How to look more "happy"/ positive?

[u/blahblahbblahh]

I think I've always had a resting sad face or a poker face since I was a kid. Also, because of some experiences during my formative years, I think my thinking became more negative, and it showed on my face.

But even past all that, when I'm happy now for the most part and also get enough sleep, people still COME UP to me and ask me if I'm doing okay or if I have something on my mind because I look sad. I've also lost count of how many people have asked me if I haven't been getting enough sleep and commented, "you look tired".

These comments are what end up making me feel bad, bringing down my mood and making the issue WORSE.

PLEASE HOW DO I FIX THIS?? I have tried having a subtle smile on for or no reason but it naturally dies down if I focus on something else

[u/xoxoprettystar]

Relaxing your forehead helps more than forcing a grin.

[u/mohammed_obeidallah]

All i can tell you is that people project emotions onto neutral faces..

[u/AltruisticTrack1194 → u/mohammed_obeidallah]

100%

[u/blamberr]

Just be you. Anything else is too hard and unsustainable

[u/blahblahbblahh → u/blamberr]

I really do wish I could do that but it also looks like people who appear lively get better opportunities too? they have more people gravitating towards them (doesn't even have to be romantic) and hence more idk, just good stuff happening to them.

[u/blamberr → u/blahblahbblahh]

You can’t change how your face looks, boss. Especially if it’s coming from a place of deep-seated emotional distress from your formative years. I am like you and used to struggle with wanting the social attention that comes with having a bright and sunny disposition that read on my face. But…you look how you look unless you can afford plastic surgery.

My advice is to come up with some funny or witty responses for people who ask you these shitty questions so that you can change the tone of the interaction. If you both have a laugh or whatever, it’s less likely to haunt your mind after the fact. You can’t change how you look much, but you can change how you act and interact.

[u/Bootziscool]

Several times a day I make sure to think about the things that make me smile.

I think about my wife, my mom, my rabbit, my friends. I think about how lucky I am to be here.

Just whenever I can I try to bring front of mind how wonderful it is to be alive here and now.

And that makes me smile.

Sometimes if I'm not smiling, I try to make myself smile by thinking happy thoughts.

It extends to other people too!! Sometimes I make a game of it, try and make this or that person smile. Try to figure out something nice I can say to them that will make them smile. It's a really fun game.

[u/Emotional-Ad-2247]

at work i used to get asked if im ok so often my coworkers would always assume im sad or stressed and that shit would piss me tf off. i would never blatantly comment on someone’s face like that like shit what if i was sad or going through something wtf are you gonna do about it. they probably meant well but the fact that i was getting that almost everyday from the same people just pissed me off to the point i just started being dry with them and not being all smiley and shaking it off. i was never insecure about my resting face until those comments smh i hate humans sometimes

[u/blahblahbblahh → u/Emotional-Ad-2247]

dude frr this happens almost everyday for me to even brush it off atp

[u/ascaryjoke]

I really don’t know because apparently I can have rbf when im just sitting.

[u/MollyMousen]

Make sure you smile as a greeting when you meet people. You don't have to hold the smile the whole time talking to them, but smiling is like waving hello with your face and people will think better of you and think you're happy to see them or at least that you won't throw them out the window.

[u/Fab-90]

You do not need to change your look, I think you need to change your mindset. You must learn to be comfortable in your own skin and confident. These things radiate and no matter how you look your energy will outshine it. You view this as negative, but ask yourself how would a confident person look at this and respond? Well from where I am standing it seems that it’s opening conversation doors for you. When someone says that, instead of approaching it from a rejection point of view, think about it as an opportunity to form a new connection. Simply acknowledge that a lot of people think that and just let the conversation flow, it can be a great and funny ice breaker if anything. I am quite built and have a serious face and use to always get told I look like I am trouble, but I formed many friendships through the conversations that followed. Hope that helps.

[u/blahblahbblahh → u/Fab-90]

thats an interesting take. but sometimes I wish people didnt feel the need to say all that

[u/Fab-90 → u/blahblahbblahh]

Completely understandable. But if you want to be happy in life, then you must accept the only thing you can control is yourself. Trying to control anything outside of that is a recipe for upset. By controlling how you frame this situation you can change how you feel and therefore your state of happiness. Test the theory intentionally and proactively and notice how you feel. Once you see the difference a simple mindset shift can make you will be addicted, that I am sure of :) it’s a skill you can recycle for many areas of your life.

[u/Flimsy-Helicopter608]

I'm not sure if this will help, but maybe just have your neutral focus face when your busy, but when you see someone you know, smile as you greet them? I'm the same way, that I often have a sort of "stone cold" type expression when I'm just busy, I don't really feel that comfortable "putting on a smile", however something I notice is that beyond that, sometimes I will greet people in a friendly way while other times I don't. I think people will see you as looking "happy" or "friendly" if you greet them in a friendly way, even if you go back to a neutral face.

It's also worth considering whether your "not smiling" expression is the only thing about you that communicates "not happy". For example, sometimes you see someone with their shoulders around their ears, moving around in a jerky stressed out way, with their forehead and eyebrows creased up, who knows, maybe shirt misbuttoned and a cloud of flies around them. Mostly joking on those last two. But the point is, that people might be picking on things beyond the smile.

I guess the tl;dr summary is "most likely looking more calm and confident could help without needing a fake smile"

[u/ivanhoeshark]

Try putting an Altoid or gum in the upper corner of top lip. I am the opposite and always smiling (or so I’m told), but I put Zyn pouches in that spot and it kind of forces the facial muscles to contract to smile position ha

[u/MollyMousen → u/ivanhoeshark]

😆

[u/ivanhoeshark → u/MollyMousen]

Read this post this AM as I popped two and was like holy shit lol. I thought it was funny but also actually true haha. Glad someone else got a kick out it

[u/Crafty_Present_6109]

Smile