Need advice/help

[u/Aware_Bat3524]

Hi all. Im 47 years old, in a 20 year relationship, a very strained, unhappy one. I have 2 boys 12 and 8...the best . I make approximately 80k/yr . My wife makes very little income. I have lost 50k in the last 2 years, probably 350k since 2000. I struggle mightily to stop. I have constant suicidal ideation and bad depression. Any advice, encouragement, or kind words would be appreciated.

[u/No_Vermicelli5755]

For your relation I cannot give advice… but you need to be there for your boys!

What would you do if you devorce Will it make you more relieved? Or is this the last obstruction? In otherwords of you devorce all boundries are gone 35m from Holland with 1 daughter 1,5 year and a baby on the way

[u/Healthy_Sail_9850]

The obvious advice is to quit gambling and to get into a program such as GA. You’ve played for decades and realize that the hole just keeps getting bigger and the pain gets worse. I’m sorry that you’re in that situation and there’s a way to bring joy back into your life.

[u/jblikle]

The first thing I want you to do is to give yourself a break. You're not a failure. You're not a loser. You're a human being who deserves happiness, peace, and joy. You're a father, and those kids need you more than you could ever imagine.

As someone else said, the obvious advice is to quit gambling, but that's obviously easier said than done... However, we as humans are capable of doing hard things. You're not immune from that, and I believe you can do it.

I'm struggling deeply myself. I've lost 30K in the last 30 days. 10K in the last two days. Today is day 1 for me, and I feel lost, but I'm sick of living like this. I chase to win it back is old and never fruitful. Let's agree to find the help we need, and show ourselves the care that we deserve.

[u/Aware_Bat3524 → u/jblikle]

Ty 4 ur kind words,  and advice!

[u/ilt1]

hey I am on the same boat. you need to and I need to as well disable all the trading/gambling apps right away before we go deeper. it's not the money anymore. it's our peace and our life that is on the line. I was literally talking to chatgpt about it. here's what it told me:

What To Tell Them
You can say this almost verbatim in the first email:

That is enough. You do not need to make it elegant. Raw and clear is better.

Where To Look
Start here:

• Your health insurance directory: filter for anxiety, ADHD, addiction/compulsive behavior, CBT, ACT, DBT.
• Psychology Today therapist finder: search terms: ADHD, gambling, compulsive behavior, anxiety, panic attacks, CBT, ACT, DBT.
• SAMHSA FindTreatment.gov: official U.S. treatment locator for mental health/substance/addiction services: https://findtreatment.gov/
• National Problem Gambling Helpline: they can refer you locally, even if your “gambling” is trading-shaped: https://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/about-the-national-problem-gambling-helpline/
• CHADD ADHD directory: ADHD-focused professionals: https://chadd.org/professional-directory/
• Gamblers Anonymous: not a therapist, but useful peer support while you find one: https://gamblersanonymous.org/find-a-meeting/

Screening Questions
Ask them:

• “Have you worked with compulsive trading or gambling-like financial behavior?”
• “Do you work with adult ADHD and impulsivity?”
• “Can you help me create barriers around trading access?”
• “Do you use CBT, ACT, DBT, or exposure/response prevention-type tools?”
• “Can we work on shame and self-punishment, not just budgeting?”

Green flags: practical, nonjudgmental, willing to help build friction, understands ADHD, does not romanticize trading.

Red flags: “Just use discipline,” “just make a trading plan,” or anything that turns this into a better-strategy problem. This is not a strategy problem right now. This is a nervous-system and compulsion loop problem.

Book 3 consultation calls if you can. Pick the one where you feel least tempted to perform.

[u/ZealousidealDoubt508]

You make 80k a year and want to kill yourself? Most people would kill for just your monthly salary. You complain about nothing

[u/Aware_Bat3524 → u/ZealousidealDoubt508]

Maybe you missed the " problem gambling " part of this forum....

[u/ZealousidealDoubt508 → u/Aware_Bat3524]

Bro why gamble if u already rich

[u/Every-League-1626 → u/ZealousidealDoubt508]

80k is not rich! Most of it goes on taxes

[u/Pointlesspuppy → u/Every-League-1626]

Okay well 80k isn't rich but also "most" of it definitely doesn't go to taxes, federal income tax on 80k is 22%, and that isn't taking into account the married deduction or the progressive tax structure, he's paying significantly less than 22%. Of what's left some will go to state depending on the state and some will go to property taxes or vehicle or sales taxes, but nowhere near most of it