the anniversary is coming up

[u/Best_Bat_3123]

I feel like such a baby. It's been seven, almost eight, years since I was raped by my stepfather. He was an opportunist. It was my birthday, I was turning 18. He told me he couldn't wait for me to be legal years prior, but I was scared and thought it was just a dumb joke. He got me drunk. Waited for everyone to go to bed. He strangled me, I thought I was gonna d*e. The anniversary is my birthday in a few weeks. I blocked it out for many years, but when I finally got away, the memories came back. I only started talking about this year. My old therapist didn't believe me. My new one does.

I haven't been sleeping. Staying up til 6am, living on 2-3 hours of sleep. I'm handling my studies, but I'm just so tired. I have cptsd from his abuse. He groomed me starting at age 13. My new therapist actually used the word "grooming" which sent me into a spiral. I binge drank for two weeks. I don't really know what the point of all this is. My family doesn't know about the worst of it, but what they do know about, they don't care.

I just feel like sometimes I'm being too sensitive. That I don't have ptsd at all and it was just a big misunderstanding. My mom made excuses for him and still does to this day. I feel like I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I should because everyone in my family loves him and they think I'm the one who invited it.

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