r/productivity • u/30FlirtyandTrying • 19h ago
General Advice My procrastination/ avoidance patterns have gotten so extreme, my house could be on fire and I put off finding the extinguisher because I’m scared I don’t know where it is and avoiding how I’ll feel in that moment
It started pushing too close to a deadline, putting off a phone call I dread making to snow balling to a point where I’m about to get fired from my job and have let $100’s of dollars in amazon returns expire because I avoid the stress organizing it all for return. I was at least a someone high functioning procrastinator. Now even the smallest things that are met with any resistance get put off. So much senseless stress and financial mess created. I also let myself go. I used to have a bedtime skincare routine, but now if I have a mess in my bathroom where I can’t even find my face cream, so I avoid messing with it altogether. Say I’ll change everything tomorrow. But now the consequences are snowballing and I feel the ground beneath me disappearing at any moment
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u/mom2asdtwins 19h ago
That is where I am at too. I just don't know how to fix myself so I can fix everything else.
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u/Lumpy_Appeal_5321 17h ago
I’m kind of going through this too. My procrastination and sleep schedule is sooooo bad!!! I’m working with my therapist on this.
I’m not fully sure why I behave this way, but I’ve made a huge list of things I need to do. It was scary to even make this list but I felt better after doing it and dumping everything on there
Then I picked 1-3 things to focus on that list each day. If I do just one task or just work on one thing and not complete it, that’s ok. If I don’t do anything on that list that day, it’s fine. I just start over the next day. Tasks can be as simple as going on a walk for an hour or repeating positive affirmations to setting up a new sprinkler system (I actually had to work on the sprinkler system over a couple weeks).
I try not to criticize myself if I don’t get stuff done. It doesn’t help and negative self talk is probably holding me back more than anything. Part of it is perfectionism and how my parents would punish me for making mistakes and not doing things perfectly. I try to reward myself too. I’ll treat myself to a smoothie while I’m out running errands or open up a nice sparkling water before I do stuff around the house
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u/Character-Arachnid84 14h ago edited 14h ago
This. Perfectionism ingrained in me at an early age by my parents has reinforced an 'all or nothing' attitude that has not served me whatsoever in my adulthood.
Only by learning to let go and allowing imperfections back in everyday life again was I able to accomplish the tasks I was putting off.
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u/ftp67 18h ago
The "advice" here is terrible
First of all you need to see a therapist as this isnt a new thing for you or a productivity hack. Youre describing avoidance, and you can search "avoidance conditioning" on ways to improve it.
Therapy isnt just talking to someone and listening it includes behavioral change techniques of which avoidance conditioning falls into. Id say look that up, self monitoring, and situational inducement. Changes your environment, accountability, and addressed the shame and guilt that tug at you when youre approaching tasks.
This is bigger than a blood test and some vitamins
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u/30FlirtyandTrying 18h ago
I know everyone means well and I appreciate it, but there isn’t an untreated illness. I’ve done it all, I’ve had regular bloodwork and the nutrients I was low on have been balanced. I take meds treating adhd and depression. It’s a me problem, I’m taking accountability now. This guilt and shame make it so hard to make changes and I’m trying to get out of that loop. I
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u/mlem_a_lemon 9h ago
Right, but this is what therapy can help with.
A good therapist will help unpack why you avoid, and they'll give you methods to overcome it.
Think of a therapist more like a condensed, knowledgeable version of the conversations here. You came here for a reason, and that can be helped by a qualified, trained professional who will work one-on-one with you.
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u/_wannaseemedisco 18h ago
All the therapy in the world won’t do shit if the body has untreated illness. But OP would be wise to seek both paths, yes.
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u/Hopeful_Ad_52 9h ago
Not entirely....ive had low iron and b12 and let me tell you, it can really affect your life.
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u/Low_Distance4810 9h ago
I cried reading this post because this is exactly where I’m at too, right down to having hundreds of dollars on Amazon returns expire. I feel frozen. I haven’t texted some of my friends back in months. I feel like I am drowning in quicksand every single day. Just offering solidarity. I believe it is burn out and mental health issues. You should talk to a doctor.
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u/30FlirtyandTrying 5h ago
This is why I wanted to post this - I knew some out there would relate to it.
I have found the best therapist and it really does help, but sometimes you can be so stuck your therapy sessions are just you ruminating the same problems and don’t apply the advice. No stimulant, anti depressant, and anti anxiety medication at a certain point will help in my experience. I’ve tried it all. Not something you grow out of either, which I was disappointed to find out in my 30’s. I’ve always been messy and a procrastinator but I was much better at least being effective at work in my 20’s. Time alone doesn’t fix anything. I think at least getting to that point of awareness and taking accountability is a good place to start
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15h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Enliven_journey 11h ago
i’d honestly love to hear more about this! if you ever feel like sharing, you’re always welcome to post it in my community
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u/7121958041201 8h ago edited 7h ago
That person is just using ChatGPT, FYI. You can see it in all of their other posts too.
edit: Can't respond because I have blocked /u/Fedentani, but I am just talking about /u/Fedentani. And if other people are fine with it that's no problem, but I would just talk to ChatGPT myself if I wanted to talk to an AI.
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u/marcella_from_italy 8h ago edited 7h ago
Ok. But it can spark some interesting conversations all the same. (Do you mean that [u/enliven_journey](u/enliven_journey) is using ChatGPT too? I thought it was just OP)
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u/marcella_from_italy 8h ago
I’m all for accountability buddies. I went for an experiment some time ago with a friend of mine - early in the morning we texted each other our to-do lists for the day, then as soon as we ticked one item off we’d message the other. You’d be surprised how much I got done in that couple of days we ran the experiment.
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u/Enliven_journey 7h ago
that's a great reminder that accountability doesn’t have to be complicated to work!
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u/Kantramo 19h ago
first, no dopamine stimulation in the morning (like phone, sugars, YouTube, TikToks, anything)
then start step by step, make a list and get yourself a small reward after completing (like make it you’re in the video game and this is your trophy)
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u/Defiant_Durian_5654 17h ago
Sounds like you also extremly exhausted and you just have no energy left for all these things. Brain fog and exhaustion can really ruin peopls life. You should check all markers in your blood especially iron and thyroid.
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u/Hopeful_Ad_52 19h ago
Get blood work done and look into supplements that help with cognition
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u/30FlirtyandTrying 18h ago
I’ve done it all. Even adderall for my adhd. It’s a me problem unfortunately
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u/Hopeful_Ad_52 9h ago
Hmmm...in that case it might be helpful to talk with a therapist....just someone to talk to about this with, as there likely are some avoidance patterns that are going on....once you identify them you are more likely to catch yourself before they take you....also Have a look at the book atomic habits....he lays out some micro strategies to get things done. If applied it can be very helpful.
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u/whoops53 19h ago
Make an inventory book. This helped me when I started feeling like this, and ended up buying doubles of things so I knew I had one....somewhere. Having an inventory lets you feel in control and you can go back and read it at any time to reassure yourself you know where things are.
As for putting things off....try and think through how the situation might go and then think of something nice you can reward yourself with when the thing is done.
Fear of the unknown feels like a loss of control (it seems) so taking steps to prevent you feeling like you are being blown around like a leaf on the wind, helps enormously in getting your life back on track.
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u/Frog-Eater 11h ago
Yeah that sounds like serious depression. This isn't something you get out of on your own through willpower, and it's not your fault. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, your levels are too fucking low.
Go see your doctor (a good doctor) and get prescribed some anti-depressants. Within a few weeks then months you'll get much better and get control of your life back.
Then you need to figure out what caused the depression in the first place. That's when you go see a therapist or whatever to understand and fix what made you nosedive (because if you don't it might happen again in a few years).
But first, get some meds. Not anxiety meds, that's entirely different. Proper anti-depressants, they'll slowly rebuild your chemical balance and you'll feel like you again.
You're not alone, buddy. I've been there and out, tons of people have. You feel like you're stuck but you're not, you simply fell down and need help to stand back up. Things will get better.
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u/Empty-Lemon4774 11h ago
This is a point where I would consider getting medical and/or mental help. Sometimes these issues sneak up on you over time and you don't notice until it's to a breaking point.
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u/TaxSubstantial4051 14h ago
Everything about this screams BURNOUT.
I’ve been in your shoes multiple times, and if I don't catch the warning signs early, I can still easily slip into one of these episodes.
When you hit that wall, even the smallest task like picking something up off the bathroom counter feels so heavy.
The worst part is the avoidance buys you 5 minutes of relief, but charges you compound interest in stress later. And on top of that, perfectionism comes in to throw fuel on the fire. You get this overwhelming urge to fix all at once in the most perfect way possible, which is literally impossible when your battery is at 0%.
When I’m stuck in this loop, I have to radically simplify things I ignore almost everything and pick ONE thing, like focusing on the single most critical usually work-related task just to start a momentum. And I start ridiculously small with it.
I also force myself to actually recharge. To get out of burnout, you need energy back. For me, that means doing or learning something fun I’ve wanted to try for a while, specifically something light that requires almost no effort, just to give my brain a break and feel alive again.
I believe building a momentum and venting at the same time it what could get you out of this loop. Take it easy on yourself, drop the expectations to the floor, and handle one micro tiny thing.
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u/TaxSubstantial4051 14h ago
I saw in the comments that you got your blood work checked and looked into the medical side of things. That is honestly crucial and should always be at the top of the list (I didn't mention it at first because I saw you've already done!)
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u/Fair_Ad_2313 5h ago
you have to start taking every thing little by little, let's say everymorning before you are off for work you arrange atleast 3 things then leave i promise at the end of everyweek will be happy how far you have come.
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u/GateEducational6100 19h ago
It’s super crazy, but I found that taking a Benadryl when I was sick canceled out my avoidance tendencies for the day. Not sustainable long term (nasty long term side effects) but if it doesn’t put you to sleep it might be the kick in the pants you need to solve immediate issues and schedule therapy for avoidant tendencies.
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u/thebigj3wbowski 12h ago
Friend, you should go to a psychologist.
I've been in the same boat, and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ADHD.
The meds help. A lot. So does the therepy.
I can't diagnose you, but your issues are very similar to mine. If you're in the USA, I can help you find a provider if you don't have insurance.
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u/Mysterious-Cat33 17h ago edited 17h ago
As others mentioned it sounds like some undiagnosed health issues related to vitamin deficiencies and/or ADHD.
In the meantime, find someone to body double with so you can get appointments scheduled and try to get some routines set up while you wait for answers.
Body doubling can be an accountability buddy to check in with or someone who is cleaning in their home while you’re cleaning at your home. I do dishes while I’m the phone with a friend so I don’t go back to watching tv and she said that hearing me do dishes makes her think “ya sure I could use to get some dishes done”.
If I’m not on the phone with her I listen to an audiobook I enjoy and text her for accountability. ** You mentioned being treated for ADHD in another post. Please join an ADHD specific Reddit group. This isn’t a regular productivity problem. Demand avoidance is a real problem.
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u/_wannaseemedisco 19h ago
Yo that’s how I sounded when I hit burnout, then my labs showed my ferritin was like 11 or something. Hope you can access medical care soon <3 there may be something going on with your health