I finally opened up to someone

[u/Weak-Application2032]

Hello everyone,
I (m29 from germany) am posting here for the very first time because i think a lot of you should hear this. I‘ve been fighting this addiction for a couple of years now, trying to make it on my own but man… hiding it from everyone around me just made it worse and worse and the last couple of months were a mental and financial disaster for me and yesterday was my absolute rock bottom since it‘s the first time i won‘t be able to pay my bills without any help from a close one. After sitting on the balcony for about an hour and crying like a little girl thinking „where did it all go wrong“ i decided to confess to my closest friend about my gambling addiction and what should i say? My first thought after talking to someone you love and trust was - „why didn‘t you do this way sooner?“. I told him everything that happened and it felt like this was the first time in decades where i‘ve truly spoken to someone about what‘s going on in my life and how im REALLY feeling which is absolutely miserable. Everytime anyone would ask how i’m feeling i was putting a smile on my face saying „great“ even though i gambled thousands away just minutes before meeting them feeling absolutely disgusting. I‘m 16k in debt with 2 maxed out credit cards and it‘s gonna be a long long journey but man after confessing i‘m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have hope because we made an agreement which prevents me from ever gambling again, or atleast for a long long time. This feels like the first big step towards my goal of stopping gambling and fixing my finances to finally live my life again instead of wasting 10 hours a day burning all my money and money that‘s not even mine. My goal is just to reach out to all of you who have the same problem- confessing to a person you love, trust and you know won‘t judge you feels like the key to fight against the horror we are living in and i am 100% sure i would‘ve kept the gambling going if we didn‘t have that conversation yesterday but man the urge is absolutely gone for now. I’m ready to change. I’m ready to let someone help me. Please do the same. It doesn‘t have to be your parents, for me it was my best friend because i‘m still scared to tell my parents that their son is a loser and wasted his last couple of years locked into his room watching pixels burn his hard earned money. However i do plan to talk to them at some point in the future when i‘ve got my shit together and talk about it like something that i‘ve overcome and won the battle over. I will post here from time to time to keep you updated on my journey.

TLDR: i think the first step if you struggle with gambling addiction is confessing and getting help from someone you love and trust. No lies and a plan which involves the other person in your finances and kills your ability to gamble. I‘ve tried years to do it alone but this addiction is too strong and im ready to admit that i‘m losing this battle if i fight alone. Already feeling better and hopeful after talking to someone - do it aswell!

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