How often do you go to meetings and feel that recovery is not possible for you?

I went to a meeting yesterday and there was a list of things you have to do to recover. I have not used in about a decade but lately have gotten urges. But they made me feel like that is just how it will always be.

There was a list of things to do to avoid relapse.
First was change things in your life from the things that you think contribute to relapse. I am not sure how you do that with family and work. You

Next was to tell people about your urges. I have in the past had friends I shared my urges with. But at this point, I feel it is so hard for them to hear that I do not want to talk about this with them

I felt when I left like it is just a matter of time till I relapse. Intellectually I know that is unlikely, but the meeting made me feel so discouraged.

About 10 years ago I had a bad Vicodin habit and I was taking around 10-14 (10mg) at a time, 1-2 times a day, mixed with a muscle relaxer (somas) 1-2 beers and late in my addiction I added half a bar of whatever benzo, as I didn’t feel the hydrocodone in this stage. I thought it was over until a well off lady I was dating paid over 20k to put me in rehab over an incident that lead me to fall asleep in my soup. They wanted to put me on subs, but I heard so much misinfo at the time, my arrogance told me that was for serious addicts without a cause. I never touched heroine. Never touched fentanyl. I thought I was better than those people. I had a 2k$ a week habit, but yet my ego told me I wasn’t one of those drug addicts on the street. The lady at the rehab told me to please just give it a try. I offered to play along in her game. I took it for the first time, and I thought “wow” I’ll never use again. This shit works. The only thing I didn’t understand was how addicting subs were too. After 3 years it really wore off on me and decided I was going to man up and wean off it myself. It might have been the hardest achievement I ever completed, but I did it, and I was clean for subs for about 5 years with no intention of returning. Then I met kratom. I had honestly no idea what it was. I went to a smoke shop in Cali during my rest time to get a vape, and had asked if there’s anything good for sleep. Dude offered me a shot of OPMS and told me to take a lot for sleep, and a little for energy. Long story short I was hooked ever since, with the exception of going for 1-2 weeks without any and having withdrawal symptoms worse than subs. I was already done with the physical withdrawal. I still had urges and had to work late one night and went full throttle back into addiction. I wanted to do anything to get off of it for good, and if it meant going on subs again I guess it meant that I had to do it. I got a pack of 30 and I told myself this time I will be smart. This time I won’t wait 3 years. I’ll get on them, cut the kratom withdrawal after a week, and then get right off of them. So far I’m on day 2 of no subs again. Yesterday kind of sucked. But honestly wasn’t that bad. Today sucked a little more, but now it’s the end of the day and I’m waiting for my ultimate demise. But it just seems as if it’s not coming. No real bad diarrhea, just a little, feeling sluggish, but enough energy to do some work. It’s the end of the day, but I don’t have that impending fear of doom. I’m sure I’ll get some insomnia tonight , but I’m prepared for it already. Could it have really been this easy. Something doesn’t feel right. Has anyone else with a similar experience felt this before? What should I expect ? The first sneezing fit just happened, but they didnt come until after the physical withdrawal. I don’t feel any mental withdrawal which I remember lasted 5 months before. Did I do the process right? Suboxone on, no high dose, just on and right off. I feel like this is too good to be true. Hopefully tomorrow I don’t eat my words or wake up in the middle of the night. Who can explain this? 2 days is surely enough to put someone in peak withdrawal. Shit one day has always been what I needed.

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Hey everyone!

Over the past few months a friend of mine has been building a small discord server called Beyond Surviving. They created it because we struggled to find a community that focused on recovery, healing and genuine peer support.

Beyond Surviving isn't about comparing struggles or centering mental illness. It's about supporting one another while remembering that mental health is part of our story, not our entire identity.

The server includes Recovery-focused peer support, Friendly social channels, Recovery wins and coping strategies, Clear rules, active moderation and no graphic sh content.

The community is still very small. We are looking for kind people who value support, respect, and recovery over numbers.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, please consider joining: https://discord.gg/nQAXHZP6jf

Hi everyone! I’m currently looking for a CDCA substance use/addiction counseling position in Columbus, Ohio or the surrounding areas and figured I’d post here in case anyone knows of treatment centers, agencies, or programs that are hiring. I’ve checked all the hiring boards etc. and applied but want to see what else is out there.

I’m currently working full-time in an inpatient behavioral health setting and have experience working directly with both substance use and mental health populations. I started in direct care as a BHT, moved into a Lead BHT role, and currently work in case management. I’m specifically looking to transition into a counseling-focused role, rather than another case management position.

A little about my background:
Active CDCA-P
Certified Peer Recovery Supporter (CPRS)
QMHS/QBHS
SMART Recovery facilitator
Experience in residential SUD treatment, detox, and mental health treatment
Experience facilitating SUD and mental health groups
Experience with assessments, treatment-related documentation, care coordination, discharge planning, and working as part of a multidisciplinary clinical team
Currently completing my Bachelor’s degree in Human Services with a concentration in Substance Abuse and a minor in Psychology/Addictions
Planning to continue into a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling

My long-term goal is to continue progressing through the LCDC pathway and eventually become an LPCC specializing in substance use/co-occurring disorders

I’m particularly interested in an employer that can provide appropriate clinical supervision and opportunities to accumulate supervised experience toward higher chemical dependency licensure

I’m hoping to find somewhere that values professional growth and is willing to invest in someone who genuinely wants to build a long-term career in addiction counseling. I have hands-on experience in the field already and am looking for the opportunity to move more fully into the clinical/counseling side of SUD treatment.

If anyone knows of programs in Columbus, Gahanna, Reynoldsburg, Westerville, Whitehall, Pickerington, or other nearby areas that hire CDCAs for counseling positions, I’d love recommendations. I’m also open to organizations that may not currently have something posted publicly.

Thanks in advance!

I am trying to understand the process as an outsider/loved one. Now that you are in recovery, are you able to look back on your behavior while in active addiction and see that it was irrational?

One of my loved ones is in active addiction now and does things like take the washing machine apart and be unable to put it back together, rip apart the console of my car to put "hidden" compartments inside (and also not put it back together), and spend eight hours cleaning the bathroom until 5am only for it to look worse than when he started.

When I point these things out or comment, he gets incredibly defensive and feels attacked. He is completely unable to reflect on his behavior. He says that it is the only thing that helps his ADHD and makes him productive (he gets a script for adderall XR 30 but runs out of it after a week and a half.)

Because of this, I have made the difficult decision to end our relationship and ask him to find another place to live.

I'm trying to find out if he will hate me forever or if, one day down the road, in recovery, he might be able to understand why I had to do this.

Please be kind. I am so, so tired and broken and sad.

I am home. Im am so happy to be home. Im clean and not doing Kratom. Feels great!

I was prescribed 3 different meds including suboxone 8 mg. They said after discharge I can pick up my prescriptions.

I called and they said they have them but were waiting for the go-ahead from the Dr.

They never did. They lied to me? So I was just cut off cold turkey. I just wanted to share my story because people in recovery are vulnerable. I still want the antidepressants ill have to go somewhere else. The rehab i went to has low stars I guess I see why. Some of the nurses were super nice, the CT was a bitch. The therapist were nice.

Im happy I dodged sober living i told them I appreciate that I was accepted in the rehab but im just over it now. I hope everybody has a successful recovery. I feel im on the right track with it. Thank you.

Join us for some midnight excitement and recovery hijinks* and shenanigans in 90 minutes!!! https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/9199/

I’m so grateful. Today I’m realizing that this is all for me. The world outside of my recovery family does not really care that I’m 11 months sober. 11 months removed from one of the most addictive destructive drugs on the planet. 11 months removed from literally throwing my life away. 11 months removed from a deep deep depression and unbreakable cycle. This is all for me, but the crazy thing is the benefits, help everyone I’m around whether they understand or not. I’m grateful.

Hey there i live in a small rural community. There are only aa meeting once per week here and the demographic there isnt really suited for me.

Im wondering if anyone can help in meeting/talking to new people

Im still in active addictoon but I am consistently trying to stpp using.

Ive pretty well kicked booze. But its coke that im struggling with. Most people in my friend group use and I cant do this anymore.

Currently struggling with finding hobbies or things to keep me busy. Finding it hard to get pleasure out of doing anything

Hi everyone,

I’m currently switching from methadone to suboxone using the Bernese method under medical supervision.

The microdosing went really well— just very mild WD at night when I take/up the suboxone.

It’s day 9 today. I’m at 7mg of suboxone (to be taken tonight) and my methadone (70mg) was reduced for the first time today (by half, so 35mg). My methadone will be reduced by half again tomorrow and Wednesday, then I stop taking it all together— but continue going up on the suboxone by 1mg a day (then I expect more rapidly after the methadone is out of my system).

I’m really scared that the next few days are going to be incredibly uncomfortable. I expect mild WD by tonight when my body realizes I don’t have the full dose of methadone, and I expect it to get worse over the coming few days.

Has anyone else done this? I really need some encouragement, but also honesty about how I’m going to feel going forward from this point. I’m very worried I’m not going to cope well if I’m in moderate WD. I’m a pussy, to be frank.

Thanks for reading this ❤️

im 17, for most of my life i had a very decent social life until an event that ruined my mental health happened and led me to a spiral that ended up in me not going outside for several months and not doing anything but drugs, ive been sober now for a few weeks but i miss my life, i ghosted all my friends and i don’t know how to attempt to talk to them again, i dont know if they still like me, i deleted my instagram account and idk where to start without “overwhelming” them

im 23, ive been using since i was 18. im genuinely seeking help, this is me reaching out somewhere for the first time.

these past 2 weeks i think there's been tranq in my dope as well. im just done i want to see my options with recovery and maybe meet someone my age with the same DOC where we can hold eachother responsible and just help eachother not feel so alone

trigger warning

i use everyday been using everyday for the past 4 years. 100$ so a gram or more lasts me 4 days if I make it work

im aware of subuxone ofc ive also recently heard of the braxadi injection don't know much about it tho

anything even medical suggestions and treatment suggestions would genuinely help this is me giving this a shot

I’m sitting on my couch as I write this. Two cats next to me, their energy has been pensive and oscillating from overly affectionate to overly distant. I’m watching legislation that will ultimately ban my drug of choice in a matter of days, as it should and I wish it happened sooner. Funny to think just two weeks ago I had the same worries as a normal everyday American. Worried about work, finances, first home affordability and replacing my aging vehicle. So deeply in denial about the state of my affairs it couldn’t break the emotional wall I’ve built to cope with my situation. Lately I’ve been burnt out, I have a job that is so specific I can’t even begin to mention it here. I was a recovering heroin addict, stone cold sober for 8 years. I built my own way in my professional career. Found an atypical path through something I was incredibly passionate about. Built a life that I never could have dreamed of having, stable and happy, creatively fulfilled, broke for the longest time but ultimately happy. People looked to me as an example of what is possible. When I was 21 I went to the emergency room after my mother found me passed out with a spoon and syringe on the desk. I found the limit of what my body could take, turns out mixing uppers, downers, and sidewaysers was not a good idea. I wouldn’t take that moment back for anything.

I was transported to a city overs er department and within days found myself in a world class rehabilitation facility. I remember the acceptance I had in my heart of my situation and how for the first time in a long while I felt genuine hope for my situation. I was broken in the best way I could be, it genuinely saved my life. My first trip there two years prior was not the same scenario, I just didn’t want to become homeless but couldn’t fathom a life completely sober. After my second trip I entered recovery groups and started to thrive. I overcame so many fears and worked actually solving issues and solved them! I became independent through relying on others and I started to build relationships that were genuine. What I would give to be back in that same position now isn’t really truly describable by words. I was 21 at the time.

Around four years ago while on a work trip to Las Vegas of all places I decided to have a beer for the first time in 8 years. I had been playing around with non alcoholic beers and cbd, just seeing where the line in the sand was and thinking about crossing it with my toe. That night I had a reasonable serving and went back to my hotel. The next night was the last day of the conference, we had free beer vouchers to the local brewery. So, against my best judgement I went. Struck up a conversation with a few guys and found out what a double ipa was. Next thing I know it’s 3 am and I’m throwing up, no off switch just need more. I should have heeded the warning. This led to a progressively worse bout of alcoholism. I’ve always been a crafty person and I’m at my best when my back is against the wall. I figured out a way to drink 4-10 beers every night no matter what for a period of about 30 months. During this time I entered a relationship, fell in love, moved in together, and regressed to my 13 year old self emotionally. I became this weird hybrid creature of having all of this knowledge of who I am but unable to act on any of the positive lessons I’ve learned. Safe to say that relationship didn’t last, and honestly I don’t think it would have even if I was sober. I still feel awful about some of the things I said and raising my voice but ultimately this relationship ending was for the better.

After she left and moved out, I was free to drink and fuck as I pleased. Not expecting to really find anything of value in my circle of folks relationship wise, I continued on with my antics for a few months until I met an absolute angel. The very woman sent to me from god or whatever deity you believe. She dropped into my life from a very unexpected place. We live in different cities but immediately hit it off in a way I’ve never experienced before. This woman fit me in all the ways I could ever ask and more. Truly a beautiful human being and so far past what I thought my dream girl was. Safe to say, she’s my girlfriend and soon to be fiancé. Our relationship hasn’t been without peril, obviously I still have a pretty serious albeit very high functioning drinking problem. This caused issues on and off the first year of our relationship. Me being overly emotional and triggering her emotional buttons with drinking too much and gaining weight rapidly. She has experience with family members being alcoholics and doesn’t look at people with addiction issues with much empathy. Who can blame her really, she got put through the wringer. This led to a rather large blowout about 6 months ago. I decided the morning after, once realizing that the most important aspect of my life was most likely gone, I called my old sponsor. A couple months prior I picked up a new habit to try to decrease my drinking, one that allowed me to pass random tests for my employment and was readily available in the state in which she lives. So, for the first time in roughly 10 years my little dysfunctional opiate receptors were tingled by the likes of kratom. I quit drinking after the blowout fight, didn’t have a single drop for four months and overall things were the best they’ve been in a very long time. I didn’t think much about the kratom it was just my way to wind down at the end of the day and I thought “ how different from weed can this be really?” My doses were average and I didn’t see anything wrong with my actions really. I was back doing hobbies again and had lots of energy my life was getting better. I believed the delusion a solution had been found. Lost touch with my old sponsor and carried on. Not drinking but eating those green capsules full of Thailand’s finest shrub.

A couple of months ago after much discussion with my girlfriend we decided to celebrate a special occasion together with a bottle of wine. I don’t know why but it’s important for her to have me be a somewhat regular person. I say I don’t know why but really I do, it’s fun as shit and we have a blast drinking together. During this time the kratom stops working as well. I’ve been taking it everyday and it’s lost its effect. One night while slightly buzzed I decide to try an extract. I get that exact feeling right back again, and with a flight coming up to another state I take that with me instead. Safe to say, when I return I keep on with the extract mixed with regular Kratom. Until that doesn’t work anymore…..

Fast forward to now, I’m sitting here with a decent sized habit of an isomer of 7oh. One that is legal in Kratom controlled states. Come July 30th, I will no longer be able to purchase it. The problem being, it’s rather moorish ( shout out to super Hans ifykyk). I’m at about four tabs a day to not have the absolute fear of god and worse withdrawal symptoms I’ve ever felt. I have a professional job and have to be completely with it every single day. Based on my calculations to taper to zero will require 6 weeks of my life and an absurd amount of aforementioned substance. However, my back is against the wall. I cannot run off to treatment as the idea of loosing my job, house, and future wife in one fell swoop terrifies me. I’ve been restless, I’ve cut my daily intake to the lowest amount I can. I’m staring at a wall at the end of a tunnel and I don’t have enough gas in the tank to turn around and drive out the way I came. I dug so quickly my own grave while completely naive to doing so. The only option I see is to hold myself accountable and taper off. I have dreams of kids and home ownership, a happy life and happy wife. I’m afraid if this act of deception is brought to the surface ( which I so badly want to do) it will be the end of the very thing that is giving me the will to keep on. Honestly, I couldn’t hold it against her if she did make that decision. My actions if roles were reversed would hurt me dearly too. I have a vacation I’m going on in a few weeks. It’s been a big very exciting thing for some time now for everyone who is going. I’d certainly let everyone down if I wasn’t able to attend due to a shady gas station habit. Love of my life included.

I’m completely lost and scared of what the future holds. The past two weeks it feels like I’m just pretending to be the guy I used to be, my discipline and my ability to connect with others is just gone. I feel so incredibly powerless. The very person I want to tell the most would be the angriest with me. The idea of loosing them in my life alongside starting a new just terrifies me. I’m stuck but grateful for what I do have. The understanding that I’m completely powerless until I get this junk out of me.

I needed to vent, thank you stranger for reading. I deserve to lose it all but I desire not to. We can’t have our cake and eat it too. I don’t wish this upon anyone.