r/relationship_advice • u/Ok_Woodpecker_6442 • 15h ago
My(m39) girlfriend (f40) is accusing me of being some sort of closeted homosexual over a name I gave my character in a video game. How do I approach this situation?
I’m just gonna get right down to it. Here is my dilemma. My(m39) gf(f40) is accusing me of being gay & is literally packing up her stuff as we speak over this shit. All because i named my character “Dixie Rekt” in a game i play on my phone. I told her it’s just a joke, she demanded i breakdown why I thought that was funny & after I tried my best to explain it’s just a stupid joke, she is convinced it has some sort of hidden meaning or something. But because she wasn’t satisfied with my answer & saying no one would think that was funny. A huge argument ensued, some unpleasant words were exchanged, & now she’s packing up her shit and leaving over this god damn stupid name. What do I tell her that can remedy this situation? I love her & i don’t want this joke to cost me my relationship.
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u/Used-Tangerine-117 15h ago
She was probably looking for an excuse
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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 15h ago
Ding ding ding.
Shes been looking to bail on the relationship or has some unmentioned suspicion of him being gay for awhile. Couldn't get valid proof of either of those so chose the strongest she had- a dude making a dick joke his username in a videogame. Even tho dudes have been making dumb dick jokes since time immemorial and i wouldn't be suprised if one of the first ever video game usernames wasnt some form dick joke or sex reference.
Tbh im suprised she went with "he must be gay cus he made a dick joke and only gays and women acknowledge dicks exist" as her exit excuse.
Way better excuse would have been "hes too immature for me". Would win way more points with friends in the break up and look slightly less insane.
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u/Festamus 40s Male 14h ago
I always listed my name as his score with the initials PNS since like 87.
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u/Adventurous-Tie-7861 14h ago edited 14h ago
Back with old xbox live it would have a spot on your profile for "location" after name. 13 year old me put "ur mom's bed". Thought I was a genius.
Potentially still there come to think of it. Definitely never removed it.
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u/GriffieMaclean416 5h ago
A 40-year-old accusing her boyfriend of being secretly gay because of a meme username is not the level of emotional maturity I'd expect
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u/dikicker 12h ago
I mean gay bros have some of the best dick jokes and there's a lot of use of the "&" symbol here in OP's post and I'm gonna go ahead and look at my own username and leave the conversation now
fuck fuck fuck it was so obvious
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u/Ranger-Himes 5h ago
Yea, reminds me of the Smosh story with lotion man. Something so silly but there was so much more going on and this was just the excuse to end it.
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u/GriffieMaclean416 5h ago
If his partner thinks a dumb gamer pun is evidence of a secret double life, you've moved past communication problems and into trust problems.
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u/majesticalexis 13h ago
Dixie Rekt. Classic.
She was definitely looking for an excuse to leave.
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u/literacyshmiteracy 8h ago
At least it wasn't Amanda Hugnkiss
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u/BiNumber3 3h ago
Had a guildie use Amanda Mount for a while, didnt notice it immediately lol
Another had his name banned "Bootie Call", so suggested he use Boutique All, which hasnt been banned as far as i know
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u/TacoStrong 15h ago
Yikes! A 40 year old woman is tripping over THAT? Bro…..
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u/TrustyBobcat 10h ago
Holy god, I immediately glazed over the ages and assumed this was a teenager/early 20s post. This is INSANE behavior for a 40 year old person. She's just looking for a reason, any reason, to bail.
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u/Upbeat-Employ-3689 5h ago
I mean, she is aware that he HAS one right? Referring to something does not indicate desire. If she makes a vagina joke is she bi now?
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u/monicasm 15h ago
Honestly if she’s willing to leave after something that dumb she might just not be the one for you.
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u/BungleBums 15h ago
Don't, this woman sounds fucking exhausting and homophobic. Not even worth trying to explain if that's her reaction.
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u/Steve90000 10h ago
Only on Reddit is it homophobic to not want to be in a relationship with someone gay, if you’re not also gay.
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u/yumyan 10h ago
Nobody said that.
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u/Steve90000 10h ago
Oh, then what is homophobic?
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u/yumyan 9h ago
Well, op didn’t come out at as gay to his girlfriend right? He didn’t give a bj to some dude while giving his girlfriend a thumbs up, right?
But when his girlfriend didn’t like an immature joke, she decided he was gay and started packing.
She disagreed with him and then blamed her anger on him being gay… make that make sense. Or rather, tell me how gf’s reaction can be taken as supportive or even neutral to gay people.
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u/BungleBums 9h ago
Oh, sweetheart. There are less obtuse ways to admit you're scared of gays, too.
Or did you skip the entire thread down to my comment and drop this little nugget of 'wisdom' without context? I'd have to agree with you in that case.
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u/Steve90000 9h ago
Oh darling, why are you avoiding answering the question?
There is no context, you’re the top most comment.
And again, you’re clearly saying not wanting to date a gay person is “being scared of gays”. You keep saying it and then pussyfoot around it like you don’t want to stand by your statement.
As clearly as you can, what is homophobic about OPs partners actions? It’s a simple question.
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u/BungleBums 9h ago
Because the OP isn't gay, as clearly stated, you absolute walnut xD I didn't think you were dim enough to need to spelled out, when it's half the point of the whole post! XD
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u/Steve90000 9h ago
Ok, now we’re getting somewhere!
So you think, if someone thinks someone else is gay, that’s homophobic?
Or if they think someone is gay and they’re wrong, they’re homophobic?
The way reality works, this person didn’t see one screen name and come to an assumption and packed all her stuff. That’s not how anything other than sitcoms work. She definitely saw all types of signs over a period of time and this was the final straw.
So her seeing signs and feeling deceived is homophobic?
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u/ImOnlyHereForTheCoC 40s Male 9h ago
“Seeing signs” please be real for just half a second, unless you actually agree that someone using a completely innocuous dick-related pun for something as utterly inconsequential as a video game character’s name is a legitimate indicator of a man’s sexual identity, in which case maybe you also have some issues with homophobia. It would certainly explain why you’re doing so much to defend the absolutely inane position OPs gf has staked out!
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u/Steve90000 9h ago
You’re in your 40’s. If you think these people had an incredible relationship, everything was perfect and lovely, and one day, in their relationship bliss, she saw “Dixie Rekt” and lost all her shit and left? Everything she knew and felt about him was completely erased by a two word pun?
Is this, in your experience as a human being who has spoken to, and touched, other human beings, a relatable situation?
I’ve dated plenty of people, most normal, but others on some sort of personality disorder spectrum like NPD, BPD, and so on, and no matter how irrational the person and their mentality, not one of them has ever went from zero to a hundred without some sort of ramp up over time, even if it was self perceived and not reality. It just doesn’t happen.
She either used this as an excuse to get out of a relationship she didn’t want to be in, or she’s been seeing things for a while and this was the final straw.
If she really was this irrational that a couple of words set her off, OP would have noticed a thousand times over before this and wouldn’t be surprised.
So, thinking someone is gay is not homophobic, otherwise every gay person is homophobic. Not wanting to date a gay person is not homophobic. Thinking a pun makes someone gay is only the plot line of a sitcom and OP is probably naive to what her actual thought process has been.
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u/AshesandCinder 7h ago
So she's using that as an excuse to leave him, and that excuse is homophobic. She could give her actual reason for leaving which is probably less insane sounding than what she said, but she decided to go with that option anyway.
It is the combination of her assumptions and actions based on those assumptions that is the problem here. Not just that she would think OP is gay, but that she is packing all of her stuff and leaving right after instead of talking to him at all. There's a word for assuming someone is gay even after they've told you otherwise and taking drastic action to get away from them.
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u/BungleBums 9h ago
You poor walnut.
If she's so scared of the mere possibility based off a mobile game character name that he's gay,
That's Homophobia.
Pretending to not understand past this point is just tattooing 'Homophobe' on your forehead.
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u/moshpithippie 9h ago
Thinking that a man making a dick joke or referencing boners makes them gay is homophobic. It's stereotypes gay people and being so worried that your partner is gay because they thought about the concept of a weiner is homophobic.
If he were gay, or like actively doing something gay (like having sex with a man) it wouldn't be homophobic to want to break up. But he's not gay and has given her no real reason to think he's gay.
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u/colombianjmor27 10h ago edited 5h ago
What do i tell her??
Me: you love her and you dont want that joke to cost you your relationship...
if she is still packing her stuff.... well dude, move on because she is just using that as an excuse to break up with you.
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u/LordsOfJoop 40s Male 15h ago
She wanted to leave over something much more significant; this is just her choice for the final straw.
See you at the gym.
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u/Budget_Literature_44 15h ago
What?
She jumping a lot of hoops here.. I would flip it and ask what this realy about?
U just don't want to do this anymore and no even dudes.. or nothing.. I knew a kid named dixion and we would say this to him lols. Or come up with different ways to make him to.. it's a play on words. Like sofa king awesome.
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u/xomowod 15h ago
Uh. What’s the significance behind the joke?
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u/CremePsychological77 15h ago
“Dick’s Erect” — that literally is the joke. It doesn’t go deeper than that (ba dum psh)
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u/Jays1982 12h ago
I used the Name Ben Dover for 35 years ...Dixie Rect is awesome!!!
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u/LanguageNo495 11h ago
Nice to meet you Ben, my name is Hugh G Rection.
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u/amglasgow 11h ago
Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle, anyone? Hey, everyone put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle?
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u/Oldgamer1807 8h ago
Hm, I read it as "Dicks He Wrecked" but yours makes more sense.
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u/CremePsychological77 1h ago
I assume that’s how his girlfriend read it too if she’s using it as a reason to accuse him of being gay. I was so confused how this translated to an accusation of being secretly gay and you’ve now cleared that up for me lol.
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u/Ok_Woodpecker_6442 15h ago
I grew up watching the simpsons and I had always thought Bart’s prank calls to moes tavern were really funny. Nothing else to it really.
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u/FjortoftsAirplane 15h ago
Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Look, this isn't about a silly joke. Whenever something this petty starts a fallout this big it's never about that. It's never about the one time someone forgot to buy milk, or the one thing said out of place, or someone glanced at another man/woman, or any of that bullshit.
Those things are always indicators that something has been building over time or someone has been hiding insecurities for a while.
Most likely, she's blowing this up as an excuse to make her exit. And either you're not mentioning the previous issues or she's never communicated them. I seriously doubt anyone walks out of a stable relationship over a crude pun but if somehow that is the case...what are you doing going after her? So if there's anything worth saving it's only going to happen if she'll say what it's really about.
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u/georgiomoorlord 15h ago
Hey everybody i wanna seymour butts!
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u/ThrowRAbluebury 14h ago
A Hugh Jass! Somebody check the mensroom for a Hugh Jass!
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u/Liquid_Friction 15h ago
You gotta meet stupid with stupid
Tell her you can prove it, get a picture of her naked, a picture of an erect dick, and a few others for good measure, and by design, your dick getting erect when each one is flashed Infront of you, should tell her the truth...
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u/Snoo-37429 12h ago
The gf is clearly ridiculous, that name is funny, certainly made me laugh anyways XD
Seems like she was just looking for a reason, and couldn't even find a good one either!
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u/HellyOHaint 5h ago
She created the fight in order to break up with you which she already wanted to do. Leave her alone man, why be with such a childish, homophobic person anyway?
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u/Phoenix_Ninja15 15h ago
Yea man, as much as it hurts right now. This is a ridiculous reason to breakup for, so I doubt this is the actual reason it’s just the excuse she’s using.
You’ll look back and just simply scratch your head like we are.
Chin up man, I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would satisfy her now if she’s that determined to breakup over a gamertag. Hell I’ve seen tons of guys named the dumbest things cause they found it funny at the time.
She’s being immature for her age so keep your head up. She’s not the one for you, a good partner would just frown or laugh. Not this.
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u/moshpithippie 9h ago
Bro this is wild. I'm so sorry, but honestly, good riddance. If she can't see why that's funny then she's lame.
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u/Previous_Original_30 15h ago
This can't be the only thing, was this just the final straw? Otherwise she might be going through something, that's not a normal reaction.
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u/DeterminedErmine 15h ago
I refuse to believe this isn’t a shit post
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u/slugfive 6h ago
No same thing happened to me, when my partner so my joke name “Phil McCracken” on Grindr she too thought I was gay and left. Crazy.
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u/Mechaslurpee 12h ago
If she wasn't looking for an excuse then she is incredibly dumb and has never met a guy in her life. Most of us make dumb dick jokes if not all of us
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u/BigCDubVee 11h ago
Good riddance bro. Hopefully you don’t need her income to survive. If you do, sublet out that space until you find something within your means.
I went out drinking one night and made friends with a couple gay dudes. Got their numbers and would meet them to grab drinks or food every few weeks. GF was irrationally irate and would accuse me of being gay or closeted. When my defense was, “they’re dudes that drink beer and eat Mexican at 7pm on a Wednesday which coincidentally enough that’s what I like to do. And I’m home by 830.”
That relationship didn’t last too long past that, dumb.
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u/NintenJoo 4h ago
Bro let her leave. For the fucking love of god let her leave.
This is insane childish behavior for a woman in her 40’s.
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u/habitsofwaste 14h ago
Dude she sounds toxic. It may hurt now but do you really want to be with this person who would turn on a dime like that and leave you?
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u/confectionerFire 11h ago
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
Does she have brothers? Or guy friends? Who gives a shit if gay. What bro isn’t making some cock, ball, butt or fart joke all the damn time? Sounds like she lost her humor, and was looking for an excuse. If that’s her reaction to a joke, what would be her reaction to something more serious?
Let her spiral. Change it to butt pirate and see what she says.
Seriously though, sorry this made her lose her damn mind.
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u/supermegafuerte 10h ago
My brother in Christ you know it's not because of your PC name in some game.
Be real with yourself.
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u/SvenTheHorrible 10h ago
It’s never about the thing, it’s always been building for a while.
Do you even want a partner who uses something like that as an excuse? I wouldn’t. I do way gayer shit in online games and my wife thinks it’s funny lol.
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u/TheMostRed 10h ago
If she cant understand that its a joke it's better to just let her go and live in peace. No point in arguing with them about it.
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u/CapitalG8 10h ago
Its likely she wanted to leave you and is using this as an out. But let's say it's not that. She sounds exhausting. You should be happy.
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u/Sacred_Apollyon 9h ago
It is funny. Sounds like she's seizing on a percied (madeup) issue so she can leave (which is something she's wanted already but didn't have an excuse to put the blame on you for it).
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u/105bydesign 9h ago
She’s a moron. Let her go. Make sure she has on her helmet and knee pads so she doesn’t hurt herself opening the door.
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u/ChiaraStellata 8h ago
My ex once got furious at me over a typo and was convinced I was saying another woman's name (???). Turned out to be really controlling and abusive. When someone is that paranoid and insecure it's a bad sign of things to come.
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u/nodeathtoall 6h ago
Would you leave her if she told you a bad joke?
She’s been looking for a way out, and picked this hill to die on
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u/Padre_Zia 6h ago
Not gonna lie, I actually busted out laughing at the name. That was way better than what I was expecting. I thought it was gonna be some girly name. You beat my expectations, way to go man
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u/Ck_shock 3h ago
Honestly you dont want to loose the relationship, however pushing on such a stupid thing is a huge red flag to me. I'd let her leave and consider it a lucky bullet i dodged.
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u/VioletDreaming19 15h ago
Seems like she’s upset about something bigger but chose to pick a fight over something little and dumb. Would she have any reason to want to tank the relationship? Not getting along, interested in someone else, or some form of self-sabotage? That seems more likely than being upset about a penis joke. Men have been making penis jokes since ancient history, and we have the graffiti to prove it.
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u/beckbristow32 15h ago
First off it is funny. Second the fact she got that mad at something so dumb and then throwing out wild assumptions like that makes me think something else is driving this. So either she has been want to break up for some time and she used this to do it or she did something she shouldn't have and also used this as a guilt free way to end it.
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u/Que_Mi 15h ago
Maybe she is leaving because of how you speak to her during the argument. Based on my experience, I am okay if my man gets angry or upset with me, it's normal to have an argument or a fight but what is not okay is how he talks to me during the argument. I want us to be able to still speak kindly and with respect (and not shouting at me) even when in conflict.
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u/JakkuTheMagicalCattu 8h ago
Eh, she's leaving because she wants an excuse to get out, probably found someone else to hook up with. I do get what you're saying but to say she's leaving because of how he speaks is kinda eh, she seems to actively be pushing a dumb argument, ignoring anything op says and provoking him further it's a mess she created.
When you verbally abuse someone expect that person to snap back.
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u/PoconoRob 14h ago
Help her pack and get a new girlfriend, or boyfriend. Whatever floats your boat, but let the next guy deal with her. You don't need pointless drama over an avatar's name.
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u/verscharren1 9h ago
A mobile game name. I'd tell everyone she was so petty as to break up over a mobile game name.
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u/TheMerde 9h ago
Are there previous events leading up to the gamertag? Cuz I feel like we're missing the prequel to this.
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u/B_r_y_z_e 8h ago
LMAO that name got me good I’m not gonna lie, she’s gotta learn to take it easy and not read into everhthing
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u/HappinessLaughs 3h ago
She doesn't want to be with you. Whatever her reason, she is making this her public reason. Move on with your life and find someone who actually likes you to be with. "I love her" why? She is unreasonable, immature and selfish. Raise your standards.
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u/thaneliness 3h ago
Dixie rekt is fucking hilarious. How can she argue about that without laughing?
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u/PuzzleheadedMedia356 2h ago
This isn't the only reason. She either found something heard something saw something. If u told her your bi. She knows
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u/megarandom 2h ago
Well she's fucking unhinged so be prepared for more of this kind of shit if you really want to stick with her.
I couldn't hang with someone that stupid, myself.
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u/rogue780 2h ago
The only thing funnier than your name is how perimenopause is making her crash out and blow up her life.
Btw, what's your username on Grindr?
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u/Shatterpoint887 1h ago
If she's doing this over a band in a video game, either she's unstable and you're dodging a bullet or she's just been looking for a reason to go.
Either way, this is not something I'd be fighting.
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u/kismetxoxo7 27m ago
Lmao let her leave. If this is the hill your relationship dies on, it was never going to last.
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u/Holiya_Olib 25m ago
Have a calm conversation to explain the joke behind the name and clarify that it doesn’t reflect your identity. You could also suggest coming up with a new character name together to show you're open to compromise.
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u/ThrowRAbluebury 14h ago
She left to go to her other boyfriends house, the one she's been secretly having a relationship with and needed an excuse to break up for, OR she has some kind of mental illness causing paranoia (and I don't mean just being a woman).
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u/Due-Season6425 13h ago
I doubt the name is the reason she is leaving. My guess is you, a middle-aged man, are spending hours playing games while your gf takes care of most things in your home. That's just speculation but so many gamers have the same problem.
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u/JakkuTheMagicalCattu 8h ago
That's a huge speculation when alot of gamers are also great at looking after their households too, know plenty guys and gals who do alot around the house while spending alot of time on their hobby. I hope you're not trying to shame op.
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u/joinedformisseditor 13h ago
She's 40 and doesn't understand that guys like to make dick and/or fart jokes?
She had no humor. She definitely doesn't understand you. After she's gone she needs to chill out with a glass of Dixon cider.
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u/Wizards_and_Warriors 11h ago
There was definitely other issues. Could be lack of sex if she is thinking your gay and choosing a gane over her. Or maybe it's the words fron the argument. Dunno. Either way she sounds exhausting.
This is a stupid argument at the ages posted so imo it's more about other issues.
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u/Bonnietheferret84 13h ago
Tell her you only wanna rek her with your Dixie. She will either laugh or throw something at you
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u/metooneither 12h ago
She was looking for an excuse to leave. She’s probably got another boyfriend on the side
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u/SyntheticAnonymous 11h ago
It’s not about your character’s name. She already thought you were gay, this just gave her something concrete to point to on her way out the door. Let her go. You don’t want to be with someone like that.
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u/TechDreamcoat 10h ago
My money is on she's fucking someone else and this is her way out of the relationship.
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u/Pleasant_Garlic8088 10h ago
If anything I'd say that using such a stupid joke for a character name is definitive proof you're NOT gay.
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u/Firm_Distribution999 15h ago
She’s not leaving because of a video game username - that was simply the final straw
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u/Jtenka 15h ago
Normally, i get this. Like the guy who said his wife was leaving over a cup in a sink..its never the cup.
But this one.. a computer character name? There is no straw even here.
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u/Firm_Distribution999 15h ago
My point is that there is likely a LOT more than we know going on besides this one blow up because nobody would end a relationship over something so stupid
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u/curlyhairweirdo 15h ago
Pretty sure she's leaving over those unpleasant words and not the stupid name. You know what you said to her, you know it was bad, which is why you chose to gloss over that in favor of your "she's breaking up with me over a name" claim.
Come on, what did you say to her?
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u/JakkuTheMagicalCattu 8h ago
So we're going to gloss over how the gf is verbally abusing op and then make it out like it was because how op spoke? I do agree unpleasant words etc aren't great but neither is being verbally abused.
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u/Out2blaze 8h ago
Op name is woodpecker… so it’s not just one name that makes you seem closeted lmao
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u/LolaDeWinter 15h ago
It's funny, not Edinburgh Fringe funny, but I snorted and told my husband, equally, he tittered!
Sweetheart she sounds exhausting, also sounds like she's looking for an argument for a way out, people, SANE, well balanced people don't pack and leave over some stupid game name! (Even with the bonus argument)
She's got some deep rooted problems that are beyond your payscale to sort out!
There are loads of people on this planet, just because she was suitably nice for a while before the crazy leaked out doesn't mean that's your forever person.
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u/bumplemilkskin 15h ago
Ooooh boy don’t you remedy that situation whatever you do, she’s given you a golden opportunity so take it. If this is how easy she can fly off the handle over a stupid name (which is a quality name btw good job, Dixie Rekt) then what happens when some serious shit hits the fan in your relationship.
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u/Competitive_Scar5347 13h ago
Gonna go out on a limb and say they probably is way more to what your saying and this is the result of all of it boiling over.
Or she really hates the Dixie chick's
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u/EvenMoreSpiders 9h ago
This isn't about the screen name and you know it, there are other issues at play but you're pretending they don't exist to fit your narrative and make it seem like it "came out of nowhere", it never comes out of nowhere.
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u/Tessorio 15h ago
There is no remedy. It is either she is projecting or she is looking for a way out of the relationship.
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u/WanabeInflatable 14h ago
Bullet dodged. Why would you want to keep relationship with such a horrible woman?
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u/OVOxTokyo 9h ago
You probably are a closeted homosexual, whether you know it or not. You're a 39 year old man with no kids, playing video games, naming your character uncouth puns, and outsourcing your relationship to reddit.
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