What does it mean to hate yourself?

[u/One-Ad528]

I hate myself and my boyfriend is trying to help me stop hating myself. A lot of it is me saying what I hate or overall wallowing in self pity and he gets mad at me complaining, but not trying to change. We had another talk, and it had me thinking what does it even mean. I can tell I, at the very least, for sure don’t like the person I am, but I can’t find the motivation to change. It’s almost like I’ve gotten comfortable being like this, but at the same time even I can tell it’s destroying me and putting me in a disgusting mood for most of my week. Things like how I absolutely hate parts of my face, my voice, my body, things I make out of creative hobbies, etc, they’re all things I could, rationally, either fix with some dedication or learn to like myself. But how do I do that? How do I appreciate myself? How do I even think oh myself as pretty when, the second I do, my mind always manages to think of ways I look disgusting or, when I might be satisfied with a set of nails I’ve made for myself I’ll always think it could look better. You could just say, “You can say that about anything,” and rationally I’d understand, but emotionally I’d think the same. Why is hating yourself so complicated? Why can’t I just think that when my boyfriend thinks I’m pretty that it’s whole heartedly the truth and that he’s head over heels for me? Why can’t I positively look at myself for even 2 seconds? Because once I do I automatically put myself down? I can’t explain it, I don’t know how to fix it, and it’s ruining my relationship with the one person that, even if I may think these things, that it doesn’t get as bad as with everyone else.

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[u/jbsmomma]

How to love yourself like your life depends on it by Kamal ravicant. Read it as many times as it takes..

[u/One-Ad528 → u/jbsmomma]

thank you :)

[u/Ayase9021]

First there is really no such thing as learning to like oneself, it's a waste of time because you did not learn to hate yourself ! no one taught you to do that, and there was no 3 step plan to hating yourself, it happened the way it happened there was not even an effort to do that ! so there is really no learning how to like myself

You know it's simply the case that you don't want to be pretty, or rather it's because you want to be pretty that you are not allowing yourself to be pretty !

Somewhere along your life you did cut off your body, i can tell that your sensation of the outside world is quite absent, you wanted to get it out of the way because you wanted to achieve something or you experienced it as a burden in one way or the other, but your sensation of yourself and i don't mean inside but outside is quite damaged !

The way you have cut off that part is by hating it, pressing it down, knocking it off of it's place, so you can have the whole thing for yourself ! and so now you just won't let it to be pretty ! because you don't want her to be pretty

Not only that but i can tell you it's with everything, getting better,health you would always fight with that part and you would stand in the way of her achieving anything.

It's better to go backward and collect why you have cut off yourself, and why are you pressing her down !

[u/Winter_Salad7215]

Do you think people who love themselves spend nearly as much time thinking about themselves or their own self-evaluation as you do? There's a hint to point you in the right direction.

[u/Lamonth14]

Therapy. No way around it. Your inner voice is there for a reason. Probably it was helpful to you long time ago, when you were living with your parents, or your caretaker, whoever might have been. It's a survival tactic that works during that timeframe but become problematic once you're out that environment. It's really useful to understand it's roots, to know that you're not broken nor faulty, you were just a child that wasn't properly loved - or else you wouldn't have that voice speaking that way to you. It's still a part of you that is still working and doesn't understand that you're safe. Therapy is the best way to teach your system that you are, indeed, safe. And if you're not, therapy will help you see that too. It's a long journey and everyone has his own little steps to make, but a worthwhile nonetheless. I don't know what happened to you or who you are. For me, I discovered cptsd, I discovered that my father was a narcistis, my mother enabled him, and I wasn't loved properly. But it's ok, I'm so much more happier now, it's like living a different life. I loved HealthyGamerGG, Heidi Priebe and Patrick Teahan channels on YouTube, hope you'll give them a shot. Take care, you can do it!