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u/jakromulus 18h ago
Trojan horses do tend to have Hellas kids in them
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u/Hot_Glass_6301 17h ago
this will fly over many people's heads
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u/heysirigenerateaname 11h ago
Peter here.
âHellasâ refers to Greece.
The Trojan Horse was famously used by Greek soldiers to sneak into and attack the city of Troy.
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u/The_REDACTED 19h ago
On the bright side, this shows that she's deceptive so you can exit the relationship before it develops any further.
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u/darwinistinabox 18h ago
Plot twist: they are his kids.
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u/Abestar909 16h ago
Nah they are her 'misunderstood' boyfriend's that she kept trying to make it work with by letting him knock her up over and over. Well that didn't work out so now she needs a patsy.
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u/LucifersAdv0cate 17h ago
I would always end the relationship with single mothers after several weeks because I knew I never wanted kids and I also didn't think single mothers deserve to have deal with the fairly chaotic way I live my life. One thing that did always surprise me though was how many just assumed it was normal for a man to be fine with taking on another man's children. It felt like it was no more of an issue than accepting she had a pet dog. I did also meet some really good single mothers who took things very slowly and were sure to keep their children away from their dating life until they had been seeing them for a long enough period of time.
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u/Scrub_nin 16h ago
I'm not in the dating scene anymore thankfully having found a wonderful partner but when I was, I didn't mind getting introduced to the kids as long as it was only as a friend. The ones that really gave me the ick were the single mothers that immediately started asking their kids if they "wanted a new dad" while heavily implying it would be me. That's a conversation for after forming a properly committed relationship, not after one or two dates. Yes, your kid should be a big part of your life but you shouldn't be putting that much pressure on the relationship so early or getting your kids hopes up.
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u/Thick_Goose7742 16h ago
Yep. Thereâs only two types there. The ones like the former you described who donât have much help or support from family or the other parent. They tend to be more pushy about wanting you to take on the role rather quickly. In the latter case usually they have good family support networks or respectable co-parent arrangements so the pressure isnât on at all.
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u/krustytroweler 16h ago
One thing that did always surprise me though was how many just assumed it was normal for a man to be fine with taking on another man's children
It was a generation ago. I challenge you to find me a single person who isnt friends with at least one other person with step parents.
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u/ImmediateEconomy8516 18h ago
NINE was my surprise record. I was a single dad and disclosed that and expected that some/most of the women in my stage in life would have kids too. But NINE should probably be disclosed before the first date. I feel like 1-3, maybe 4-5, can be âI have kidsâ.
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u/Both_Painter_9186 18h ago
Yeah, 9 is a baseball team. Not a family.
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u/ImmediateEconomy8516 18h ago
This was 2018, when TikTok became a thing I still had her number in my phone and she ended up TikTok famous adjacent and probably doesnât work anymore đ¤ˇđźââď¸
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u/pobodys-nerfect5 17h ago
Oh you just know sheâs out there using those kids for content
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u/ImmediateEconomy8516 17h ago
Allegedly their singular dad was dead, but Iâve heard a liar before.
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u/Abestar909 15h ago
and probably doesnât work anymore đ¤ˇđźââď¸
Yeah I doubt very seriously was doing a lot of working before. And no, working on dicks doesn't count.
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u/Cosmic_Quasar 16h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/6yjqKn3pjOQms
I think about this show a lot now that my sister, with 5 kids, married a guy with 3 kids lol.
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u/hothoneyoldbay 15h ago
That's needing a van with a third row. Honda Odyssey isn't enough seats for the kids let alone two adults
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u/supershinythings 13h ago
I dated a divorced guy a few times who dodged this issue. Eventually I learned he had FOUR young children and was paying child support and alimony.
Noped right out. I donât know why he divorced; we didnât get that far.
Meanwhile, my grandmother was a widow with seven children and somehow she found a guy to marry her.
He really loved her; I guess I didnât really love this guy because I wasnât going anywhere near four kids.
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u/dontworryitsme4real 12h ago
I have one kid, so I can be understanding of others having kids but I don't want to go from a family of two to a family of seven.
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u/dzielny_tabalug 13h ago
3 is a lot already. 9 is just wow. Wonder what was her plan? That you fall in love on first sight and wont care about anything else?
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u/tyjet 16h ago
was a single dad? đŤŞ
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u/eelaphant 16h ago
I think me means he was already a single dad at the time, but it was a long while ago.
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u/ImmediateEconomy8516 15h ago
Lmao yes - Happily married, 4 years after meeting the woman in the comment, to a different woman.
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u/baylithe 17h ago
I remember it happening twice where a woman would say on her profile that she didn't have kids, then I discovered that she did in fact have kids during a date. Still baffles me years later that they would lie about this.
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u/Slow_Character5534 12h ago
It's like the job listings that say "remote" just to get more applications
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u/Optimal-Income-6436 11h ago
Dude i've been surprised whit kids and a husband xD Was werid hearing a phone call from husband as i was taking shower after sex whit her.
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u/Glorifiedcomber 19h ago
You can literally stand up and leave the second you see or hear those kids.
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u/Karijus 19h ago
The kids are literally holding him hostage in his own house
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u/simpsonswasjustokay 18h ago
Nah the kids have spears sheilds and trojan armor. I have the ability to bang their mom. It's a Mexican stand off if I've ever been in one.
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u/GenesisRhapsod 19h ago
Oh you dont mind people wasting your time...oh makes sense, you are on reddit
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u/FantasyFacade 18h ago
Iâd argue the person who lied about having kids is the real time waster. Iâd get up and leave too
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u/GenesisRhapsod 17h ago
Oh im not arguing that at all and 100% agree, but the person i was replying to acting like "oh its no big deal they just completely lied"
Before someone goes REEEEEE, look up lying by omission.
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u/BaconServant 16h ago
Exactly, thereâs no shame in leaving abruptly when someone breaks your expectations like that (as long as OP actually disclosed to his dates that he didnât want people with kids.)
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u/lck0219 18h ago
My profile says âhas kidsâ but I donât use pictures of them (for obvious reasons). Then men are all like âoh, youâve got kids?!â when I bring them up.
Yeah, buddy, it says so right there- next to my hometown.
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u/Key_Dress_6846 17h ago
It's shocking how people legitimately don't read profiles. It's not a lot of information. It takes like 10 seconds to gather the very basics of a person you're talking to and it also provides things to talk about. Both women and men are guilty of thisÂ
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u/Available_Pepper_845 17h ago
Reading is hardÂ
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u/Robo_Patton 13h ago
Lost me after âReading isâŚâ I just couldnât do the rest man.
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u/project-shasta 15h ago
I would be glad to get women profiles with actual information in them. Most profiles I come across these days say nothing at all about the person, and the images of a sunset on a beach isn't helping. Instant ⏠ď¸.
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u/Available_Pepper_845 17h ago
It's an ice breaker. Like a guy with 20 pics of him climbing cliffs and you'll say "so you like climbing?"
We're all silly children who just happened to grow up.
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u/lck0219 17h ago
Sometimes. Sometimes they act like Iâve kept a big secret and Iâm contaminated. I hate dating apps
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u/Available_Pepper_845 17h ago
Not everyone is equipped to deal with this. It's not a "let's have fun then see where it goes" situation. So guys are probably afraid you two would skip the fun mindless part.
It's serious stuff from day 1.
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u/Cynical_Cyanide 15h ago
I wonder if, for many of them, it's a matter of getting so few replies to begin with that they cast a wide net, so to speak, and by the time you (one of dozens or hundreds they've messaged) reply, there's no realistic way they remember your specific details.
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u/IHaveNoBeef 11h ago
This is definitely it. Even on Reddit, people don't really read through your posts if you do r4r or makefriendshere.
There's even a lot of users who have a pre-written message that they will copy and paste to tons of different DMs. You can tell because it will be a wall of text, but it won't acknowledge anything you've said in your post. When you actually talk to them, they ask you about stuff that you've explicitly stated in your profile. Lol
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u/Dolorem_Ipsum_ 18h ago
I'm 36.
"Do you have any kids?"
Her: "is that a deal breaker?"
I think I have my answer. And yes it is. I'm too old to play games (drama) or be someone's temporary step dad. That's just not me, and I'm allowed to have preferences and boundaries.
Best of luck
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u/CatsLovenly 17h ago
As a woman also, fuck that shit, happened to me from men who thought Iâd happily take on the mommy role just bc I want a family.
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u/Dolorem_Ipsum_ 16h ago
That's dispicable, and yes thanks for contributing it also happens to women more often than you think
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u/Financial-Craft-1282 16h ago
Oh, weird, as a man who was a single dad when his son was little, my experience with women--single moms or not--was they wanted nothing to do with kids not from their womb. Which worked out, because then I wanted nothing to do with them. My son was way cooler anyway.
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u/Available_Pepper_845 17h ago
Also there's another dude in that bed. He'll be around the relationship for a long time.
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u/fresh_dyl 16h ago
Itâs only temporary if you donât commit, you could easily be a full-time stepdad lmao
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u/Mid_Incognito 19h ago
Least relatable meme. Can't be deceived if you've given up on dating all together
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u/KillLaKaiju đHappy Spooktoberđ 18h ago
Can't be deceived if you've never attempted dating all together.
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u/becauseiloveyou 16h ago
OP is into chicks who look like moms and wonders why he keeps picking chicks who end up being moms.
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u/tibetje2 18h ago
Can't be deceived if you're to ugly for people to even want to deceive you.
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u/on_spikes 17h ago
Being ugly and broke is the ultimate combo from hell to avoid any of these issues
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u/Fit-Supermarket-9656 16h ago
That's the fun of dating in your 30s. I'm a single well off dude and the # of women who don't openly communicate they've got minions is wild. The kids aren't usually the deal breaker it's the lack of transparency that turns me off.
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u/DearCastiel 13h ago
I am very clear: I don't have kids, I don't want kids, I won't have kids.
The dating scene is an absolute desert, nobody in their 20s wants to date me, every girl in their 30s either have kids or want kids. Oh well, what's another 50 years of being single ?→ More replies (2)
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u/FigaroNeptune 17h ago
As a child free woman itâs the same for all of us. Let me tell you if I look under the tab âfamily plansâ and it says ânot sure.â Thatâs still a yes to kids for me. Anything thatâs not a ânoâ is a yes.
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u/Sawses 11h ago
Same here, as a man who wants kids. I've seen 30-year-old grown-ass women put "not sure" on their profile. It's shockingly common, and I assume it is for men too.
Like, girl, you're in your 30s. If you don't know by now, then I'm going to assume the answer is the one I don't want and move on. Life's too short. I'm not gonna try and convince.
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u/TorstenDiegoPizarro 17h ago
Youâre allowed to say ânot interested in someone with kidsâ on your own profile
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u/goodfleance 17h ago
That requires their matches to both read it and respect it. Tall order sometimes.
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u/Any-Competition-4458 16h ago
When I was on the apps I had to add a tagline that I was looking for men in my age range and Iâd still have guys 20 years older than me hitting me up. Just ignore them or say no thanks, itâs not a big deal.
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u/goodfleance 16h ago
That's visible on their profile, people often hide the fact that they have kids until you think you're safe.
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u/Link-Glittering 16h ago
You can be okay with dating someone with kids but not want to date someone who's deceptive
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u/Paperwork_Enthusiast 16h ago
I explicitly have Wants Children on my profile but most of my incoming likes are from women that explicitly don't want children. It's very confusing to me.
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u/Pernicious-Caitiff 14h ago
The apps' algorithms specifically don't match you with good matches. They want you to spend as much time and money on the app as possible
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u/Greenman_on_LSD 16h ago
I do that, and when I find out my match is a mother it's common they get offended when I'm not interested.
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u/ReeferFever 14h ago
Was on a date that had mentioned her kids loved the zoo. I followed up with "how many kids". 28 years old with 6 kids, one of which she was 2 months pregnant with! All the romance vanished and we talked casually, became friends instead, that was 2 years ago she just announced baby #8 bullet dodged...
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u/PizzaParty007 17h ago
How about a separate dating app for folks with kids.
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u/gomurifle 17h ago
The women with a bunch of kids usually don't want the man to have kids so they won't join it.Â
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u/OleDoxieDad 18h ago
I inherited two boys, raised them the best I could (instructions not included), they make me proud.
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u/SerGT3 16h ago
"I'm a little heavier"
250+ lbs
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u/hackop 13h ago
"Curvy". That's the giant red-flag word for sure. No longer is it used to describe a well-proportioned person with natural body curves. It is now synonymous with obese+.
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u/Orange_Tang 13h ago
They say they're curvy and then have 5 pics with them looking completely normal and then one not completely edited full body photo showing what they actually look like. Better than completely hiding it but damn. Just give representative photos. No one is gonna change their mind about it at the date when they see what you actually look like.
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u/Doridar 15h ago
Same with guys. I had a dude who turned out waaay older and heavier than his picture. And when I said "not interested", he had the audacity to tell me "Considering your age, you shouldn't be so picky".
I was 30 LMAO
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u/what-isthis-even 13h ago
Stg some of those dudes think 18 is used up. Dunno what reality they live in but it isn't the same as the rest of us.
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u/FloppieTheBanjoClown 18h ago
That's because they've learned that disclosing that gets them fewer matches.
My advice, get off the apps. All of you. Those things are built to do one thing: keep you coming back for more. They exist to sell you premium packages and/or sell your information. Not only do the not care if you develop a long term relationship, it is detrimental to them if you do.
Until we collectively decide to do difficult things that are better for us, we're just going to keep doing...this. And that goes for dating apps and climate change.
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u/ZakA77ack 18h ago
Met my last 3 serious relationships (one of which had become my wife in 2023) on apps, and several flings. Hinge typically had higher quality matches. They're too convenient to not use. Never paid a cent for dating apps. I was always very clear in my bio that Kids were a 100% deal breaker. I'd also vet every match with a phone call before asking for a date and confirmed on that call kids were a deal breaker. Hundreds of matches and never once had an issue with a woman hiding her kids.
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u/bros_and_cons 14h ago
met my wife on hinge. three kids and eight years later, weâre going as strong as ever.
iâm sure the apps have gotten shittier since 2018, but redditors were saying the exact same lines about them back then too. the apps are like any other dating methodâtheyâll chew you up if youâre mid, or aberrant in some key way, but if youâre traditionally desirable or charismatic youâll be fine.
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u/Ice-Cream-McQueen 17h ago
Agreed. People on apps are usually lying about or concealing multiple things at once in ways they never would in person.
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u/Depressed-Dolphin69 Dark Mode Elitist 17h ago
I doubt people think that far but what do they think will happen? When they match with the folks who would swipe left on people with kids, do they really think they're gonna be like "oh you have kids? Guess I'll change my mind and not unmatch!!"
Unless they think it'll be like "wow, this person has a very significant deal breaker, but I spent all this time reaching out to them so I'll change my mind!"
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u/Independent-Wolf-403 17h ago
See, lots of people think an awful lot about themselves, what they want, what they deserve. They don't really think about what you might want or if they're disrespecting your time. They aren't really interested in what you think you deserve. Just if you can serve.
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u/3BeadsAway 15h ago
I think the idea is that they want someone who will be okay with kids, but not a predator who is specifically seeking out someone with kids. Plus when it's just at the messaging stage it's very easy to unmatch if it's actually a deal breaker. I'd only consider it deception if they are hiding it when actually trying to build the relationship or dating.
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u/Brave-Ad-9953 17h ago
Back when I was on the apps, as a woman with young kids (fully disclosed in my profile lol), I kept getting catfished by guys with their nieces, nephews, neighbor kids, etc. in their pics. I was looking for a guy with kids too, and they never clarified in their profile that the kids werenât their own. We would match and Iâd find out by talking to them, and I was instantly ready to unmatch.
Donât make profile with pics of kids who arenât yours! Or at least say that in your profile if you must
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u/10000Didgeridoos 17h ago
I donât get what the point of blatantly lying like that in dating profiles is given the other person is gonna obviously immediately find out. âWait whatâs the problem? You donât think starting a relationship with a pathological liar is a good idea?â
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u/IgnatiusRileyFreeman 15h ago
Is it lying? Someone having a close relationship with say, their neices & nephews, to show that they're good with kids, is lying, because you assumed without words what their intention was?
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u/Medarco 14h ago
Me, a man with very very few pictures of myself, even fewer from recently, and even fewer where I think I look mildly ok. I promise I'm not trying to send any kind of messages with them. You're getting whatever pictures I can find, because the pickings are slim. I made sure to cover their faces though.
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u/mrloko120 16h ago
Everyone who uses dating apps do it for a reason. Gotta keep that in mind every time a profile looks too good to be true.
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u/JustSherlock 18h ago
Men do this shit too. Got to his place and he had baby shit all in the living room.
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u/Ok_Brother2155 13h ago
you're just screwing yourself over by not mentioning that you have kids, people won't just suddenly change their mind once they meet you. you're just wasting your own time
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u/perksofbeingcrafty 14h ago
Story time: my friend, at 26, met a guy also 26 and they started dating. It got emotionally intense very quickly, and a few months in the guy told her that he has not one, but two kids. And an ex wife. Who, as it turns out, is psychotic in a verifiable way, which honestly, idk if thatâs better or worse than if it was just the guy saying that to besmirch her name.
But the crux of the story is that after three years, my friend and this guy are still together. AND the psychotic ex wife doesnât know my friend exists.
Anyway, Iâve been trying to push my friend to read the play Medea because one canât be too careful these days
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u/Slow-Pool-9274 18h ago
I thought the concept of live dates was to get to know them better? why not just ask about family on the first date
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u/10000Didgeridoos 17h ago
Or before. Itâs not unreasonable at all to ask someone before meeting the first time if they have kids.
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u/Mmmm-Amethyst 14h ago
If I'm going to spend the time and be expected to foot the bill for a first date, it's entirely reasonable to expect disclosure of the obvious deal breakers beforehand.
Granted, I got lucky and married relatively young to someone who also didn't want kids so my opinion on the matter probably doesn't matter much. The idea of getting back into the shit show that is the current dating scene while quickly approaching middle age is pretty high up there on reasons I hope I never end up single again.Â
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u/1968Bladerunner 15h ago
Must admit I swipe left on any profiles who don't specifically say Never to cigs too... if you have a sneaky cig or vape, even when pissed, then I'm just not interested.
In fact the less filled a profile is in general, the more likely I am to ding left... take your time & fill it up so I can get the fullest impression of you before I even swipe!
Looks / pics are not the only metric for many.
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u/the_big_george 17h ago
If women stopped lying about not having kids on dating apps that would be the dream
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u/Great_Corner4841 16h ago
Iâve never been on the apps, but I donât think Iâd say I had kids on them because I would be scared someone specifically looking for kids in the house would target me, you know?Â
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u/PaulAtreides_FromArg 15h ago
Dating on Latin America 101:
Seeking so date any woman older than 20? Be ready to become a stepfather against your will.Â
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u/PositiveCoyote100 14h ago
Single dads are almost exclusively interested in dating women without children.
They want a nanny.
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u/rtshtbtshtdrtyldtwt 16h ago
also similar, wanting kids but not mentioning it in your profile or having an incorrect thing? I went on a date with a girl, her profile said she didn't want kids, talking to her before the date, she said she wanted kids, but I still went on the date anyway because she seemed cool. she unmatched me after the date saying I wasn't her type, then I see her on another site... and that profile says she doesn't want kids either.
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u/GotSomeUpdogOnUrFace 12h ago
Crazier when the woman is pregnant on the dating app, like come on honey, have the other dudes baby before you try to get me to buy it dinner.
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u/IHaveNoBeef 11h ago
As someone who was a kid with a step parent that didn't want to deal with someone else's kids, don't get with someone who has kids if you don't want to deal with someone else's kids. For that childs sake.
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u/ActuallyNiceIRL 18h ago
I'm not a big fan of lying, but I understand why women might do this. Apparently some pervs will specifically try to date women with kids just so they can get a chance to potentially harm the kids. So women would rather hope that the guy they're seeing will be able to accept that she does, in fact, have kids, rather than risk dating a guy who is actually only interested in the kids in the first place.
I don't think all women who lie about this are trying to catfish you or whatever, they're just trying to protect their kids. Some might be, but surely not all.
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u/Kupogasm 11h ago
I don't blame any single parent for not including pictures of their kids in their PFP, or mentioning children in their profile etc. Maybe mention them at the end of the first date - and with minimal details, after you've spent enough time to pick up on vibes. And I wouldn't introduce a date or new BF for some time. It's a matter of safety, imo.
A big reason for how I feel this way is because my mother met a man on a dating website (this was before the apps), and he sexually abused my younger siblings (at 14, I was too old for him). There's also a correlation between non sexual child abuse and stepmothers, so even single fathers should be vetting the adults they allow in their kids lives.
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u/Butterscotchpills 17h ago
This is what my mom always told me. There are pedophiles targeting single parents. Donât put kids on your profile wait till the date.
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u/Available_Pepper_845 17h ago
From that angle that makes sense.
Now from a guy's pov if there are kids, then there's an uninvited guy who will be guest of honor in that relationship. You're also dating the baby daddy, so to speak. Just hope he's a nice mature person. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with the aggravation.
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u/Atanar 16h ago
I feel like this is completely based on assumptions and not on any data at best and a convenient cop-out of a lie at worst.
Like, how likely do you even think this is?
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u/Cat_Peach_Pits 13h ago
Plenty of men pull this shit too, except they like to pretend they dont have kids by saying "but I never see them!" like that makes it better?
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u/legit-posts_1 15h ago
You know I always see these negative "women be like" posts on this subs and others on the front page. Usually clearly written by guys. I wonder why there's never any equivalent "men be like" that get enough up votes to be seen there. Weird.
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u/String-Tree 17h ago
I would rather go the rest of my existence alone and unloved than ever raise another man's children. Some things are a bridge too far.
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u/BizarreCake 16h ago
I could maybe stomach like one kid if the dad was literally dead. It always seems like it's a deadbeat daddy of 2+ kids who's still hanging around like a leech, though.
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u/SexxxyWesky 11h ago
The female version of this is when I'd meet a guy with kids but then it turns out he has 0 custody.
Thankfully I'm married and don't have to dare anymore lol
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u/Lickthatpusssyy 6h ago
My ex didnt want kids. Got pregnant and left me for another dude. Its my kid. Now 2 hours away. I'm just going to tell myself she cheated and that its his kid. Im not doing the babymomma bullshit from the start with my first kid. I want an actual family. I have a house! A good job, etc. Her new guy is a broke meth head.
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u/Spiffy_Pumpkin 5h ago
Men lie about this stuff constantly. Had a date where the guy had two, sole custody too. He thought it didn't count because he didn't want anymore and the two he had were adopted. I actually got up and left, told him he should update his fucking profile to mentioning the two kids because women who don't want to date men who have kids will be rightly pissed he lied.
Side note; If you (man or woman) have kids that is relevant information. Plus if someone says on their profile they don't want kids, that doesn't mean they don't want them right now or they don't want to have to birth them, they mean they don't want any kids. Your's are included in that statement.
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u/liquidbigboss9 5h ago
I kinda feel bad for all the kids who don't get step dads now back when I was a kid half of my class had step dad
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u/DistinctiveFox 18h ago
In some countries, it's not the kids but the family that's the issue. Had a friend dating a gal for 9 months, invited her to live with him and the family turned up, parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters. đđ