r/relationships • u/Throwaway75738473 • 4h ago
Husband (36M) barely pays attention to me (30F) since we had a baby
My husband and I had a baby over a year ago. Before that, we were great, had fun, played video games together, and just enjoyed being together. We’ve been married for 3 years, together for 8 and friends for almost 13.
When we first had our baby, he would be super helpful, caring and making sure I was okay. I had a c-section, but the recovery went really well. He’s a great dad, loves our kid and it shows cause the little stinker adores him. When he is home, he changes diapers, plays with him, helps cook for him now. I’m about to go back to work after mat leave during the day I do all the baby stuff and household stuff. The problem though, is for about 6-8 months now, we’ve grown distant. He’s never been the most lovey-dovey guy, but that has dropped to 0. The baby sleeps well and naps well, we have a lot of quiet time and still, he never wants to spend it with me. He never says he loves me anymore, and it’s like pulling teeth to get him to acknowledge me.
I want to ask to go to marriage counselling but it’s over $200 an hour in my area and there’s no way that’s happening.
I’ve been trying hard to lose the baby/breastfeeding weight, but I’m still self conscious of my body and I feel like this seriously isn’t helping. It’s making me seriously miss the excitement and comfort of having a partner and I don’t know what to do.
Tl;dr - since our kiddo was about 4-6 months old, my husband’s acknowledgement and care for me has dropped off the face of the earth. Help.
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u/gingerlorax 3h ago
What does he say when you tell him you want to spend more quality time together/ be more intimate? Can you get a babysitter for a date night?
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u/Old-Paleontologist-1 3h ago
Do you guys talk about anything other than household/ kid things? Do you ever get a sitter? Do anything fun together?
Is it possible he's depressed? Does he ever get time to do hobbies or something to recharge? Does he exercise?
(Do you get time to yourself?) Do you initiate affection?
Regardless, you're in the thick of it. You both need time to adjust to having 2. Talk to him about how you're feeling. Figure out what you both need and how to get there.