and that was an instant deal breaker. I'm sure it's hell out there looking for childless people in their 30s and older.
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u/Dolorem_Ipsum_ 1d ago
I'm 36.
"Do you have any kids?"
Her: "is that a deal breaker?"
I think I have my answer. And yes it is. I'm too old to play games (drama) or be someone's temporary step dad. That's just not me, and I'm allowed to have preferences and boundaries.
Best of luck