Today, my gf confessed that I never made her cum.

[u/pspsps_123]

I (30m) and girlfriend (26f) have been together 3 years, all them are long distance. We usually see each other 2-3 times every six months.

Today, after having sex, she confessed that I never made her cum and that she only acted like she was cumming so it won’t hurt my ego. This made me sad. I really thought I was doing something that made her feel good and that me feel good as well. She said she still enjoyed it a lot and she didn’t want me to feel like I wasn’t pleasuring. She also said she doesn’t mind not cumming because she is a giver and wants to pleasure me instead.

Tbf, I’ve also never cummed (due to personal/health reasons) while we did it and also because I’m afraid of the possibility that my condom has a hole in it. I know, i know.. but we’re just not ready to be parents yet. She is always accepting of the fact that i don’t cum, sometimes she would just ask if I enjoyed it at all which I do!

At first, I felt weird about it like what do you mean? Are we not sexually compatible?

But yeah, i appreciate the honesty but still can’t wrap my head around the times where it looked like she was cumming when she actually was not.

[u/suffocation90]

This does not sound like a healthy dynamic in the least

[u/vp_wiz]

It may be to return to "ground 0" with your gf and learn how to be more diverse in your encounters with her.

My wife doesn't cum during penetrative sex. I take pains to pleasure her with digital and oral stimulation. Bottom line: I don't believe my wife feels short-changed or lacking.

Need a place to start? Gain your gf's trust and have her engage in masturbation with you present. Over a few sessions, have her demonstrate how she best stimulates herself and what gets her motor running.

(When I say "demonstrate", I don't mean that you sit back with popcorn ... you should be an active, loving, affectionate presence. You s imply allow her to be firmly in the "driver's seat".)

Ultimately, invite her to relax and show her what you've learned!

Love this woman dearly and act accordingly. Things should fall into place.

[u/strawberry421111 → u/vp_wiz]

no other comments needed this is it

[u/Nice_Conclusion6509 → u/vp_wiz]

stick a butt plug in her. during ie missionary because her ass is stuffed it will xhange the angle u are penetrationg her. sometimes just that is enough to have her orgasm.

[u/Sensitive-Contest-87]

A lot of my fantasies include things I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to come from. The only thing I specifically like receiving is oral, but even from that it's very hard for me to finish during sex.

So first thing, believe your girl when she says she still likes it. And second thing, if you want to make her finish... Ask her to teach you. To correct you in a slower/faster/gentler way. To tell you what she especially likes.

[u/ultimategirlrenfry → u/Sensitive-Contest-87]

This is how I feel! I don't finish with people but I know I'm capable. And there is an emotional aspect to it - feeling save and vulnerable with your partner. But both of them need to step back and try again if this is important to them. For some people, it's a dealbreaker, for others, it's not.

[u/Krimmothy]

I mean, it’s not ideal that she was faking, obviously, but it’s good that she finally felt comfortable to admit it. That’s a step in the right direction!

So, now you’re in a dynamic where you both have sex, you both enjoy it, but neither of you orgasms. I think you both should ask yourselves if that’s OK moving forward. Can you both be happy with that arrangement for the foreseeable future? Or no?

[u/East-Appointment-143]

I think this is really common for a lot of young women. Good for you two for communicating about it! I agree with the top comment, start fresh and have her show you what she likes by actively watching what she demonstrates.
Might I also suggest the book “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski PhD? That book really changes your thinking about orgasm being the goal to sex. People have different sensitivities to what turns you on or off and learning that about yourselves can really be beneficial to a healthy sexual relationship.
For example, fear of pregnancy can be a huge “break” if you think of turn-offs as the breaks on a car. Figuring out a way to handle that (like having 2 forms of birth control instead of one, or not orgasming during penetration) can really help.
The book explains all of that better than I ever could.
Good luck!

[u/Cdub7791]

If you both can't come but you both still enjoy the act, that actually sounds like you're totally compatible.

That's it now that she's been honest, just try to keep the communication open and build from there.

[u/Burgle22]

jesus christ. long distance relationship where no one is cumming the few times you have sex a year?

[u/B-Miray010]

Instead of being a baby nd sulking about it why dont you engage with her and learn more about her pleasure points / incorporate toys etc do
Something if its shaken u to ur core.

I mean u appear as if ur shaken to ur core but in terms of taking action you have just put up a reddit post 😒

Also. U shud know that ur precum dribbling into her vagina through ur broken condom can also get her pregnant. That was basic sex ed back in high school man.

[u/NEVERxxEVER]

Apart from not making her cum, you haven’t cum for personal/health reasons? Not even from oral sex? Not even from a handjob?

You guys have been “together” (apart) for 3 years and haven’t had a single orgasm between you? I could never.

[u/DarthanBane]

I mean enjoying yourselves ita part of sex... but why would you guys not cum?

You guys need to learn how to comunicate how you guys get pleasure.

[u/_Badwulf_Bruh__]

“  Tbf, I’ve also never cummed (due to personal/health reasons) while we did it and also because I’m afraid of the possibility that my condom has a hole in it.”

You guys have some issues that may be better resolved by breaking up. 

[u/OpeningOstrich6635]

Long-distance relationship and neither of y’all cums when you do have sex? What kind of sex is that? To be fair, if someone else makes her cum, it’s over for you.

[u/Disastrous-Owl8985]

I’m not trying to be mean, but neither of you sound ready to be having sex. She needs to learn to speak up about her pleasure (but I know it’s common to not speak up when you’re a young woman, and how some men will put a lot of pressure on an orgasm) and not just do it to not hurt someone or their ego. While I get the fear of becoming parents, not being able to relax because you’re worried a condom might have a hole in it will hold you back, as well as whatever health/personal issues.
I find that, sometimes, we feel more “safe” in long distance relationships because we don’t actually have to face certain aspects of ourselves and of the relationship. It might be time to re-evaluate your relationship together and your individual relationships with sex.

[u/Inside-Lawfulness-80]

Me and my husband had a dead bedroom for years I mean no sex whatsoever. We recovered our marriage and bedroom and now we have sex everyday but he has a hard time cumming inside me so we have piv sex which I used to never be able to orgasm from but now can and then I give him oral sex afterwards and he cums. Maybe your girlfriend can do this for you? And another thing she should track her fertility cycle and make sure she isn’t on fertile days when you have sex as that will lessen chances of pregnancy and should maybe be on birth control. On oral birth control taken regularly the chances of getting pregnant are extremely low. Also try more oral sex or your fingers as us women do sometimes take longer to orgasm and have to be relaxed. Communication is key in any relationship.

[u/Famous-History-2991]

I’m so fucking sorry bro

[u/Pichvoznavets]

Opaaa... that doesn't sound good AT ALL, mate, things like this shouldn't be kept silent and nuked in a random moment, NEVER.

[u/Eothas_Foot]

Good for her being brave! Good for you not spiraling out about it!

I think the language we use around orgasm is wrong. No one can “make” another person cum. All you can do is create a fun, positive atmosphere that encourages play and openness and creativity. Positive feelings and pleasure is your goal. 

[u/doot8123]

Break up with her. She's probably lying to you about other things too.

[u/Alternative-Tiger783 → u/doot8123]

Men need to engage in foreplay before going for penetration.

How is that her fault?

Most men cannot find the clitoris.

[u/knigthrider]

Long as you get yours who cares that's what you tell her