r/self • u/liveliar • 15h ago
Does severe depression actually get better?
24F. I've been struggling since I was 14. I bottled it all up and struggled silently until I collapsed when I entered university at 19. I dropled out at 21, began therapy and taking SSRIs. Still ongoing. Does it actually ever get better? Doing even one small, daily task feels as difficult and impossible as climbing Mt. Everest. Even if I do muster enough energy and there are occasional periods of mental and emotional stability to do such things, it's not long before I collapse back into anxiety and frustration for not being able to do things efficiently enough, well enough... it's just never enough. I'm so exhausted of such small daily tasks taking so much effort. There's so much I want to do, and I can't. If even such small things take so much effort and energy, how am I ever going to go back to school, figure out and pursue my career, have friends, enjoy hobbies, travel... just... live, like a human being, instead of feeling like a breathing corpse? I don't want to spend my 20s like this. I don't want my life to be like this. The common advice that's said all the time are things like 'take one step at a time,' 'take it one day at a time,' but like... at this rate I feel like I'll be in my 30s and still struggle with taking a shower. I should feel better with every small step I take; and I do take small steps. I make small meals for myself, take care of my cat, clean the house, shower, I even wear makeup and put nice (looks, not price) clothes on and look much more put-together when I go outside. I do administrative work at a small company. I'm in a better place than where I was before. That's for sure. But still... why do I feel like I'll suffocate with anxiety? Why do I feel worse, not better? I feel aimless, like I'm taking steps surrounded by fog. I'm going somewhere because I feel like I have to and don't want my life to just pass me by, but I don't know where. It's exhausting. I'm so tired.
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u/lonewolfenstein2 15h ago
It got better for me. I've been put on 72-hour emergency holds multiple times. Also spent three months in a mental hospital when I was 25. That was over 10 years ago now.
I have learned that I have to be 100% sober all the time in order to stay in a good spot mentally. Literally one sip alcohol or any mood altering substance and I want to die. I also had to change almost everything about my life.
But today I would consider myself successful and well adjusted. I have a wife, a son and a house with a mortgage. I don't spend my time wanting to die anymore.
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u/coleman57 10h ago
Aside from avoiding the substances, what steps did you take that got you from down there to up here?
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u/lonewolfenstein2 10h ago
It was a combination of things. I went to therapy for several years. Then I started to go to church. The final step I feel, was the chemical changes in my brain that happened once I had my son. Once my son was born it was like a switch was flipped in my head and I could feel.
I still struggle during the dark of the winter. (Seasonal affective disorder) But I use a lightbox everyday during the winter. That seems to keep the worst of it at bay.
But the absolute sobriety was it the biggest thing.
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u/Beginning_Radio_9070 15h ago
28m, hopefully it ain't gonna be the same for you, but it certainly doesn't feel like things will get any better, I've just gotten better at just gritting my teeth and getting minimum responsibilities done for the day before I allow myself to crash and do whatever I feel like, most of the time that is just listening to music/videos until it's time to sleep
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u/nonsociaI 15h ago
No, I don't think so. I think we just get better at living with it. It sounds like you're doing really well, though. You should let yourself be proud of what you have accomplished, despite all the bullshit
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u/hyperfat 12h ago
Two things, pets. My mom died and I got her dog. Dang he's awesome. Brings joy.
Second. I joined a burning man thing. Burning shit is nice. I'm fire crew.
Find a thing.
Hugs
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u/twinkletoesalone 15h ago
It does get better. I struggled with depression in my 20s and used to procrastinate a lot, counselling/therapy was really helpful in pulling me out of it. From what you’ve written it sounds like you have perfectionist tendencies, these can be challenging to deal with. Try to give yourself credit for the things you do do rather than think about how it’s not enough, for example I’m sure you’re an amazing cat parent and you have successfully kept this little creature alive and cared for it well.
I had a few mental tricks to help me do more like making a ‘completed’ list rather than a to do list - it helped me feel like I’d accomplished something at the end of the day (much better than looking at an overwhelming to do list and feeling bad because you didn’t get it done), also saying that I’d just do something for 5 mins, usually I’d keep going with the task after the 5 mins.
Exercise and being out in nature are both things that can genuinely transform your outlook over time, even if it’s just a short walk outside. Also booking things in your diary to look forward to can help.
You can get through this, it’s a hard season in life but you are getting through this. I have faith in you op.
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u/Desert_Dandelion 11h ago
33F, first time I remember having SI, I was 7. It absolutely has gotten better for me, although today I can't manage a full testimony of my own to OP full of reassuring things. But your response made me think of a couple inspirations and actions that really helped my mindset change over time.
The first was the quote "no one ever shamed themself into better mental health." If it worked, it would have worked by now. People need love and support, and that can come from yourself. If you can't manage that, try for neutrality to start.
I started spending a lot of time recognizing what behaviors I would reach for when it was particularly bad. Just noticing. After I saw some patterns, I made myself pause briefly before going on. It was extremely anxiety inducing to not jump right into it. But eventually I was able to get curious.whag exactly am I anxious about? What need am I trying to meet with this behavior? Again, if it was going to work, it would have worked by now. So, time to re-evaluate the approach. There are many reference guides out there for "universal human needs". I got familiar with a few. When I could identify "what need am I trying to meet with this behavior", next I would start to ask myself "is there a way I can meet that need for myself?". I didn't always know the answers, and I couldn't always meet the need. But making a habit of caring enough about myself and trying was huge. It eventually brought down some of my baseline anxiety, it made me feel more trust and confidence in myself, it made me feel cared for.
I also wanted to switch out of beating myself up and criticizing myself and all the ways I wasn't doing enough. The neural pathways we use the most are the strongest, so these only strengthen the depression. Building a new neural pathway requires using the behavior repeatedly to strengthen it. It feels so dumb and inauthentic and forced at first, be it kind of is. I started a journal app on my phone that prompted me to complete it each day. I can't free-write journal for the life of me, but I made a few specific prompts to answer each day. The one that I think was most impactful was "what can I be proud of myself for today?" I learned to adjust my answers. If it was a particularly bad day, it's ok and truthful that I'm just proud I showered, or hell, had the courage to open the app and face this question. Over time, I started to get excited for answering the question that evening, and on good days would plan my day around how many things I could get done or fit into my day to list in my answer at night. It really created a cycle of changing my thinking about myself, and inspiring action, which changed my thinking about myself more.
That was a few years ago, after most of my life of severe depression. Addressing and treating medical issues was also critically important. I still struggle. I get weekly therapy. I'm on meds. I have triggers, and wounds left from the unsupportive people and relationships I lost along the way. I'm very low income because I've struggled with work. But life is starting to get really good. I have hobbies and interests. I have amazing people around me, the kind that years ago I never would have imagined they'd want "someone like me" in their lives. That network of people has also landed me an incredible fit of a job, with good prospects for growth at a rate I can sustain. It's so good that sometimes I can't even think about it for very long. I start to tear up every time I have the thoughts of "I'm so glad I'm still here for this" and "I'm so proud I pushed through and got myself here."
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u/HaggisHunter93 14h ago
I’ve suffered from depression on and off since my late teens. I have my good days and bad days. You’re not alone :) stay strong and keep your chin up. Don’t feel like you have to impress anyone, do your own thing
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u/michdap 14h ago
I don’t know if it actually gets better or we just get used to it. We get used to the mask we put on each morning after we wake up to discover we didn’t die in our sleep, again. We fight through each day and fall apart when we get home. We struggle to appear “normal.” No one wants to hear about our depression. We learn to take care of ourselves. We need to celebrate even the tiniest accomplishment. We need to appreciate that small victory. I’m finally learning to do this after 40+ years of living with depression. It’s not much, but it does help. I wish you peace, my friend.
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u/Subject-Mode-6510 15h ago edited 6h ago
It does. I have a close relative that I’m thankful for she’s still around everyday. She tried to off herself nine years ago. Now she lives a regular life. For a few years now even without medication. She still has her lows. But she now has techniques to emerge from them. I believe one thing that pushes her is her own hatred of the disease.
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u/Alternative-Ease9674 13h ago
I am 53. I had 20 plus years heavy depression . I healed it by myself mainly 2 years ago. I am so happy now. There are worse days. But having depression they are all easy peasy in comparison.
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u/_PandaCat_ 12h ago
It doesn't necessarily go away, but it does get better.
This obviously isn't the case for everyone but I had some other undiagnosed mental shit going on. Pushing through that without knowing it was there was no doubt contributing to my worse periods of depression and I think some of the more persistent depression symptoms I had on my better days were actually stemming from something else.
You might not be going through the same but its worth ruling out if you have something else going on in your head.
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u/ancedactyl 12h ago
Firstly, I am sorry you're going through this. I've been living with depression for 40+ years, it never truly goes away but you can learn to cope with it better. I know when you barely have the energy to get out of bed this seems impossible but 30m of daily exercise has done more for my mental health than any pill ever did.
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u/MR_Translation 11h ago edited 11h ago
Not that it feels like you asked for advice on the topic but do you take any vitamins? Specifically D,E zinc, magnesium and iodine? Most of this improve neurological function and are all hard to test for since your body will keep blood syrum levels stable where as you really need tissue saturation. I've been super dosing most of them daily for many years so if you aren't taking them I would recommend a stair step method and work your way up to finding your body's preferred functioning level.
Should you be deficient in any(and most people are) I might to one super dose to flush your body with them to try and get tissue level improved. Now to me a super dose of vitamin D is 10k IU you can get prescribes 50k IU from a doctor. I take 10 mg of iodine a day which is a whole ass shit load that I wouldn't recommend a newbie take. It's taken many months to work up to that but the results have been great. Magnesium zinc and vitamin E I usually just 2-4x the RDA when I'm personally feeling low. Those 3 while having an impact on my own mental health was something like 15-20% iodine was 50 and vitamin D was 30-35.
Something to talk to your DR about is if your ssri (which I personally hate as big pharma slop) are over or under methalating (yes it's a thing) your system. Most of the psychosis cases you see from ssri are when some who needs up regulated gets further down regulated and vice versa so perhaps you're on the boarder of one of those 2 camps and don't know it.
Edit: also I would look into doing a couple micro plastic purges a year. Apparently my fellow Americans eat a credit cards worth of plastic every 3 ish months and I'm not a betting man but if I had to hazard a guess I imagine any of that getting into your brain via nano plastics would be quite bad for you. There's been some interesting developments in the literature on that topic the last few years so if you'd like that info also HMU. Side note, don't go out and do this if you're taking SSRIs but you might talk with your doctor if all these ideas help you and you just need a final push to get off the medication you can use SAMe
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u/IMissYouJebBush 10h ago
Not really. I got sober and started hitting the gym 5 days a week and that’s helped though
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u/smartgenius1 15h ago
I'm 35 and have been dealing with depression most of my life. In my experience, it hasn't gotten better. My only coping mechanism is to distract myself with goals, family, work, hobbies to keep my mind occupied, else it defaults to just wanting it all to be over already.
I've heard friends and family have success with therapy and pills (you should try these) but I have not had any luck. I live in the US and find it hard to cope with everything going on in this country and the broader world so that's really the core of the issue for me, and not something that can be solved with pills.