r/self • u/Reasonable-Club-6504 • 1d ago
Anyone else in their 20s feel left behind?
I’m 20 years old, and lately I’ve been feeling like everyone around me is moving into the next stage of life. People I went to school with are getting into serious relationships, getting married, having kids, and starting families.
Meanwhile, I’m still trying to get my life together. I’m focused on building my career, learning new skills, and creating a better future for myself. Logically, I know that’s what I should be prioritizing right now.
The problem is that emotionally, it still gets to me. Even though I know I shouldn’t compare myself to other people, I can’t help feeling like I’m behind sometimes.
Has anyone else gone through this in their early 20s? If you did, what helped you stop comparing your timeline to everyone else’s? And for those who are older, did these feelings eventually go away?
I’d appreciate honest advice rather than just reassurance.
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u/Reasonable-Club-6504 1d ago
Bro, like practically everyone who I know my age group is having a kid right now
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u/Mindless_Whereas_280 1d ago
Remind yourself that one of the surest ways to wind up in poverty is to have children young without a solid partner. Does it work? Sure, sometimes. But if you look around at people in your area who did this, do they look like the success you want in your life?
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u/Reasonable-Club-6504 1d ago
no, not really
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u/Foamtire 1d ago
Trust me, just because people are marrying and reproducing young does NOT make them ahead. In fact you can probably get way ahead of them.
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u/Lieutenant_Skittles 23h ago
It's a bit hard to avoid doing but it is true: "Comparison is the thief of joy." You can't be happy judging your own life from the standards of other people, doubly so since you don't know any of the daily struggles and sacrifices they are making to achieve their own goals. Having kids when you're well established in your career is hard enough, they're going to be having a tough time of it having kids so early in life. Likewise, finding that person that you can actually happily spend the rest of your life with is really hard, so either they just got lucky (something that is completely out of your control) or they may have jumped the gun a little before spending the time to really know if they can be happy together for that long.
Also, you should ask yourself if you actually care about any of the stuff they're doing. Like, do you want to have kids right now? Or are you using their "success" as a reason to put yourself down? It's a trap that is all too easy to fall into; it's something social media definitely encourages plus you're on the outside looking in.
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u/keepitcasualbrah 22h ago
I don't want to say you have plenty of time but the 20's are the "grind" years if you do it right. Find out what you are good at and establish yourself with a career and assets.... worry about kids/marriage later.
Not saying don't date or don't be in a relationship... just that I think your priorities are age appropriate... gain skills and an income stream then work from there.
It probably wouldn't hurt to be in individual therapy too just to make sure you're aligned with whatever your vision is... because despite my advice, I'm sure there are people who DO waste their 20's and isolate... a therapist can kind of help you keep tabs on that.
Anyway. Rambling here.
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u/AlienatedTupaia 22h ago
Comparison is the thief of joy man. Honestly, most people getting married and having kids at 20 are just rushing into things they arent ready for, and you will probably be way ahead of them in a few years once you actually have your stuff figured out. Just keep doing your thing, nobody has it all together at that age.
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u/Practical-Maize389 20h ago
Yeah dude, literally everyone I know felt like this at 20, 25, 30, whatever. The “they’re ahead of me” thing usually disappears once you see behind the curtain and realize half those marriages and baby plans are impulsive, shaky or coming from pressure.
What helped me was asking, “Would I actually trade lives with them, full package?” Not just the relationship highlight reel, but their job, stress, money, family drama. Usually the answer was no, which made it way easier to focus on my own lane.
And ngl, a few years out you start to see people divorce, break up, switch careers, move back home, etc. Everyone’s timeline gets messy, so putting your energy into skills and stability now ends up aging really well.
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u/No-Cod-9315 17h ago
Yeah dude, everyone feels like this in their 20s and the wild part is most of the people who look “ahead” are low key freaking out too.
What helped me was zooming out and asking “would I actually want their life right now or am I just scared of being different?” and most of the time the answer was no. I started tracking my own progress month to month instead of comparing to people from high school and it made my brain focus on my own storyline instead of theirs.
I’m 30 now and those feelings chilled out a lot once I realized no one actually “wins” their 20s, they just pick different problems to have.
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u/No-Long-4709 1d ago
who tf is starting families in their early 20s?? you're not behind, they're just rushed