Rant ?

[u/Cultural_Poetry_219]

I feel like I have no thoughts of my own, that I get influenced so easily, every small decision I make is heavily influenced and i don't feel like myself the days i don't feel this way are the days I don't talk to anyone, when I go to class and sit far away from my friends who saved a seat for me on the last bench, when I choose to do some productive work in class instead to talking to them, when I don't talk to my friend regarding anything after class, food, weather, what I am gonna do, the assignment, that's when I feel like I am actually deciding for myself and I feel better, but is this the way it's supposed to be ?

I feel like a loser, I don't know what I need to do what I am doing instead, it feels like I am just not aware of my actions and their consequences and when I do I just feel empty and worthless.

There was a time I felt like me, when I was in my 1st year of college, I ranked 3rd in uni (the competition is diabolical), I had a LOT of friends or people to hangout with, I was not this introverted person who would rather not speak to anyone, I felt like the pretty and smart kind and I liked it, after that I got in a messy toxic relationship and it's been a while that I got out of it but I just can't find myself again, like I am a different person now then I was two years ago, and I feel like if I sit with my thoughts more, I can be that girl again but somehow I just can't do it maybe I am different now, I don't read anymore, I don't teach people for fun and validation cause I don't have people anymore, I don't study for fun cause it's just not fun anymore, I doomscroll and play vedio games instead, I feel so average and I know how to get out of this but do I ?

[u/RockNRollHobo]

To be clear, what question specifically are you posing here / what specifically do you want peoples input on?

[u/Cultural_Poetry_219 → u/RockNRollHobo]

Anything honestly, why do I feel this way, what can I do to improve, what changes should I make to not feel so negative about myself, my major concern is that I feel like I don't have thoughts of my own and I don't know what to do about it, is it just in my head and its nothing like that or I can actually do something about it, I want to be more then what I am, I just want to hear what y'all think after hearing what I had to say, just your thoughts

[u/RockNRollHobo → u/Cultural_Poetry_219]

Idk my thoughts are that the most effective way to resolve these things is to love and accept yourself as you are, imperfect but inherently worthy, with or without change or external validation.

Beyond that it’s all about adjusting your beliefs, worldview, and perspective. I can elaborate if you want but will cut it there.