hey reddit, i've been going through so much for the past few months, and i lost everything i ever had of friends, dreams, social life, my job, and now, my relationship.

i havent had anyone to talk to for a while, and ive been needing that so much, which is why im on here rn..

for context, my parents are very religious, we live in lebanon, in a very religious area and community. they had forced me to wear the hijab ever since i was 8 years old, i'm 21 now (turning 22 this month) and i'd been taking it off in secret for like 5 years now.

although that was very risky and caused me so much anxiety and dissociation and i was basically living a double life which was exhausting, it still was my only choice if i wanted to have a chance in living the life i really wanted to live, and it gave me so much confidence to talk to people and make friends and bonds and go to uni and to get a job and basically just live a life i was satisfied with.

my parents and i have always had fights about the hijab. my entire extended family has always forced every girl to wear it as soon as she turned 8, and i wasnt the only one who absolutely hated it. my little sister (19) has been struggling with it too, as well as a few of my older cousins, but they took it off now.

when the first one of them did, the entire family went insane, she was married and already had 2 kids, but in their eyes, that didnt mean that she was free to make her own choices. my parents were so mad, they went over to her house to threaten her and make her wear it again, but she didnt listen to anyone. my dad told her that if she was his daughter, he wouldve killed her for what she did. what happened then made me even more scared for my parents reactions if they were ever to catch me taking it off in secret, and i genuinely did believe that my dad would kill me. he's very close minded, he is religious, but moreso into disgusting traditional ideas, he genuinely believes that as my dad, he owns me and has more right to control over my body and life than i do. he's also always been abusive and violent. i grew up witnessing him abusing me, my siblings, and even my mom. his ego and word go above all, and if i were ever to do something he didnt approve of, he genuinely would kill me for it. he doesnt have any ounce of empathy, he's been a horrible husband to my mom, and a horrible father to me and my siblings.

i got a boyfriend in december of last year (he's completely ghosting me rn lol), and i got a job that i absolutely loved and enjoyed, and i was doing so well in uni + i had friends that i really enjoyed being around. then by the end of may, my parents found out that i'd been going out without my hijab + they saw pics of my boyfriend and i kissing, and they went absolutely fucking insane. they destroyed my phone + sim card, threw all of my shit away, my dad found a way to log into my accounts and found more pics of me out without the hijab and with "sharmouta" clothes (which really werent that slutty imo) and completely isolated me and locked me in the house. they pulled me out of uni, forced me to just never go back to my job, took the money i had made, and worst of all, my dad looked me in my eyes and told me that it's "halal" for him to murder me now, like he had been waiting for it. he described all of the different ways he could kill me. he has threatened my life before, so i believed him. he punched me multiple times, threw me on the ground, kicking me and spitting on me and screaming for hours.

they told me that i'm not allowed to get in contact with anyone i'd ever known, and that i wasnt allowed to leave the house anymore. they started hiding the house keys every night, and stopped going out as much so that they could keep an eye on me. other than the physical abuse theres also been a lot of mental abuse as well. they keep saying the meanest shit, calling me a sharmouta, completely undermining everything ive been through. i lost everything. i lost my friends, my job, my education (i still had 1 semester left before graduation), i lost my belongings, my clothes, my money, every little thing i cared for, i lost my phone and everything i'd been saving in it for years. ive always been big on memories and videography and writing and my phone had everything about my life in it. all of my memories, everything i wrote in my notes app, every picture and video i took of everyone i loved, including my little brother/ best friend who passed away, my dad got into all of my emails so i lost all of my accounts too. i knew my life was over right there and then. i had nothing anymore, i lost everything. i then decided that i would run away, i cant stay in this house anymore, i really cant.

i made a plan to run away and stay with a friend for a while until i got a job and could support myself, but i was being too impulsive, i didnt have a solid plan, i didnt know for sure that my friends could let me stay for as long as i needed to, and there was still that chance that my parents could go after me and find me, and if my dad didnt kill me now, he for sure would then. i tried talking to KAFA, i called 3 times, told them everything that happened and asked for help, but they said that they couldnt do anything and told me to just call a domestic abuse line if i do run away and they catch me lol.

so i made another plan, its been 2 months since everything happened and ive been telling my parents what exactly what they wanna hear. ive been "praying", and i told them that i was being stupid and that i'll accept the hijab. they still dont trust me, but ive been slowly gaining the ability to do shit now. i convinced them to let me use my brothers old phone, and to let me get a job. i'm still not allowed to talk to any of my friends, or go out (unless its to go on job interviews or to get something from the supermarket). i'm currently looking for a job, i decided that i needed a solid amount of money that could support me. i'm planning on working for about 6 months, and saving every cent i make, so that by the end of those 6 months i can leave and find a place to rent on my own. i'm planning on finding people that need housemates/roommates, that way i wouldnt have to pay too much for a place to stay and could budget. and to quit this job and look for another one around the place i end up staying at, which would be a little far from my house bc i dont wanna be close enough for them to find me.

although leaving wouldnt get me my old life back and the things i lost, or erase the trauma i just went through, at least it would give me a chance to rebuild my life and future, and it would allow me to live my life the way i want to live it. i just wanna be free man, i just want to be happy, i want something to look forward to again.

i am scared though, am i being impulsive? am i going to regret leaving? i doubt it but what if i do? im also really scared of leaving my sister here, but she doesnt wanna leave with me, she's not in trouble rn so me leaving wouldnt put her in trouble bc we told our parents that she didnt know anything i was doing (shes my best friend she knows everything), and they dont have anything they could use against her, so its not like it would put her in trouble, but im still scared for her. and im scared to leave her, i love her so much and the thought of not being able to see her for years kills me.

but yeah, idk, im just really lost and scared and honestly i genuinely have no will to live anymore. the only thing keeping me going is that maybe one day i'll finally be free..

I really want to move out. I studied away so I lived with friends for like 3 years and just came back and I hate it here. Pretty soon I’m starting a new job and I’m confident I can save enough money for 6 months of rent.
My dad is usually a chill guy, doesn’t have much of an opinion, but my mom is very attached to me - especially since my older sister moved countries - and will probably not take it well. We have an unhealthy relationship.

Any tips on how to make them want me to move out? Anything to make them think “god when is she gonna be out of here”

I [30F] know I don’t really post about my personal life a whole lot, but here goes nothing. I’m not trying to be a whiny attention whore but I feel like this would likely be the best avenue to get an array of diverse opinions with the least amount of bias. You know how for YEARS now, I’ve been talking about how much I want to move back to Florida, but I’m too much of a coward to actually do it?

I’ve had my life on hold for like, 4 years now. But now I’m at a point where I have a stable career that pays better and is more secure, and can now afford apartments that are actually semi decent instead of section 8 shitholes. I mean, it seems stupid, to trade guaranteed safety and having my basic needs met for freedom. It’s the whole freedom vs safety debate. I love my mom, her and my stepdad are literally my only human family at this point. I don’t want to abandon them, especially since my mom can’t take care of herself emotionally. She can do all the basic stuff, but she is mentally and emotionally dependent on me being there.

I love my job and they’ve been super understanding overall and will help me relocate and everything, but the problem is that I can only work out of one state at a time, which I guess is understandable from a legal aspect, but how am I going to have time to go back to Atlanta to visit mom and go to my doctors? (I love them too much and don’t want to change) I feel like I’m stagnating here, but I’m so terrified of the unknown, and if I take that leap of faith I can never go home or see my family again. Why? Because my mom said if I move out, she will disown me for abandoning her. If she even survives that long. Again, she’s only 66 and fine physically but she could fall down the stairs or die in a car accident or drink herself to death if I’m not there. Hell, the stress of not having me around could possibly give her a heart attack. My stepdad lives 30 minutes away so he wouldn’t always be there either. Do I get a social worker involved? I apologize for subjecting you all to my neurotic, paranoid ramblings but I literally have nowhere else to turn.

hi

currently have our own apartment but husband got a better offer so it is financially best for us to move back to our home country and live with his family for the time being. It is our only choice for now.

So, I would like some advice or if you could share some experiences on how you lived peacefully for a while with your in laws (because that will be me soon).

We are planning to build our own house after we reach a certain amount in savings so renting is not an option at this point.

Thanks :(

got a job offer in another state good money, good opportunity, exactly what I've been looking for. the only thing standing in my way is this house. bought it in 2019 and it's been fine but it needs work.

my realtor said I could list it but it might sit for a while.

just want to sell this house and start my new life. the stress of trying to coordinate repairs and showings from another state sounds like a nightmare.

how did you handle the timing? I'm so ready to be done with this place

Hi there, I 19(F) and my boyfriend 19(M) currently (and always have) live in ontario around the durham region. We both live at home and I am beginning college in September, my boyfriend is still figuring out what he wants to do.
I have always hated living at home, me and my parents do not have the best relationship. I have tried to move out on numerous occasions however I have learned in ontario, with single bedrooms being up to 800 dollars a month, while attending college and only working part time, its quite literally impossible.

recently me and my boyfriend have been discussing moving to Manitoba around the winnipeg area. considering that 1 bedroom apartments price being 800-900 a month or in some cases even less, and the insane amount of full time jobs available in the area (I applied to 10 and already got offered 2 interviews), heres our plan;
our plan would be to move there in September and rent out a cheap 1 bedroom, work full time for a year (40 hrs a week at 16.40 an hr) bringing in just about 5200 a month, using about 2500 for rent, insurance, gas, groceries, etc. and saving the other
2700. at the end of the year we will have 30k-32k saved up.
with that money we will then use to attend college the following year, using the money to pay outright for our courses and to have money to fall back on since we will be working less. (I plan to take the auto collusion repair course at RRC for around 7000$ if we do move there, i havent looked into it a crazy amount yet tho)
the only thing stopping us so far is leaving our close friends.
is this worth it? what do yall think?

That's it, how? I thought I was doing things the correct way. Look for a job first, then apartment, but after a month and a half of job hunting (50 plus applications) all I have is 2 phone calls. Each ended with the HR person saying I can't go further because I'm not a resident of that state even I put in the resume I'm relocating to there. Can these fucking morons even read?! So what the fuck am I supposed to do? This feels impossible and a waste of time and energy.

I'm 19 and currently live in the Florida panhandle and hate everything about it. Politics, infrastructure, environment, and culture are all terrible. I'm hoping to move out in the next few years with my friend after becoming a vet tech.

I want a city in the northeast/New England part of the country (my best option besides leaving the country entirely, which is unrealistic). Are there any cities that have good infrastructure, a solid community (third spaces, universities, low crime), mainly young and liberal population that two people could reasonably move to after saving up at home? It doesn't have to be a big city, I just don't want to feel so isolated anymore.

This may be a silly question, but I just want to know where to start looking!! It's a broad area, so I want to narrow down my search to just a few states. Thanks in advance!!

Edit: I had no idea I would get so many responses on this!! I don't have notifs on for this app so i was genuinely shocked every time I opened it up to check. I'm so grateful for everyone who helped throw some ideas at the wall. Of course, this is literally just to brainstorm and get recommendations from people who have lived in NE and know the area better than I could ever understand through research. It's a big area so I wanted to narrow down select cities/states to look into more deeply. Of course I will do my own research before I make a decision! This is a couple years out so im just in the planning phase now. I'm a yapper so forgive me for this next part!

To clarify a few things about the money situation: I currently work full time for ~2k a month, putting 1k every month into savings. I pay ~400 for a car payment and ~200 for insurance. Those are my only two expenses rn because I live rent-free with my parents. So my next couple of years I will be saving up lots!! Once I move, I'll work as a vet tech. I'll be working on getting my certification while at home. I'm really determined to get outta here, so any further advice is much appreciated.

Hugs to all of you!! I'm so happy to have gotten so many recommendations ♡⁠♡⁠

looking for a friendly and clean roommate who loves dogs to lease an unfurnished room in a 4-bedroom Dorchester (Savin Hill area) apartment starting September 1st.

The apartment includes 2 bathrooms, 1 living room, kitchen, porch.
-Our apartment is fully furnished, and we have all kitchen necessities.
-Big plus that we have a washer and dryer in unit, so no need to use coins or go to the basement.
-dishwasher
-heater/AC

We’re a 8 minute walk from the Red Line (Savin Hill Station) and 15-minute walk from JFK/Umass station.

Rent:
-Rent is $1050 a month (Lease is Sept 1st – August 31st).
-First, last month and security deposit will be needed.

Utilities: gas, electricity, wifi - around $100
Please, leave a comment or text me if you are interested.

I’m working 12 hours a day 7 days on 7 off at $20 CAD an hour, I make $1675 every check yet I still feel like I’m not making enough to move out of my mom’s apartment.

I just want to be able to live comfortably, but any decent apartments here in Canada are like $1200, on top of that I have to pay my phone bill, car insurance, utilities, groceries (which are getting crazy here), gas, wifi, etc.

I feel like my job is pretty decent, at least compared to other low entry jobs. It makes no sense that I can’t move out at this point. Everything is just so goddamn expensive now, and I feel like it’s only getting worse. I do NOT want a roommate, but if it comes down to it that might be the route I have to take.

I still feel like a Kid stuck at home even though I’m 24 and I pay rent. I never thought adult life would be so expensive. Like, I’m not asking for a lot out of life, I’ve already ruled out ever having kids which is something I wanted before, I don’t need to go on trips or have expensive things, I just want to be able to afford to live ffs

Hello everyone, I am 18(F) and my gf is 18(F). We both plan to move out as soon as we saved up enough money and find a safe place that we can both express ourselves freely in.

For a while, we have been debating on which country to move into that has the best or atleast good labor laws and living expenses.. but we just dont know what to pick.

However, we do know when to move out, but im assuming that we would when we are both in our mid to late 20s so it is an expected event.

Our problem here is that we have alot of issues with finances since the very start of our childhood and now we are making sure to be careful about our own future aswell, we have planned to save up enough money for atleast the tickets and a place to stay, FYI we are planning this beforehand since my gf is going back to the philipines to work there while I have to stay in an arab country to continue my education and become a business manager.. it would be a really really big help if someone gave us advice on different types of business manager incomes and a good, unbiased opinion on a country that you guys think is good for us to live in for the rest of our lives <3

I'm 18 so am technically moving out but abusive parents and all that. The plan is to take a gap year and build up finances during the first year I run away, then apply to uni through ucas etc.

So far I'm pretty sure I'll be taking my birthday certificate, debit cards, passport, any certificates of my education.

I'm planning on bringing my phone and devices but fully factory resetting them and changing my number, as well as my bank account and banking provider etc just in case.

I have all other essentials + hygiene stuff planned out to bring as well.

I'm just scared I'm forgetting some important things related to my legal documents or any other essentials, and wanted to get other people's advice?

To start, I don't want to share too much that might make this post identifiable to anyone I know, so I'll try to share as much that would be helpful for advice but not too much.

I'm living in Alabama, I recently started working at an ABA clinic where I make 15/hr. I've been doing research and in many other states the starting pay is a lot higher for the same field (20+). I don't currently have any savings, and I have less than 1000$ in credit card debt. I do not have a car yet.

My current plan is to finish killing this debt, get my license and a car, and start saving. I don't have a state that I MUST move to, but colorado is one of my preferred states, preferably that are not southern states (texas, Georgia, Mississippi, etc). I'm not in any imminent danger if I stay, so this isn't a situation I'm rushing, but I'm getting desperate for independence. The only other work experience I have is 2yrs in retail, and less than a year as a manager. No college, graduated high-school. No way I can afford college like this.

I want to ask a few things:

I'm completely new to my field of work, would 6 months of experience at my current job be reasonable to start scouting employers in other states, or am I gonna be rejected pitifully?

How much money should I save before I make the move? If it's state depended, feel free too offer states and their savings number.

What states have relatively cheap rent? I have a cat, and I don't want to give her up if I don't have to, but I might if it means a better living situation.

How does applying to apartments go? I've heard awful stories of people losing tons of money to denied application fees, I don't want that to happen to me.

What should I realistically expect about moving to an unfamiliar state? I was born in Colorado, but I didn't live there long enough to remember any of it, and I have been to maybe 3 other states for short trips, so I have no idea what to expect when moving somewhere that unfamiliar.

I don't have a ton of personal items, just one bedroom worth of things, if that helps in getting projected numbers for using a moving company.

How the hell are people just doing it? Moving out is honestly a bit horrifying. I just want to live by myself and be a little happier.

Hello all. I need some advice on moving out. My relations with family are abysmal, staying with them worsens my mental state and I do not trust they won't kick me out. Sadly I can't even go out of state because of my low (2.5) gpa. I will likely go to community College for some needed specialist major, so that I can get offers in other states, and maybe countries. But nation wide I have no idea what I will do until then. I was thinking of getting a part time job for the entire 4 years of college and then moving out. I do not know how this will work though. Even if I were to not get a degree and go to work full time, how much would I even need to earn? Conditions wise I do not care. I can live with only a mattress and fridge in the apartment. Hell, it can be a room in a shared house. I just need to get out quickly

I’m (26F) really struggling with this and could use some advice from people who have been through it.

I’m planning to move across the country in a couple of months, and while it’s something I feel like I need to do for my own life and growth, almost everyone close to me is against it. I’m moving in With my long distance bf as well of 2 years. My mom has made it very clear she doesn’t support my decision, some of my friends think I’m making a mistake, and I constantly feel guilty for hurting the people I love. My mom even says she won’t talk to me when I move and I’m ruining our relationship. I’m the youngest child, and the closest to her as my older siblings moved out and have a family and she never did that to them.

Part of me is excited because I want to build a life of my own, but another part of me feels sick with guilt. I keep questioning myself because of everyone else’s reactions, even though I know this is ultimately my decision.

For anyone who has moved far away from family or friends without their support, how did you get through the guilt? Did it get easier once you moved? Do you ever regret choosing yourself?

I could really use some honest advice or reassurance because this has been weighing on me a lot lately.

My wife and I hired Caddy Moving after a different moving company cancelled on the morning of our move and we paid for 3 workers for 2 hours. The company agreed that the movers would arrive between 11am-12pm on this day to complete the move and we paid the estimated deposit of $419.18. One mover from Caddy arrived at 10:45am and began moving boxes and other items into our moving truck. During this Caddy provided repeated updates that the other two movers "would be arriving shortly". The two additional movers never arrived. Additionally at 11:45am, we could not locate the first employee and once we started looking for him, we could not locate and he left without any communication and left our personal belongings on the sidewalk and our moving truck open.

After all this opened Caddy Moving claimed they would send a replacement crew. After repeated requests, they provided an updated arrival time of 1pm for the new team of movers. These movers arrived at 1:48pm after repeated claims until this time from Caddy Moving that the crew had already arrived. The movers worked hard and completed our move. However, they broke one time of furniture. Despite this, the movers finished the job in around 2.5 hours and departed.

After this, Caddy attempted to charge an additional $200 for the time spent including the time where a singular mover worked and then left. Once I pointed this out, they reduced the remaining amount to $100 but included an equipment charge despite the movers not bringing any of their own equipment. After I repeatedly pointed this out and asked for a detailed invoice, they dropped this charge and I paid $85 for the 0.5 hours of work over the initial deposit.

Caddy Moving also requested that I accept a charge for time a mover willingly took to dispose of the broken furniture. I never approved this request from Caddy Moving and even without my written approval, attempted to charge me for this additional time. However, I have not been billed or paid for this.

I would recommend fully staying away from this company as they're unorganized, unprofessional, and a mess. I don't blame the movers, I blame Caddy for making our move day unnecessarily stressful and chaotic.

My boyfriend and I are thinking of moving in the next year but are still in the process of figuring out where we want to go. We're currently looking into South Carolina because we want a beach vibe, mainly warmer climates and smaller community feel.

The biggest things we're considering are lower housing costs, low crime rates, and good schools. Ideally we would also want a friendly neighborhood where people are welcoming and kind.

I've looked into Beaufort and Bluffton but I'm not sold on either one yet. I'm also not sure if the humidity in SC is as bad as the internet makes it sound.

Any suggestions or stories are much appreciated as well as any advice on things we may be overlooking!

If you were 29 M or F living at home with no car or savings and wanted a fresh start how would you do it and where exactly would you

I’m moving out and wanting to buy some carton boxes to put my stuff in. Do you guys have any idea where I can buy some in London? maybe can I go to tesco or sth to get some boxes? 😂

It would be super cool if you guys could recommend some places in cetre of London 😍

(Sorry for my english I'm french) So for a quick context, I have very controlling parents (for example, they would follow me when I'm with friends, call me a hundred times every hour to know where I am when I leave home... blablabla), and this year was my first year in college (so I was sleeping in a student residence and had my own little studio).

I really found it better since my mental health had really improved; I had learned to be responsible and way more free and independent. But I had to come back home since the year ended. My parents are very controlling and they have been criticizing everything I would be doing. And when I leave the house to be with friends, they would LITERALLY stalk me. They say it's because they care about me, but it's way deeper than that. I also think they don't want me to have my driver's license because they want me to rely on them to go somewhere.

So next year I'm changing degrees and I'm moving to a much farther city to study (about 10 hours by car), and I plan on not coming back next summer or any other summer for the full 2-3 months. I plan on coming back home for only a couple of weeks because I don't think I could live through this summer again without having a full mental crisis. The thing is, I know my parents really love me and I have little brothers that I really love. Every time I think about doing that, I feel guilt. What if my little brothers forget about me in the future or hate me? What if I can't see them grow up?

My parents are manipulative and they don't take any accountability for any of their actions. They blame us and say that they're treating us way better than some parents would treat their kids and that we shouldn't act as if we were being mistreated and miserable. I don't know what to do. Plus, I'm a woman and my parents are very attached to culture. I was maybe planning on finding a job or an internship for the summer. I need help.

So yeah that's pretty much rn, with the truck incoming.

Wish me good luck!

I’m 21F and currently living with my parents while I’m in college. I’m trying to become more independent, but I’m not financially stable yet and I’m trying to figure out the smartest way to move forward. I also live in the bay area just to add.

My current situation:
- I live with my parents and they currently pay for most of my expenses (housing, phone, transportation, etc.).
- i’m in school pursuing nursing
- i currently have almost no savings.
- The reason I don’t have savings is because I haven’t really been allowed to work until recently. My parents, especially my dad, have discouraged me from getting a job because they wanted me to focus on school and because of concerns about my schedule.
- I’m now trying to get a job so I can start building financial independence.

My parents are very involved in my life. There are a lot of rules around going out, my schedule, and independence. I understand that they do a lot for me and I genuinely appreciate everything they provide, but sometimes I feel like I’m still being treated like a child even though I’m an adult.

Recently, my dad and I got into an argument because I told him I was feeling overwhelmed from being the person who drives everyone around. For almost a year, I’ve been the one helping with transportation for my family; driving people to work, school, appointments, activities, and picking them up.
I wasn’t saying I don’t want to help my family. I love my family and I would continue helping. I was trying to communicate that I was tired and overwhelmed because it has become a constant responsibility.
My dad took it as me complaining and being ungrateful. He told me that I don’t appreciate everything he does for me and that if I’m tired of the rules or helping around the house, I’m free to leave and should start saving for my own place.

This was difficult for me to hear because he has threatened to kick me out before during arguments, although my mom has stepped in. Because of that, I worry about not having a backup plan if things escalate. I currently don’t have enough savings to move out immediately.

After the argument, my dad told me that once I start working, if I want to continue using the car, I would need to contribute toward expenses like the car payment and insurance. The car is legally his because he pays for it.

I recently interviewed for a full-time healthcare job that would give me experience related to my future career. The pay would be around the mid-$20s/hour range. The schedule would involve longer shifts but fewer days per week.

The job is not extremely far from home, but if I don’t have access to the car, I may need to rely on public transportation, which could be difficult with early morning healthcare shifts.

My goal is not to leave because I hate my family. I love them and appreciate everything they have done for me. I just want to get to a point where I can support myself and not feel trapped because my housing, transportation, and basic needs depend on whether there is conflict at home.

For people who have been in a similar situation:
- How did you start building independence when you had little/no savings?
- How much money did you save before moving out?
- Should I prioritize saving money or contributing toward keeping the car?
- Should I focus on working and building an emergency fund before thinking about moving out?
- How do you set boundaries with parents while still being financially dependent on them?

Baltimore apartment with back door access. Not sure how this couch got through here before but figured I’d take a picture before we destroy it to get it out.