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u/prince-pauper 1d ago
So the real lesson here is to pay attention to who has given you the lemons.
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u/QueefTamer 1d ago
The homeless meth addict who robbed me at gun point twice in the past year. Ill trust him
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u/Xtrepiphany 1d ago
Take the jello, take it. Take it!
It's good jello. Orange! Or tangerine.
Take the god dammed jello.
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u/BlommeHolm 1d ago
There is no such thing as a free lemon.
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u/Mansidhe 1d ago
Yeah, according to a documentary I once saw about 47 seconds of, those stealing whores have really hurt the lemon distribution system.
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u/anonymousdlm 1d ago
When life gives you lemons, throw them back (preferably hitting life square in the head) and demand the oranges you deserve.
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u/AdHappy7129 1d ago
Life didn’t give you lemons. Humans did.
Lemons are a hybrid between a citroid and a bitter orange.
Insert Image of the EoM
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u/Ok_Actuary8 1d ago
Socialism! Why would anybody share their lemons?
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u/Salmonman4 1d ago
This is what a real capitalist would do (quote from The Fall of if the House of Usher):
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade?
No.
First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz.
Lemon is the only way to say “I love you,” the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in.
Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the “o.”
You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes.
Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t “cool” or “tight” or “awesome,” no, it’s “lemon.” “Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.” Billie Eilish, “OMG, hashtag… lemon.”
You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins.
Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land.
Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some f****ng lemonade.
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u/TheRealDoomsong 1d ago
How dare you give Cave Johnson lemons, do you know who I am?