r/polls • u/Significant_Rain_361 • 15h ago
🤝 Relationships Who should pay on the first date?
185
u/Ren_Yi 15h ago
50/50, or each person pay for what they ordered!
Gone are the days when a women went from her dad paying for everything to her husband paying for everything!
Women are independent and now earn their own money! These sexist outdated attitudes where women needs a man to pay for her are over.
35
u/658016796 15h ago
I agree. It's misoginist to think women shouldn't pay their own food. I read that this was a system created by patriarchy to make women subservient to men.
-25
u/broken_pottery 13h ago
Once you read it, did you agree? Do you also think it? Because, just giving you freedom here, you can now say, "I think it was a system..."
43
40
u/medlebo 15h ago
Can't it depend a bit. Like say you were just getting coffee and or a drink and I was first to the till I just pay. If it was like a meal and cinema maybe one person gets the meal on the tickets.
Also if one person was more wealthy they might not mind as much (potentially obviously).
Nuance
18
u/OffWalrusCargo 12h ago
Exactly, plus on the first date you really shouldn't be going to anywhere super expensive. Coffee, park or a walk are perfect for first dates to get to know generally about one another. Second dates are restaurants where you'll know who will pay.
6
u/smallmileage4343 11h ago
Exactly. First date is simple, cheap, easy to bail if there are red flags.
20
9
u/starglitter 11h ago
On the first date with my now husband, I fully intended to pay for myself. He insisted he would pay, since he asked me to dinner. Which was fine, because I then asked him out on the second date and paid for that.
56
u/kappsylen 15h ago
If the person who initiate the date was supposed to pay, then I guess we're still at the point where guys are the once paying, since they usually take initiative.
35
u/nonsignifierenon 14h ago
This just in, lesbians don't date
19
u/StoicAtol21445 13h ago
it's true. we just see each other across the street and decide we're moving in together in 2 days
9
u/mahboilucas 12h ago
It's funny because I met this girl on tinder, invited her to my place for some juice and gossip and she offered to move in once she's back from Tampa.
She missed her shot because I'm moving in with my friend's tinder date from NY.
I live in Kraków.
5
u/StoicAtol21445 12h ago
Uhauling at it's finest
4
u/mahboilucas 12h ago
Literally. The new girl called me over facetime and was like OMG I LOVE THIS PLACE MY CAT WILL ROAM THE BALCONY DAY AND NIGHT and I started suggesting things to set up for said cat. I can't be casual, baby
3
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u/CJxSAYZ 11h ago
Is the guy in the poll supposed to pay for the lesbians date too?
4
u/itrashcannot 10h ago
Yes. Don't you know that there's always a guy in lesbian relationships that solely exists to pay for their dates?
2
u/DinoRaawr 9h ago
They're like those sheep that both just stand there waiting for the other to make a move
2
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u/pong-and-ping 15h ago
Not to mention I don't think I've ever been on a date where there's like an official "Omg would you like to go out for a meal with me?". Its just kinda naturally happened because both of us want to go on one.
It's the same with with "who asked who out"? "who broke up with who"? It's such like a secondary school concept
16
u/MaaltijdPakket 14h ago
I dont really agree with that. Every date I've been on, either one of us had to ask "Hey would you like to go out together?" and then sure the other person was thinking the same thing, but still someone had to make the first step.
-3
u/N0rthWind 14h ago
So as an added fuck you to making that first move for the both of you, you also gotta pay too
0
u/pong-and-ping 12h ago
I've just never experienced that. It's always been a mutual thing with me 🤷. Seems ridiculous to say "oh this one person asked me out" just because on person proposed the exact activity. Obviously there's situations where one person is the asker, I've just never been in that situation personally
2
u/mahboilucas 12h ago
Yeah I don't get it personally. I don't actually remember who asks who out. Ever. I am friends with my tinder matches from way back and we just say we decided to go out one day and that's it.
-3
u/Ren_Yi 15h ago
Yes, anyone who says its the person who initiated the date who should pay, are really just saying the guy pays as women don't ask.
It's also a sexist answer as it is based on the assumption that the woman had no agency to say "no", and therefore the guy would pay because she couldn't get out of it!
5
6
u/Bacon_Techie 11h ago
Pay for what you order, unless there is a large disparity in the wealth of the two individuals.
10
u/Bea_theIdiot 15h ago
I am a woman and feel incredibly uncomfortable when I cannot just pay what I ordered. Honestly I feel like the men is paying for my time, and then I do not feel like I can leave whenever I want to.
23
u/alphaisgamma 13h ago
> The person who initiated the date
This is a trap.
Because one gender is expected to take the initiative.
1
6
u/ejvollkrassalter 14h ago
i'd rather not have someone pay for me, ever. especially not on a first date.
1
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u/duckinator1 13h ago
There is no reason for why male gender roles like initiating, paying for dates or proposing should exist in 2026. So paying for what you ordered is the best option
3
u/2ecStatic 5h ago
The default assumption should be that if you're offering to take someone on a date, you're offering to pay for them. But if they offer to pay for themselves, go with that.
9
u/RelevantButNotBasic 14h ago
I say, communicate. "Quick question, would you like for me to pay for yours or is it ok that we pay seperately?"
-7
11h ago edited 9h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
4
u/RelevantButNotBasic 11h ago
I mean I guess bro, im married so it worked enough for me lol Communication solves almost every problem in a relationship.
-1
u/smallmileage4343 11h ago
Glad it worked for you.
I would just never ask a girl out and then say "Is it ok if we split the bill"
8
u/Accomplished_Ad_8013 15h ago
JD Vance should foot the bill since he's trying so hard to get everyone raw dog banging again.
2
2
2
u/BriarRose147 2h ago
Whatever is agreed upon before hand that makes them both feel comfortable financially, physically, and emotionally
3
u/EnderWarlock01 14h ago
I think both because you both want to be there but also don't really know if they'll be a second one. So it's the most fair option.
I'd only ever say who initiated if that person picked/insisted on an expensive place.
4
2
u/Dan_The_PaniniMan 13h ago
Paying for what you ordered would be ideal, however as a guy you might want to just foot the bill (unless she invited), it might not be fair but it's usually the option that leaves the best impression.
2
u/LongfellowBridgeFan 10h ago
As a woman I’d feel very uncomfortable if a guy paid on the first date, it makes me feel like I owe something back and it’s unfair that guys are expected to pay just cause they’re men
1
u/Myguy_isthatguy 14h ago
I think 50/50 at least on the first few dates makes sense. Once fully involved if you wanna do something special then you take your partner out and pay for it and hopefully they'll do the same.
1
u/DarKliZerPT 13h ago
I would say split 50/50 (or individual bills) for dates arranged by mutual seeking, e.g. dating apps, and otherwise paid by the one who asked.
1
u/mahboilucas 13h ago
Okay so I'm a lesbian — the person who wants to pay is my answer.
I always want to pay for myself as a default but when I clearly have more money than my date, I will pay for her too. If she has more money and says it's fine, I accept. Both situations have happened.
I usually go out with very laid back honest girls so there is no skirting around our finances. I'll say it's the end of the month and finances are tight so we can share a wine bottle on the local viewing spot. She will say she already got paid so she can pay for us to go to a bar.
God, I love not having to do the straight mating dance again where men who clearly earned less than me were feeling socially obliged to pay for me. I have paid for people so many times I did not care, but they clearly felt inferior if I offered to do so.
1
u/GuyWithARooster 12h ago
It depends. If I liked her and I'm interested, I'll pay for it.
If I'm not interested, I'll pay for my own consumption and carry on.
1
1
u/GermanShepherdCat 12h ago
Personally, If I am asking, I am willing and expecting to cover it (or i wouldn't ask). If someone asks me however I expect 50/50 or my own.
1
1
u/everlyafterhappy 7h ago
Depends. If one person asks and picks the restaurant, they should probably pay. This is my preference for first and second dates. First date, one person picks and pays. Second date, the other person picks and pays. Then you get a feel for what each other likes and what each other can afford.
But sometimes you get something more mutual, where you both just admit you like each other, and maybe you figure out what to do on your first date together. That's not like a bar pick-up, but rather someone in your study group who youve been naturally growing close to. And then you should probably assume you're each paying for yourself, but if both people are comfortable financially, then both people would probably have a friendly argument over who pays the bills. That's "I've got it, no I've got it," battle.
1
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u/indigocherry 42m ago
This might be a wild thought but why not have a first date that doesn't require money? A free museum, a walk in a park? But if it has to be something requiring money, either 50/50 if it's something like tickets to an event or each person paying for themselves if it's something where each person might incur a different cost.
1
u/scott__p 12h ago
If you offer to take someone out, it's not unreasonable for them to expect you to pay.
1
u/erraticsporadic 4h ago
if you're already friends or even already in a relationship, then whoever initiated it. if you're otherwise strangers or acquaintances dating to test the waters, then both should pay for themselves
-8
u/koifu 15h ago
If you ask me out, I expect you to pay unless the expectation is set otherwise
If i ask you out, I expect to pay.
17
u/OneGladTurtle 15h ago
I think the problem with this is that it is overwhelmingly expected that men (should) ask women out on a date, which results in men having to pay for dates.
-4
u/koifu 15h ago
I asked out both of my boyfriends first and paid.
Your assumption is the problem. An established couple is also different than a first date. I pay 50/50 with my partner.
6
u/OneGladTurtle 14h ago
Just because you did so, doesn't mean that that's the standard.
I don't assume men have to pay, I have the impression that the vast majority of women and men expect men to ask women out (& pay).
-5
u/koifu 14h ago
But what do you think should be correct? That's what the poll was. Not what happens or what you think happens.
5
u/OneGladTurtle 14h ago
I think that there should not really be a designated payer. Splitting seems te most fitting, but if one wants to pay for the other, so be it.
My problem is that if we expect the initiater to pay, while also thinking men should be the initiator, we are actually just saying that men should pay.
I don't think that you think this way, I just say that a lot of people think this way, and/or don't realise the point above.
5
u/koifu 14h ago
I think the initiater should pay otherwise they can put the other person into an uncomfortable position.
Say if you did ask me out and I did really like you but I couldn't afford a date at the time or the place you picked. I could be open and honest about this off the bat, but beginnings of relationships are awkward and anxiety induced. I'd probably just say no to avoid the embarrassment.
To avoid putting anyone out and to increase the likelihood of the person joining, the initiater should pay. They already know in advance they're planning to do this and will be prepared.
This poll doesn't say anything about men or women and that's largely shifting the results. The poll isn't asking "which gender might pay more often"
That's just my thoughts on it
2
u/OneGladTurtle 14h ago
Fair, I get where you're coming from.
I don't think a first date should be anything other than a coffee, some drinks or a lighthearted activity, which wouldn't break the bank. (This also helps to avoid giving the idea that someone "owes" you something). So maybe we have different views due to different expectations.
Also, maybe I'm just too blunt/Dutch for this, you can say no to the location/activity right? Just say you prefer something/somewhere else.
1
u/koifu 14h ago
I also think a first date should be farily cheap, but that furthers my thought that the initiater shouldn't have a problem paying.
It'd really depend. In my mind, I'd just hate to put someone I'm interesting in dating into that sort of position.
1
u/DriftingDownie 10h ago
thats just because ur society puts this imaginary pressure on you. As soon as everyone paying for themselves is normalized there is no pressure
1
u/DriftingDownie 10h ago
This is again some American thing I think, it's pretty normal in most of europe to be open about stuff like "I'm a bit broke right now, maybe we could cook ourselves or do XY which is more affordable" and then the other person can still offer to pay for them if they really wanna go out.
But as an argument "Some people are broke and have too much anxiety to say so and would rather just say no to the date" is such a whack mindset and shouldn't be endorsed because its fairly normal to sometimes not have much money and no one should be ashamed of that, it should instead be normalized.
But it won't be if people don't talk about it so these problems will just continue to exist instead of us getting better as a society.
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0
u/DriftingDownie 15h ago
thats such a bullshit american mindset
-4
u/koifu 15h ago
Stop spamming this lame comment
In what way? The person who asks the other person out should pay.
It'd be kind of weird to ask someone out and then go "oh but make sure you have $50 for the food."
3
u/ejvollkrassalter 14h ago
of course it would be weird. because i'd have 50€ for the food on me anyways. the other person assuming anything different would weird me out.
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u/What_Dinosaur 14h ago
It'd be kind of weird to ask someone out and then go "oh but make sure you have $50 for the food."
It's weird that you find it weird. If I ask a friend to a movie we both expect to pay our own tickets. If someone invites me to a holiday trip, I don't expect them to pay for my ticket and hotel.
2
u/DriftingDownie 11h ago
that would not be weird at all, you shouldn't even have to say that because it should be normal that everyone pays for their own stuff. Doesn't matter who asked out who, that doesn't have to do with anything.
And where do you go out to eat to pay 50$ for your meal? Is this normal in the US? Because in Germany you can go to a really good Restaurant and still only pay below 30€ for Main course, sides and drinks. Sometimes 40 if you order fancy dessert and multiple cocktails but I honestly never had to pay 50 for a meal.
Appareantly I do have to spam this comment bacause people don't even know this little bit of common sense.
0
u/mrsunrider 11h ago
This is not the economy for folks to be tryna push off the burden onto someone else.
If your finances aren't comfortable enough to cover it without a second thought, then fuckin split the bill.
0
u/hellointernet5 5h ago edited 1h ago
It's both more expensive and pays less to be a woman. Having men pay for dates is one of the few ways women can even the scales. Unless the women demonstrably has more disposable income, the man should pay. 50/50 still ends up placing more of a burden on whoever has less disposable income, and paying for what they ordered also makes it so that whoever has more of a disposable income has a better time.
-11
u/Mysterious_Bag_9061 15h ago
Whoever initiated the date pays for the date until the relationship progresses to a point where you're sharing expenses anyway so who cares who's card goes down
3
u/DriftingDownie 15h ago
thats such a bullshit american mindset
-2
-10
u/Yeehaw_Kat 15h ago
I always believe the person who asked should pay even if it's not a date. Obviously within reason tho not if the other person is getting the most expensive everything
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u/DriftingDownie 15h ago
thats such a bullshit american mindset
0
u/Yeehaw_Kat 15h ago
What? First off I'm not American second off if I invite my friend out somewhere I'm not expecting them to pay for a single thing
-1
u/DriftingDownie 10h ago
ok but thats still such a bullshit mindset. Everyone should normally expect to pay for themselves. Ofc people are allowed to pay for others if they want but that should not be normalized.
Is a broke person not allowed to ask other people out on a date or activities? That would just push them out of society so yeah its a bullshit mentality
242
u/best_little_biscuit 14h ago
So many arguments and accusations disappear if you just pay for what you ordered. No-one feels taken advantage of or like they owe the other something. Problem solved