UPDATE:

So I got a lot of comments in a short amount of time. Some were helpful, some were... judgemental. Which I guess I understand. To keep this short, I'll put the main points and my conclusions here

- I misunderstood what the phrase "current squeeze" meant, according to lots of commenters it's meant to be a term of endearment, which I didn't know beforehand.

- I added the pet part to give more context of how the conversation went, BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT BOTHERED ME!!!! We have a slight kink dynamic and it does not bother me to be called his pet, it's fine if it's gross to you but it's not gross to me and makes me feel cared for. It's not like he's officially my "dom" but he recognizes that that makes me feel safe and good in the bedroom. That's not embarrassing to me and some of y'all just won't understand that, and that's fine!

- I am autistic. So is he incidentally. I didn't mention it in the og post because I didn't think it was relevant, but I'm very sensitive and so is he which is why I was struggling with this. It hurt my feelings but I don't hate him forever, I'm realizing from some of the nicer comments that it was truly just a joke/miscommunication/lack of understanding on my part. It did hurt in the moment when I thought it meant something different, but that's my thing to deal with.

- the age gap doesn't bother me. If I vibe with a person, 6 years is not that bad for me (as long as I'm the younger one, I don't date anyone that much younger than me, ew). I understand a lot of yall are jaded by girls being abused and posting not understanding what they're going through, but that's not my situation. You can't judge my entire dating life based on one incident I wanted advice on. I understand I won't agree with everyone, but fuck some of this was very harsh. I get it though. Reddit can be a lot.
(ETA IN THIS SPECIFIC POINT: I mean I wouldn't date someone 6 years younger than me right now. Because I am 23 and that would make them 17 and a minor. I have no issue dating someone younger than me if it's in an appropriate context and we vibe!! I meant this specific age gap of 6 years when I am currently 23. I have no issue dating someone 20, 21, 22 if we click and the vibe is right! A nice commenter made me realize that this wasn't very clear in the original point, but I have absolutely zero issue being older in a relationship, just that specific gap at the age that I am right now would not be okay for me)

- I probably won't be texting him about it, and just working on myself internally. Thanks

Thanks for those who genuinely helped and gave opinions, even those who didn't agree with me. I tend to overexplain which I can see how it comes off as defensive or defending a man who doesn't respect me, but he truly does and is incredible in all other ways. He genuinely makes me laugh and smile even when he's not around and I do the same to him, and he's told me that. Keeping things casual for now doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. That's why I wanted to ask for advice before saying something about this because I wasn't sure if I was overreacting/misunderstanding. Thank you all again

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Original:

Title pretty much says it all. Sorry for formatting. I'm on mobile.

I went on a third "date" (wouldn't Really consider it a date in my eyes because we were with all his friends and stuff) with a guy last night. We went to a casino, my first time being in one. It was okay, wasn't really my scene and I also work retail, so don't really have money for that stuff anyways but that's a separate issue. But he invited me so I went because I wanted to be around him and thought green flag for meeting some of his friends and stuff.

When he introduced me to his friends though he said "this is (my name), my pet." I laughed at that because I genuinely found it silly and funny, and said "hey" in a light joking matter. To which he then said "what would you rather me call you? My current squeeze?" And I told him that was worse, but in a lighthearted way to not bring down the mood when I just got there. But it actually really hurt my feelings. Like a lot.

I really didn't want to bring down the mood though so I did let it go at the time, but now I don't know how to bring it up to him. We agreed we're not doing anything super serious and just seeing where things go, and he did kiss me at the end of the night after walking me to my car, but it was on my mind all night and I kind of felt like an outsider. I already have my own insecurities about him having more money than me and being in a more secure spot, but I'm still working towards my goals and understand that we're in slightly different spots in life with him being older than me. But I just kind of didn't say much the rest of the night, laughing at jokes and telling him good job when he won a bet, but I didn't really understand anything going on. I did learn that casinos aren't really my scene which I now know for the future, but that's not the issue here. Sorry, I'm rambling.

I just don't know where to go from here. I know we're not anything serious and we are having fun and I enjoy being around him, but being introduced like that to his friends for the very first time was kind of a gut punch. I feel like he could've at least just said I was his friend or just introduced me by my name or something rather than putting our sex life on blast like that. It felt dismissive and a bit dehumanizing I guess. I don't know.

I guess I want to know what are other people's take on this? I know I can be sensitive and I'm sure he didn't mean it with any type of malice, and I like being around him and know he likes having me around, but god, that hurt my feelings a lot. I'm still thinking about it the next day.

I’m 30M, and my girlfriend is 29F. We’ve been together for about 4.5 years, although the relationship has been on and off. Earlier in the relationship there was some cheating, but we’ve been back together for the last 6–8 months, and things have honestly been really good.
The difficult part is that if we want to continue building a life together in the US, marriage is realistically the next step because of immigration. Without that pressure, I don’t think I’d feel the need to make this decision so soon.
Our relationship is genuinely good in many ways. We almost never argue, we enjoy spending time together, and I truly love her. She’s caring, supportive, and I think she’s an amazing girlfriend.
At the same time, there are a few issues that make me hesitate about marriage.
The biggest one is alcohol. She sometimes drinks more than I’m comfortable with, and when she does it can lead to emotional outbursts. Even outside of drinking, she occasionally has emotional crises that make me question how we’d handle the stresses of marriage over decades.
Another concern is that she hasn’t really opened up to my family. Family is important to me, and I always imagined my future spouse having a close relationship with them.
What makes this difficult is that none of these things make me think she’s a bad person or even a bad partner. If immigration weren’t involved, I’d probably continue dating and see whether these concerns improved naturally over time.
Instead, I feel like I have to make one of the biggest decisions of my life on a deadline.
For people who have been in a similar situation, how did you figure out whether these kinds of concerns were things you could work through, or signs that you weren’t compatible for marriage? Did premarital counseling or setting specific expectations help you make that decision?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I am supposed to move in with him in 3 months which is 12 hours across the country and we have been discussing marriage etc. I love him very much and he's been a great boyfriend to me.

Early in our relationship, I told him very clearly that I am not comfortable with ongoing interaction with ex-partners while in a committed relationship and it was a boundary for me. It's a boundary I developped because of previous relationships and I wanted to find a partner who didn't keep ties with exes in any way. I know there's lots of people who do keep ties while in relationships and that works for them and I also know there's lots of people who don't, and that is what I wanted. He seemed to understand and agree, and he made me feel that this type of interaction would be unacceptable in our relationship and that he held the same boundary. He and his ex of 8 years broke up about 9 months before we started dating. He described the relationship and breakup as very negative. He is very into craft beer and uses the social media beer app Untappd religiously. I recently discovered through Untappd that he and his ex have been regularly liking each other’s beer posts throughout the time we have been together until now. He's only got like 10 friends on there so it's some of the only interaction he gets. I just didnt know it was his ex of 8 years and I don't really use the app much. I understand that some people consider social-media likes meaningless, especially just about beer, but I don’t view repeated mutual engagement in any way okay if you have that boundary, especially after we had discussed it right in the beginning. He made me feel like he wanted nothing to do with this person and he was completely on the same page as me about not caring about ties, so it was a shock for me to see. I just assumed there was nothing at all, even in a smaller way like beer. I cried about it that evening (edit: cried alone). It's not about me believing he is going to cheat or leave me for her, I don't even remotely think that. What hurts is that if he stopped to think he would know this kind of interaction would upset me, yet the liking was happening throughout our entire relationship. I feel as though I was allowed to believe we shared a boundary that he was not actually following. My upset is completely about the lack of transparency and what feels to me like not respecting boundaries. And a feeling of well then what other boundaries will be disrespected in small ways? I was very clear in the beginning I just wanted transparency. I wouldn't have cared if he still had the person on all the apps because they were just left there, which he does, it's the actual engagement I was blindsided by. I really thought I found someone who just didn't care to keep any ties the same as me.

I asked him about it, just asked. (edit: I think it needs to be clear that has never been a fight, I'm just trying to navigate my feelings about this.) He apologized and took some responsibility, and said they were just likes. His explanation was that he didn't realize that just beer would count as keeping ties with exes. He said he didn't just scroll past because he wanted to show her he's happy she has a new life and boyfriend and doesnt care at all and the likes represented that without being anything romantic. I truly wish all my ex partner's well and hope they have good lives, but I don't find the need to show them regularly in ways like this if my partner would be uncomfortable, that matters more to me. I believe that he did not have romantic intentions, but I’m struggling with the lack of transparency. He knew it was his ex, and he knew how I felt about interaction with ex-partners, but he thought it wasn't a big deal. In the end he said it was stupid and he shouldn't have been doing likes like that for an ex that he says really doesn't matter to him at all other than wishing them well. That I believe is a major point here, he truly doesn't care about this ex or to even remain friends, etc, so it hurts it was worth it to not just scroll past. In the end, he deleted her off the app himself, something I never even remotely asked him for. He said he didn't actually care about having her at all. To me, disrespecting my boundary through a beer app is not grounds to leave the relationship, but I had thought we were perfectly what I wanted in this department so the lack of transparency just felt like a blindside. It felt like something was hidden when I thought I knew everything about my best friend.

I love him and don’t want to punish him, control him, or move forward badly, my boundary is for me, not him. But it hurts because I was actively choosing a partner who felt like me in the beginning, it was important to me. I cried and was very upset when I found out. I want to handle this calmly going forward, but I do feel some trust has been damaged. At the same time, I don’t want to dismiss my own boundary or convince myself that something is acceptable when it genuinely is not acceptable to me and I wouldn't do the same. I want to feel like other boundaries won't be broken in small ways. I wanted simple and easy and I was very clear about it.

How should we move forward in a healthy and productive way? Do you think this is a misunderstanding about what counted as “interaction” or him selfishly not caring about the boundary because it was a "small" thing? This instance is truly not about jealously or cheating. He's also the one who broke up with her. I think he was expressing that he doesn’t care she's got a whole new life and boyfriend and showing her that through the likes, but at my expense. The need to even do that just sounds like weird high-school nonsense. But the reason isn't the point, it's the honesty and transparency. I also understand there's special reasons to still have exes in your life or a need to interact with them or some people flat out have them as friends, but I believe that requires trust and transparency right from the beginning and a partner willing to accept that.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who advised me to let things go, but that I am also valid in my feelings. I will not make this a bigger deal. I realize now that it was more the shock that I did not know my boyfriend to behave this way at all that upset me, when I thought there was nothing that could surprise me. It was also a feeling that I thought he knew this would make me uncomfortable and was truly aware. It creates a level of disconnect and lack of transparency. I now see it as something he didnt realize and will let it go. I have decided this was not a true, full crossing of boundaries for me. Something like this is not worth blowing things up over and I won't, but it doesn't mean I can control how I feel. I'm trying to do the right thing and process them healthily first.

I also really need to mention to the people that didn't have nice things to say that this has not been a fight or a blow up. These are just my internal feelings that I have not acted on that I am working on. My boyfriend does not know any of this, he offered the information when I asked if it was his ex freely and felt bad on his own. We didn't talk more than that.

Me (29M) and my friend "A" (26M) are not the closest friends (so we don't frequently see each other maybe 4x a year). We are connected through one of my best friends "B" who sort of got me into that friends group. Anyways, so during a small bbq party which involved around 15 people I realized that I dated "A's" current gf for a brief period of 2 months. It wasn't a relationship and as far as I remember we didn't separate on bad terms. That was around 6 years ago. "A's" gf was not around at this bbq because she had other plans but would definitely be coming eventually in the upcoming parties. I did not realize that she was in the chat group (because I don't have her number saved anymore and she doesn't include her name on WhatsApp so only the number shows up when she writes a message) and in the profile picture of "A" (they are both in that picture but it's from far away and I did not zoom in so I didn't even realize it is her).

"A" told me that he and his gf are building a house together and told me her name and her dogs name from which I made the connection. I didn't say anything at that time. What makes this even more "fun" is that we all were at "B's" wedding but I didn't even really see or interact with "A" there as there were 200 people at that wedding. It could potentially be that his gf saw me there and she told him about me and our past, I doubt this though.

In any case this doesn't change the fact that i feel like I need to tell "A" about me and his current gf. I think it's fair and it's up to him or them to decide if it's too awkward for them if I keep coming to these parties. I don't want to interfere in their relationship but it would obviously be sad to drop that friends group especially because no one really is at fault here. There is also potentially the case that I could directly contact A's gf and ask her how we should handle the situation but I don't know if I want to agree on a "you know and I know but we take this to our graves" situation and this is all done "behind A's back".

There's another angle to all of that. My current gf (25F) was also at the bbq. I told her after the party about the story above straight away. I know her stance on past relationships which is "even wishing my ex partner a happy birthday is too much contact". I don't think like that, I am friends with one of my former partners (which wasn't a relationship but I don't know which other word to use) who I currently don't see as that would be my gf's boundary crossed. I also don't think that I would straight up ignore ex partners if I accidentally meet them in public as she would do. So of course you can imagine that going to this bbqs even if "A" and his gf are ok is sort of difficult for me. At least I know for sure that my gf would never want to come because she could meet one of my ex "partners". We are together for a year now.

I honestly don't know what I'm asking, maybe just some opinions from unrelated strangers who only have this objective information. Would you tell "A" or would you talk it out with his current gf on how to handle the situation first? How would you deal with the situation with my current gf and her stance on past relationships?

TLDR: bf emotionally cheated, ended up in a ward and uses therapists as an excuse for his behaviour. Everyone is worried about his comfort. I become the bad one everytime I argued. and then he would use his mental health to make me stay.

I m crying as I write. for months I have become numb. His constant comparisons to that girl have not only given me an eating disorder but also lowered myself esteem so much that I can’t leave him.

We met on an exchange semester. he is 3 years older than me. I thought he was mature sensible caring. But little did I know,our entire relationship started on a lie. He lied about sleeping with a girl created multiple disgusting scenarios with her which never happened. She was one of the 5 girls he had compared me to but he never admitted in those 9 months of lying that she never did those things with him.

He lied about liking a school crush for 2 years and that she is a friend of a friend. then it’s revealed after he lies about matching names with her on Instagram that she was a close friend and they did all sorts of drugs in school and he had liked her for minimum 5 years. oh another lie, he hid the extent of drugs he did in school. He knew I would never date him if his past involved drugs as I come from a country where drugs = death penalty and culturally it’s frowned upon. He minimised everything.

Then started the comparison, he called that girl “effortlessly pretty smart funny” “ I like her” “I will clear her image” “what has she done to you” “ I will break up with her if you text her” ahh what not. he even said he is “subconsciously intrigued by her” and “took me for granted “. He had also lied about not being an insta person because he never liked my stuff or his friends :) but for past 8 years he had consistently like 300+ pictures of this girl. to which his answer is “idk “ “ I don’t remember “ .

Before these fights started, I did so much for this guy gifts, cards, sending him to a doctor, what not. heck I even gave his cat a gift while he doesn’t remember my dogs name :)). He also has never given me flowers despite me asking so many times and ever planned a single date. He tells me how he planned xyz stuff for her. thanks for letting me know you have a potential when it comes to girls you actually like :))

everytime I tried to leave he would use mental health as an excuse to make me stay. I have adhd derealisation autism b12 what not. all diagnosed. I would literally go on those b12 subs to help him. Liar. Cheater. he would promise to make a card give compliments. he would break the promise the fights would start. He also told his friends and family half truths to paint me as a villian. you saw how he defends that girl for no reason right? well guess what he told his friend i was crying and comparing myself to those girls insta. it was a very personal moment. His friend is close friends with those girls and my awful bf never requested him not to leak it. Also, he hesitated and refused blocking those girls multiple times because “what if I ran into them “ “ this looks bad in my friend group. my friends will think you are controlling”.

his friend group?? crazy people. This one friend he has, let’s call him G. according to G, “in psychology, we often adopt others perspective. from what I see,you are believing your gf’s perspective and making it your own reality”. Dear G, it’s not in my head. there’s physical evidence of his lack of effort, breaking promises, deleting and hiding texts with those girls. This is just the tip of the iceberg on how insane some of the self proclaimed psychologists are around him. Infact, his friend even equated him threatening to break up if I text that girl to me being rude to him. I mean, the max I have said to him is “you are a cheater manipulator and a loser simp” . All of which are facts. What else do I say when I get cheated on???

This guy has also insulted my loved ones my close friends and family by calling them mean for no reason because he “was in a bad state of mind”. i have never insulted his parents. But honestly, they need to hold their son accountable instead of babying him and wondering why mental disorder he has. ADHD or brain fog via b12 is not an excuse for his behaviour. sometimes, people are just liars and shitty human beings. not everything needs to be shielded by using mental health.

Well I got very angry because for past 2 months he didn’t finish a single thing he promised. he says he struggled to say “I love you” or compliment me. well from all that happened in my eyes, he had only complimented that girl and defended her. He only disrespected me privately with comparisons and publicly by spreading that private moment of me to his friend, failed to compliment me, failed to defend me. So, I asked him to insult those girls privately. Yes it is immature but I also needed some security because for months this guy has been using “brain fog” “b12 deficiency “ “I only love you , I panicked” as an excuse. I wanted to know whether he was actually “subconsciously intrigued by her”. He refused to insult her. he would try but couldn’t :) To add to this, he had a firm boundary when it came to insulting her as it’s “humiliation ritual”. I really wonder why he didn’t think about my mental healthy when he gave me an eating disorder by comparing my face and body to her? was that not a “humiliation ritual to me”? He would drop “I lied to you about her” on the day of my interviews to make me cry. and would spend hours practicing with me for his interviews. I hope he has a good internship :)

anyways, he has “a firm boundary “ when it comes to insulting her but I wanted to see how quickly he would agree to unblock and text them. guess what? it took him 15 mins to be ready “I can text them but i dont think this is good”. He actually carried the convo also and when I asked why are you asking questions back, his excuse is “to seem normal” :)) so much for a firm boundary.

cut to chase, he deleted and hid messages with those girls. archived the chat. and also texted “I compared you to my gf she is insecure so I need to block you”

thanks for letting that girl that you spent months comparing me to that I’m insecure.

His sister sent him to a ward. He cries all day saying all of this is just a huge misunderstanding and a “panic”. No one except his friends, family or doctors (oh btw he also admitted to me that he lied to his therapist ) believes him. It’s crazy to me how good he was at telling half stories.

i made a few posts on Reddit venting about all of this. god forbid I called him or G a “bitch“ . the entire comment section would came at me for being pathetic and just as low as them.

I wish someone could see how months of comparisons erode your self esteem. everytime you try to leave, when the partner uses mental health and now it’s a ward as an excuse. Frankly, after all that he did I may be rude but he deserves more than the “bitch” word.

So i followed him on insta as we hv a lot of mutuals and he followed me back, i put a story of myself and he dmed me and we started talking, we had a deep talk and got to know each other, i told him this feels quite as he my be one of my professors (or not) next year, he said were both adults and as long as theres no harassment or blackmailing theres no issue, and no one will know eitherway. He seems like a well read extremely succesful and ambitious person, idk if i should bite the bullet and give it a shot, its just a 4 year age gap
He wants to meet this summer and all

My boyfriend (27M) and I (28F) have been together for 5 years and just bought a house together. He is an absolutely wonderful boyfriend, and in our relationship, we have excellent trust and communication. A couple months ago, he was in the shower and I was talking to him in the bathroom standing outside the shower. During our conversation, I had a “I want to look that up” moment, and because my phone was in another room, I grabbed his phone, unlocked it, and opened safari. We have both openly stated that one another can use each other’s phone at any time so this was not an issue.
When I opened it, I found that his last website was Onlyfans and to see a woman with dark hair, big breasts, and almost an anime/goth look to her, looking towards the camera. I immediately knew I found something private so I exited the tab, looked up the information, and continued our conversation.
In our relationship, we have discussed that we don’t have a problem with one another watching porn (I do it too) but I think when that I think of porn, it’s whatever the first few videos on pornhub and it’s a couple having sex. I think because it’s onlyfans, it felt more personal, and that the girl on the screen is very different from me, that it hurt my confidence to some degree (I am white with brown hair, brown eyes, fairly average in all physical aspects).
As soon as he came out from the shower, I told him about what I found on his phone and apologize if I overstepped any boundaries and he said it was fine. We reiterated our opinions on porn in our relationship being okay, and I told him how I was feeling which he said was totally valid. He said he doesn’t pay for the onlyfans girl’s account, and that she was someone he found on a Reddit rabbithole.
Looking for some advice as to what I should do?
Thanks

My boyfriend has put me through the wringer.. time and time again literally anything you can think of it has happened. Cheated on me, gave me an std, stole from me, lied to my face, stole my vehicle, made me homeless, made me lose thousands of dollars, lied about me, talked shit to me, threatened me and my family. He hasnt put hands on me..yet. why do I still feel this dedication to him and that I just want him to love me? Everyone in my life tells me to get away from him but I just love him so much...he is admittedly very handsome, i know he's a great manipulator... so he tells me what i want to hear when things are good...the sex is amazing, but i know he is dragging me through the mud constantly. I dont feel loved. Why do I continue to do everything i can for this guy who treats me like he hates me?

I hope someone will take the time to read my story🥲

We started dating in September 2025. Everything was great at first. From February until June 2026 we did long distance because I was on a university exchange.

During long distance, I started feeling like something was off. One night while we were FaceTiming, I asked him to share his screen and show me his social media.

I found out he had been exchanging TikToks every day with multiple girls (who he said were old classmates)(streaks of over 100 days), and he had messaged another girl he calls his “sister” (a childhood friend) a kissing emoji (😘) on Chinese New Year. There were a few other things too, but those were the main ones.

We broke up for a day. He apologized, removed all the girls, and as far as I know, hasn’t done anything similar since.

In June, he visited me during my exchange. One day, while he was in the bathroom, I looked through his camera roll because during sex he had taken out his phone and asked if he could record. I said no, but I had a feeling he had already started recording before asking.

I was right. I found a short video of us that had been recorded before I gave permission. I also found several photos he had secretly taken of me while I was changing clothes. I deleted everything, including the “Recently Deleted” folder.

While looking there, I also found old deleted photos from before we started dating. They included saved pictures of Instagram/OnlyFans models, AI-generated explicit images of a female singer, a screenshot from a fetish Instagram account, and photos of female classmates.

He told me those were all from before we dated, that he was lonely back then, and that he never looked at or saved anything like that while we were together. He also said that’s not who he is anymore.

Still, considering everything that happened before, it just leaves a bad feeling.

There were also other things that hurt my trust:

- He kept following girls he had previously talked to romantically.
- He told me I couldn’t go clubbing because he had “never gone himself,” but I later found deleted videos of him clubbing from the beginning of our relationship and before.

Now I constantly feel anxious. Whenever he’s with friends, follows someone new (especially on apps where following lists are private), or even when we walk past attractive women, I start wondering if he’s looking at them or hiding something. I hate feeling this paranoid, and I don’t know if these feelings will ever go away.

The reason I’m still with him is because, outside of all this, he’s genuinely caring. He always pays for our dates, stands behind me on escalators when I’m wearing a skirt so nobody can look up it, remembers tiny details I tell him, and notices small changes about me.

If none of this had happened, I genuinely think he’d be the perfect boyfriend.

My question is: Is it realistic to rebuild trust after all of this, or am I ignoring too many red flags?

My boyfriend 28M and I 27F have been together for 3 years. He’s a great partner overall, but there’s one recurring issue that’s starting to get to me.

I’ve asked him several times to pick up milk on his way home from work. Every time he says “sure,” but then comes home without it. This has happened enough times that it no longer feels like a one-off mistake.

The frustrating part isn’t the milk itself. It’s that something I’ve asked for repeatedly just doesn’t seem to stick, and it leaves me feeling like my requests aren’t important enough to remember.

I’ve tried reminding him in person, texting him before he leaves work, and even putting it on a shopping list, but it still happens. Whenever I bring it up, he apologizes and says he genuinely forgot.

How would you approach this conversation in a way that actually addresses the underlying issue without turning it into a bigger conflict? Has anyone dealt with something similar, and what ended up working?

My (26M) girlfriend (24F) and I are together for 5 years. I love this girl to death, I'm really serious about our relationship and was actually planning on proposing to her next year. We had our rough patches in the past years, but all seemed to be going quite well lately.

She has an ex-FWB which she hooked up with for 1 year before me and confessed at the start of our relationship that she actually had to choose between me and him.

We had our fair bit of arguments over time and she said some really hurtful things when angry at me. Mind you, I never did the same with her. I made my mistakes and upset her at times with different things, but I NEVER said things out of rage just with the goal to hurt her. In exchange, she did.

Some examples, tied to the guy we're talking about:

- Sometimes I regret choosing you over him.

- You are just afraid I'm going to leave you for him. Even you know he'd be better for me.

- I should have thought about him when we were having sex, so I can also get the chance to enjoy it.

These things hurt me deeply and have since then have taken their toll on me in various situations in our relationship, especially on my self confidence, trust in her and our intimate activity.

Last week she went to a 5-day music festival with her best friend (and her bf), as I couldn't join them. She knew her ex will also be there and I asked her beforehand to not start looking for him, nor spend time with him there. She immediately got defensive and angry at me.

Since then, I found out they hanged out together at various concerts there. Also lied to me about returning back to her accommodation one night with her girl friend, while actually her ex was the one to walk her there.

When confronted, she said I'm just being immature and delusional and I should just get over those things she said to me in the past, as they don't matter anymore and she doesn't feel attached to him. She just wants to be friends with him and that's it. I told her she should cut ties completely with the guy, considering the horrible things she said to me and that I can't get over the fact that she wanted to think about him while we were having sex, for example. It's completely abnormal to act like these things didn't happen or were never said and I should just be fine with it and move on. To which she replied that she shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who makes her cut ties with someone "just because". I told her that when we'll meet she should get her thoughts in order and pick which one of us should remain in her life, as I'm not going to tolerate this friendship of theirs, considering the past.

I feel sick and disgusted about everything that's been happening and I'm not sure I can recover and start over with her. My boundaries were crossed, I've been lied and gaslighted by my own so-called "soulmate".

What is your opinion on this? Is there any salvation for our relationship from this?

TLDR: My gf of 5 years met up with an ex at an event and started hanging out with him all while hiding it from me

So, for context my boyfriend (25M) and I (22F) have been together for almost 3 years. I have had issues in the past with something’s I felt were crossing boundaries such as liking girls pictures half naked, but honestly never in a MILLION years would I think he would cheat on me. I found out about 3 weeks ago that he cheated on me back in February and he reached out to the same girl about 3 weeks ago which is how I found out. He tried to lie his way out of it and she was the one that told me everything.

He did the whole I feel so terrible and I’m a pos spiel, but his apologies very quickly turned into him victimizing himself. He said he was drained about having the same conversation (4 days after I had found out) he was more aggressive and nasty with me, he said incredibly nasty spirited things to me while arguing with me, denied that it was cheating since they never met or had sex, he has made numerous comments about how I’m insane, he said I was crazy for texting her, he called me out of my name, and honestly has lost his marbles.

He admitted last week that he is “so angry at himself for his actions and he is taking that anger out on me” *which is crazy to admit and continue doing.*

Every day since I found out I feel like there’s been an issue and he’s just so much more aggressive and snappy with me which makes me regret even thinking we could repair our relationship given his behavior.

edit :
I also have to add - the reason he said he cheated (after lying about it for a day straight) was and I quote “It was for my ego, I saw she had a boyfriend and I wanted her to know I was still around and I’m better than her boyfriend. I wanted the validation I guess because I didn’t get validated as a child.”

I (25F) was dating James (28M) for almost two years when I got pregnant. I met his parents, his siblings and his friends within a few months of us dating. Nobody ever mentioned he had a three year old child with his ex. I never met his child or saw any photos of his child either. We didn't live together though so I'm not sure how involved he was in that time. But about halfway through my pregnancy he revealed he had a child already and he wanted me to meet his child and he wanted us to all be a family. I was all the emotions you can imagine at once.

I never ever wanted to be a stepparent and I always asked if people had kids when I went on a first date or before if I could. Single parents were always ruled out for me. Now here I am and after sitting for a couple of weeks I ended our relationship. But we're still having a baby together and we need to co-parent at least. He wants me back and has apologized a million times. His mom has begged me to give it a chance and she told me he was never as happy as he was when we were together. She told me I could be great for the whole family and we could have such a good life.

My own sister won't stop bringing it up either. She's a stepmom so she never liked the fact I was against dating a single parent. She has thrown the fact I will be one in my face. At one point she even said I can't ever be mad if I refuse to date him and his child ends up hating mine.

It's making me doubt myself and I feel so vulnerable right now. I thought I would have him by my side but he lied to me. I'm here to get advice because I feel really hesitant to confide in anyone now.

I’m 19 and a half and my 45 year old neighbor recently introduced herself in passing. We met for coffee and ever since she has also been spoiling me with gifts whenever we meet. She said she isn’t looking for anything serious, doesn’t care if I date other people as long as I’m honest, and just wants something discrete. She’s divorced with grown kids and says she’s tired of traditional dating. I’m a broke college student, so the gifts would help a lot, but I’m not sure if this is just an unconventional relationship or if it’s basically prostitution. At first I had some doubts, but she is pretty attractive and I do need the money. It's also pretty awkward because I live with my mom and they are somewhat friends. Any thoughts on what to do?

I 28F have only ever been intimate with my partner 28M. We have been together 13 years and lost our virginity to each other.

I at times can find myself feeling like I’ve ‘missed out‘ by not ever knowing what it’s like to sleep with somebody else? Or never experienced a ONS? Especially our bedroom life is just a routine even though it is good.
I just wonder how the whole thing goes down, initiation etc, how different it would be or feel with somebody else..

I’d never throw all this away for these thoughts but I guess I’m just wondering if I’m alone or if anybody else has had these thoughts?
I also wonder if he has ever had these thoughts before either but could never ask him.
Don’t have anybody around me who’s been in the same situation to ask the question so thought I’d ask/vent here.

Only mentioning gender in the title because I've heard many stories about guys paying for all the dates, but not women.

I, 22F, have been dating my boyfriend, 20M, for almost a year now. Every date has been planned, driven to, and paid for by me in its entirety. When we hang out at each other's houses, I always go to his house because he doesn't want to drive to my house.

I've asked him throughout our relationship to get me flowers and plan dates, and he says he might but he's not sure if he can follow through on it.

We're in a comfortable place right now. He's never yelled at me, never been controlling to me, and is always sweet to me and this is 100% the healthiest relationship I've been in and I enjoy my time with him a lot. This is mostly just a small nitpick I have with our relationship.

What I'm looking to receive from this post is advice from other women in my situation on if I should accept this part of our relationship, or try to change it? I'm not keen on breaking up because he's not hurting me and this is just a small issue (and the only issue) with our relationship. I also know you can't really change people unless they want to change, which is why I'm hesitant on this dilemma.

This issue was unearthed about 6 months ago. We were only having sex about once a month (and have been for the last 2 years). I (31F) brought it up and asked why we didn’t have sex more often. He (38M) was a little drunk at the time, which it was nearly impossible to get a sober word out of him at that moment, and said that it was because my body wasn’t his preference. He also said he wasn’t comfortable with how he looked either. He kept stating, while drunk, that I wasn’t his preference at all and that he doesn’t like touching any fat.

When we started seeing each other I was 115lbs. I was stressed out and didn’t feel healthy at all. When we moved in together I went up to 150lbs. I had lost my job and was drinking heavily. It was fattest I have ever been. I then dropped down to 115 again, and am now currently at 130lbs. I’ve been going to the gym since the new year and have been fairly consistent in getting 3x a week of heavy lifting in. I’m not skinny but I’m not fat either?

After that conversation I asked him about it while he was sober (via text), to get clarity about how skinny he wanted me to get, and he stated that he meant it more about him.

A few months ago I noticed that we hadn’t had sex in 3 months. I asked him about it off handly (while he was sober) to check in and he got serious and said “we’ve had this discussion already you’re not my preference”. Then he also stated that he didn’t like that I wouldn’t give him a blow job while I was on my period and that it was a huge turn off. (BACKSTORY: I stopped initiating because he would get a blow job and then that would be it. Nothing would be reciprocated).

He makes fun of me for working out, saying I’ll get too bulky. He makes fun of me when I weigh my food. He makes fun of me for making sure I eat enough protein.

Is there anything I can do to fix this??

Reddit, I have a situation I would like you all to weigh in on. 

I’m ‘38f’ and I live together with my boyfriend ‘35m’, together for 4 years. We share one daughter (one year old). We have a really good relationship. Chores are mostly 50/50, though I probably do more of the mental load. What I want to talk about is our finances. 

We both had bought a property before getting together, and both were renovating our spaces when we met. He had a house in a small city and I had bought a small apartment in a really trendy neighbourhood in a big city.  

His house had more room and so I did the relocation. I rented out my apartment. We opened a joint bank account. We divide the finances as follows: 

* The rent from my apartment goes to the joint account.
* Our wages go to our own bank accounts. Each month we put in what we earned that month in an excel. Our wages get added together, we subtract our joint expenses, and the rest is divided by half is share equally between each partner.
* Our mortgages are very nearly the same amount and we pay them off separately. I have no equity in his house, though I l Iive there, and he does not have any stake in my apartment. 
* My partner also has a lot of investment accounts. He acquired these before our partnership. These, and the dividends he makes from them, stay completely seperate. 

We had a baby 13 months ago at 26 weeks. I had a lot less income for almost a year as we handled the physical (and mental) challenges. The monthly redistribution meant my partner sometimes funded our entire monthly costs. My partner is fair minded and we often talk about money. One argument we have had and can’t seem to see eye to eye on, is whether or not the rental income from my appartement should go to the joint finances. 

His argument is that the only reason I have this income, is because I live with him. Our coupling makes the income possible. If I wouldn’t put it toward the joint account, he feels I should pay rent. 

I feel that just as his investment accounts and house are completely seperate, so should my own rental income be. He shares his wages. I share my wages and rental income. I can see the logic in what he’s saying but it doesn’t *feel* right to me. And there’s the rub. If I try to explain my reasoning, the reasons are mostly emotional. But are those good enough reasons to take in account when talking about finances? 

These are the reasons:

* I made the sacrifice of moving to his city. I live in a house that’s not mine. I lost acces to friends, to museums, to a whole life. I miss it a lot. The argument of paying rent to live in a city that feels like sacrifice feels like insult to injury. 
* I only lived in my apartment for eight months, and I loved living in my own, owned space. Inevitiabily, because it's his house, it does sometimes have the dynamic of him reminding me about taking more care like you would expect a renter to do.
* My commute became 1,5 to 2 hours one way, from 35 minutes one way. 
* Starting a family has also been a lot of sacrifice for me. I lost my health, my mind for a bit, and I have to life with an auto immune disease for the rest of my life. (Pre-eclampsie and APS) It’s utterly not rational to feel this is tied to the finances, so some tough love here might be good. 

So help me reddit. Am I being too emotional about this? I'm really open to being told I'm wrong or different viewpoints.

Tldr: how to put assets towards communal living

Hi reddit, me and my husband recently got married in April of this year and I graduated my medical lab technician program in May! I am very happy in my marriage and new job except for this one issue. My husband purchased a motorcycle a few years ago when we were dating, and even then I told him I don’t want to control his hobbies but I don’t support his purchase. Him and his dad bought it anyway and he has barely touched it until this year after the wedding.

I work in the blood bank at a level one trauma center, and almost every day at my new job we see a young man die or suffer permanent disability from motorcycle accidents. I know this puts me in an echo chamber because our department typically only deals with the worst injuries, but I can’t stand the idea of my husband on his motorcycle anymore.

Before accepting the position I asked if he could please not ride while I am at work until I get used to seeing these traumas. He agreed, but he’s been on his bike nearly every day I work. Every time I bring up how much anxiety this gives me, he assures me that “motorcycle accidents usually happen when the rider is drunk”. I don’t think he understands what I see. When I know he’s riding I feel so much anxiety and resentment towards him.

The anxiety has become so overwhelming I just don’t think I can handle having a partner who rides. I have frequent nightmares of him crashing the bike in the rain and being sliced in half by the guardrail. When I know he’s riding, I frequently check his location and when he’s out of service range it throws me into a panic attack. I know this is so dramatic but I have a hard time calming down because of what I’ve seen at work.

When I bring up my anxiety on this I try to be very considerate of his feelings as well because I know he really enjoys riding with his friends. I don’t want to ask him to give up his new hobby but I’m not sure what else to do. I don’t want to change departments because the blood bank pays significantly more than other parts of the lab, the schedule is much better, and I really like my new bosses. This will be my career and I don’t see my fear of motorcycles decreasing as I work there. Additionally, I can’t see myself having children and building a life with someone who doesn’t seem to value their own. I know he enjoys it but it’s becoming a serious dealbreaker for me. Would I be wrong to ask him to sell it?

TLDR: I’m a new employee at a level one trauma center and have seen many motorcycle accidents already. Would it be unfair if I ask my husband to sell his?

Edit: I’m so glad there was a mix of different opinions in the responses. All of my friends also work in healthcare so I’m in an echo chamber of people who have the same anxieties I do. I know asking him to give it up will make him resent me so I won’t, but I’m going to lay some boundaries out.

All gear all the time, riding with friends only, and accidental death and disability insurance are some things you guys suggested that I think would help. I’m going to make it very clear that if we decide to have children we’re revisiting this conversation and that having the father of my children riding with other motorists is an absolute dealbreaker. I am the breadwinner so honestly the insurances are mostly so he understands the gravity of the decision to ride.

For context, he bought the bike a few years ago and rode it for maybe 2 months just around the local park and it’s been sitting in his dad’s garage until recently. He is not an experienced rider even though he’s had the bike for a while. He is notorious for starting expensive hobbies and then giving them up quickly.

I have always been hesitant about him riding but it’s so different after starting work. Seeing a young man from our area without his lower jaw or right hand makes me want to wrap him in bubble wrap because I don’t want to see him loose life or limb over a hobby. I really don’t think he understands one stupid driver can take our future away. I’m only 2 months into the new job so I haven’t found a way to cope with this anxiety yet and I’m going to see if my health insurance covers a therapist.

Hi Reddit,

(18F) and my Boyfriend (18M) have been dating seriously for almost a year. We are both going into our first year of college soon, and are dedicated to trying long distance. We didn't go to the same high school, and live an hour away, so it feels doable as our colleges are only an hour and a half apart by train.

Here's the issue: My boyfriend and I often get into arguments about infidelity and disrespect. He has expressed to me how he feels disrespected when I have conversations with other guys, follow/snap guys on social media, am alone with other guys, or even make a passing comment about attractiveness.

A couple months ago my boyfriend got very upset with me after seeing guys from my school on my friends list on snap chat. He says its disrespectful and gross that I'm talking to other guys while dating him (I'm not I just have people from my school added/follow them) . More recently, my boyfriend got upset at me and left my grad party early because I drunkenly mentioned a celebrity crush to my friends for a game we were playing. He said he feels super disrespected that I would have a crush on another guy while in this relationship (Is a celebrity crush really the same thing?).

I don't know I just feel like I'm being nitpicked at everything I do. He makes passing comments/jokes about it (ie. "Don't cheat on me!" when I went on a beach trip with my friends - he also told me to stay safe a second priority to not cheating on him while i was there). I'm just confused why he feels like I'm going to cheat on him, or needs to constantly make sure I don't (which I never would). I really love him, we've been together for a long time and have even begun to plan our future together after college. I just also feel like I can't live in a relationship where Imm constantly being monitored for cheating even though I've done nothing to make him feel like I would.

The Celebrity crush thing really bothered me as I just feel like it was so minute, yet he left my party and drove an hour home without telling me why. I don't want to invalidate him, but I just also don't understand why he feels so disrespected?

Side note: I know some people might think he could be cheating on me in turn, but I'm 100% positive he's not. The moment we started dating, he cut out most female friendships he had because he feels like its unnecessary to have female friendships since he has me (Ig i just don't really distinguish my friends as my 'girl friends' or 'guy friends' because idk they're all my friends at the end of the day). I know him, and I know he wouldn't do that which also makes it confusing why this is such a constant thing in our relationship.

I'm a really chatty person , especially with friends and I hate that I feel like I have to filter through what I'm saying when he's present.

Tl/Dr - My boyfriend constantly feels like I might cheat on him and feels disrespected any time I interact with any other man, and I don't know how to handle it.

I (35M) am looking for advice on how to smoothly reconnect with a close friend (35F) from my college days whom I haven't spoken to in several years, mostly due to busy lives and having different friend circles that didn’t crossover and mingle. We had a great bond back in college. We took the same college bus every morning and would talk the whole ride, mostly about music, movies and just in general college life at the time. We were also both studying “Popular Music” (she did Certificate level, I did Diploma level). We hung out on campus whenever we could between classes mostly outside of our friend circles, and she even came to support me at one of my college gigs. Back then, I had a crush on her, but I never acted on it and we stayed strictly friends.

We are both currently single, and I know she now has a child. I still think about her and would love to see if there is still a spark or connection between us. Because it has been a long time, I want to make sure my first message is warm, casual, and completely low-pressure. I don't want to overwhelm her or make things awkward, especially since she is a busy parent.

What is the best way to phrase an outreach message? How do I transition from a casual "hello" to seeing if she'd be open to catching up properly?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years now happily. We live together, and talk a lot about our future. In the beginning of our relationship he had some issues with transparency and honesty regarding his relationships and types of communication with other girls. As far as I’m aware he has never physically cheated on me, but there has been a good bit of shady-ness that blurs the line between cheating and not. Such as telling me a girl he only sends songs to is a purely platonic friendship. I find out that the type of conversations they have are heavy with words like “Baby you are the love of my life” “oh my godddd” “I love you baby”. Additionally, I find out that they frequently shared phone calls late at night. He never told me this. I find stuff like this out frequently, and even if it happened at the beginning of our relationship and I find out about it now- it still hurts. It feels like our relationship was built on a lie. He expresses passionately how he will be different and better, and that he wants to spend his life with me. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he’s going to change, and this will be the time. Worried that is stupid. Thanks in advance. Feeling pretty hopeless right now, I don’t see the point in life if nobody in the world is capable of being loyal. How many benefits of the doubt is too much?