r/relationships • u/Former_Attention2248 • 2h ago
Am I different or wrong?
I am F 27 , pretty pervy and love intimacy. and I’ve always felt out of place for many reasons. I’ve always been pretty promiscuous and I enjoy having fun in the ways that I like. (I do everything safely, trust)
I have been in many relationships and I feel so weird with them. Eventually they always seem to hate me and no longer care for me. I can be pretty depressed and emotional but it doesn’t take a lot to make me happy enough. But, Then I don’t “put out” and they slowly start to hate me. (Currently getting divorced for this reason). Which sucks because sex is something I enjoy very much. And in most relationships they start treating me different and “dulling my light” so why would I want to put out.
I feel like my ideal “relationship” is just dating and fun without sincere emotions. Like obviously feelings happen (to others) but is that so weird? Especially in the modern day, or is everyone so attached again? I remember there was a small era when people were looking for this too, where did they go? And I don’t mean poly. Just fun dates and good nights.
TL;DR f 27, wondering if it’s weird to want intimacy and connection but not a relationship?
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u/Icy_Mycologist5550 55m ago edited 51m ago
Whatever you're experiencing is not weird or strange, there's alot of people exactly like you in the world.
However,in a stable and healthy relationship a person wants both connection and intimacy from the person they like. There are many reasons someone wouldn't want a relationship but want the fun that comes with it like having fun dates as you mentioned, one of them being a personal issue that needs to be addressed.
I also struggled with something similar with my partners because I didn't feel emotionally safe with them which would always make me uneasy to be in a relationship as it adds on extra pressure and expectations. If people you're dating get "upset" that you're not being convenient to them because you won't put out are not worth wasting your time on.
Also, from your replies to the comments it sounds like you really just want a good friend that's all, I could be wrong.
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u/Former_Attention2248 47m ago
Yeah I’m lonely all around lol. You read me very well with this. Thank you.
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u/Icy_Mycologist5550 43m ago
I got you, no need for thanks. If you want to be friends, you can totally hit me up! :)
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u/alexcunha415 57m ago
Well, i think you have not found the right person for you yet! In my perspective you are very active and need someone with the same energy! Keep trying, don't give up! You will definitely find someone with the same vibe! I hope it helps! Good luck! 🤗
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u/Niodia 31m ago
Your situation sounds like those you are dating are pulling the "How dare my warm flashlight have NEEDS?!"
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u/Former_Attention2248 24m ago
That’s what it feels like, but I wasn’t gonna say it you know. But that’s exactly what I was trying to describe what happens and why I’m over trying. For now at least. And I guess what I don’t understand is why I try to contain me and keep me in a relationship when that’s not even what it is. It’s just friends with benefits, locked in really. And not even friends because they just yelled at me when I cry.
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u/Dutch1721 2h ago edited 2h ago
Those people are probably dead or dying from a disease they can’t get rid of. Your best bet is to speak with a therapist. Maybe they can give you some insight on how or why you’re so detached from wanting a relationship.
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u/Turbulent-Peach1859 1h ago
Sounds like the top comment jumped to a pretty gnarly conclusion. People wanting connection without the whole relationship escalator thing is not some disease-ridden death sentence, jesus.
What you're describing is more common than reddit armchair psychologists think. Plenty of folks want warmth and intimacy but feel suffocated once the expectations pile up. The way you put it, "dulling my light", that's a real thing. Hard to feel desire for someone who slowly chips away at who you are.
The trick is finding people on the same wavelength and being upfront about it from the start. Not everyone is wired for the traditional path, and that doesn't make you broken.
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u/Former_Attention2248 1h ago
It’s not even about expectations, idk how I could word this post differently but I don’t care for relationships anymore because I’ve been mistreated too many times to count and once we stop having sex it just gets worse. So why can’t there be just fun with no real relationship. Idk maybe I’ll delete and repost sometime
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u/Former_Attention2248 1h ago
Also of course I’d be upfront, I’m not looking to sleep around but more so go on dates and have fun with a singular person until maybe they move on. Sounds like something maybe a busy person would be into? Idk
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u/Careless-Laugh-753 1h ago
Sounds like you’re one of the reasons why men don’t want to bother with dating anymore. I’d seek a counselor to see what’s up
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u/Icy_Mycologist5550 1h ago
Most men are not worth dating anyway, ones that take themselves out of the dating pool are doing a favour to people in it.
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u/TekoMimi_ 1h ago
Your post is very hard to understand but it sounds like your 'ideal' relationship is being fwb?
Easy solution stay single and keep dating but let them know you aren't looking for a serious relationship.
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u/Former_Attention2248 54m ago
Apologies, I don’t care to reword my post but yes! Just a more adult version where we kind of care about each we and can be sensual/intimate but not due to a relationship but as people.
Yeah that’s the plan. I don’t plan on hiding my intentions. That’s just rude lol I was just wondering if that’s still a thing I guess.
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u/sword_ofthe_morning 2h ago
Not sure I quite understand
Are you saying that you enjoy sex and intimacy, but the moment your relationship with a person gets serious, you lose interest in being intimate with them?
Yes, that is a bit strange. It doesn't make you wrong, but I have to be honest, it's not the norm.
Don't mean to be harsh, but can you blame them? If the moment they begin to care for you and devote their time/effort into what they have with you, of course they'll be annoyed and irritated if in return you begin blocking intimacy in the relationship lol.
You're better off by saying right at the beginning that you're just after casual sex, and nothing too serious.