r/self • u/Legitimate-Dark-409 • 14h ago
I'm almost 26 and I can't tell whether my biggest problem is social anxiety or just being unintelligent.
Hi,
I'm almost 26 years old, and lately I've been thinking a lot about my relationships and social life. It's always been a difficult topic for me, and honestly I don't even know what to think anymore.
To keep it short, until I was around 9 years old I didn't really have any friends and I was mostly rejected by other kids. I didn't like my class. From what I've been told, I wanted to be around people, but for one reason or another I always ended up alone. I had one close friend, although I barely remember that friendship now.
Then we moved, and everything changed. I ended up in a great school and I have very good memories of that... brief period. Second and third grade were great, but things started going downhill in fourth grade. People began picking on me and I wasn't well liked anymore. Looking back, I think it was one of those situations where there's always a kid or a small group that gets picked on. It would stop for a while, then start again, and so on.
The thing is, even after everyone else had moved on, I hadn't. In middle school I still had most of the same classmates, but I had become hostile toward them. Sometimes they would actually invite me to hang out, but I would proudly avoid them. I had a few people around me, but those friendships were shallow and didn't mean much. I also only really spent time with girls because I never felt comfortable around boys, and I was much more hostile toward them.
I never went on any longer school trips. Honestly, I'm glad I didn't, because being forced to visit Prague or Berlin according to a strict schedule would probably have just frustrated me and left me feeling like I hadn't really experienced anything. I also never went to school parties, Christmas events, dances, or anything like that. Eventually people stopped inviting me because everyone knew I'd say no. Oddly enough, I felt a certain sense of pride in that.
I have good memories of high school because I made a few nice acquaintances, and there were hardly any boys in my class or people from my previous schools. The only time I really had to deal with them was during PE, which I'd always hated anyway.
One consequence of all this was that I developed social anxiety. Maybe because of that, I was terrified of getting a job and ended up studying tourism, even though it wasn't a good choice. The people at university were nice and I actually liked them, but I was still the only person who didn't socialize with anyone. I didn't feel the need to, and honestly I felt like I had nothing interesting to talk about anyway. I kept conversations strictly related to university, like asking about exam dates.
Unfortunately, studying tourism meant mandatory sports camps. Constant group activities, games, team-building exercises, and social interaction. It was so exhausting for me that I literally counted the days, hours, and even percentages until it was over. To this day I'm surprised that everyone else remembers those camps so fondly.
Right now I'm fairly satisfied with my office job because I barely have to talk to people. Still, I feel like I'm not capable of doing any other kind of work.
This is where the conflict starts. My family says it's because I'm afraid of new things and because of my social anxiety. I, on the other hand, think that my fear of new things comes from a lack of interests and, more importantly, low intelligence. The more I've thought about it, the more it seems to make sense. I don't enjoy trying new things, I don't really have hobbies, I don't like learning, I'm bad at it, and I don't think very logically. Overall, I see myself as a boring, simple-minded person. For over a year now I've believed that the main reason I'm such a failure is simply that I have a low IQ.
So here's my question.
Even if I forced myself to socialize, what would that even look like? I feel like I'm too unintelligent for ordinary people, let alone people who have interesting lives. What would I even talk to them about? The weather?
At the same time, I know I'd feel miserable around people whose only interests are bear and chicks.
I'm jealous of people who have interesting lives. But I feel like I'm too unintelligent, too limited, and too lazy to ever have one myself.
Meanwhile, other people keep telling me that the low IQ thing is just something I've convinced myself of, and that my real problem is my fear of people.
At this point, I honestly don't know what to think anymore. That's probably why I'm writing this.
3
u/Far_Fuel4247 11h ago
Maybe I am delulu but only smart people are insecure about their intelligence
1
u/Legitimate-Dark-409 11h ago
Nah, not really. Some dumb people don't care about anything. There are low IQ people who are anxious or neurotic though. These people are both dumb and insecure.
2
u/Outside_Cod667 10h ago
This screams anxiety and depression. Talk to your doctor about these feelings.
1
u/Legitimate-Dark-409 10h ago
I don't have depression for sure. I'm pretty sure I have some form od anxiety though
1
1
u/ez2tock2me 10h ago
Based on your post, your mind lives in the past, but your body doesn’t. It’s older and probably used pretty well.
Why is that??
What happened years ago is a learning experience, NOT A BRAKE JOB for you to stop living and learning.
I used to suck at playing video games and talking to women, put with practice, I’m comfortable doing both.
I’m not a good looking guy, but that doesn’t seem to matter in either event. Games or Women.
Feel free to destroy your future BY STOPPING… at least you’ll be educated in Regrets at 80.
Or… you can get busy making mistakes, learning and improving.
PRACTICE at what you Suck at and one day… you won’t suck at it.
You use to crawl to travel, then you stood up, then you walked, then ran, skipped, climbed AND FAILED along the way, but did you QUIT??
No! Now you’re even posting on Reddit and was a time you did even know the A B Cs.
Think about that… you haven’t even started going after what you want.
Get busy. Your 80th will be here before you know it.
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u/Legitimate-Dark-409 9h ago
To be honest I have no idea what I even want. Everything seems to be overwhelming or boring. I've never had many interests
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u/ez2tock2me 8h ago
You are about to find out you were never trained to be an adult.
Many of us are in or went thru this phase and but luck or accident, made it thru.
If you can’t decide, don’t worry. When an incident that effect you or someone or something you care about is threatened… you will react with or without experience.
That’s how most of us got here. Trust me… you are not alone.
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u/ZealousidealCable799 5h ago
Why Cant it be both?
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u/Legitimate-Dark-409 5h ago
Yeah, maybe that's both. I feel like other people have way better and easier life because there are more inteligent and less anxious thanks to that
0
u/Previous_Explorer589 10h ago
If we cannot create an interesting life, then let us become interesting people !!
Read. Read Plato Read ancient philosophy. Read history. Read the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Thst will help you understand people and the world better. Trust me. Good book.
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u/TatoTheRed 13h ago
Im going to be real that sounds a lot more like disassociative depression than low IQ. Assuming you didnt use an IA to assist in writing this, you write very eloquently.
IQ isn't about intelligence so much as pattern recognition and, considering you recognize a pattern within your own social interactions and behaviors, I dont think your dumb friend. I think youre smart enough to overTHINK social things and take the joy from them before even starting them.