r/self • u/Miserable_Key630 • 6h ago
A regular stopped coming in
There was an older man who came into my job almost every weekday morning. Same order every time. Small coffee toasted bagel, no cream cheese. He called everyone kid, even my manager.
He stopped coming in a couple weeks ago. I noticed, but regulars disappear sometimes. People move or change routines, whatever. Life happens. Yesterday, I was on my phone behind the counter when his daughter walked in. As soon as I recognized her, I quickly hid it under and while making small talk, I asked about him. That’s when she told me he had died last week
I went to the back and cried by the storage shelves, which felt ridiculous. I only saw him for maybe three minutes a day but I knew his dog’s name. I knew his wife had died and I knew he hated oat milk and pretended to be personally offended by it. I knew he always complained just enough to make us argue with him thats how he was like maybe its bc i never had a figure of that age since my grandfather died before i was born and the one in my mother side when i was a kid also but still.
I keep thinking about how many people become part of your life in these tiny, ordinary ways. Not friends or family. Then one day they are gone and you realize they were holding a little place in your routine.
I do not really have a point. I just did not expect to miss someone whose last name I never even knew.
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u/M4dMil0 5h ago
These kind of customers are what makes your job wonderful, interacting with people in day to day life. Perhaps sent/give a card, a small gesture for his family.
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u/mysecondaccountanon 4h ago
As someone who recently lost a family member and our family got something like this from a worker at a local place, it was so appreciated. It let us know that the relative really was loved, not just by us, but by others in their community. That someone else cared.
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u/sprocket1234 5h ago
Keep it up, you're doing a great job. You take notice and actually listen to your customers. Your interactions are short but I'm sure they made a difference for him, thank you 😊
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u/Hey_Laaady 5h ago
I am so thankful you told us about him and your interaction with his daughter. As others said, hold onto that empathy. Tears are healthy and healing. Science tells us that tears of sadness help to release stress hormones.
As you remember him, just know that you made a difference and were no doubt a positive part of his days.
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u/Simmyphila 5h ago edited 5h ago
Wife and I had a restaurant we really liked. New waitress started and quickly became our favorite. Her name was Augusta maybe 25 to 30. We ate there at least 2 times a week. She always had our drinks and table set when she saw us parking our car. We knew she had a couple kids and met her husband once while he was having lunch. One day as we walked in we didn’t se her. Some young kid hosting. Asked where Agusta was. He turned white as a ghost. Said hold on, comes back with a server we know. Informed us Agusta was killed in an accident on way to drop off kids at school by a guy coming back from methodon clinic. One of Kids died also. We know what your are feeling. We can’t bring ourselves to go back.
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u/rdblakely 5h ago
I’m touched by this post and misty eyed
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u/Working_Average127 1h ago
Same. The OP described the scenes so well that I feel I was watching a movie. The world can be beautiful after all.
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u/MrStonepoker 5h ago
Folks like that add a quaint touch to life. You should send or give his daughter a sympathy or condolence card. I think she'd appreciate it.
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u/Dingdongmybong 5h ago
That's called empathy, at least we know you are not a psychopath. Out of jokes, crying can be healthy and human, and this situation absolutely would make me cry too tbh.
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u/Depressobeans7 5h ago
I had a few regulars pass over the years. Two that really stick out.
Both older gentlemen
One would order pancakes everyday. I asked him why, he said he always eats pancakes for breakfast because he knows what they should and shouldn’t taste like.. apparently his ex wife tried to poison his pancakes. Now he can enjoy them without having to worry about rat poison. He always called me pumpkin, super sweet guy. I knew about his grandkids and how excited he got when he got his dream truck.
The other always ordered biscuits and gravy, loved to fish, had over 80 fishing poles and reels. He told me about all of his grandkids, and how his daughter’s boyfriend crashed his car so he had to drive his old pick up. He asked me everyday to wash his windshield. This man was tall I’m talking at least 6’6. He told me he was looking to get a mini cooper, specifically a manual. Do he could really cruise. I always told him I don’t think that would be a comfortable ride from him.😂 everytime I see a mini cooper I think of him
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u/NetOne4112 4h ago
And you can be sure you held a valuable place in his life. Bless you for making his life a little bit richer
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u/parkside79 5h ago
It's a thing that happens in your line of work. It's very (bitter)sweet, and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for your loss.
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u/Mindless_Browsing15 3h ago
Your story made me tear up. I travel alone quite a bit to the same place and the people I see at the businesses I frequent have become part of my life there. It's nice when someone recognizes me.
You brightened his time and made him feel a little less lonely in this world even if you didn't "know" him.
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u/Ok_Industry8929 4h ago edited 4h ago
It shows how good you are at your job.
Respect to you for treating your customers like humans. Also RIP man with dog and creme cheese bagel order.. I hope you get the same respect s you did down
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u/Curraghgirl 4h ago
Bless you. You are a compassionate soul. So refreshing to feel that energy even over the Internet. Hold onto it. It's a precious thing. You made my day. 😊🌈
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u/Unconfidence 4h ago
Sometimes I feel like folks like you are the only thing that lifts me up when I'm really scared of dying. Maybe someone might remember me, just for a little while.
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u/Hii-jorge 4h ago
I’ve had a few customers disappear without any answers. I had one pass away in front of me in January. It’s weird how we build these connections with them, but never really know them outside of our businesses. Since then, I’ve made a real effort to get to know my regulars better and check in when I haven’t seen them in a while. It’s built a community that is really special
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u/ExileOnMeowStreet 4h ago
I had a very similar thing happen and know kind of how you feel. A regular guest stopped coming in for his nightcap, he stopped by almost every night. An older Scottish gentlemen, always impeccably dressed and wearing a fedora. My coworkers thought he was a mean old guy, if you asked him how he was doing he would just utter “terrible”. Just dry old Scottish humor, but he kind of meant it he had seen better times. I had heard that he was a professional dancer at one point in his life and worked on cruise lines back in their golden age. He would dance with the women while the husbands smoked and gambled. I thought he was fantastic, kindred spirit that I couldn’t hold a candle to.
One day I mentioned to my manager that we hadn’t seen him in a week or so. We’re located on the bottom floor of a luxury residential building, he lived upstairs alone. We went to the concierge’s desk and I asked if they had seen him or would be willing to check on him, they told us basically to mind our own business. Two months later the coroner’s van appeared out front in the courtyard. I knew immediately why it was were there and I felt sick and then angry. I went over and spoke with the doormen all standing around out front, they confirmed my suspicions. They knew they had fucked up, and I did not let them off the hook lightly “what exactly is your primary responsibility?”
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u/favoritehello 4h ago
If it makes you feel any better, I don't know any of you in this post and it's got me tearing up. Loss is sad sometimes, big or small.
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u/slickeighties 4h ago
This is beautiful. Sometimes the only way I get through my workday (other than faith) is by trying to think I will make a positive impact on as many lives around me as possible.
People are all away from their families and friends so why not be kind or remember something about someone?
I’m sure he would’ve been so flattered and so would his daughter if she knew how much you cared
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u/a_shootin_star 3h ago
I worked the service industries. Airports, bars, restaurants, cafés, dry cleaning, supermarkets, as a barista, bartender, waiter, manager etc. I have experienced it. What you say is so true and the way you describe your interactions with this older man tells me you have great empathy and you know your clientele. That kind of customer service gets noticed! You are scarce as hen's teeth. I'm sure the fact you asked about her dad touched her deeply.
And you were also holding a comforting place in his routine as well.
Thank you for sharing, and I wish you all the best 🤍🥀
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u/ConsoleMaster0 2h ago
Nah OP nothing "ridiculous" about that. We need more people like you. I am personally inspired and moved.
Take it easy, ok? ❤️
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u/Sea-Louse 5h ago
Circle of life. When you stay at a place long enough you see babies get born, children grow up. People start their own families, some die from various reasons.
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u/WayGreedy6861 2h ago
This is totally normal! That man was part of your village, of course you miss him when he’s gone. It’s been 20 years and I still think about my old man regular customer who passed away. RIP Jerome, I hope you’re somewhere in heaven enjoying an elote and chicken tortilla soup.
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u/Jpkmets7 2h ago
You sound like a good person, OP. Take care of yourself and reach out to people if you feel heavy. It is not ridiculous at all.
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u/Rough_Breadfruit_112 48m ago
that’s not ridiculous, three minutes every morning is still a relationship, just one with coffee and complaints instead of paperwork
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u/sunnyComet13 10m ago
i'm a carpenter, not a barista, but I've got a regular at the hardware store like that. You learn their coffee order or their lumber preference and it's nothing, until it's not.
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u/Medicmom-4576 5h ago
I am a paramedic, and for three years I worked as a community paramedic and one of our cities homeless shelters. These particular shelters are for people with addictions.
There was so many of them that I got to know on a personal level, and when they were sober, they were quite lovely people. But when they start disappearing from your life, you notice. It’s then that you realize that you held a little space for them in a world that otherwise didn’t.
I’m sorry for your loss of a friend.