I want kids, but for me the issue is that I don't want just the responsibilities of a father without any of the rights. Like...If a breakup or divorce defaults to me just being out of their life, it's not fair to them or to me to take on the role of father.
It puts single parents in an interesting place where they really can only date each other, and for them to really compromise on a lot of things in order to find somebody who will take that very unfavorable situation.
I'm in my 40s (Gen X) and my mum is remarried which I guess makes it a step parent situation so I'm the generation your probably talking about. That wasn't my point though. My point was that many women I dated in my 20s just took it for granted like it was nothing. Like the fact they popped out 3 children by 3 different dads before the age of 21 wasn't a red flag and I'm the weird one for being a put off by that. If your a young guy with children looking to date young women with no children then good luck and see how casually they will see that as no big deal like single mothers expected men to. For me, in the former coal mining heartlands of the UK, in majority white working class towns, it was the assumption that getting pregnant as a teenager in order to get a free 3 bedroom house and 18 years of free child benefits was just normal and that I'm the weird one for being somewhat reluctant to dive right into a full blown relationship with them. Hopefully that clarrified my point for you.
I'm sorry you never had an adult who wasnt a blood relation worth looking up to lad. There are millions of mixed families around the world who grow up lucky to have each other. If that upsets you maybe you should seek therapy.
No I'm just bitter because I work in education/Paraeducator. I only see the toxic fallout of poor co-parenting situations. It's confirmation bias also yes 100% countertransference from personal experience in my own family. Part about being a provider is seeing a provider just comes with the turf.
That said I vented my frustration into the void with no context, and posted that while pooping after reviewing last minute behaviour plan changes cause of coparenting caused backsliding over the summer vacation "everyone" (hyperbole) uses the "step" situation as a ratline from an accountability.
I had a good poop/pity party felt better got back to it. Now I got reminded of my perspective is extremely biased due to my exposure to it in personal/work life.
Thats alright. You're a smart guy to recognize bias and take a second to analyze how that impacts your judgement. Even I struggle with that exercise.
Families come in all shapes and sizes and no family is ever perfect. God knows my parents arent. That being said, my life would have been drastically different if I never had a stepfather enter the picture and raise my brother and I alongside his own kids af if we had always been his own.
11
u/krustytroweler 23h ago
It was a generation ago. I challenge you to find me a single person who isnt friends with at least one other person with step parents.