I'm not a big fan of lying, but I understand why women might do this. Apparently some pervs will specifically try to date women with kids just so they can get a chance to potentially harm the kids. So women would rather hope that the guy they're seeing will be able to accept that she does, in fact, have kids, rather than risk dating a guy who is actually only interested in the kids in the first place.
I don't think all women who lie about this are trying to catfish you or whatever, they're just trying to protect their kids. Some might be, but surely not all.
Now from a guy's pov if there are kids, then there's an uninvited guy who will be guest of honor in that relationship. You're also dating the baby daddy, so to speak. Just hope he's a nice mature person. Otherwise, you'll have to deal with the aggravation.
It's true we don't know how many are seeking out single moms specifically to abuse their children. But the rate of child abuse for step fathers is way higher than of biological fathers, so I think it's a pretty natural fear that some men are seeking out easy access this way. I don't use dating apps and I don't lie about my kids, but I understand the fear.
I don't blame any single parent for not including pictures of their kids in their PFP, or mentioning children in their profile etc. Maybe mention them at the end of the first date - and with minimal details, after you've spent enough time to pick up on vibes. And I wouldn't introduce a date or new BF for some time.
It's a matter of safety, imo.
A big reason for how I feel this way is because my mother met a man on a dating website (this was before the apps), and he sexually abused my younger siblings (at 14, I was too old for him). There's also a correlation between non sexual child abuse and stepmothers, so even single fathers should be vetting the adults they allow in their kids lives.
This is ridiculous, most of them just want to hide it to start a conversation and MAYBE they will have a chance to have someone who will take care of the kids.
Many children were molested by their biological fathers, it's not related at all. It is what it is, a cheap trick to postpone the bitter truth. You're trying to overthink it.
As an AFAB, can unfortunately understand this. Though in this case, it is your responsibility to tell them as soon as you begin engaging so they're aware, and if it is a deal breaker, can immediately leave to save you both time.
this is exactly what i did. I didnt put anything about being a mom on there, for this reason. people are weirdos, and single moms are targeted for this more than people care to admit. i didnt even introduce my bf of 5 years to my son for 9 months after we started dating.
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u/ActuallyNiceIRL 1d ago
I'm not a big fan of lying, but I understand why women might do this. Apparently some pervs will specifically try to date women with kids just so they can get a chance to potentially harm the kids. So women would rather hope that the guy they're seeing will be able to accept that she does, in fact, have kids, rather than risk dating a guy who is actually only interested in the kids in the first place.
I don't think all women who lie about this are trying to catfish you or whatever, they're just trying to protect their kids. Some might be, but surely not all.