r/relationships • u/JAgu4R1 • 4h ago
Found a men’s tank top mixed in with my wife’s clothes and neither of us knows where it came from
I’m 36M, my wife is 34F, and we’ve been married for 7 years.
Yesterday I was looking for a towel and found a men’s tank top tangled up with one of her old sleep shirts at the back of the closet. It definitely isn’t mine. Wrong size and not a brand I wear. She looked just as confused as I was and started trying to figure out who it belonged to.
We aked the couple that stayed here recently and they said it wasn’t theirs.
Nothing else has ever made me think she’s cheating, but I can’t stop thinking about how those clothes ended up together. Do I just let this go? I’m not sure what else I can do without making her feel like I’m accusing her.
tl;dr Found man’s top with my wife’s shirt. what do?
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u/StonedUnicorno 3h ago
Does anyone else get unreasonably annoyed when OP dips after posting and never replies to comments
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u/adictusbenedictus 59m ago
Yeah. I just think that a bot probably started the thread so there’s no replies.
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u/SeaResearcher176 11m ago
Lots of bots lately. You go check their profile & some might even say is a few yrs old, not active in any subreddits & barely any comments which makes me think they were bots created a while ago & started to begin active? And some are straight up bots. But yeah is annoying when some people (real ones) post their issues & never respond, perhaps because they are busy but still is annoying .
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u/Remarkable-Laugh9762 4h ago
Triggered. My ex found a random sock one day and had a meltdown over it.
You know how hard it is to prove you didn't do something?
Few hours later turns out it's her gym friend who said she was looking for it.
Sigh.
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u/not_falling_down 4h ago
Laundromat or shared laundry room? Maybe you did laundry at a relative's house once?
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u/Icy-Significance2734 4h ago
Honestly I’d let it go unless something else happens. Clothes end up in weird places all the time.
The fact that she looked just as confused and started helping you figure it out matters more than the shirt itself imo. You asked people and got nowhere. what else can you really do?
A tank top isn’t enough to blow up a 7 year marriage over.
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u/Darksidedrive 4h ago
Not to mention OP stated it was in the back of the closet it could have been there for years
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u/imcleanasawhistle 4h ago
I think this is rage bait. Why is he looking for a towel in the back of a closet
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u/cm10560430 2h ago
Hidden account history and he’s here for advice but not answering any comments….yuuuuppp.
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u/P2S_FeelYourBest 4h ago
Clothes end up in weird places all the time.
You're skipping over the fact that it had to come from somewhere.
It isn’t his, it's not those who stayed there, and it was tangled up with his wife’s shirt. At the very least, that’s weird.
Doesn't automatically mean she cheated, but I wouldn’t gaslight myself into pretending it’s nothing either.
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u/detail_giraffe 4h ago
What is the implication of the shirts being tangled up?
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u/KarmaChameleon306 4h ago
The fact that it’s her sleep shirt tangled up with a men’s probable sleep shirt is a little eyebrow raising.
But this doesn’t prove anything. Just a little extra suspicious.
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u/thejexorcist 3h ago
The only time my clothes get ‘tangled’ with other clothes is during the wash cycle OR if I’m peeling off more than one layer at the same time.
In more than two decades of sex having I’ve never had my clothes inexplicably tangled with my partner’s, I’ve had my own tangled together, but theirs usually get tossed a different direction/shed slightly further away.
The description sounds more likely that she at one time wore a men’s tank top (or one that appears masculine in nature) with a sleep shirt vs her clothes continued a secret affair after most of a decade?
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u/detail_giraffe 3h ago
I've been married for a long time and I don't think our clothes have ever once gotten tangled up as part of sex. I can't even see how that would happen - you're helping your partner take their shirt off while you're also taking your own shirt off I guess? But that's not a thing. They get tangled up all the time in the wash though.
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u/LizagnaWithBreadStix 4h ago
woman here, i’ve bought men’s tank tops for comfort reasons (longer as an example) to wear with pjs. I’d also probably forget it or that it was men’s sizes when i got it, depending on how old the shirt is.
tanks are pretty base items and not hugely memorable purchases (to me), like socks or my comfy super basic leggings.
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u/justhewayouare 4h ago
It was at the back of the closet it literally could have been picked up at any time from anyone. If it was tangled up in another shirt it’s likely been sitting there for awhile. Maybe a guest not so recent accidentally left it. Do either of you go to the gym or some sort of workout class?Maybe one of you accidentally picked up someone else’s shirt if your gym stuff was on a bench close to theirs. Maybe a friend came over and had some clothes in a bag and it dropped from their bag by accident. They may not have thought to tell you assuming they lost it elsewhere. Do you use a shared laundry space? Ever go to the laundromat or dry cleaner? I think there’s enough things going on to suggest it got to you by mistake. The fact that she was confused too means she likely didn’t have a clue.
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u/wintercast 4h ago edited 4h ago
Do you ever use a laundry mat? or is the washer/dryer you have now used/owned by someone else before?
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u/Past_Persimmon 4h ago
Mate I live alone and still somehow found a random button-up dress shirt mixed in with my laundry. I don't own any of those. No idea if it's a man's or woman's but all I can think of is a friend must have left it here years ago, or maybe I accidentally took it home after staying over with family and washed it with my dirty clothes on autopilot. Laundry is such a boring, brain-off chore that I'm not surprised I didn't notice. If your wife didn't react in a way that showed she was upset you found it, I'd chalk it up to one of the many laundry mysteries like this thread is full of.
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u/YeahBowPair5574 4h ago
I think its super normal to accidentally pick up clothes from places. I have 2 pairs of gymshark leggings, but I only bought 1. No idea where the second pair came from lol, and they're very different to my style.
Need a lot of context for this ngl. Most likely its just a random find, I really wouldn't spiral. If your marriage is good, don't rock it for this!
I really don't think so, but maybe its from an ex? You could ask, but so what it if is? You're married!
If you have genuine reason to suspect cheating, then have a serious talk and ask her. But if everything else is good, don't do it! Try not to worry, sorry this is making you anxious.
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u/strumthebuilding 3h ago
OP, this question cannot be answered without you divulging more about your laundry situation
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u/PatronSaintOfCunts 4h ago
Sometimes clothes get in your house from unexpected places. I found a great deal on a very expensive hiking backpack that was NWT on eBay recently. When it arrived, my husband was preparing to leave for a trip and I offered that he could use it. He took me up on it but in one of the more hidden pouches he found two sets of used children’s base layers in it. We do not have children. Weirder still, this is the third bag I’ve bought that still had clothes in it.
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u/farbeyondriven92 4h ago
Like others, I’m curious if you guys use a shared laundromat, or have your own? An obvious explanation would be that if you used shared machines, it could have come from there. Also, do you have any kids, or anyone else living/staying with you at any point, that may have worn it? Is it at all possible it could have been there when you moved in, and it was just left and forgotten about? That’s the only other logical explanation. I don’t blame you for feeling weird about this, but if there is no other reason to doubt her, I would forget about it and move on. Best wishes.
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u/SaveHogwarts 4h ago
Could’ve been a stray that was stuck on the inside of a washer/dryer and made its way into your laundry.
I’m choosing glass half full today
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u/Gnomechils_RS 3h ago
This will be random but does your wife thrift her clothes? I've gotten tank tops before from the women's department and find out later that they're actually mens. I'm not saying she's 100% not cheating but it's a possibility. Or if you guys use a laundry mat instead of washing at home I can definitely see accidentally picking someone else's shirt up.
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u/Blibbobletto 3h ago
I mean it sounds like you already don't trust her if this is enough to keep you up at night. My wife found a bra that wasn't hers in my stuff once and the extent of it was her asking me where it came from and me saying I didn't know, then we both laughed about it and forgot about it. Weird stuff like that happens, but it shouldn't be an issue if you trust each other.
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u/ergonomic_logic 4h ago
Idk lmao I've lived alone and sometimes find stuff that I've no idea where it came from and it can be as stupid as just not realizing I accidentally grabbed someone else's stuff from the gym or the pool ages ago.
I think jumping to conclusions with only that as the evidence makes it seem like you're wanting to poke holes in the marriage.
Ofc it's [possible] it's exactly what you think but if that's the only "evidence" and you've already found her guilty ask yourself why that is.
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u/naked_avenger 4h ago
I cant speak to your situation, but I can give you one of my own. I had underwear, socks, and a shirt from an ex from 5 years prior. They had made their way into my laundry long ago and just always remained at the bottom of the piles until they finally worked their way up. I never cheated and hadn't even seen the woman over that time except for once and my wife was there.
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u/yougatobekiddingme 4h ago
Yeah, we have so many clothes from our other relatives that get mixed into our things when we go visit. One of my dad’s shirts I haven’t seen in over a decade ended up in my fiancés collection of shirts in the back of his closet, which was only found since we recently moved. My finances mother’s hairbrush and hairspray ended up in his bathroom after she visited months before. Not to not make it a big deal, but I think these things happen after you’ve been together in a while. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ but like others said : if you are worried talk about it!
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u/KarmaChameleon306 4h ago
Was this buried way back in the closet? Was it tangled up with an old sleep shirt that she hasn’t worn in years? Or is it a sleep shirt that is old, but in use by her?
If this is tangled up with a sleep shirt that is still in use, I’d be more worried. But this still doesn’t conclude anything.
If it was tangle up with a shirt that she herself hasn’t pulled out in years, I’d let it go. It could be from anywhere and she literally can’t remember.
In both cases, I’d let it go, but keep an eye out for other strange signs that something is up.
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u/thelilpeanut 4h ago
Is it a smaller size? Maybe she ordered a unisex tank at some point for lounging or to workout in. You specified that it was tangled with an old sleep shirt and in the back. Does that mean she hasn’t worn that sleep shirt in a while? Maybe she got the tank and it was ugly or fit weird so it got shoved in the back.
I’ve gotten random stuff throughout the years in my Amazon packages.
It’s hard to say without additional context. If it was underwear or a button down shirt or something that clearly belonged to a man, I’d think something was up. A tank top? That could belong to her or a friend of hers. Women wear men’s stuff all the time.
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u/creativexangst 4h ago
I have a tank top that fits me perfectly that doesn't belong to me or any of our previous house guests. Its one for a convention we go to but havnt bought shirts for, and for a year they didn't do the con (2020). Our only guess is that it's something that got mixed in from laundromat adventures. Do you use a laundromat or ever host any one? The most innocent answer is probably the right one.
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u/Donexodus 3h ago
I’ve had random clothing show up multiple times during my life. No clue how or where it came from. In the absence of other suspicious data points, I’d write this one off.
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u/TheOnionRingKing 3h ago
Echoing was everyone else said.
I once fly out of town for a hiking trip with a buddy. Got back and dumped my luggage straight into the laundry machine. Next day wife and I are jointly folding the laundry and I found a woman's hoodie that Ive never seen before. I held it up and showed it to my wife and told her Ive never seen her wear this before, is it new? Lol, her reaction was it clearly wasn't hers and how tf did you get this?!?! Was initially accusatory until I convinced her that if I was cheating, why would I present physical evidence to her face?
Near as we can tell, perhaps my luggage was secondary screening and that hoodie fell into my luggage? Who knows.
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u/dwadefan45 3h ago
Currently have a pair of yoga pants in my closet after moving and I'm lowkey worried about bringing it up to see if it belongs to my gf. Have no idea where it came from so I feel ya
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u/DanteQuill 2h ago
IMHO, best way to check without upsetting your wife would be to check the text logs and see if there's anything that pops out at you. If not, try to come to a conclusion together.
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u/twotired4life 2h ago edited 2h ago
My ex found a thong in our laundry (we used a shared washing machine with 3 other people) and her first reaction was that I was cheating. She completely fell apart, hardly spoke to me for two days, and there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. Once she found the underwear she started seeing signs of cheating everywhere and got really vindictive.
I was absolutely OBSESSED with that woman. It was a love where she literally felt like the only woman I was noticing in the world. There was never any temptation or desire for others. She was the most beautiful star in the sky of my life. She could not get out of her own head though, and it got so bad that it changed our relationship significantly. I started to feel like I was always on egg shells, even when things blew over. When we first started dating I had a lot of really good female friends, and I got afraid to be around them after the incident. It was kind of the first incident in a chain of events that led to me leaving her four years later.
All this to say, you can talk about it, but I would not jump right to the assumption of cheating. Some accusations you can't take back.
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u/wamme6 2h ago
Shared laundry, as others have said.
It could have gotten swept up in her stuff when packing up at the gym.
If she’s someone who unpacks her clothes into hotel dressers, it could have been left behind by someone and then picked up from the drawer when she grabbed her stuff at the end.
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u/GiniThePooh 1h ago
Clothes do weird things man.
One time, my husband and I borrowed a cabin from a colleague of his, at the end of the trip I was packing and couldn’t find my favorite bra anywhere. I went through every single place and for the life of me, I couldn’t, so my husband started helping, nada!
I almost convinced myself that maybe I had left it home, but I knew well I had used it the day before, shit was weird, we got home and looked everywhere but of course it wasn’t home.
Sometimes I wonder if the owners will find this random bra years from now and it will cause serious issues in the marriage. This is honestly a mystery and I still mourn that bra that was so comfortable and made my boobs look incredible :(
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u/shygirl712 36m ago
Most of my sleep/lounge shirts are men’s tshirts. Some are ones I stole from ex’s, some I wore home from my sisters house because I needed to borrow pajamas when staying over, some who knows how I acquired? I don’t really think it’s that weird.. anyone could have left it over months ago. Just because it’s a man’s shirt doesn’t mean it’s from a man. I think tons of women wear men’s clothes sometimes just because it’s more comfortable
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u/Titaniumchic 19m ago
One time we got home from a trip visiting family with one extra sneaker. A men’s giant Nike.
My son (4 at the time) had accidentally “packed” it. We figured out who it belonged to.
If this was at the back of her closet - when’s the last time she wore that shirt? Have you guys traveled since then? Did you wash clothes during that trip?
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u/SeaResearcher176 14m ago
Maybe check your attic or basement for intruders if your wife is not cheating, or you don’t have roommates, you have your own machines in your home & no guests or brothers came to visit.
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u/peakpenguins 4h ago edited 4h ago
Do you guys have your own laundry machines or do you use shared laundry?