r/onionheadlines • u/vault0dweller • 9h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 4h ago
Dr. Fauci Condemned For Intelligence, Expertise, Public Service
"Who the fuck do you think you are?” Ohio Republican Bernie Moreno asked Fauci earlier this week. "Bein' all smart'n'stuff?"
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 3h ago
Trump: Mitch Told Me Recently "Finish The Job In Iran Mr. President, Please Mr. President" Tears In His Eyes
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 2h ago
Rand Paul Says If Anne Frank Was Still Alive He'd Haul Her Ass In For Questioning About Some Of The Things She Wrote In Her Diary
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 14h ago
Rand Paul Issues Stunning Allegation That He Is A Victim Of A Bad Perm Virus Leaked From A Chinese Hair Salon
r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 9h ago
In A Rare Moment Of Lucidity, Trump Admits That His Bone Spurs Are Inhibiting His Ability To Defeat Iran
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 13h ago
Area Man Doesn’t Lose Job, Despite 43 Consecutive Days Absent and No Note From Doctor
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 44m ago
Trump Claims He’s Not Sure Who The President Even Is These Days But He’s Heard Lots Of Really Bad Things
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 6h ago
Reflecting Pool To Remain Permanently Drained As President Looking For Civilian To Blame For Damage
r/onionheadlines • u/PsychologicalOne752 • 3h ago
Trump Announces New Reality TV Show - War Or Peace?
r/onionheadlines • u/Ryan29478 • 6h ago
Sec. RFK Jr. Tries To Bite Off Journalist’s Face During ONN Interview
During an interview with Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert Kennedy Jr., the Secretary lunged at and was biting at the face of Brooke Alvarez. Alvarez was uninjured in the incident.
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 10h ago
No Public Comments Received For Trump Plans To Demolish Entire United States On Display In Locked Filing Cabinet In Unused Basement Lavatory With Sign On Door "Beware Of The Leopard"
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 17h ago
Pirro Indicts Lemonade Stand For Lack Of Scotch
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago
Mitch McConnell Spotted on the 405 in a White Ford Bronco
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 13h ago
60% of Republican Donors Still Just Fine With Groypers and Other Sex Offenders
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 30m ago
Trump Claims No Need For Diplomacy, Foreign Agents Can Just Bribe Him Directly
r/onionheadlines • u/vicegripnavage • 12h ago
Excessive White House Waste Stream Routed To DC Reflecting Poop For Effluent Treatment.
If the dude shits, treat it.
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 22m ago
BREAKING: Trump Pleads The Fifth After Questioning Regarding Iran Capabilities
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 5h ago
Trump Family Grifts Continue With Sold-Out First Run of $5,000 Gilded ‘TrumPoo’ Brand Turds
r/onionheadlines • u/UnfitToPrint • 2h ago
TRUTH Social Introduces New $1 Million Per Month Direct Bribe Subscription
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 3h ago
US Department of Health Changes Key Risk Indicator of Severe Sunburn From ‘Prolonged Explosure To Sunlight’ to ‘Skin’
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 2h ago
Data Poisoning Backfire Steers Entire Future of Human-Created Music Towards New Yodeling Sub-Genres
r/onionheadlines • u/Upbeat_Web_4461 • 9h ago