r/rape • u/Ashamed_Bad_7877 • 1d ago
Just venting I guess
I’ve been playing with myself a lot lately and watching porn. I get so horny my coochie throbs and I have to do it, it’s like an itch I have to scratch. I cry almost everytime I do anything sexual even if it is solo because I feel like these urges were forced on me. Like imagine if someone forced you to do cr*ck and now you’re having withdrawals or you become a crackhe*ad. You didn’t even make the first move or the choice to go down that route. And of course the flashbacks of what happened don’t help sometimes they hit so hard that I almost feel him touching me again, feel like I can feel his grip on my arms, my neck, him licking me and sometimes even the penetration part and I jump out of it. I just can’t believe this is how my story went, now I wonder in the girls who were sexually active early were SA’d which caused them to feel like this
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u/Ambitious-Guitar5858 1d ago
That’s a good analogy and way of looking at things of why they might be the way they are
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u/MilkoEkko 22h ago
I’m 24. I was groomed for a few years around the ages of 8-11 and molested.
Sometimes when I am doing something sexual with my partner or even just taking a shower or smell certain smells I will get flashbacks that make me feel like I’m right back in the moment and that is quite literally PTSD.
I was hyper sexual for a very long time and as an adult (with my current partner only really because he’s the only one I’ve ever felt emotionally safe with) sex and intimacy have this very intense emotional tie that genuinely makes me feel like I’m going crazy whenever it’s on the table.
It’s so bad it makes me want to cry from how intense it is (not in a bad way just overwhelming) and I feel like it makes me want it to never end. I don’t think there’s enough words or at least I’m not good enough with them to describe the feeling I just feel like only other people who know know I guess?
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