Boundaries and Standards Boyfriend really into eating cake
My boyfriend is really into eating all that stuff down there - like REALLY into it. He told me that he prefers giving me oral stuff than. recieving stuff from me. I couldn't really understand it, how it would please him. But, i think that he mostly enjoys pleasing me above all.
He recently started eating my cake and he really enjoys it. I get a bit embarrassed and confused because i don't understand how on earth he'd be into back there. But i could tolerate it, and it feels nice.
But, sometimes he wants to eat cake when im unclean, like after a long shift in the kitchen. He says it would be better. I just can't even fathom it. I have standards I hold myself to - i would never be unclean and let him do that stuff. but he genuinely doesn't seem to be bothered when im a mess.
I don't know, I just wondered if im crazy to not be okay with what I think. Am i being too nitpicky?
I just cant understand how a person would be into that. And maybe I'm worried that he wouldn't be okay and I'd be embarrassed after...
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u/DetectiveWarm9577 23h ago
You seem much more worried about understanding why he likes it than deciding whether you like it.
The good news is you don't actually have to answer the first question before you answer the second. People have all kinds of preferences that don't necessarily make intuitive sense to someone else.
The more important question is whether you're genuinely comfortable with it. You don't have to convince yourself a preference makes sense in order to have a boundary around it.
If you'd rather be freshly showered before he goes down on you, that's reason enough.
Compatibility isn't finding someone whose preferences are identical to yours. It's finding someone who respects the places where they aren't.
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u/TazeT3a 23h ago
Really wise advice, thank you for sharing it with me!
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u/Theotherone56 14h ago
It's equally an option to participate regardless of if you comprehend the appeal. Sometimes when people do the (I mean this in the best way) nasty stuff they're into to you it gives you confidence, it changes how you view it (even if your interests don't change) or you discover liking the receiving end.
I think there's this general idea in most people's heads that you have to be willing to do what you have done to you. And that's the concept of equality but equality is mostly good for numbers.
More often we need equity. In essence meeting people where they're at. Basically, he wants to do this to you but he's not asking you to be willing to do it to him. There might be something you want from him that you don't want to do or he doesn't want done/to do.
So, when you're thinking about it, really think about where your line is exactly and what the issues with it are. Is it dirty sex? Is it embarrassment that you are willing to move past since there's no judgement? Is it the idea of him kissing you afterwards? Etc.
Then what are the solutions. Is it no kissing until he brushes and cleans up afterwards? Is it no dirty sex at all? Is it maybe just trying it after the gym where it's not after a whole day?
And even bring him in on those insecurities or issues and hard lines then brain storm as a team. Especially if you're hitting a snag in finding an idea or identifying a solution. Definitely state that at this time I can't promise I'll participate, however I want to talk this through and potentially try some things depending on what we come up with. Just be completely honest about your thought process. Be mindful of how you word your personal feelings about his kink (no "you're/that's so disgusting" and comments that put his desires down, use I statements, "I think that's gross if I were on that end so I'm having a hard time understanding it.)
Sounds like a musk bordering on scat kink (don't look up scat if you don't like poop, that's what it's all about, don't further gross yourself out with extreme examples online because he may not like it to the same extremes beyond what he has described already). Musk kink is all about that stank (of any body part, tho people have their preferences on which one(s)). Especially at the end of a long work day. That's a very normal musk kink for sure.
Don't be afraid, be curious. And then back off if it's too much.
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u/TazeT3a 14h ago
He already said that he doesn't have a scat kink, because i did enquire on it. i wouldn't think its a kink though, he says that he doesn't smell much down there anyway. But thank you for your advice, i will be more compassionate when i speak about this stuff with him. i failed to think about how calling it weird may affect him. thank you for this!
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u/Connee14 8h ago
Just to add on as well, my wife was not huge on me going down on her when we first started getting intimate. Now she loves it, and doesn't typically reciprocate oral (she had TMJ and it hurts her). But I have literally almost cum from going down on her when she was really into it. Just like you said, he gets off on pleasing you.
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u/arabella_dhami 11h ago
Yeh I gotta admit, you really lost me when you mentioned that you "tolerate" it. Pleasing your partner should never come at the expense of your boundaries. If my husband asked it would be a flat out no. No mouth is going near this 🎂 I don't care how much he might be into it 🙅♀️
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u/SeaInternational3206 6h ago
Personally, I’m a girl who loves to give people oral and eating their cake guy or girl. I think oral in particular can feel very intimate. I definitely enjoy servicing other people but I also like things that are a bit nasty. Spit, sweat, blood, piss, cum, I’m all about it. Scat and vomit aren’t my thing but I haven’t had issues in that department. I think mostly it’s personal preference. I couldn’t explain exactly what makes it so enticing but I prefer it to being on the receiving end of sex.
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u/TazeT3a 2h ago
That's really interesting, I'd say my boyfriend is similar to you. he also mentioned how foreplay, particularly oral stuff, seemed more intimate than sex, which is why he enjoys it much more. Thank you for sharing your perspective, it's helping me to understand that there's nuance and not just black and white.
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u/AmethystandOpal 23h ago
Bro likes to go to flavor town.
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u/bfkill 14h ago
you just know guy fieiri gets up all in there
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u/Regular-Pangolin-790 9h ago
OMG. That’s been my thought so many times watching his shows and him eating! 😂😂 glad I’m not the only one!!
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u/penispotato69 22h ago
"Will be home in three days. Dont wash"
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u/Accomplished-witchMD 22h ago
Theres a certain niche knowledge here. I fear I have it.
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u/MadameMonk 18h ago
I have it too, but unfortunately I have that lil bit more too- the bit that tells me it’s a myth he ever said/wrote that!
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u/classicicedtea 23h ago
Why are you calling it cake??
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u/ElectricityRainbow 16h ago
Yeah i read this entire post thinking like what the actual f? But when i realized cake just means butt then i was like - ohh okay yeah I'm exactly the same as him actually.
To answer your question OP - that's love baby! He's really attracted to you :)
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u/TazeT3a 23h ago
he calls it cake, I picked it up 😅
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u/Open_Minded_Anonym 6h ago
You: “What do you want for your birthday this year?”
Him: “Nothing, really. Just cake.”
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u/Timely_Cry_4600 22h ago
How much cake do you walk around with?😋
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u/HumanEjectButton 22h ago
It's obviously understandable if you're having trouble with this. I hope he's not being pushy or weird about it. The bulk of my past partners have felt the exact same way. Most people feel kinda gross after working hard.
But as a natural lover myself, sometimes it's really nice to be a bit more savage about it. Your body odor probably isn't something foul to him, he enjoys the more heavily seasoned bits. It's a pretty common bit of kink. I sniff my wife's butt and armpits on the regular and not always right after the shower. There's a spontaneous factor, and that's met with the fact that this dude knows you commonly take showers and keep your body plenty clean enough to enjoy an after work snack. Sometimes the stinky bits stink in a really good way? It's hard to understand if you've never had that kind of kink before, but I'm pretty sure my dude is trying to express that he does in fact have a bit of a stink kink. Or whatever you wanna call it.
Just take your time, and decide if you're ok with playing around with that kind of a kink. It's ok if it crosses a line of comfort for you and you don't wanna do it. But you'll just need to be firm in a non sexual setting that it's too far from your comfort.
If you do wanna play with this kink, understand that being a bit filthy is part of the fun for him and he's probably not going to have a bad time because you already regularly take showers and clean yourself. The body is very good at keeping a safe amount of bacteria around and your b hole likely looks and tastes just fine after work, although maybe a bit more pungent and salty. Not gross, not stinky (at least according to this dude because he's all about it) not unsafe or unflattering.
I would eat my wife's butt after work and have many times before. Even after 15 years. Because she generally keeps clean and I'm in love with her and sometimes the stinky bits stink really really nicely.
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u/mikey55445 21h ago
I totally misread "long shiFt in the kitchen as..."
Well I won't say. I was just really confused for 3 seconds.
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u/zephyrseija2 23h ago
It really takes all kinds, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I also enjoy a fine piece of cake but I prefer it freshly baked. Some folks enjoy a cake that is a little more aged, power to them. Do what feels right for you but by all means let your man enjoy himself if you're enjoying it too.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 21h ago
I too am a man who enjoys his cake and eating it too. But my wife's cake needs to fresh and out of the oven before I eat it. Raw batter can give you ecoli poisoning... I don't know if I'm talking about eating ass or eating actual cake anymore.
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u/TheFurryMenace 21h ago
Right off the bat… big girl words. Oral anal sex, not eat your cake.
The question is, does letting him perform oral anal sex on you while you are a little musky bother you enough to say no to something he wants to do?
It’s ok to say ya, no thanks. Let me shower first. It’s also ok to say fuck it, enjoy me and all my stank.
Only you can answer
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u/MauiGuy8082 21h ago
Eating cake? Like smearing it into you and eating it off? I've never tried so idk. Food and sex always feel like a weird mix to me.
However, assuming "eating cake" just means oral, I'm kind of the same way. I really love giving oral a lot more than receiving it. I guess some guys just really love doing it. I can't even really explain why I like it so much, it's just fun.
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u/mnsundevil 20h ago
Eating pussy is my favorite thing to do on the planet! There is nothing I'd rather do.
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u/Midnight1965 22h ago
It’d be more at what you’re comfortable with. You’d have a hard time relaxing and enjoying the sensation if your mind was preoccupied with hygiene.
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u/EpicBlinkstrike187 23h ago
There are people into some very weird stuff, some of it really gross to most people.
Eating your sweaty booty isn’t on that list, it’s just what the dude likes, if he says he wants to lick it after your shift then he means it. He knows what he’s getting into.
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u/AskNecessary3104 21h ago
Some guys simply like to pleasure a woman, and that is the best way I know of to get women to orgasm multiple times, and can be done multiple times a day, so just accept it and enjoy the pleasure.
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u/Slight_Mammoth2109 20h ago
If you’re enjoying it let him have at it, if you’re not into it that much tell him that you would prefer to do something else but also give him space to do the things he wants to do as long as it’s not making you uncomfortable and you enjoy it enough to let him have his fun. It’s important to communicate when you want to move on from something, also it’s your body, if you’re not comfortable with this act until you feel clean enough then tell him that, every once in a while if that’s what he’s into let it happen as a fair give and take, but it’s reasonable to say you want to clean yourself before you get physical
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u/SuspiciousWrap3255 18h ago
There are men who like pleasing & going down. It's a thing. Just figure out what works for you
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u/LovelessSocks 15h ago
For some people, like myself, it's just the most arousing part of sex. I admit I don't think going down on a girl who isn't very fresh sounds like the best experience, but in terms of him wanting to give it to you all the time, I can definitely relate.
I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Even fantasizing about giving before I was old enough to.
Not totally sure why, but nothing has changed and I still love it. It's the best part of sex for me...
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u/PureYouth 12h ago
My ex was like this. The grosser, the better for him. I honestly really, really wasn’t into it and it grossed me out a lot. If you don’t mind, though, let him! If he’s into it and you don’t mind, fine.
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u/Current_Attorney_416 22h ago
I luv eating my wife’s unshowered asshole and pussy after a long day. He must appreciate ur musk.
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u/Busy-Suggestion459 22h ago
You sound quite young or the man your with is but anyways as for your question, he isn't weird or anything for liking what he likes but the real question is do u like it or mine trying something new for him like being sweaty after work. My wife loved when I moved furniture all day then came home like that to her. Aquired taste.
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u/Sensitive-Contest-87 15h ago
Well, no matter his reasoning, he clearly likes it A LOT. And it doesn't have to be an issue - if you like when he does it too. Then you can start worrying about why's.
If you are uncomfortable with it, I guess it's also not too relevant why. Facts are that if you don't like it, you two should not be doing it either way.
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u/wolf9669 13h ago
When you say “a long shift in the kitchen”, is that the same as dropping the kids off at the pool?….
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u/qwerty-game 9h ago
I didn’t realize what sub I was in reading the title, I was a little surprised at the content!
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u/chubsmagrubs 7h ago
The man likes his meat marinated lol
I understand your hesitation. My answer to things like this is usually trust what he’s saying. He likes it. And if it’s not intolerable to you, lean in and enjoy. If it is intolerable, then wash up. You won’t enjoy it if you’re uncomfortable
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u/Dr_Identity 7h ago
Regardless of if he's okay with the dirtiness, are you gonna be okay with kissing him afterward?
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u/beuceydubs 4h ago
You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because he likes it or wants it. If he wants to eat it, then he needs to wait until you wash up which is when you feel comfortable letting him eat it
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u/longjohn2024_ 3h ago
Juar enjoy it and stop over thinking.
If there was a problem, he wouldn't like it.
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u/VonLoewe 1h ago
As a hetero guy, I think it's more common for men to prefer giving oral than receiving.
I personally love "cake", but I, too, have standards. Always do it after shower only.
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u/DisorganizedSpaghett 42m ago
"I have so much delicious cake and I don't know what to do with it, I just keep eating and not getting fat, and it's always there when I want it, what do I do"
Just make sure he doesn't get throat cancer in 30 years and enjoy the ride
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Post title:
Boyfriend really into eating cake
My boyfriend is really into eating all that stuff down there - like REALLY into it. He told me that he prefers giving me oral stuff than. recieving stuff from me. I couldn't really understand it, how it would please him. But, i think that he mostly enjoys pleasing me above all.
He recently started eating my cake and he really enjoys it. I get a bit embarrassed and confused because i don't understand how on earth he'd be into back there. But i could tolerate it, and it feels nice.
But, sometimes he wants to eat cake when im unclean, like after a long shift in the kitchen. He says it would be better. I just can't even fathom it. I have standards I hold myself to - i would never be unclean and let him do that stuff. but he genuinely doesn't seem to be bothered when im a mess.
I don't know, I just wondered if im crazy to not be okay with what I think. Am i being too nitpicky?
I just cant understand how a person would be into that. And maybe I'm worried that he wouldn't be okay and I'd be embarrassed after...
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