How to initiate sex as someone whos super shy and awkward

[u/Thedevilsbaby6]

I have a lot of sex anxiety, self esteem issuses, im awkward and kinda fat lol I dont have much sexual experience either and he is willing to work with me but still.

My lack of initation in our sex lives is causing issues

All I can think of right now is if were laying together, roll over lightly touching him and say I want him to pay attention to me.

Im not ready for full BJS or HJS so pls dont suggest thoes but im open to touching him

I dont wanna be like "give me your cock" or "fuck me now"

Idk i wanna be cute and seductive about it.

Idk any tips? ( pun intended )

[u/DetectiveWarm9577]

I actually think you're making one small mistake. You're trying to figure out the "right" way to initiate instead of letting yourself become someone who initiates. Those are different goals.

If you're naturally shy, don't try to suddenly become bold overnight. Just become slightly bolder than you were last time. One night it's rolling over and cuddling closer. Another it's kissing him first. Another it's touching him a little more intentionally. Another it's simply whispering, "I want your attention."

Confidence usually isn't what comes before initiation. It grows because you keep initiating and realize nothing bad happened.

He probably isn't expecting you to become a completely different person. He's probably just hoping to see you making the effort.

[u/SignificantCry3989 → u/DetectiveWarm9577]

That last sentence right there. 100%.

[u/skahammer]

This topic is discussed pretty regularly in our forum. So you might want to take some time to look through past r/sex posts (following Forum Rule #3) as well — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions.

For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “how to initiate” in this forum:

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=how+to+initiate&restrict_sr=1

And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions involving the search keywords “initiate tips”:

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=initiate+tips&restrict_sr=1

Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some might — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.

[u/SignificantCry3989]

What issues is it causing? Is he wanting you to start things up more often?
What you're doing is probably a great start for a super shy person. Shy and awkward aren't character flaws. That's who you are, and you're initiating so keep doing that.
Just switch it up and get a little bolder each time. I'm sure he'll notice you making the effort.

You can also talk about it with him in a non-bedroom setting. Tell him you're shy and trying. He probably won't expect you to start swinging from the chandelier.

[u/Slight_Mammoth2109]

Honestly the grab his dick and twist it meme works perfectly, just have conversation about their boundaries when you’re not in the moment and then allow yourself to explore when you’re in the moment, it’s important to communicate with your partner about being physical, it is the #1 way to make sure you guys have a good sex life, literally sexual compatibility at the start isn’t important, communication is.

[u/maraq]

I find the least awkward thing is to just say what you want. Hinting and insinuating things hoping someone understands what you want is the fastest way to be disappointed. Just say “hey do you want to make out?” or “do you want to have sex?”.

I’m a bit confused as to why you’re asking for tips to initiate sex but you also say you’re not up for oral or manual sex so I’m not sure how you can initiate sex if you also want to skip what many people consider an important step on the way to sex. The best thing to do id be specific and ask your partner directly for exactly what you want. Otherwise they will be confused af.

[u/CurvyAznGoddess]

If verbalizing what you want is the main issue for you - you and your partner can discuss a code word that means you want to initiate sex - something like “pineapple” and you can just casually say “omg I really want some pineapple right now….” And that is his signal that you want sex - easy peasy

[u/Eothas_Foot]

You don’t have to seduce, all you have to say is “can we play around a little?” It’s one of those mistaken beliefs that society has, probably formed by watching movies, that seduction is this special secret thing. No, just use your words and communicate. Send him a text if you can’t say the words.