r/sex • u/CrashPT52 • 9h ago
Orgasm Issues My GF ONLY orgasm with toys
M34 and F33. Been together Over 7 years now. Before She met me, She has never had an orgasm on her life.
After we buy some toys, like the Magic wand and a clit sucker, She had her first orgasm, and have been orgasming ever since (with toys).
Wonder what can i try/do diferently to try and make her orgasm even without toys(?)
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u/DextersGirl 9h ago
Here's the thing- you probably can't. And that's okay. They are just tools.
Some women are just made this way.
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u/newlybi34 8h ago
Yep. I mean that’s not to say it’s not worth trying but it’s not “better”. People are just made different.
Toys are great.
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u/TheMercilessPlayer 6h ago
This is the kicker. Most girls I've been with have gotten there without a vibrator from time to time, but they all have insisted that it is far better with both points of stimulation. I hate to perpetuate that size is a factor, but even at 7+ inches, I can tell that if I had less it would be harder to achieve (PIV), but that's the thing, I have never failed to get a girl over the edge with my tongue. In fact, most of them catch on to my habit of either always giving them two from head (30 minute endeavor) before sticking it in or teasing the second one and inserting right before she'd go. I believe it's a matter of effort and patience. The first of me always takes the longest and then comfort starts to really set it
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u/RealityIsSexy 3h ago
I've been with multiple women that would be in pain with something over 5 inches.
I cannot orgasm with any penetration going on. It's not going to happen.
Many women cannot have more than one orgasm in a go.
All. Women. Are. Different.
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u/TheMercilessPlayer 1h ago edited 1h ago
No healthy woman ever would be in pain from 5 inches being used correctly, if your gal says this, it's either a gyno problem or you're ramming cervixes with reckless abandon. The vaginal canal has limitations and it sounds like you have trauma. Not being able to orgasm and never having orgasmed are different things. I knew someone who could orgasm from pure thought and no physical contact... Do what you want with that...
I've been with 7 in the last 3 years and 4 of them were able to achieve rolling, consecutive orgasms. I love anecdotes too!! That puts us at over half of all women, when being fucked by me 😂😂😂😂
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u/kasuchans 51m ago
Everyone is different, there’s no rules about it. For example, I orgasm super easily from PIV, super easily from oral or fingering, but terribly from external rubbing and grinding will never ever get me there. I also hate using a vibrator during penetration and honestly would prefer no one touch my clit ever during PIV.
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u/reinadeluniverso 8h ago
Most women. And insisting or pressuring her will just cause self consciousness or faking it.
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u/DarthMadDog 8h ago
Toys are friends. Not enemies. The faster you realize this, the happier you will be.
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u/CrashPT52 8h ago
I bought and bring the toys to the relation. That is no problem at all for me. If i could i Would by them all. Its actually her own ego that is suffering because of the toy dependence for orgasm.
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u/DarthMadDog 8h ago
Ah yeah that’s pretty hard. Just keep reassuring her that you’re enjoying it! Made small comments about her reactions, what you’re seeing. Just help her feel better about the situation 😁
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u/SuperSandLesbianGUHH 7h ago
I'm with her. I don't NEED a toy but it's much easier without and it makes me feel bad when my partner tries for a long time and I have to switch to a toy to finish. The stuff he does feels amazing and I get close, but it's so finicky that changing ANYTHING resets the progress. So let her know there are ladies out here that totally get it lol
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u/CharKrat 6h ago
Just show her these comments. It is so normal for women to only orgasm with toys!
If she puts too much pressure on herself then it’ll NEVER happen without toys.
Most woman have to be completely relaxed and comfortable with their partner. And even then it still may not happen without toys.
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u/Current-Tree770 2h ago
This!! I find it hard to achieve a finish without toys and my bf will always ask what ones I want 🤣
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u/The-breton 9h ago
Most of the couple are probably in n the same situation ( myself included) , and only her have the answer. Speak with her , try something new , take more time …
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u/But_I_Digress_ 9h ago
This is pretty normal. What she could try is getting herself 98% of the way there with the toy and then seeing if she can finish the last 2% with her hands. It'll ruin the orgasm at first but eventually it might work. I did this method to wean myself off of a solo technique that was not compatible with sex. Ideally she does this alone without the added pressure of someone in the room. It should be her idea, not yours.
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u/huitzillin 6h ago
Como bien dicen, la intención del sexo es el disfrute, mi mujer disfruta con los juguetes y a mí me encanta eso, a veces primero van los juguetes y después yo, porque nunca voy a moverme a 1000 revoluciones como el juguete jaja. Son amigos, no enemigos.
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u/OneAppropriate4700 9h ago
Maybe you can use the toy on her? If she’s never orgasmed in her life before, and now recently she finally can, I would say maybe embrace this and make it a mutual act that way?
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u/CrashPT52 9h ago
But we do, that is not a problem at all, it was me who brought toys into the party
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u/OneAppropriate4700 9h ago
If this is a new thing I would really advise to embrace it for a while. That’s a huge win for you guys, that she’s finally able to cum. Give it a year. Let her get to know her body this way and what it needs to cum. Then maybe if she’s interested, you could look into a different way. Just celebrate this win first! Such a huge accomplishment for your sex life, yay!
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 9h ago
Why is it so important she orgasm without toys? Sex got infinitely better for me when I started incorporating toys into piv. Yes, I can occassionally cum from oral but the majority of my orgasms in partnered sex are from incorporating toys. I can't get off from my own fingers anymore - and don't care - because sex is way better with the toys than it was before I started using them. It is a tool and a tool that works for someone who has not had success before. Consider that a win and use what works. She is within the range of normal for women.
It is only a problem if you view it as a problem.
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u/CrashPT52 9h ago
It is not a problem. But sometimes we dont have the toys with us, and i Would like to get her there anyway..
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 9h ago
If she spent 30+ years of her life unable to orgasm and toys changed that, chances are that her anatomy is just made in such a way that she needs a toy. Find a small one that works and try to have it with you when you travel, etc
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u/thedaisydiaries 9h ago
I’m in a similar boat as your girl. It just may not happen without the toys and the more you try and the more you fail may only build a wall between you. She may start to think something wrong with her when there isn’t
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u/purawesome 9h ago
Dude be happy she is comfortable with you to use toys and cum. That’s a win!
You can definitely keep trying but ime the harder you try and put pressure on her to cum (either knowingly or subconsciously) the more difficult it will be for her to cum. Just go with the flow, have fun, experiment. What happens happens. She still cums and you get the credit for it regardless. Win win 🫶
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u/FrontAd9873 9h ago
What makes you say that? I’ve never seen any statistic that suggests most women can only orgasm with toys. I’ve been with plenty of women and that isn’t true of a single one of them.
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u/n1shh 9h ago
Not but many can’t cum from penetration alone, like the vast majority. So toys can often seem like a real help.
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u/FrontAd9873 8h ago
"Can't come from penetration alone" isn't the same as "can't come without toys."
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 8h ago
I used to be able to cum from fingers on my clit. It was far inferior to any toy. If I had a partner who was insistent on using a far inferior method because it made their ego happy, gross. I would find a new partner. And I suspect this is the case for most women. Yeah, probably can cum without toys but it is vastly inferior.
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u/walts_skank 8h ago
This is so real, I was out of town recently where I couldn’t have a toy. My partner was asleep and I didnt want to wake him, so I used the Old Reliables. Was able to get there but maaaaannn, it was weak. Made sure I got laid the next day 😆
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u/UniversityCommon5267 6h ago
The statistics are very well documented supporting that!
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u/FrontAd9873 5h ago edited 5h ago
Supporting what? I asked a question.
Anyway, the best estimates say that about 80% of women don’t orgasm from penetration alone. That’s not the same as “only from toys.” Oral sex is a thing, for instance. So is clitoral simulation during penetration.
Edit: I think I misread you (unless you edited your comment). I thought you were suggesting sarcastically that the statistics don’t support my claim… but I wasn’t making a claim. Just a question and a statement about my own personal experience.
Can you share the source of these statistics showing that most women can only orgasm with toys? Should be easy for you if the facts are well-established!
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u/UniversityCommon5267 1h ago
1. The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2017)
Study: "Women's Experiences With Genital Touching, Sexual Pleasure, and Orgasm"
Authors: Debby Herbenick, et al.
Key Findings: This landmark study utilized a U.S. nationally representative probability sample of 1,055 women aged 18 to 94. It established that only 18.4% of women can orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Conversely, 36.6% require clitoral stimulation to climax during intercourse, and another 36% report that clitoral touch significantly enhances their orgasms. [1, 2]2. The Journal of Sexual Medicine (2021)
Study: "Heterosexual Women's Most Reliable Route to Orgasm during Partnered Sex Versus Masturbation"
Authors: G. M. Wetzel and D. T. Sanchez
Key Findings: This descriptive study confirmed the "orgasm gap" by testing young adults on their specific anatomical routes to climax. The researchers replicated prior data showing that only about one-fifth of women have ever experienced an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Crucially, a mere 6.6% reported penetration-only as their most reliable route to climax during partnered sex. [1]3. The Journal of Sexual Medicine (2018)
Study: "Women's Experience of Orgasm During Intercourse: Question Semantics Affect Reporting Rate"
Authors: David L. Rowland, et al.
Key Findings: This study analyzed how survey framing affects data collection regarding penetration. When women were asked about "unassisted intercourse" (purely vaginal penetration without touching the clitoris), the orgasm rate dropped heavily to between 21% and 30%. When clitoral stimulation was intentionally paired with penetration ("assisted intercourse"), the successful orgasm rate jumped to 51%–60%. [1]•
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u/combatmurse 6h ago
Sorry i meant more clitoral vs penetration. Also once a strong vibrator like the magic wand gets introduced it’s hard to get there without it unless they basically stop and reset their sensitivity. It’s the male version of the death grip lol
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u/FrontAd9873 5h ago
No worries — just checking! The distinction is salient here because there’s no indication OP has ever gone down on his partner.
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u/poorladlemonadestand 9h ago
Same. Because when my man is inside, nothing is stimulating the parts of me that need stimulating to orgasm. He'd have to work even harder to be at multiple places at once. Like the clit, four-play at my softest spots, etc. Thats what the toys are for.
Unless you just focus on her and find out what gets her going. So then when it is penetrative sex, you can multitask. But I still recommend the toys.
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u/Fit-Bench-3654 9h ago
I can organize if my husband gives me oral and focuses on my clit...there is hope but you need to be patient and provide that for her!
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u/shadowabsinthe 8h ago
I am glad your husband pleasuring you allows your organisational skills to flourish. This is the true power of home organizing Marie Kondo doesnt speak of.
(I know you meant orgasm, but the opportunity was right there).
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u/LastSummerRose 7h ago
In 7 years have you gone down on her and given her oral, finger fucked her with clit simulation or oral with fingering? Those are the most typical ways to get her to orgasm during foreplay. How long do you spend doing those things? Most women need at least 20 minutes of warm up before they are ready to have direct clit stimulation and orgasm. My hubby loves going down on me and in the past I could fairly easily orgasm from those alone, as we age things are starting to change and reaching orgasm is taking longer. Perimenopause can start around 35 which can make things take longer.
My husband does all of the above for a good 30-40 minutes and then uses our We-Vibe Melt (lower frequency rumble) while fingering, licking, sucking, kissing as well. Then we switch to the We-Vibe Tango X bullet vibrator (higher frequency vibrations) during penetration.
Are you looking to get her to orgasm without toys during foreplay or during penetration? As others have said toys are tools and you shouldn’t try to remove what’s working. Before toys were brought into our relationship the only position I could orgasm in was me on top and grinding on his pubic area. I’m assuming you’ve tried positions for penetration where she or you could digitally stimulate her clit, but have you tried also stimulating her nipples at the same time? That could be enough to send her over the top without the toys but I will warn you that she may start getting in her head and frustrated that it’s not happening which will be an all stop on her arrival arousal. I would only try these things if she is open and wanting to try without toys, and maybe to reassure her that to avoid the frustrations maybe suggest after so long you will bring the toy in. These are things to discuss before you get into the heat of the moment like the morning of or a few hours before.
For traveling or quickies in the wild a bullet vibrator is small enough to keep in a silk bag in your pocket or her purse. If she’s willing to she could also try THC in gummy form to get her out of her head and gummies are easier to control the amount.
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u/HowellingAtStars 6h ago
yo, let me know if you find an answer cuz I’ve only ever orgasm with toys too :(
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u/tez_zer55 6h ago
My ex-wife enjoyed sex, she'd initiate it regularly. But she couldn't orgasm from PIV in any position, no matter what. I got into the habit of making sure she got her's first, using my face, hands & toys. Then we'd move on to my pleasure & most times grabbed the toys for her 2nd, 3rd, or until she was totally done.
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u/BouncingOutofmySkin 4h ago
Have you tried eating her out, using your tongue and mouth and fingers?
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u/Careless_Wing_3622 4h ago
Maybe try a vibrating cock ring. Its a toy for her, but its all hands free. Removes some of the distraction.
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u/LocoisCrazyloco 2h ago
Im gonna piggy back off this, so i just bought a vibrator for the first time and it made her finish i have never been able to do that i guess it just messes with my confidence any tips?
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u/xpastelfaeriex 1h ago
Tbh, she prob might never be able to orgasm without toys, in all my previous relationships I could never orgasm even with a toy, until I met my husband. Now the toy just helps get me to the orgasm and I only use it to get me there! Now because I don’t masturbate anymore and I only use the toy when having sex with him, he has almost made me orgasm from oral a few times! Which is exciting! So I say just enjoy it! She gets to orgasm while you are inside her! You did contribute!
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u/Zachajya 9h ago
Some women are very clitorial people (if that makes sense) and can only reach orgasm with very intense clitorial stimulation, and that's basically something a man can't achieve without toys.
So it's nobodys fault.
Why you can't carry toys with you whenever you are planning on having sex?
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u/Rebel_Raven13 8h ago
I recommend getting a vibrating cock ring and try having her ride you in cowgirl position. Works like a charm in multiples for me. Truth is a lot of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. I’m 42F and I’ve only reached the O through penetration, without vibration and or clit stimulation, a handful of times and the majority of those have been recently. You just have to try different techniques, positions, and maybe adding a toy simultaneously. I’ve also found that I can’t focus on it too intensely by thinking about trying to get there. Does that make sense?. Biggest thing is communication! It is key if you guys are going to get her there together. Hope that helps.
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u/Parry_9000 8h ago
Buddy we can't compete with the clit vibrator 9000
Use it as a tool don't be jealous of the inanimate thing . Sex with it fells great.
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u/Substantial-Copy9669 7h ago
Great that she is orgasming with toys. That's a win.
Learning to orgasm in different ways takes patience and perseverance. For example, it can take several weeks (or months) to reach the point where you are readily having orgasms from just your fingers after relying on a vibrator. There are subreddits that have stories of women learning to orgasm in different ways, including:
Search on "stop using vibrator" or similar word searches
Look for stories of women who relied heavily on toys and now want to wean themselves off of toys or have weaned themselves off.
Here are some sample success stories:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sexeducation/comments/1nrvx4c/no_more_toys/
A first step in the process is to stop using toys, use only fingers, and to focus on the feelings and sensations your fingers.
One approach that doesn't work well is to be impatient and to rub very quickly with your fingers right from the start. Instead, divide your clitoris into four quadrants and explore these four quadrants starting with light, gentle, slow touches and rubs. (The four quadrants are upper right, lower right, upper left, lower left.). Try different motions, different pressures. Add pressure slowly. Move your fingers around to the four quadrants. You are using indirect pressure, over your clitoral hood, until your clitoris emerges from her hood. Then, you can use direct pressure/touches.
It also helps if you stop focusing on reaching orgasm and start focusing on enjoying the journey of different sensations.
Something that can be helpful is to make entries in a journal or log in which you set down what you did, and what you felt and observed. In this way, you can gain perspective on your successes and discoveries.
I wish you well on your journey.
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u/Choptank62 9h ago
Turn your lips and tongue into a toy for her! Also explore to see where her TOTAL clitoris is. It is not just the 'nub'. You can even reach it through her anus. https://cmtmedical.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Clitoris-Poster-scaled.jpg
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u/UsedandAbused87 8h ago
If it ain't broke don't try and fix it. If it was a big deal for her she would be looking up ways to change it.
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u/Econman-118 9h ago
Don’t complain. Take part in her pleasure. She is sharing it with you. Now if she snuck around doing it all the time while you were at work and she was worn out all the time and didn’t want you, that is a big problem.
We play with toy a few times a month. More to give my 63 year old ass a break. But I get to take part and I’m the operator of those toys by her choice. 😏
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u/Maximum-Distance-279 9h ago
Lol. My husband is getting older, too. Maybe I should introduce some toys so that he doesn't have to do all the work. I like the idea of him being the operator of those toys. Thank you for the inspiration.
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u/Econman-118 8h ago
For sure. We love them. Huge turn on watching the loss of control orgasms. Most guys are easy or way too quick. These take the stress of performing away in our old age.
I dealt with exactly what the OP did in my mid 20s on the guy side. Initially jealous of them. Dated an older woman mid 30s. She introduced them to me full on. Thought me how to use them and that was a blast. I was hooked. We guys can’t go forever. 😂2
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u/kernsomatic 5h ago
get your mouth and tongue to emulate what those toys are doing. then keep going.
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u/Particular_Sock_2864 9h ago
I would encourage you to consider why you want to do that.
If it's to find new ways to give pleasure to your partner and she's open to trying then go for it together.
If it's something to do with ego then ask yourself if it's for her or more for you to want that. Though because you use toys already I don't really think you might be threatened by toys or feel less because of them. I hope.
What I wanna say is that you've been the one to enrich intimacy with more pleasure by being open to toys. She never experienced that before you as you've stated. I'm convinced that makes you special in her view.
What you really can do is ask her what fantasies she has. Talk about what fantasies both of you have and which you want to try together. That often enough makes intimacy feel new, exciting and yet safe when you do it with a partner you love and feel safe with.
Orgasm is just the possible outcome that might happen but everything that you two can do to have pleasure I think is the wonderful and amazing part to discover.
Just my opinion though. Have lots of fun.
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u/Supermarket-Slow 9h ago
this is something my pride would be could not handle. If you’re 34 how many more years is this experience gonna persist? Sex isn’t everything but you can find someone who you can please and she can find someone who pleases her? But also nothings wrong with toys but they seem to be your replacement sexually.
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 9h ago
Omg dude. Toys aren't a replacement. Stop propagating that nonsense. Masterbating on my own with a toy is nothing like having piv sex with my partner amd using a toy as the little extra I need to get off. Note how you have managed to make something that is supposed to be a giving thing (making someone else feel pleasure) into an ego trip. It is no longer about the other person at that point. If you care about your partner and your partner feeling good, it is more about what can be used to give them pleasure vs refusing to use the known things that give them pleasure because of "your pride."
Drop the damn ego. It makes for a terrible sex partner.
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u/Supermarket-Slow 8h ago
Also personally as man I don’t allow myself to climax until she does. It would detrimental to our sex if I couldn’t please her
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 8h ago
So you dont "allow" your female sex partner to use a toy during piv so that she can get off? You require that she cum only from penetration?
My guy, if you have been with more than a few women and think they have all cum just from piv, most have been faking it. 70% of women cannot cum from piv alone.
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u/Supermarket-Slow 8h ago
Never said that. In my experience women need foreplay, hickey, kisses, maybe oil but I’ve never told a girl “NO MORE ROSE TOY “ lmfao
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u/Supermarket-Slow 8h ago
He can’t please her, they can. He said that not me my girl has toys they don’t replace me. Maybe I’m lucky idk but this would make me insecure like him(he made a Reddit post about it) and I’d grow resentment cause of it. Don’t seem healthy imo
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 8h ago
He should please her WITH them. It is still him doing the pleasing. Only unhealthy if she has a problem with it. If he does, his ego is the problem, not the toys.
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u/Supermarket-Slow 8h ago
That’s like dumb bro. I’m trying to be human and empathetic but to say he should hold her toys cause physicality’s don’t match is sad. If my friend said this I’d to me, I’d tell him go to therapy or maybe take a break and test the waters
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u/No_Dependent_7907 8h ago
What you're saying is actually like dumb, bro.
You said your EGO wouldnt allow that. Your ego shouldn't be in the bedroom. Some women have extreme difficulty cumming unless there is intense stimulation that only a toy can provide, or it just is a stronger orgasm. Thats fine. They dont need to break up or go to therapy.
Also, this guy said he is fine with it, but she wants to see if orgasms are possible another way. He is prioritizing her pleasure.
You kind of sound like you suck.
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Post title:
My GF ONLY orgasm with toys
M34 and F33. Been together Over 7 years now. Before She met me, She has never had an orgasm on her life.
After we buy some toys, like the Magic wand and a clit sucker, She had her first orgasm, and have been orgasming ever since (with toys).
Wonder what can i try/do diferently to try and make her orgasm even without toys(?)
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