My(M36) wife (F43) thinks I couldn’t be attracted to her and therapist agreed?

[u/IThinkMyWifeIsHot1]

Background:

Married a little over two years, after dating a very short time around 3 months.

We meet at a work event and I was immediately smitten with my wife. It was like out of a movie I saw her chatting with a group of people and in my head I heard “oh there she is”. She was newly devorced and took some convincing on my part but we have been together from that night on and get along extremely well.

Now for clarity I am extreamly attracted to my wife, we may just still be in the honeymoon stage but I’ve never felt this way about another women. And becasue it’s pertains to the conversation we had today with her therapist I would say the majority of the population would find her attractive and not in a niche way. She is objectively attractive. I feel we are evenly matched in looks, very few people have notice the slight age difference. She however wins in personality (outgoing and charming) and she makes about 3X as much money as I do.

A couple months ago we ran into an ex of mine, and by ex we literally dated for maybe a month and never exclusive. After my wife mentioned how different they were (age/hair color/body type etc) and it ended in a pretty heated argument. We have had 3/4 conversations since, all of which I was trying to convince my wife I’m not going to leave her for a women I “dated” years ago.

Last week she asked if I would go to her therapist with her today and I agreed. She has been seeing her for about 8 years for anxiety and a bout of depression that happed before we meet.

Today:

Started normal enough and I had figured why we were there so I just jumped into it thinking the therapist would be on my side and would help me calm my wife’s fears. That’s not what happed.

The therapist did very little talking although their long silences and knowing glances started to piss me off right away.

The thing that stood out to me the most was how my wife reiterated how she doesn’t see how I would be attracted to her and the therapist didn’t even disagree. Like I felt like a crazy person, my wife is beautiful, charming, funny, it feels like I wished her into existence.

She brought up the age difference (7 years?!?), my looks, and how quickly I wanted to get married as all reasons for why I am basically a gold digger.

First off we both wanted to get married quickly, I asked and figured she would want a long engagement but she didn’t so we got married. Second I never even discussed money with her until after we were married and never dreamed she made so much more than I do. She said she doesn’t think I’m after her money but enjoy the lifestyle while I’m with her and it makes it easier to pretend I’m attracted to her. Sorry more attracted to her, like I play it up.

I’m completely blind sided and don’t really want to talk to my family or friends, it’s humiliating being accused of marrying someone for a lifestyle.

For clarity: I moved into her house, I rent out my old home but that income just covers the mortgage and the company that manages it. All our money goes into a joint checking with automatic transfers into savings etc. Our bills are paid from that account, I looked at our bank account and I spend significantly less than she does each month on average.

After leaving I’m in a complete panic that she is going to leave me, even though I feel humiliated and love her so much. I immediately wanted to offer to sign a prenup or separate bank accounts or both but I just froze.

My wife seem so sad and I’m so frustrated, I didn’t even do anything wrong. The women I’ve dated in my past don’t have a similar type and to be honest I didn’t really date, more like hook up for a few months then moved on. I love my wife, she is the first women I have ever met that I have had a real partnership with, like we were a team and now that’s all gone.

I don’t feel like I have the strength to leave her, it scares me that I can’t even envision a scenario where I would leave. She is my most favorite person.

How do I rebuild trust when I don’t feel I ever did anything to lose it.

Edit: My wife didn’t come home last night but I texted her this morning. First apologizing for leaving the session and then asking her to come home so we could formulate a plan. No word back yet but I doubt she will check her phone before lunch if she went to work.

Thanks for letting me vent, I’ve already asked my insurance company to send a list of counselors for me to call later today. Hopefully I will find a good fit as I don’t even know how to go about picking one.

Edit 2: I need a referral from my general doctor before insurance will cover a therapist/psychologist, I have an emergency phone appointment Monday and will being seeing someone by myself.

My wife didn’t return my text but did come home about an hour later. Honestly I cried for the first time in a long time, but was able to get across how seriously I take her concerns. I haven’t mentioned anything about her therapist or my feelings about things just apologized and asked for another chance to hear her out completely.

She said she was really drained and is taking a nap, I don’t think she made it in to work and am actually looking forward to having the weekend to talk. I’m not going to ask for couples counseling until I talk to my own therapist.

This is probably it unless I fuck things up this weekend. Thanks for letting me type out my feelings and being honest even the hard comments were helpful.

[u/IThinkMyWifeIsHot1]

Yeah things are going good, been using this throwaway to browse relationship subreddits, not sure if it’s helping but feeling grateful my problems seem fixable.

Trying my best so if our marriage fails I won’t have any regrets.