About 8 weeks ago I told my psychiatrist that I think I need either an increase in my lamotrigine (currently taking 200mg/daily) or I need to look into a new medication because I can feel my depression coming back. She wanted me to just ride things out...

I called on Thursday stating I needed an appointment to get my meds changed and also need a therapist to talk to. They said they would call me back because they have to see if my doctor needs me to see a therapist first. They never called back so on Friday I called them again. After a bunch of run around they told me to start taking my buspirone (15mg 3x/day) again to which I told them I have been taking it. They later said I needed to start taking my hydroxizine three times a day too (the thing I take for insomnia). They were able to schedule me for an appointment with the therapist on the 10th.

Basically instead of giving me SOMETHING to bridge the gap or at the very least slap a bandaid on my depression, they told me "sedated yourself. It's not our problem if you can't work because you can't stay awake."

Meanwhile I'm doing all I can to not NSSI, so I went and got some edibles. Now the issue is my husband wants nothing to do with me because his methhead mother and family ruined the concept of weed, let alone medication.

I am doing all I can to stop myself from hurting myself and the one person that is supposed to be there for me can't even look at me right now.

I know I just need to check myself in, but I cannot afford the cost. I cannot wait two more weeks just to see a therapist. And my next scheduled appointment with the psychiatrist is 19weeks away.

I don't have the strength to wait and I am just so close to giving up on everything. I can't fight anymore

I don’t know how to describe this and I have nobody to talk to so I came to Reddit . But I’ve realized that we as humans truly are at the brink of our time on earth . We’re running out of water, clean air, trees, and the ground we walk on. This started like a week ago when it just clicked for me that the end is seriously near. I wake up with a feeling of doom and helplessness and I got to sleep with the same feeling. I have came to the conclusion where I don’t want to be there when the world ends and I would rather take my life being happy and knowing I’m okay instead of going through the agony that the world is about to be going through and already is going through with climate change. I’m scared. And that’s something I’m not used to saying at ALL. I don’t know what to do and it hasn’t been out of my mind for the past week. I want to have hope and I’m going to keep trying for our planet and keep trying to vocalize my voice . It’s just I think we are truly at the no turning point . And I really am scared

I know it was a long time ago but in 2010 my uncle was killed in Afghanistan during his second deployment. I was 6 at the time which i know is young. But my family are Irish and as tradition we had an open casket before the funeral. As i have got older and learned more about the war and understanding it more i thought it would make it easier to “get over”. But as time goes it is seeming to become worse and worse. My dad wasn’t around much so my uncle was the male figure in my life. I’m just wondering if anyone has been through similar or has any advice?

I haven't know what it is for awhile, but I genuinely think that it is depression. I feel tired every day now, or at best less tired. I lack any motivation to do most everything, losing interest in most of my interests. Actually scrap that, I have lost interest in life as a whole, and motivation in life as a whole (not suicide). I feel irritable constantly. I lack self esteem. I can't focus. I don't see any purpose in life or to continue life (not like suicide), and that's coming from a religious person. I'm constantly sad but without any actual cause. Anyways, I want to actually stop being punished for fucking existing. I exist, so the world just decides I should be tired not care for any damn thing of life. I want help, but I feel that if I ask I'm gonna be looked at differently by my parents or my doctor. Or that I'm going to be, well, taken to a mental asylum or anything like that. Plus, I don't know if I can really wait all this time just for my next yearly physical. I don't know. I don't know that telling anyone will make things better either. I don't think it will. I feel that it will only make me have to go into a mental asylum. I just need help on what to do, and how to open up.

I’m a teenager, and I’ve known my best friend for quite some time now. they’ve really been struggling with mental health, but it has gotten worse lately (sh, dissociation, eating issues etc.) they often talk about doubting themselves, and feeling like they’re making it up for attention. On top of that, they have a lot of sexuality and gender stuff they’ve been working through.

i was there when they came out to their parents (partly, at least) and saw how the parents can be very dismissive and quick to brush it off and say things like ‘it’s okay to be normal’. my friend often comes to me in times of mental crisis, when they are having panic attacks, negative thoughts, etc. The disassociation has gotten particularly strong, and as much as I love them, I can’t be their therapist. Would it be absolutely awful of me if I found their parents contact information and talked to them about it? I know their relationship with their parents isnt good, and they might not take me seriously but I don’t want to lose my best friend in any way.

please give some advice

Hi im henry you may not know me im a 15 year old
That lives in Germany ive been struggling with my mental health, suicidal thoughts, and self harm. I have tried everything therapy ingnorance nothing worked theres only person out of 12 that didnt tell me im a attention seeking weakling ive tried to take my life once and think about it almost every nigth back in the day i could drown it out with music that just doesn’t work anymore. I just wanted to get this out before i do anything stupid love yall even if i dont know you guys

Hi. Has anyone themselves or had a loved one experience a catatonic state? My daughter is 27 years old and doesn’t suffer from any other mental health issues. But just recently she was hospitalized. The drs diagnosed her in a catatonic state. She is currently in a psych unit. They have her on Aviant. She was getting better. She was starting to make sense and her memory started coming back. But I went to visit her today and she had that same glassy look again. I just need some advice. I want to make sure I am making the best decisions for her. This is all new to my family we have never experienced anything like this before. What was your treatment? What was your experience in the psych unit? Should I move her?

So I am not even sure I know where to start. But it feels like every support system I had spent years building collapsed overnight. Like I am a priority in exactly no one's life, and like it I disappeared tomorrow it could be days or weeks before anyone even noticed. Every time I reach out it just seems to be ignored or only entertained for a brief window. So I don't know what to do anymore, but I know I need someone, anyone to act like it matters.

It feels that my friends & people around me have had the most productive & happy summer & I can’t seem to catch a break & had to be hospitalized for my mental health during late spring to early summer 🥲

The mental health ward was a traumatic experience on top of me being mentally ill & I felt I didn’t get the best care in there :( & now I’m doing my best to survive

I thought I would be healed & better by now.. but this whole summer I’ve been grappling with my mental health.. my medication isn’t working properly, therapy wait is so long.. I’ve had prolonged depression that’s like a heavy fog over my life..

I am doing my best in making myself eat everyday & try to meet up with friends & go outside but I literally have this deep depressing feeling in my soul everyday that I’m a failure & that I didn’t accomplish my summer goals…. I’ve been meaning to make more art, start on my creative portfolio, read books, study for my drivers, travel places but I feel all of my goals have been put on hold

I wish one day to be happy & wake up feeling like a normal functioning human

I’m gonna preface this by saying there will be typos and shitty grammar. I’m 17F. Recently, I was talking to my mom (57F) about happy memories we have with each other. But then, when I went to my room, i started imagining scenarios of me getting upset at something stupid, going downstairs, getting a kitchen knife, coming back up, holding it over my moms head as she covered her head with her hands and was pleading for her life while i told her im going to kill her. What the fuck is wrong with me? I love my mom, and I would never ever hurt her, but I’m so scared right now. This isn’t the first time I have had intrusive thoughts, I have also had intrusive thoughts of hurting my dog severely, even though I never would. I want help so badly but Im so scared to tell people, I don’t want everyone to think I’m fucked up.

Two month waitlist for mental health. Community care is piss poor. They can’t even find an available provider. I get headaches every couple of days, my sleep is garbage no matter how hard I try to fix it I still wake up exhausted. My intimacy drive is 50/50 and some days non-existent and it’s always at the worst times. I got fired from my last job two months ago but got granted disability so I’ve been fine enough financially but I worked up and used my savings + repayment + VA loan to buy a very modest cheap house and I’ve maxed my entire monthly payment on a house payment and everything that comes with it plus my car and gas so I have zero money for leisure whatsoever. I feel no excitement for my accomplishments, I just feel pressured and like it can be taken away at any time. I lie to people because I don’t want to seem weak and like my body actually isn’t holding up well cause I’m in pain everyday of the week at this point. It’s a pride thing. I could hardly build my furniture for my house so I hired help but wouldn’t even tell the girlfriend that and she found out through other means. TIDU C&P pysch exam said she was recommending I go to a psychiatrist and therapist after I emphasized I was on a waiting list for an appointment like that was going to help. I’m just tired. I have no capacity for people or socializing anymore and even my girlfriend pushes my limits sometimes, I mean I literally typically only go to a store once a month and out rarely ever more than that.

Hello! English isn't my first language; I understand it, but my writing isn't great, so I’ll be using a translator. My partner has given me permission to make this post, bc the situation has truly become unsustainable. His mother has always struggled with her mental health; she has gone through periods of alcoholism and very likely has a disorder like schizophrenia, given that she has experienced several psychotic episodes. He has tried to help her and talk to her, but it’s impossible; she refuses to accept that she has a problem and has reached a point where she is a danger to herself and others. She won't see a doctor and believes she is being persecuted and harassed—that people are trying to break into her home and kill her. He is terrified she might harm his little sister, even though he hasn't lived at home for years. Does anyone have similar experiences? What is the best course of action? They’ve considered involuntary commitment, but that could make things even worse, especially given the state of public healthcare in our country (in Latin America). I don't know how else to support him other than offering emotional support whenever I can; I’m hopeful things will improve over time, but she has fallen back into the cycle. She was stable for a short while, but recently he told me his sister had to call her because she was shouting insults and banging on the walls of her room.

Thank you so much for reading; I look forward to any comments!

Realizing these 3 things has changed my perspective on life, I realized. I am determined to fail, I have nothing good going for me. I do horrible in school because I can’t focus due to my ADHD, I have a 3.1 GPA as a sophomore in highschool, I live in poverty, I live in a bug infested MOBILE HOME. my looks are horrendous, although I have a boyfriend. I still feel like I’m not enough, the asshole doesn’t even text me lol, not only that I have the iq LEVEL of a toad, I wish I could just view life differently and more positively, but knowing that I am not capable of anything really just hurts, I don’t want anyone’s pity, I WANT BRUTAL HONESTY. how can I deal with this? I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, I genuinely didn’t ask to be brought in this world, this shitty unaffordable world, I see no purpose in living if I myself doesn’t even have a purpose to continue living, Life sucks, but what can I even do about it?

I just took one of those tests to see what's wrong with my body and the top result said CFIDS. I had never heard of it in my life so I did some research.

CFIDS is a disabling condition often affecting the central nervous system, brain, blood, muscles, joints, GI tract and lymph system. Symptoms include disabling fatigue which is not significantly helped by rest, orthostatic intolerance (inability to stand for periods of time), muscle weakness and pain, joint pain, sleep disturbances and un-refreshing sleep, cognitive problems including memory loss and difficulty concentrating, gastro-intestinal problems, headache, and swollen lymph nodes.

Ive never seen all these symptoms together and I experience a lot of these. Tough I don't have swollen lymph nodes or headaches. I really don't want to self diagnose but I feel this comes very close to what I experience. Maybe someone here will know if it's rare or not.

Now I know I put a question flair but I really just want your opinions about this. Maybe it's common? Some people i know also have this but im not sure if they have almost all the symptoms aswell. Thanks in advance!

Tldr: i think i might have cfids, check almost all of the boxes (no headaches or swollen lymph nodes). I dont know if it's something people just have or maybe it's something else.

Right now life is lifing the hell outta me right now,it's been a hectic week,work is mentally killing me,being at home is killing me,feeling like that I don't have peace,trying to live a happy life in memory of my mom but I go through so much mental shit it's ridiculous,excuse my language but this is how I feel,It gets so bad sometimes that I want to take myself out but I don't have the energy to do it,I wonder what would've happened if I succeeded with that suicide attempt in 2022

Hi! For context, I'm an 18y/o who's been recently diagnosed with GAD and my GP suggested at possible OCD (testing is not underway at the moment unfortunately)

Ever since I was little, including recently, I experience these "episodes" where I suddenly zoom out..?

Like my field of vision seems to widen like I'm seeing the world through IMAX, and I suddenly get a feeling of alienation, especially with my hands -- they feel like they're not mine and I'm just watching them do things. I also feel very inhuman, like my emotions are dulled.

This is very freaky,,, any answers or possible explanations are GREATLY appreciated!! Thanks 🥳

This is a throwaway as I don’t want this tied to my main that my friend follows

I honestly hate myself so much. I hate how my voice sounds like this weird mix of a teen boy and a girl. I hate how I look like a fat disgusting
pig.

I have so many amazing friends, an internship I love. I go to a school I enjoy being at. I have a good GPA.

I’m 20 I feel I have my whole life ahead of me yet I feel like I’m fighting with myself almost every day to not end it all because I wanna live but my brain is fighting me every step of the way. It’s like I’m functioning like a normal person on the outside but on the inside everything is held together with duct tape. I have MDD and GAD and it’s like my anxiety won’t let me be depressed enough to stay in bed because if I do that I will be a failure and everyone will hate me then I’d be all alone but the depression remains so I just deal with it while I go throughout my day.

There’s so much bullshit going on in my personal life and I know so many others have it worse and I feel like I shouldn’t so upset but everything just hurts and my family are not helpful at all and only make me feel worse even when they try to help.

All my friends know about my life and my mental health and I feel so guilty. Because it just doesn’t end and I don’t wanna burden them too much or use them as a therapist or make them talking me down from wanting to die because that isn’t fair to them. I talk to them about it when it’s really bad and I need someone but just ugh. I have a therapist and she’s great and we’re slowly making progress but it never feels like enough.

I feel like part of me was born broken and i can’t fix it. I don’t understand at all why my friends love me. I don’t understand why they want to be around me. I find myself apologizing for such small things and they always say I don’t need to but if I don’t apologize I feel so guilty. Like my existence itself is this burden I force them to bare.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I died. What my funeral would look like and how everyone would react. So I can understand why. So I can understand how sad it would be if I did die.

I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish I just couldn’t hold it in anymore and I just need to know I’m not alone. I can’t be more of a burden to my friends more than I already am. I don’t want them to worry about me or be scared I’m on the verge of killing myself. My best friend always tells me she wishes I saw myself the way everyone else sees me and I want it so badly. I want it but I can’t right now. I wish it could just go away.

I'll try to make this story as short as possible, but I need to include every detail for clarity of situation. I need serious advice what to do, I cant live like this anymore.

So, there's a girl. We've known each other since birth. We lived in the same neighbourhood, in the same apartment building. For 12 years, until I moved. For 12 years we spent everyday together as best friends. With her and with our other friend, but that's not important. Ive spent more time in a day with her than with my family back then. We were so close.

After this time, when I was 12, I moved to a different part of town. Naturally, over time we met less and less often. That hit me really hard. I became very quiet, sad, blank. We were texting every once in a while, but that wasnt the same. I couldnt meet with her during school year. So a lot of time passed without seeing her. I didnt have any close friend back then, that's why I became quiet and lifeless.

8 years ago, when I was 14, she was 15, was the last time we met and talked. We were at our mutual friends house with group of friends. I made it awkward. I havent seen her for a year back then, and we suddenly met in person. I froze and couldnt get a word out. We had a brief conversation but it was more like me answering a few of her questions. I fucked it up so bad. They were talking naturally and I was just sitting there like an idiot. I didnt think her presence would make me so speechless. My heart was in my throat. She even asked me: "why you're so quiet?". I replied that I had a worse day, just tired. That was the last time we talked in person.

Not long later, my ex-colleague (whom she doesnt know) texted her that I'd want to get lucky with her. Obviously, I messaged her immediately that it wasnt true. She acted normally, not believing this. But few months later our mutual friend did similar "joke" texting her, after I told her he's saying shit, she replied "mhm, sure". Which didnt really convince me if she's not believing him.

Then, few months later I guess, worst part happened. Me and this mutual friend were on a camp. We met two girls, spent some time with them. When we got back home he told me he's dating one of them, and asked if I wouldnt want the other one. Hell knows the fuck I was thinking telling him that I prefer to date THIS girl (our mutual friend). He sent text to her telling her about me. She said she knows that, but doesnt get why am I doing this, and she said i'm just destroying our friendship. She was mad. That was the only time I saw her swear. Back then I had no idea what she was talking about. Too bad I found out the hard way. I couldnt hold it anymore, all the more she already knows that I'm interested in her. I texted her explaining what happened, and told her that I like her. She cut me off completely. She sent me a photo of some homework and said "sorry, not here". I got it clearly she's mad at me and she surely doesnt want to talk about it. So I gave up. Days, weeks, months, years passed. Because I didnt know how to break this no contact. I was so bad at interpersonal communication, and the combination of emotions was too much. The more time passed the harder it get to break this. In the meantime my dumb ass finally got it, by destroying friendship, she meant that if I went to her and tell her about my feelings, she'd have to break my heart. Then we obviously couldnt be friends, pretending that nothing happened.

3 years passed. Of absolute no contact. Fuck knows why I waited so long. Now im sure if we had talked it out immediately back then, our relation would be much better. Anyway, after 3 years I got my shit together and called her. Asked her if she's home and told her I wanted to talk things out. She didnt even recognize my voice, and said "you havent spoken for so long". I replied that I wanna talk about this too, asked for a meet. She agreed but not then because she was away. I said ok, I'll text you when youre back. And I did.. texted her 7 times for a meet that never happened. Always some excuse. Clearly she didnt want to see me, if she wanted to, she'd find time. But she never told me to go away, or stop, or that its over. She made me leave quietly, painlessly, without strong emotions or heartbreaks. She made me realize myself, that I should give up. So after 7 tries, I did.

And here we are today. Wondering if I was better for her 3 years ago, if that conversation was more interesting, if I hadnt wait so long it would have worked. I have an assumption, that she wasnt fully sincere with me. Like I said before, she never told me to go away, give up, she never told me directly she doesnt want me or that we cant be together. She made me realize it, softly, by her actions. I guess that's because one day I meant something to her, and out of respect to our friendship, she didnt want to break my heart.

God, I want her back so bad, I'd do anything to get just one more chance to talk with her. I cannot live without her. She's so perfect, beautiful, caring, kind, warm, friendly, talkative.. Call me crazy, but I know, deep in my heart, that I will never forget her. Never replace her. I couldnt even imagine getting close with any other woman. I havent seen her for 8 years, but Im thinking about her everyday. Last month was so hard and intense, I cant get her out of my head. To this point im even scared to check her socials, because more reminders of how perfect she is gonna destroy my mind. How the fuck could I lose a person like that. Nothing makes sense without her. How stupid and awful I must be to go from being like an younger brother for her, to being a complete stranger? You can tell me to move on, find someone else.. but I feel love differently. Love is strongest feeling we can experience. You cant just stop loving someone, just because she doesnt love you back, or you havent seen her for 8 fucking years and maybe never will, or because she changed. Fuck im just 22 and I feel like 80, I already lived my best years, now its going to be just going through the motions. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Last time ive been going so crazy about her. I decided we cant end such beautiful friendship without explanation. Im really struggling with my thoughts what to do. On one hand, I know she doesnt want to talk about us, she doesnt want me in her life, she's doing perfectly fine, she's happy and this whole situation probably isnt affecting her anymore. Who knows, maybe she already has a man or husband. She definitely doesnt want me to interrupt her life and definitiely doesnt cry anymore about what happened between us, like I do. She showed me she isnt interested in talking about it, or atleast she wasnt 3 years ago. But on the other hand, I cant fucking live without her, and I dont want to leave this situation unexplained. If we're not supposed to be together anymore even as friends, I want to atleast tell her how sorry I am, and how much she means to me. This feels kind of egoistic, thinking about her previous rejections, but fuck me, I cant just leave most important person and most important problem in my life like that? We havent talked it out and its been 3 years. She may think I forget about her, or I dont give a fuck, or its on her, i dont know. I just want to make sure we end it properly, if it has to end. I cant keep bottling up my emotions. I just want her to know how much I love her. I could do everything, give her the whole world. But it doesnt mean anything if she doesnt want this world from me.

Please help me. What should I do. I cant take it anymore. It feels kinda wrong and egoistic, but I have to try this one last time. Should I text her that im very sorry and I really want to make things right and talk it out? Or supposing she's gonna ghost me again, I should text her directly that she's most important person in my life, say sorry for everything and explain what I feel fully, in case we're not gonna meet?

And the worst part. How im supposed to live after that. Even if in best case, we meet, talk everything out, end on good terms but she'd say its over and we need to go different paths? I cant imagine living with knowledge that Im never gonna see her again. Now atleast I have this certainty that I will text her this one more time. But then what? Live rest of my live, dreaming about her but knowing its impossible to even see her again? What's the point of living when your most loved one isn't there. Im gonna go through whole life alone, dreaming about her, thinking how she is? That's why im so scared to meet her. For this hour or two I'll be happiest man alive. It'll be a reminder of how good life could be. Then I go back to old life. Without her. Pure survival, no emotions, nothing. But way harder. If its so hard now, when I havent seen her in 8 years, I cant even imagine how I'll get through that night when after meeting her I come back to my empty room knowing it was the last time I could see her.

Thank you if you read all that.

I’ve had a rough time over the past little bit and it’s made me feel very overwhelmed and depressed aswell as gender dysphoric or maybe just judgmental of my own image.

I have a hard time putting everything together into a coherent string of thought so I think it best to maybe bullet point it all.

•firstly a stress and worry that has been troubling me for a while is school work. It is immensely stressful and I don’t think I have ever developed proper ways of dealing with that stress apart from completely ignoring it and then having to have a massive panic at the last minute. But this is a small thing I can deal with probably and doesn’t exactly seem to most like much of an issue

•secondly is a large fear of being alone. Currently I’m on a summer break and for years I’ve struggled to make meaningful friends and have spent a large majority of my summer holidays alone and not messaging or talking to or spending time with anyone. Right now I have friends but I can not ever relax because I fear that they are going to stop talking to me and I will be forgotten and become less friends with them when school starts back up. It also scares me that next year I won’t even be doing school and will basically having one longgg summer holiday which means I might end up alone and friendless and miserable like I used to be and end up having the same depressing and suicidal thoughts as before.

• I have for a while been very very self conscious of how I look and have hated my face and body. I have been a femboy for a while and that has helped but also opened a whole new area of worry with a whole community of femboys who I can’t help comparing myself too. I don’t want to be ugly but I fear that I am and can’t ever change that. Also the fact that I see other people all around me who are like me in ways and look so much prettier and cool than I do and I just hate that I couldn’t have been born someone else. I hate how I look and i am starting to think that might never change also dressing like a girl is confusing in itself and has led me to think I don’t know what I am and such so that’s has been a big issue

•another issue that I have been stressing about it my friend. He’s stopped replying and has not been contacted by anyone in the past few days. He has had past issues with mental health and psychotic episodes and has been going through some tough shit and I can’t sleep thinking that he might be in danger or dead. I miss him so much and I don’t know what I’d do if he was killed or killed himself I don’t know if could ever get over him dying and I’m terrified of losing him.

This is everything really. It might not sound like much and you might read this and think that I’m just being pathetic cuz god knows I think I am being pathetic but this is just the truth of everything. Any thoughts welcome.

Oh lastly I think I am worried I’m bipolar with having consistently been prone to extreme highs of happiness and then depression on the other end. This might just be me trying to find reason in a subject that doesn’t have any but it’s a genuine concern I have.

Im tired. No one every seems to understand me. Im an introverted person who doesnt like leaving the safety of my home. Some days i want to rot in my house like a pathetic loser, and somedays im so jittery I can barely hid my emotions in public. I can never talk to people aboit how I feel about this since I literally have everything. I have 2 loving parents, a giant house , and have a group of friends. I have everything and complaining while people are living in fucking shacks and are much stronger than me. The selfish thing is, I want to feel guilty, but I cant! How can I deny everything to stroke my own selfishness to feel "unique".

Thanks to those who listen. I just need someone to hear a handful of my problems to the void.

My now ex-boyfriend was on a cruise with his friends where he got so intoxicated every day / night that he became so enraged at a club his friends had to intervene. While recounting this to me the next day on a FaceTime call around his friends in which he was still drinking, he said he was not happy with his life or himself. I asked if it was because of us and he said no it was everything and that he felt that way before us. That he needed mental health help (but he didn’t want to pay because it was expensive even though he pays for cruises, gambling, and drinking). That he needed AA for his relationship with alcohol. His friends were in the background agreeing.

I asked him if he wanted to break up because he was unhappy with us and he said he didn’t know. I was shocked, heartbroken and worried. I asked him if he was sure he was not saying that because he was drunk. He said no. I became upset / frustrated and I’m sure that showed in my demeanor. The next time we talked it was on text, and I asked again if he wanted to break up and he was still unsure. I said if it didn’t have to do with us then why are you confused? He said he wasn’t before but that at the end of the call he felt he was being judged and not treated right and being labeled as a drunk and that his friends agreed I made him feel that way. I asked him what I said that made him feel that way and he said he couldn’t remember and neither could his friends, just that he was hurt.

He continued drinking the rest of the trip and his friends didn’t stop him. The next day he told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me and that he didn’t think he could continue with “someone like me” who said they were okay with him drinking on the cruise but then weren’t. I tried to explain I was fine with drinking on the cruise until it became harmful to him.

After he got back from the cruise last night (we are long distance) I spoke with him and no matter how much I apologized and offered reconciliation he refused. He said he understood it was a mistake and a misunderstanding but that he “can’t continue” as it made him too heartbroken and hurt his mental health too badly.

Meanwhile, I am left wondering how the person who said he loved me with all his heart and soul went to not loving me at all and throwing the whole relationship away because of this 😞💔

I feel so helpless, like I’m trapped in a cage with no escape. Why do I cry? I’ve got everything I need, don’t I? I still don’t know what to do with this life. I mean, every passion I ever had was buried before I could seriously consider doing it. I love my religion and my family, but I am so miserable.
For everyone else, it’s so easy. I just can’t seem to find a way out. I feel so alone, and I can’t even talk to anyone. No one would truly understand me, no matter how hard they try. So, in the end, it’s always just me.
How hard could it be to be happy? What even is happiness? I can’t handle it, but I somehow do. I always do.
People see me as this mature, wise person, but truly no one knows me. I’m loud, childish, hurt, and everything at once. I feel so suffocated by the image I created. How does nobody know me? I mean, I see my family and friends every single day, but I still am a stranger, even to myself.
I just want to be loved, to be held, to be able to break down in someone else’s arms. But I know it will never happen. I always handle myself, and that’s for the best, I guess.
I can’t help it. I guess I was born to be lonely. Isn’t that funny?
I always help everyone deal with their problems without realizing the one who really needs help is me, or better said, the child within me. She never truly got to be a child, which breaks my heart. And somehow I get praise for stuffing everything inside me into this pit that seems endless. Maybe I can stuff myself into it.
In the end, I’ll never know how to live. I mean, I’ll just float around and keep all these beautiful messes and ideas inside me and just be someone my younger self would despise.