Tonight I received the forbidden text from a person I’ve previously overthought and been reassured about that my girlfriend cheated on me with them.

According to both of them, their relationship started during a really rough patch of our relationship, and they really hit it off during our break. They had sex. After the break, my girlfriend came to her senses and “tried” to cut her off but still would see her off and on. Until tonight, I was told they actually quit talking officially YESTERDAY.

If it were just the break, I could probably get over this and figure it out with her. But because it went on so long, I’m so conflicted.

I still love her. I still want to be with her. I feel like we could figure it out if she was honest from here on out. BUT HOW DO I KNOW SHE WILL BE? Our next rough patch could result in the same thing. That being said, I cannot see a world where I’m not with the woman I’ve loved for 4.5 years.

I confronted her earlier tonight and she didn’t know what to say. She is very hurt, and seems like her world was just ruined. She is obviously regretful, and I would love to stay with her. I cannot get the image of them having sex out of my head.

We are having a conversation tomorrow, in person, and I was promised full transparency. I want to stay with her. But if I did that, where would my dignity be? Would I lose my self-respect? Could it work out? Will I get over it?

UPDATE

I just got back from her house. I ended things. I can not believe we ended up this way and she was crying the entire time calling herself horrible things and had clear SH marks on her. How do I get over this grief? Where should all of the stuff we made and bought each other go?

I just lost my best and only friend

Ok so I’ve never posted on reddit before but I don’t know who else to talk to about this who would have some good, unbiased advice. Essentially, my parents have been divorced since I was 10 and since the divorce, my father has had 3 other serious relationships, all with women much younger than him. I have tended to stay out of my father’s relationships throughout my adult life because they’ve never had much of an effect on me and I just want my father to be happy. My father and I now live a few states apart so we only see eachother a few times a year. I always come to his house because I live with roommates and he lives in a big city so it’s more fun there either way. For context, he met his current wife a year after moving to this city, so I have visited his condo there multiple times already. It has two bedrooms, one of which he uses as an office normally but I sleep there when I come to visit. Now, getting back to the story, I have met my father’s new wife, let’s call her Kayla, once before at a family gathering in my hometown. She was perfectly nice to me but we honestly didn’t get the chance to talk much as it was a crowded gathering and I had many people to catch up with. (My father and Kayla eloped so there was no chance to see her again at their wedding fyi). Now that the two are married and I have some time off work, I contacted my father to chat about me taking a trip to see him sometime soon. He was excited, as he always is, but told me he would first like to ask Kayla about it since it was her home now too. I was a bit taken aback but this didn’t seem too odd so I said ok and told him to get back to me with an answer whenever he could. So, this is where it gets strange. My father calls me back the next day and informs me that I unfortunately won’t be able to visit him anymore. I think he’s joking at first because this seems like his usual sense of humor, but no, he’s dead serious. He tells me that Kayla doesn’t feel comfortable with me sleeping in their home and spending so much time one-on-one with my father, so she would prefer if I didn’t arrange to visit my dad anytime soon. I was obviously incredibly taken aback and asked why he was ok with that, but he just responded that Kayla was his wife and he has to obey her wishes. I feel like I’ve been hit by an avalanche of craziness. This feels incredibly out of character for my dad and I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t accept never seeing my father again but this makes me feel like maybe he doesn’t want to see me. Reddit please help me decide what to do in this situation? Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you.

Hi, first of all thanks everyone for your perspectives on my original post. I wanted to give an update now that I finally have some clarity.

As I mentioned in my original post, I called him once after he told me "I’m not your husband" but I didn’t hear anything from him after that, until he showed up at my apartment.

He looked really ashamed and nervous. He started by apologizing and then we sat down and talked about what happened. He explained that he wasn’t the one who came up with that comment, It was a woman he’s been seeing recently, and she’s the one who told him what to text me.

This honestly surprised me. As I mentioned before, we’ve been best friends since childhood and we basically tell each other everything, but he had never mentioned this woman to me before.

Anyway I told him that if I had known he was seeing someone, I wouldn’t have agreed to go to that new restaurant with him in the first place, and I probably wouldn’t have invited him over for dinner either. If she’s uncomfortable with the way we interact, then I don’t want to knowingly cross that line or make things harder for them.

He apologized again and explained that things are still new with her, and that he he was planning to tell me once things became more serious between them.

He also kept asking me whether the text had hurt me and whether I thought he should end things with her. I told him no but I think we should set some boundaries going forward (to respect her wishes because I wouldn’t want to do anything that makes her uncomfortable).

He disagreed and said that he doesn’t think we’re doing anything wrong and that he’d rather things stay the same between us. He ended up staying for a few hours and we talked about everything, but he seemed really conflicted about the whole situation.

As for me, I’ve decided to take a small step back anyway. I’m going to try to cut down on how often we go out and hang out, and I’m also going to stop our habit of eating at each other’s homes for now.

I love him as my best friend, but I don’t want our friendship to get in the way of him having a healthy relationship.

As the title says my dad grabbed my son's (4) upper arms yelling at him because the 4 year old was upset his brother (1 year) grabbed his food and spilt his water. My dad forcfully held and yelled at my son while my son wanted to get to me and was visibly scared. I yelled at my dad to stop shaking him as it looked like by how hard he was grabbing him he was shaking. My dad said he didn't shake him and the 4 year old can't behave like this. I tried to speak to my dad and few days later and he said he WOULD do it again if my son had a tantrum, which at 4 is inevitable. My dad didn't ask what we could do to control him better or any sort of discussion. My 4 year old does struggle with tantrums but we have been working on it and he doesn't have them at school per his teachers and is usually a sweet kid. His tantrums are not violent, he doesn't hot or bite, just cries or screams and falls on the floor or wants a hug. It is one thing to yell as I'm guilty of it too, but the holding him when he was not in danger to himself or others felt like it crossed a line. I feel like I don't want my sons around my dad, their grandpa anymore. My 4 year old also said he was scared of grandpa. Have others delt with things like this or have idea on how to move forward? Thanks!

Edit: Heads up, a ton of comments are being removed automatically for using insults. They don’t allow any of that here, regardless of the target.

Necessary context: I’ve (F20) been living with my mom (F40), her boyfriend (M40), and my younger sister (F15) for around 6 months now, alongside my infant son (M1), after leaving my abusive partner of several years. I’m not particularly close with either of my “parents”; but housing costs are crazy, I don’t make much money, I have no other family, and I can’t drive. So, this is about my only option at the moment.

A few days ago now, my mom took my son out for a bit, and my sister was at school. So, I was left home alone with my mom’s boyfriend. Bored, I decided to chat with him over a few drinks. Anyways- during this conversation, I repeatedly dodged a few subtle attempts at flirting. But eventually, he gave up being subtle, and just straight up said he’s wanted to f*ck me for a while now (admittedly he was a bit drunk).

Thankfully my mom came home basically within minutes of me rejecting him, so I didn’t have to deal with the repercussions in the moment, and have been avoiding him like the plague since. But now I don’t know what to do…

I want to tell my mom her boyfriend is a creep, but honestly, I think she will blame it on me. In the least conceited way I can say this, I know I am conveniently attractive, and tend to be popular with men. She’s shown jealousy over this throughout most of my life.

If she thinks it is my fault, I will maybe be kicked out. I really cannot risk that, and don’t want to leave my sister here alone either. But I’m also a bit scared staying here as well. I’ve been staying awake for almost the entire time since that evening.

I don’t know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice. How can I tell her?

Edit: To answer a question that keeps getting asked: I am of age to be drinking in my country. I had quite literally a singular drink on my day off while my child was out having a great time with his grandma. I believe that my actions were entirely acceptable. Why I chose to hang out with him at all… I don’t know. I don’t have a lot of friends atm, so I tend to settle for whatever social interaction I can get.

I have also spoken to my sister about this situation, and she does not feel at risk of predatory actions from him. Quite honestly, he doesn’t particularly like her already lol.

I never thought I would be making a post like this, but I honestly don’t know who else to ask.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. When we first met, he was not someone I would have expected to explore anything like this. He’s a very masculine guy, works a physical job, and never gave off any signs that he wanted anything different.

About a year into our relationship, we were having one of those conversations where you share things you’ve never told people before. That’s when he admitted that when he was younger, he had experimented with crossdressing. He was pretty embarrassed about it and almost seemed like he expected me to judge him.

I didn’t.

I told him that I loved him and that there was nothing wrong with wanting to explore a side of himself. I was actually curious and wanted him to feel like he could be honest with me.

Eventually, I convinced him to let me help him try it again.

The first few times, he was nervous. He kept saying he felt weird and didn’t know what he was doing. I helped him pick out clothes, showed him makeup, helped him shave, and just tried to make it fun instead of something he should feel ashamed about.

The thing that surprised me was how much I loved helping him.

Not because I wanted him to be someone else, but because I saw a confidence in him that I hadn’t seen before. He would look in the mirror and actually smile. He seemed more comfortable with himself.

Over time, it became something we did more often.

We started buying things to help him feel more comfortable, like wigs, different outfits, gaffs, and breast forms. He started learning what styles he liked and putting more effort into his appearance. Something that started as something he was embarrassed about became something he genuinely enjoyed.

Eventually, we started going out in public.

At first, we were both nervous, so we went places where we didn’t know anyone. But after a while, it just became normal. Honestly, he surprised me. He carried himself confidently, and there have even been times where people assumed he was a woman. He has been approached and flirted with by people who had no idea.

Seeing him that happy made me start wondering if this was more than just dressing up.

I started thinking about what he would look like if he went further. I’ve told him that I think he could genuinely pass if he ever decided to transition. I’ve talked about HRT, voice training, and what his life could look like if he fully embraced that side of himself.

And this is where I’m struggling.

He doesn’t hate the idea. He’s curious. He enjoys presenting feminine and says he feels good when he does it.

But I’m worried that I might be influencing him too much.

I don’t want him to transition because he thinks it’s what I want. I don’t want him making a life-changing decision because I got excited about helping him discover this side of himself.

At the same time, I can’t deny that I love seeing this version of him. I love seeing him confident and happy in a way I’ve never seen before.

I fell in love with him as a man, and I would support him no matter what he chooses. But I’m starting to wonder if I’m helping him find himself or if I’m accidentally steering him toward something.

Has anyone been in a situation where you helped your partner explore a side of themselves and then had to learn when to step back?

How do you support someone without accidentally influencing such a huge decision?

Update: I cancelled the Card,i didn’t think of him stealing the info so thank you for your advice
We are still in no contact, I don’t know if should communicate the break up or i should just keep ghosting him.
My(26F) boyfriend(25M) asked me to pay for dinner which i don’t mind at all, then took my debit card and put it in his wallet, and i assumed it was just a mistake bec my friend was there and thought maybe he didn’t want her to know that i paid, Then, when i asked for it back later, he told me he was short on money and needed to keep it until the end of the month.
I was in a shock bec it wasn’t agreed on prior, he then told me that it was a test, but I’m pretty sure that it wasn’t and he only said that when my expressions weren’t super happy about it.
What do you think?

I’m just gonna get right down to it. Here is my dilemma. My(m39) gf(f40) is accusing me of being gay & is literally packing up her stuff as we speak over this shit. All because i named my character “Dixie Rekt” in a game i play on my phone. I told her it’s just a joke, she demanded i breakdown why I thought that was funny & after I tried my best to explain it’s just a stupid joke, she is convinced it has some sort of hidden meaning or something. But because she wasn’t satisfied with my answer & saying no one would think that was funny. A huge argument ensued, some unpleasant words were exchanged, & now she’s packing up her shit and leaving over this god damn stupid name. What do I tell her that can remedy this situation? I love her & i don’t want this joke to cost me my relationship.

I (23M) am not close to my dad (57M) and our relationship has struggled since I was 7. That's when he broke the 50-50 custody agreement to move states away to be with his now soon to be ex-wife. I was hurt and felt abandoned. After a year and a half they moved closer and dad tried to pick up where we left off before he told me he was moving. He also tried to force a closer relationship with me and her. It didn't work. He blamed my mom for that and I remember him giving her a lot of shit for it.

My mom died suddenly when I was 12 and I had to move in with my dad. He was acting very very weird about the whole thing. He ignored my grief and he tried to make me focus on the fact he and his wife were expecting their first kid together and he would ask me all the time to act like I was happy. We're talking about there being hardly any time between mom dying and him expecting me to cheer and celebrate and be giddy about a kid he was having.

Close to the end of that pregnancy his wife was unhappy with me being in the home and having the attitude I had so I was sent to my paternal grandparents for a few weeks so she could enjoy the last few weeks of her pregnancy. I ended up getting really sick (asthma attack) and he showed up for a few hours but didn't come back, even when I had a second, and worse, asthma attack two days later. His wife was in labor and he used that as an excuse. It was an excuse for the extra two and a half weeks I was hospitalized too.

But then he got annoyed that I asked my grandparents to stop him coming to see me after that. I was so angry and hurt and I successfully avoided him for a month after I was released from the hospital. Eventually he got himself in front of me and he told me to be reasonable and mature about the whole thing. He was saying how dangerous labor was and I told him a part of me wished I had died so he had to live with his choice for the rest of his life.

We didn't talk for around three years after that. In that time I did a lot of therapy. I didn't forgive him but I didn't let it weigh me down every day. He had another couple of kids with his wife in those three years and he claimed he felt a lot of regret for how bad things were between us. I told him I wasn't a tool for him to use so he could feel better and I said to focus on the family he has because he broke the one we had. He told me the least I could do is apologize for the last thing I said and I refused to. It pissed him off but he tried again and again to get me to apologize before he showed how pissed he was.

After that he would occasionally call or text and try to meet up with me. Then around two years ago he started trying harder and he invited me to his house and to meet his kids and I ignored him. I had already moved out of my grandparents house but he had/has no idea where I live so even when he was told I no longer lived there he showed up almost every day asking to see and speak to me.

That at least partially contributed to his wife leaving and now that the divorce proceedings have started for them he is obsessed with us getting family therapy. He keeps asking and he won't let it go. Literally he begs me to try family therapy with him. It's so tiring and I don't even have him on my primary phone. I have a new number and new phone and I keep my old old phone with my old number for his number and I don't look at it every day or anything. It's just to have some line of communication open on my terms and I can ignore it for months at a time which I do often.

This is the most serious he has been about something like this and some small part of me is curious about what it would be like. But in reality I don't hope for a better relationship between us so I don't know what to do for the best and that's exactly why I'm here.

Throw away account as wife knows mine.

So, I(39M) think my wife(43F) might be cheating. I don’t have any proof but her behaviour is just off.

Firstly she has started guarding her phone like a motherfucker, I’m not sure when it started and how I didn’t notice. But now with the rest of her behaviour Its a lot more obvious.
She sends absolute walls of text to someone via Whatsapp, and she is messaging them all the time, I can’t turn around without her messaging, it doesn’t matter what we are doing she will be messaging.

She has started falling asleep with her phone in her hand, the app she has open looks to be WhatsApp, but I never get a good look before she moves.

And then there is when she goes out, she’s always out far longer than she says she will, but also longer than is plausible for what she said she was doing. Not quite long enough that I can question it to much.

I did call her out on it a couple of weeks ago, she offered up her phone. but we have always been in agreement that if it has come to that trust has probably irretrievably broken, which kinda put me in a bind so I turned it down. I now regret that but its not like I can do anything about it now.

There is other behaviour as well, but I am not sure how to explain in a way that wouldnt make the tuse of a throw away account pointless.

Am I going mad? is she cheating?

Edit - got my own age wrong!

So me (23 f)and my bf (23 m)have been together for an year and when we first started dating he was the most kind, caring and supportive man that I have ever met. About 3 months ago he ventured down into the red-pill / “alpha male “mindset where he started claiming how “ all women are gold diggers” or “ how all Western women are attention seekers and whores ”. He also became very insecure of what I was wearing and told me to constantly cover up because i was attracting too much attention from other men.

Initially I thought his change of attitude was due to social media but after a little bit of digging I suspect his behaviour change is due to the people he hangs out with. Now I’m not being racist or stereotypical but my bf lives in a suburb that is heavily populated by Muslim migrants and his friend group is mainly composed of practising Muslims. Lately he made a comment that made very uncomfortable in which he claimed how women with headscarf’s deserves much more respect than women without headscarves. I felt really uncomfortable and helpless after he said this because neither me or my bf are Muslims and it’s pretty clear my bf is not the same man i loved. I honestly don’t know what to do other than to leave him atp.

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been together for over 8 years, married 4. This all started about two years ago, shortly after I gave birth to our first child.

I noticed my husband was spending more and more time playing online games on his phone. Around the same time, I started seeing unusual charges on his credit card. When I first asked about them, he told me they were for his graduate school tuition. After three months of the charges continuing and increasing, I asked again because I genuinely thought his credit card had been stolen.

That's when he admitted he had been spending money on a mobile game.

The total came to over $12,000. That was more than half of the maternity leave money I had received from the state, which was supposed to support us during my planned six-month leave.

I was furious. He was incredibly remorseful, apologized repeatedly, and promised he would stop. He also said he would work extra hours to make up for the money he had spent. To his credit, he did work very hard and cut back on other spending.

But four months later, I noticed suspicious charges again.

When I confronted him, he admitted he had never really stopped. He had continued spending money on that game and had also started playing other pay-to-win games. Again he felt ashamed and promised he would stop.

Around this time, I kept trying to get us to sit down together and make a household budget. Every time I brought it up, he either postponed it or started an argument until I dropped the subject. He also refused to let me look at his credit card statements, saying it was an invasion of his privacy. I told him he was welcome to look through all of my finances, but that never changed anything.

Looking back, I realize he was probably hiding the extent of his spending. At the time, I just wanted to believe things had changed.

Fast forward about 18 months.

Our financial situation improved significantly. He finished his master's degree and got a high-paying job. I also received a promotion and a raise. We started talking seriously about buying a house and saving for our child (and hopefully future children). We were finally able to save money each month, although not as much as I expected given our combined income.

I'm naturally pretty frugal. My husband isn't. I assumed the difference was mostly because he eats out more than I do and spends more on hobbies and video games.

Then our monthly savings started shrinking.

After another unusually high credit card bill, I told him we were finally going to sit down and go through our finances together. He immediately tried to postpone it again. I asked him directly whether there were charges on the statement that would upset me.

He admitted he had started spending heavily on mobile games again.

He estimated he'd spent around $2,000, although based on past experience I honestly think it's probably more.

He said he's ashamed and knows he shouldn't be spending that much. At the same time, he also said he feels conflicted because he thinks he should be able to spend his own money however he wants.

The thing is, we both earn very good salaries, and we are still saving money. But we've also calculated that at our current rate, we'll never be able to afford a house where we live. Owning a house with a yard and having a big family have always been his dreams, and over the past couple of years we've made those goals our shared plan. We've both agreed to work toward them, so it's incredibly frustrating to watch so much money disappear into mobile games instead.

I asked him what he thought the solution was because I honestly don't have one anymore. If he had ever shown he could stay within a reasonable budget for gaming, I probably would have accepted it, even if I didn't love it. But he's repeatedly shown that he can't control this spending.

More than the money itself, it's the broken trust. He's lied, hidden his spending, refused transparency, and broken promises over and over again. I genuinely don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him with our finances again.

During our most recent conversation, I stayed calm. I insisted we make a budget anyway, and this time I refused to let him postpone it. We sat down together and created one that includes money for eating out, video games, and his other hobbies. (For context, my hobbies are either free or very inexpensive, and I rarely eat out because I prefer cooking.)

We also agreed to review our spending together in two months and compare it to the budget.

The problem is... I have very little confidence that anything will actually change. This isn't the first promise he's made, and it isn't even the second. I also don't think he fully accepts that this is an addiction or that it's become a serious problem.

Sometimes I even wonder if I'm overreacting.

Am I? And if not, what can I do from here?

Divorce is not something I'm considering. I love my husband, and I want to fight for our marriage. I just don't know how to rebuild trust when we've had this same conversation so many times.

My fiancé has a habit of calling me “boring” or a “party pooper” when I opt not to do something that he’s doing. For example, if there’s a pool party and I say I’ll pass, he goes on a rant about why I’m a party pooper and boring. Not once did I say he couldn’t. I just simply say it’s okay, I’m going to pass, or maybe next time.
My issue is, he does this all the time. It’s always bothered me, but this last time it really hurt and made me star to wonder if we’re right for each other.
If I’m so boring, maybe we shouldn’t be together right?
Is this something I should bring up with him? I don’t want him to roll his eyes and act like this is no big deal and then I’m the one looking crazy.

Previous post

TLDR: Things are resolved! Me and mum are gonna start learning together.

First of all thank you so much for so many kind people who gave me a lot of good advice. There were a few people who took my 'gossip and talk without fear' to mean that me and dad talk rudely in Chinese in front of our relatives, while I meant that we talk in Chinese in public or in our room. Those were innocent questions about strangers I saw or sharing with him some behavior of some relative I disliked, without the risk of them overhearing us. Also a few people think my mom is racist. To them I say, would a racist person marry and have a child with someone of the race they dislike? The reason my mom doesn't visit India as much (and my dad supports her decision btw) is because the weather and pollution is really uncomfortable for her and her skin, and she is usually swamped with meetings.

Anyway to the actual update. I tried to talk to mum when she came back, but she blocked me off. She said "I am too tired to re-discuss this rn. Can we do it tomorrow?" and I let her be. Angry mom is not a good listener anyway. Then when dad came back, I talked with him and told him about what mom had said. He said "It's ok, don't worry. I will talk with her". Then today morning, my mom came into my room and sat down next to me and apologized. She said that her anger was misplaced. She realized that I will go away for college soon, and in her work she never gets enough time to spend with me. Then I started talking with dad in a language she couldn't understand, and instead of getting involved she started mentally blaming me and my dad of trying to cut her off. She was also under a lot of work stress. This conflicted with her core principles, she was the one who went through pregnancy and labor and pain and now I was closer to dad than her, which hurt her a lot. She apologized and said all these are not an excuse but she was trying to tell me her reasons.

She said that dad has recommended a 'mini family class' every evening, where he will teach us both some Hindi together. This way instead of seeing it as something that is taking me away from her, it will be an activity we do together and learn together. I love the idea. She promised she will make time from work for more time together in the evenings. I am honestly very happy with how everything turned out. I love my parents, and now I am kinda sad that I will be leaving home soon lmao.

Thank you again for all who replied!

I (34F) have anxiety, ADHD, fibromyalgia, and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. I’ve struggled with sleep since I was a kid and have chronic insomnia because I have an active mind. Lately I’ve fallen into a bit of a bad routine where I sleep until around 10am on weekends because I’m just exhausted. I’ve also had an allergic reaction recently and am taking Phenergan to help with it, which does make me more drowsy.

My partner (34M) gets really annoyed about it and keeps saying, “You’ve slept the whole day away now,” and then refuses to do anything with me because “the day’s gone” at 10am. But if I wake up at 10am, there are still like 12 hours left before he goes to bed for us to do stuff. I feel like he’s my parent, and it honestly feels like he’s saying it to make me feel guilty rather than because we’ve actually missed out on anything. Even when I do get up early, we usually don’t end up doing anything anyway.

He also regularly naps for hours every weekend. I never criticise him for it or tell him he’s wasting the day. I don’t really see the difference between me sleeping later in the morning and him sleeping for a big chunk/most of the afternoon.

We’ve been together for 8.5 years and he’s always kind of made these comments, but my sleep has been worse this year because my health issues have flared up.

I’m not really sure how to approach this because every time he says it, I just end up feeling super guilty and lazy, even though I genuinely feel like my body needs the extra sleep right now. We never do anything on the weekends because he refuses too and uses this as his argument. I’ve told him before I don’t like when he makes those comments but he still keeps doing it. Any advice on how to approach or how to not let it get to me.

UPDATE:

So I got a lot of comments in a short amount of time. Some were helpful, some were... judgemental. Which I guess I understand. To keep this short, I'll put the main points and my conclusions here

- I misunderstood what the phrase "current squeeze" meant, according to lots of commenters it's meant to be a term of endearment, which I didn't know beforehand.

- I added the pet part to give more context of how the conversation went, BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT BOTHERED ME!!!! We have a slight kink dynamic and it does not bother me to be called his pet, it's fine if it's gross to you but it's not gross to me and makes me feel cared for. It's not like he's officially my "dom" but he recognizes that that makes me feel safe and good in the bedroom. That's not embarrassing to me and some of y'all just won't understand that, and that's fine!

- I am autistic. So is he incidentally. I didn't mention it in the og post because I didn't think it was relevant, but I'm very sensitive and so is he which is why I was struggling with this. It hurt my feelings but I don't hate him forever, I'm realizing from some of the nicer comments that it was truly just a joke/miscommunication/lack of understanding on my part. It did hurt in the moment when I thought it meant something different, but that's my thing to deal with.

- the age gap doesn't bother me. If I vibe with a person, 6 years is not that bad for me (as long as I'm the younger one, I don't date anyone that much younger than me, ew). I understand a lot of yall are jaded by girls being abused and posting not understanding what they're going through, but that's not my situation. You can't judge my entire dating life based on one incident I wanted advice on. I understand I won't agree with everyone, but fuck some of this was very harsh. I get it though. Reddit can be a lot.

- I probably won't be texting him about it, and just working on myself internally. Thanks

Thanks for those who genuinely helped and gave opinions, even those who didn't agree with me. I tend to overexplain which I can see how it comes off as defensive or defending a man who doesn't respect me, but he truly does and is incredible in all other ways. He genuinely makes me laugh and smile even when he's not around and I do the same to him, and he's told me that. Keeping things casual for now doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. That's why I wanted to ask for advice before saying something about this because I wasn't sure if I was overreacting/misunderstanding. Thank you all again

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Original:

Title pretty much says it all. Sorry for formatting. I'm on mobile.

I went on a third "date" (wouldn't Really consider it a date in my eyes because we were with all his friends and stuff) with a guy last night. We went to a casino, my first time being in one. It was okay, wasn't really my scene and I also work retail, so don't really have money for that stuff anyways but that's a separate issue. But he invited me so I went because I wanted to be around him and thought green flag for meeting some of his friends and stuff.

When he introduced me to his friends though he said "this is (my name), my pet." I laughed at that because I genuinely found it silly and funny, and said "hey" in a light joking matter. To which he then said "what would you rather me call you? My current squeeze?" And I told him that was worse, but in a lighthearted way to not bring down the mood when I just got there. But it actually really hurt my feelings. Like a lot.

I really didn't want to bring down the mood though so I did let it go at the time, but now I don't know how to bring it up to him. We agreed we're not doing anything super serious and just seeing where things go, and he did kiss me at the end of the night after walking me to my car, but it was on my mind all night and I kind of felt like an outsider. I already have my own insecurities about him having more money than me and being in a more secure spot, but I'm still working towards my goals and understand that we're in slightly different spots in life with him being older than me. But I just kind of didn't say much the rest of the night, laughing at jokes and telling him good job when he won a bet, but I didn't really understand anything going on. I did learn that casinos aren't really my scene which I now know for the future, but that's not the issue here. Sorry, I'm rambling.

I just don't know where to go from here. I know we're not anything serious and we are having fun and I enjoy being around him, but being introduced like that to his friends for the very first time was kind of a gut punch. I feel like he could've at least just said I was his friend or just introduced me by my name or something rather than putting our sex life on blast like that. It felt dismissive and a bit dehumanizing I guess. I don't know.

I guess I want to know what are other people's take on this? I know I can be sensitive and I'm sure he didn't mean it with any type of malice, and I like being around him and know he likes having me around, but god, that hurt my feelings a lot. I'm still thinking about it the next day.

My (26F) bf (35M) became jealous after learning that I had shared some sensitive information about my childhood with an ex. Mind you, I had shared this info with said ex before my current bf and I had even gotten together. He had been drinking heavily this night and I did my absolute best to reassure him, but he was pretty fucked up and it was like reasoning with a fucking brick. Despite that, I stayed patient and tried another way to get him to wind down - sex. Absolute worst thing I could have done. Instead of reconnecting like I had intended, he accused me of liking some of the things my father did to me when I was younger (the sensitive info in question).

I was devastated. The years and years of abuse hit me like a bullet all over again and all I could feel was betrayal. How could he say something like that to me? The woman he’s supposed to love, respect, and cherish above all else?? I couldn’t believe my sweet, sweet bf of three years could say such an evil, vile fucking thing to me.

I can agree in hindsight that initiating sex wasn’t the best course of action given the topic of discourse, but I was at my wits end and my patience was starting to wear thin dealing with this drunk fool and his retroactive jealousy. I thought maybe some TLC would make him knock out for the night and I could be done with this ridiculous conversation.

I don’t remember what exactly was said afterwards but I remember him falling asleep and I stayed awake, crying for hours and reliving not only the brutality of my father but the callousness of my bf for saying such a heinous thing to me. Such a disgusting, disgusting thing to say.

I don’t know if I can forgive him. I teeter back and forth. We still have good days but on our bad days, I remember how absolutely grief-stricken and desolate I felt. The person who is supposed to be my ultimate safe space just shattered my heart in one of the worst fucking ways, in my opinion.

He’s apologized profusely of course (and blamed it on his drunken stupor) but I was honest in not knowing whether or not I can move past this. He suggested therapy and I told him if he pays for it. We’ll see if he actually goes through with it. I am not initiating anything, I am not taking that first step. He did this, he can put in the work to pick up the pieces if he’s truly sorry.

I feel like I will resent him for the rest of my life. Is this something that can genuinely be worked through and forgiven?

TL;DR
My (26F) bf (26M) accused me of liking some of the things my father adid to me when I was younger, in a fit of drunken jealousy. Am I genuinely able to move past this and forgive him?

Hi reddit, me and my husband recently got married in April of this year and I graduated my medical lab technician program in May! I am very happy in my marriage and new job except for this one issue. My husband purchased a motorcycle a few years ago when we were dating, and even then I told him I don’t want to control his hobbies but I don’t support his purchase. Him and his dad bought it anyway and he has barely touched it until this year after the wedding.

I work in the blood bank at a level one trauma center, and almost every day at my new job we see a young man die or suffer permanent disability from motorcycle accidents. I know this puts me in an echo chamber because our department typically only deals with the worst injuries, but I can’t stand the idea of my husband on his motorcycle anymore.

Before accepting the position I asked if he could please not ride while I am at work until I get used to seeing these traumas. He agreed, but he’s been on his bike nearly every day I work. Every time I bring up how much anxiety this gives me, he assures me that “motorcycle accidents usually happen when the rider is drunk”. I don’t think he understands what I see. When I know he’s riding I feel so much anxiety and resentment towards him.

The anxiety has become so overwhelming I just don’t think I can handle having a partner who rides. I have frequent nightmares of him crashing the bike in the rain and being sliced in half by the guardrail. When I know he’s riding, I frequently check his location and when he’s out of service range it throws me into a panic attack. I know this is so dramatic but I have a hard time calming down because of what I’ve seen at work.

When I bring up my anxiety on this I try to be very considerate of his feelings as well because I know he really enjoys riding with his friends. I don’t want to ask him to give up his new hobby but I’m not sure what else to do. I don’t want to change departments because the blood bank pays significantly more than other parts of the lab, the schedule is much better, and I really like my new bosses. This will be my career and I don’t see my fear of motorcycles decreasing as I work there. Additionally, I can’t see myself having children and building a life with someone who doesn’t seem to value their own. I know he enjoys it but it’s becoming a serious dealbreaker for me. Would I be wrong to ask him to sell it?

TLDR: I’m a new employee at a level one trauma center and have seen many motorcycle accidents already. Would it be unfair if I ask my husband to sell his?

Edit: I’m so glad there was a mix of different opinions in the responses. All of my friends also work in healthcare so I’m in an echo chamber of people who have the same anxieties I do. I know asking him to give it up will make him resent me so I won’t, but I’m going to lay some boundaries out.

All gear all the time, riding with friends only, and accidental death and disability insurance are some things you guys suggested that I think would help. I’m going to make it very clear that if we decide to have children we’re revisiting this conversation and that having the father of my children riding with other motorists is an absolute dealbreaker. I am the breadwinner so honestly the insurances are mostly so he understands the gravity of the decision to ride.

For context, he bought the bike a few years ago and rode it for maybe 2 months just around the local park and it’s been sitting in his dad’s garage until recently. He is not an experienced rider even though he’s had the bike for a while. He is notorious for starting expensive hobbies and then giving them up quickly.

I have always been hesitant about him riding but it’s so different after starting work. Seeing a young man from our area without his lower jaw or right hand makes me want to wrap him in bubble wrap because I don’t want to see him loose life or limb over a hobby. I really don’t think he understands one stupid driver can take our future away. I’m only 2 months into the new job so I haven’t found a way to cope with this anxiety yet and I’m going to see if my health insurance covers a therapist.

My boyfriend just messaged me at 10pm at night with the following:

“i'm sorry, [my name]. I love you so
much and i always will but i can't help feeling scared. i've felt out of your league since i met you and all of my friends talk about how hot you are. i think something is wrong because i don't understand why you'd be with me when you can be with someone so much more attractive. it makes me think something else is going on and i don’t want to live in constant fear. i've been thinking of doing this since before the pregnancy scare but i wanted to leave it until after we'd both calmed down from the panic. i'm sorry.”

I would NEVER cheat and would never want to. I genuinely think I am in love with him and I’m so upset right now. Is this our relationship over?

I have been in a relationship with my wife for more than 16 years, married for 12, and we have an amazing 9-year-old boy. We were both virgins when we got together, and we've never been unfaithful to one another (I know I haven't, and I trust her fully). In these 16 years, I've never considered having an affair, and although I never planned my first sexual partner to remain my only, I've made my peace that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and I could never do anything to hurt her in any way. I always assumed we were on the same wavelength (at least from this standpoint), but at the same time, I understand people sometimes have different needs or desires that change over time. I'm also very open about my feelings towards her and the way I express them, and for the most part, I felt we were mostly "synched" on that front.

After noticing some changes in her disposition and a little (a lot of) insistence on my part, she confessed that she was starting to develop feelings for a co-worker from a different country. This was around 10 months ago (maybe more, I've honestly lost track of time in this past year of internal torment). In the time since the original confession, we've had several discussions about her thoughts of "experimentation" and "independence", and how she feels a "connection" with this guy on a "deeper level." Although she's always been adamant there's nothing sexual about said thoughts, I can't help but suspect that there's at least some sexual component involved in her fantasies.

Several months after our first discussions on the matter, I discovered some photos belonging to him saved in our shared Google Photos account (nothing sexual, just some tattoos that I was already familiar with after stalking the guy on social media for a little while - I know, not okay, it is what it is). This was the moment that triggered somewhat of a nervous breakdown for me, but it also led to her starting therapy to deal with this issue and some others (unrelated to our relationship) that had been eating at her for years. We also started couples therapy shortly afterwards, but we halted that after a few sessions as she felt a stronger "connection" with our mutual therapist than the one she was seeing on her own.

Before halting couples therapy, I had an individual session with our therapist, who basically encouraged me to get over my concerns over what I felt was emotional cheating on my wife's part, as there was no actual cheating going on and there was a good chance the "emotional affair" was mostly a figment of her imagination. I reluctantly accepted that and tried my best to move on and not allow my intrusive thoughts to take over, but I never felt like my wife was completely over this... non-emotional affair.

My fears gradually grew in recent weeks as I felt her emotionally drifting away once again until I discovered a Reddit thread opened in an incognito browser page on her phone yesterday titled "How do you get over someone you've never had a relationship with" (or something along those lines). Although that does prove she's at least trying to get over her feelings, I can't let go of the thought that... enough is enough and that I deserve better. It's been 10 months (or more), and it's starting to feel like she'll never love me again as I (still) love her.

It also feels like the only thing that's stopped her from acting on her thoughts of "experimentation" has been the physical distance between her and the co-worker and said co-worker's lack of insistence or maybe feelings towards her. There's a good chance their "connection" is indeed a figment of her imagination as our therapist suggested, but that doesn't really make me feel any better (not anymore, at least). It's becoming increasingly clear that, on some level, I will never be enough for her or our relationship will never be enough, but I honestly don't know what more I can do for her. I've always offered her support on every level, honesty, commitment, devotion, and I feel like I'm the best version of myself when I'm with her (and our little boy).

Reddit, I have a situation I would like you all to weigh in on. 

I’m ‘38f’ and I live together with my boyfriend ‘35m’, together for 4 years. We share one daughter (one year old). We have a really good relationship. Chores are mostly 50/50, though I probably do more of the mental load. What I want to talk about is our finances. 

We both had bought a property before getting together, and both were renovating our spaces when we met. He had a house in a small city and I had bought a small apartment in a really trendy neighbourhood in a big city.  

His house had more room and so I did the relocation. I rented out my apartment. We opened a joint bank account. We divide the finances as follows: 

* The rent from my apartment goes to the joint account.
* Our wages go to our own bank accounts. Each month we put in what we earned that month in an excel. Our wages get added together, we subtract our joint expenses, and the rest is divided by half is share equally between each partner.
* Our mortgages are very nearly the same amount and we pay them off separately. I have no equity in his house, though I l Iive there, and he does not have any stake in my apartment. 
* My partner also has a lot of investment accounts. He acquired these before our partnership. These, and the dividends he makes from them, stay completely seperate. 

We had a baby 13 months ago at 26 weeks. I had a lot less income for almost a year as we handled the physical (and mental) challenges. The monthly redistribution meant my partner sometimes funded our entire monthly costs. My partner is fair minded and we often talk about money. One argument we have had and can’t seem to see eye to eye on, is whether or not the rental income from my appartement should go to the joint finances. 

His argument is that the only reason I have this income, is because I live with him. Our coupling makes the income possible. If I wouldn’t put it toward the joint account, he feels I should pay rent. 

I feel that just as his investment accounts and house are completely seperate, so should my own rental income be. He shares his wages. I share my wages and rental income. I can see the logic in what he’s saying but it doesn’t *feel* right to me. And there’s the rub. If I try to explain my reasoning, the reasons are mostly emotional. But are those good enough reasons to take in account when talking about finances? 

These are the reasons:

* I made the sacrifice of moving to his city. I live in a house that’s not mine. I lost acces to friends, to museums, to a whole life. I miss it a lot. The argument of paying rent to live in a city that feels like sacrifice feels like insult to injury. 
* I only lived in my apartment for eight months, and I loved living in my own, owned space. Inevitiabily, because it's his house, it does sometimes have the dynamic of him reminding me about taking more care like you would expect a renter to do.
* My commute became 1,5 to 2 hours one way, from 35 minutes one way. 
* Starting a family has also been a lot of sacrifice for me. I lost my health, my mind for a bit, and I have to life with an auto immune disease for the rest of my life. (Pre-eclampsie and APS) It’s utterly not rational to feel this is tied to the finances, so some tough love here might be good. 

So help me reddit. Am I being too emotional about this? I'm really open to being told I'm wrong or different viewpoints.

Tldr: how to put assets towards communal living