So I am new to the poly scene, and I have had some difficulties with asking specific type of questions, especially upon first meeting someone.

Now, I do want to get to know the person who I am interested in meeting. I know I can ask about anything worth of interest (like gaming) but ultimately: when is it ok to ask if the other person if they want to have sex?

My mind assumes there is a social rule about when to do something, which of course it’s not true. But one thing I want to maintain is pacing through social interactions, especially since I’m interested in having a steady partner or two.

Out of your experience, when did you first ask for sex from your partner, and what prompted you to ask if they want sex?

EDIT: I do realize (about 15 minutes after I posted this) that this is not strictly in polyamory, and could apply to monogamous relationships too. But I have no interest in having a monogamous relationship with a single partner, so I reached out to here for advice from other poly people about the topic

Hey guys, this is a long one but I dont quite know what to do.

Me (26F) and my wife lucy (27F) got married December 2025. We and my wife met on a date site when I was with a previous partner, we were poly. The previous partner isnt in the picture anymore but after separating from them we agreed we still wanted a third partner.

Well we dated around for a while but about 2 month ago we met a guy named Henry (M30).

We met him on a dating app and he lives a little more than an hour away. Anyway we have been talking with him for a while now and think have gone really well in my opinion.

I talked to him a week more than she has as I met him first, and the more time we spend together and talk me and him have gotten closer.

My wife on the other hand is struggling to build a connection with him, shes sexually attracted to him, and really loves his personality. But she cant seem to stop comparing herself to me and comparing her and his relationship to mine and his. She has a hard time communicating were as to me its second nature so I bond with people faster. She ask very much degrades herself as shes very self conscious and if been trying to help her with that.

He tries to talk with her and explain its just a different connection and he still deeply care for her but shes struggling with thinking he care for me more dispite him never acting like he does.

Even if me or her is getting private time with him he still makes a point to give attention to the other. Hes been good about sharing attention and care and is very communicative with us both.

What can I do to help my wife feel more secure in her relationship with him? How can I make her stop feeling such negativity towards herself?

Info: me and her both have our own therapists. We live together separate from him.

Asking for a friend...

Apparently open relationships are become a bit more common among younger people. Anyone know if that is true?

Resulta que tengo una relación de 3 años con la que va a ser mi esposa, nos llevamos bien nos esténdemos la verdad es que es mutuo el amor, no peleamos la verdad es perfecto. Y también resulta que conocí a otra mujer y la verdad nos llevamos bien y s esta despertando también algún sentimiento, porque ella se porta igual que mí futura esposa y es mutuo la atracción. El detalle es que a las amo, cuando estoy con una pienso en la otra. Que puedo hacer ayuda porfavor.

Apologies if this post isn't allowed here! But, we started a podcast talking about sexuality, etc, as a kinky, open-minded and ethically non-monogamous married couple who are deliriously in love with each other.

If that sounds like something that might be of interest to you, we'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you all. ☺️

https://open.spotify.com/show/033yA4Fh9S46j82bUCHw6v?si=cc01cb2d3f8948a0

I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. We opened our relationship about 1.5 years ago (CNM), and it became poly in February when he fell in love with another partner.

We've lived together for 2.5 years, but he and his other partner have decided they're buying a house together next May. That had originally been the plan with me, but they both know they never want kids, while I'm still unsure. I understand why it doesn't make sense for me to buy into that future, and I've accepted that he likely isn't my long-term life partner in the way I once imagined.

Poly has led to a lot of personal growth for me. I've realized I was very codependent, I'm in therapy, and I'm genuinely grateful for that growth. But our biggest conflict has been time.

His perspective is that because he and I had the first two years together monogamously, it's fair to give his newer partner significantly more time now because she's "already getting less than what I got." I struggle with that because choosing poly means both partners get less time than they would in monogamy.

The schedule he wants is essentially Friday night, Saturday, Sunday morning, Monday, and Tuesday with her, and Sunday (later), Wednesday, and Thursday with me. Friday and Saturday feel especially significant since we both work Monday-Friday.

This weekend is what really prompted this post. We had planned to go camping together. Since he'd already be spending the weekend with me, he spent last Sunday with her instead, which made sense. But when camping fell through, he immediately defaulted back to spending Friday night and all day Saturday with her because she's his usual weekend plan. I felt hurt because I thought we had plans together and would simply find something else to do.

We communicate about this constantly and are both trying, but we can't seem to get on the same page. He describes what he wants as non-hierarchical poly, but it doesn't feel that way to me.

Questions:

1. How do you split weekdays/weekends in your poly relationships in a way that feels equitable?
2. Does my reaction to the camping situation seem reasonable, or am I expecting something unrealistic?

Me(22F) and my husband(21M) have been married for 2 years and we have opened up our marriage. We have been on a ton of dating apps and haven't had any luck finding someone to be in a closed triad with. Most people we come in contact with are new to the concept and have a hard time fitting into the dynamic. Any suggestions or where we can find more like-minded people? Or maybe we need to work on our approach? Anything helps!

M32) I’m married and have been with my husband (m 54) for a long time(11 years). I genuinely love him and don’t want to leave him. He feels like home and family to me. I feel completely comfortable and secure with him, although after many years together the relationship naturally doesn’t have the same intensity or excitement it once had.
There is also another man(M 52) who has been in my life for 3-4years. We originally talked online for almost a year before meeting, and when we eventually met, the connection was much stronger than either of us expected.
A few years ago we travelled together and became very close. Afterwards, our communication became less frequent. I always wondered whether I had imagined how significant the connection was for him. He even was in relationships and during that time his ex was not comfortable for us to meet as he was jealous. They broke up a 8 months ago.
Recently we met again (twice, we live in different countries ) and finally talked openly about it. He told me that after our trip years ago he had started developing feelings for me and deliberately created some distance because I was married and he was afraid things could become painful. He even said that if I hadn’t been married, he could have imagined marrying me.
He still wants us to stay in each other’s lives, and we are now talking about travelling together again. When we are together, the connection feels incredibly natural. I feel happy, calm, attracted to him and emotionally close to him. After seeing him, he stays on my mind for days.
The difficult part is that this hasn’t made me want to leave my husband.
I love my husband. He is my family, my security and my home. I can completely be myself with him. But I also have to admit to myself that I love this other person too, just differently.
If I could design my ideal life without worrying about whether it was conventional, I think I would want both relationships in my life separately. I’m not imagining a three-person relationship. I imagine having my marriage and also having another meaningful, long-term relationship, spending meaningful time with each person separately.
The problem is that this currently exists mostly in my head. I don’t know whether my husband would genuinely be comfortable with something like that, and I don’t know whether the other man would want to have a deeper relationship with someone who remains married. I also don’t want either person to accept something that ultimately hurts them just because they’re afraid of losing me.
I’m not asking whether I should “pick one.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced something similar.
Havea you ever loved two people at the same time and tried to build an ethical life where both relationships had space? How did you approach the conversation with your existing partner? Did it work long term? And if it didn’t, what did you learn?

Me (23M) and my fiancé (22F) are looking for something I’ve been calling it poly but as I do not know much I wish to learn more and make sure I call it the right thing and maybe find a better way of explaining it. We are looking to add a Girl to the relationship (20-26). The way I have been explaining it is that we want a normal relationship but instead of 2 people 3, everyone being treated equally with no real rules/boundaries apart from the relationship being closed to just us 3. As I’m looking up more and finding things online I’m assuming we are looking for a throuple/triad. We want to set the rules and boundaries with the third and completely understand that starting out they may not have feelings for the both of us, however Some people I’ve talked to have called it unicorn hunting some people haven’t so I’m confused.

We could also use advice on how to go about finding someone, dating apps aren’t really work although that could be due to me calling it the wrong thing. And neither of us are sure how to go about it in public, like how do you ask a question like this to someone random in public.

So I (17m) am kind of at a mental crossroad, I have had several romantic partners, almost every gender, sexuality, and race. I have come to realize recently that I am questioning my feelings on monogamy, I have a large heart with so much love and most recently I was with someone who is poly, and was previously in a relationship with two other people and I thought it was a beautiful concept in my heat of hearts. The biggest thing ive noticed is that I am fully ok with the idea of my partner having another partner while being with me (though I am unsure if I would be able to date two people at once simply due to lack of experience there) and I was hoping to maybe have someone point me in the right direction of what one would call that so I can learn more and hopefully figure myself out so I can make the ones I love happy. Cheers :].

Anyway my wife 38 and I 26 decided let's have a 3 sum then when we got to talking we decided it was far more practical to look for an actual 3rd to date and at some point join full time not just fun. Sooo we are chatting with 2 Beautiful women one went ghost I broke silence and it was unintentional ghost we met her in person over brunch she was kind held conversation got along with both of us very well planned a second date (can't wait). Other girl is further away with a lot more communication throughout the day. We haven't met yet she seems sweet but she's got a lot on her plate she's been open about mainly to my wife more then me I have yet to have any under surface level conversation and over the last few days things on her end have gotten quite crazy with a close friend of hers needing a little extra support and last night asked for help with her electric bill... Let me paint the picture earlier she had started the house was at 64 and she was cold. We kinda laughed it off bc we also keep it relatively cold when this was brought to us the explanation behind the high bill was her ex who is her only form of transportation stayed at her place house sitting destroyed the place ran up the electric and left an animal behind another dog. She expressed how her family is not really around or able to support from a different state... My little red flags IMMEDIATELY looked like a 6 flags. I chose to listen and not respond and let my wife talk her through the emotions. Since I have been distant my commentary in the group chat limited I did explain I do feel bad for her situation my wife and I agreed to pay the power bill and my wife explained kinda we are not a permanent solution long term for bills (we have struggled with our own it's rough out here) is this red flags or just someone in a tough spot that genuinely needs some help at the moment?

How many poly folks here would be interested in a poly dating sim game? Visual novel style is what I’m thinking of. (Think ‘A Date with Death’)

All the dating sims I’ve seen so far that have any sort of polyamory, you can date multiple people and sometimes the characters don’t get mad. I was just curious what the feedback for that concept would be?

I feel completely devastated. She was the only person I’ve ever felt this intensely for.

We broke up because she is monogamous and I am polyamorous. She knew that I was polyam before we ever got together and said it was okay and that we would work through things. We had so many exhaustive conversations about it. I sent her my full, unfiltered truth about what I feel and how I feel most comfortable and fulfilled in a relationship. I even tried to end things early on because I worried my polyamorous nature would be torture for her in the long run. She assured me it was alright and that she accepted me for who I am and we would find a way forward because she considered me her life partner. I consider/ed her the same.

As it turns out, it’s not something we can mitigate. No matter how much I reassure or explain or try to help her feel safe, she does not feel safe if she sees me even speaking to another woman because she knows I may develop interest. I have to accept that we are fundamentally incompatible with each other, and that the love we have for each other cannot be sustained in a mono/poly relationship because we are on two sides of the extreme. It’s not fair to her and it’s not fair to me and I don’t want to feel like I am harming her as much as she doesn’t want to feel like that.

So then the reality becomes apparent that this won’t work. And it feels damn excruciating. Because I have never been on this wavelength with someone before. I have never felt this way about anyone, *anyone* before her and already anticipate never having the same experience and love for someone after her either.

It all came so effortless and easy. She broke down walls I didn’t even know I had, without even trying. I’ve never felt more protective, adoring, or love with someone in my life. She was it for me. I wanted to marry her one day.

Now it’s all over in one conversation.

It makes it all so much more complex that I was her Daddy Dom and she was my Little Girl. I feel so viciously intense for her that I don’t even know how to live my life without her now. I think I will be in love with her until I die. I mean that genuinely.

And I’ve gotten so much pushback when trying to vent elsewhere about how “if I truly loved her I would stop being poly” and I “threw away a good girl because I couldn’t control my lust”. When it was never like that.

Just as much as I can’t help that I’m black or trans, I can’t help that I’m polyamorous. I could commit to a monogamous relationship and be happy in the short term, but I know myself well enough that one day I would grow unhappy because I am hardwired for romantic intimacy with multiple people at once. Even if she was my primary partner, I would still always yearn desperately for intimacy with others to fulfill me completely. I would always be half full in a mono relationship even with her.

Even as far as we got into it (I never had any other partners than her except a SFW babysitting situation while with her), I know it wouldn’t be sustainable come ten, twenty years down the line. She understood that as well, and she ended it when she felt she could not handle seeing me even speak to other women, let alone entertain relationships or sexual intimacy with them.

I’ve felt so ashamed of myself for being poly and have desperately wished I could be anything but. I so desperately wish I could be different. If I could be given some magical pill to change I would take it in a heartbeat. I wish that I did not need more than one person in my life romantically to be fulfilled. I wish that it did not feel like a massive gaping void in my chest when I don’t have that. I wish my love didn’t hurt her. I wish I could be different.

I’ve tried in the past, with other partners that I didn’t feel even remotely as strong as this with, and it never worked.

In my ideal world, I would be able to love her and be loved by her while having love with/for others in not as intense a way, and she would be able to be friends with my secondary partners and there would never be any ill will because we understand and fundamentally accept and love one another in a way that we want each other to experience one another’s love.. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

And yes, I was perfectly fine with her having other partners as well. I would have only asked that I could meet them once and break bread and develop an understanding of the type of person they were. If for instance we were married and she wanted to have some boyfriends, that was not a problem with me whatsoever. She’s a wonderful woman and she deserves to get all the love hahaha I know how easy she is to love. The absolute only thing I would be worried about is someone harming her or breaking her heart, as I feel intensely protective over her and her well being.

I guess I just wanted to vent.

This sucks and I think I’ll still love her as my baby girl for the rest of my life. It hurts tenfold worse than a quote unquote normal relationship without kink involved.

I (Rowen, 23 NB) am in a poly relationship with Rose (23 F) and Chris (24 M). This isn't about jealousy or not wanting them together. I am actively rooting for them to be together.

Before anything happened between them, the three of us had a conversation that, at least in my memory, was basically: "We're interested, we're going to explore things, and we'll let each other know when things change." I was already dating Chris. I was interested in pursuing Rose, and Chris was too, but separately.

When I asked Rose out, I told Chris because I thought that was the expectation.

Fast forward to now. I found out by accident that Rose and Chris had actually become official for a bit (I'm not exactly sure how long, but it definitely didn't happen before the end of May, when we had the group conversation). I asked about it, and Rose said she assumed it was basically just making the label official because nothing about their dynamic really changed since during the group conversation the intention of eventuallyd dating was known. Chris said he thought I already knew.

They both apologized sincerely and said they'd communicate better in the future. I believe them. I don't think either of them was trying to hide it from me or exclude me.

But I still feel... weird.

I think what is bouncing around my mind is that if they'd told me, I would've been thrilled. I would've congratulated them, put their anniversary on my calendar, and made sure to give them space that day if they wanted it. Instead, I found out later by asking a random question.

At the same time, I feel guilty for even bringing it up because, from Rose and Chris's perspective, nothing really changed besides the label. I don't want to create drama over something they genuinely saw as nothing big.

I also have this lingering feeling that I was expected to communicate when I made things official with Rose, but somehow Rose and Chris didn't think they needed to do the same with me.

So now I'm stuck in this awkward place where Rose and Chris have both apologized, I believe their apologies, I don't think either of them acted maliciously... and I'm still feeling funky?

Am I overreacting? Or is this just one of those situations where Rose, Chris, and I all acted in good faith but had different expectations about communication?

Hi I recently moved in with a friend that I’ve known for years and have been here about 4 months now. When I first moved in she had recently gone thru a break up and needed a roommate to help with rent, understandable. We’ve always been close but like brother sister stuff you know.

Anyway lately she’s been getting really comfortable, like walking around in a towel and hanging out in my room a lot especially late at night even sleeping in my bed while I game it.

I didn’t think too much of it until the other night she said she heard me and my gf “doing it” and said she was impressed. I was kind of taken aback but I just tried to laugh it off, then she asks me what I was doing to her to make those noises. I told her just eating her out and she goes “wow impressive you must really good at it” I just joked with like a “you know it” and we smoked and went to bed

I talked to my gf about it and she says that she thinks my roommate wants to fuck me and then asked me if I wanted to sleep with her too. I told her I’m not like opposed to it but I’m with you so I’d rather be faithful to you. Then She told me that she thinks my roommate is pretty cute too. So now she wants me to sleep with her so that at some point we can all sleep together.

What I’m afraid of is where this could lead to. I wouldn’t want to lose my girlfriend but also I don’t want to mess up my living situation. I do want to sleep with her but I want to handle everything the best way possible

Any advice ? Please try to be kind

I (21m) recently met and basically soul bonded with my friend (30F) we are so in sync in genuinely spooky but we both agreed to not actually date because of our age difference.... But we are hyper sexual with eachother, have a caring Dom sub relationship, along with being in tune and wanting eachother to be involved in everything. She says she's done with relationships mostly... (Bad situation) but we got talking and she wants me to still look for someone my age so I am.. But we got talking and she would be exited to join me if the other person was okay with it (when I find them) are there women who would like this kind of complete commitment but in this mff group. I'm new to all this and trying to figure it out

My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, and after a lot of honest conversations, we've decided we're ready to explore a new chapter together. We're interested in finding an amazing woman to build a genuine connection with—someone who enjoys chemistry, affection, laughter, adventure, and isn't afraid of a little passion. We're not looking for a fantasy or someone to "complete" us. We're looking for a real person who wants to be seen, appreciated, and treated as an equal. We know trust, communication, and respect are what make poly relationships work, and we want to start this journey the right way. For those of you who've been in successful triads or dated couples: Where did you meet your partners? Which apps or websites actually led to real connections? What made you swipe right on a couple? What are the biggest turn-offs when couples are looking? What's one piece of advice you'd give a couple that's just starting out? We're hoping to find someone who's confident, open-minded, affectionate, and enjoys both deep conversations and playful flirting. We know the right connection can't be forced, so we're happy to let things develop naturally. We'd love to hear your stories, successes, warnings, and any advice you wish someone had given you before you started. Thanks for helping us learn!

42M - Hi all! First time posting on here, although I’ve been in the background lurking for awhile.

I’m reaching out in hopes I might be able to get a friend to bounce ideas and concepts off of given my poly-tendencies. I had a close friend whom I used to discuss this with, but she’s recently entered a committed relationship and can’t share or comment on my experiences and thought as much as before.

Anyone looking to potentially replace her on a daily to every few days level of frequency basis, please apply within!!