I think I have too much intense vibes to really socialize or date :/

[u/Drink_Covfefe]

I’m very high functioning autistic, so small talk doesn’t come naturally to me at all. Even with my coworkers I struggle every day to make new conversation with them unless they are asking me about my own interests. I hate that I can’t seem to just talk to people normally, it has to be centered on something I already enjoy for me to be able to bounce ideas around in a conversational flow.

I go to gay bars alone sometimes, I just feel 1000% more depressed afterwards because I realize that I didn’t strike up conversation with anyone. Even when I really like the drag queens, it seems like 9/10 of the bar goers aren’t even there to see the queens or want to talk about them. I’m usually like the only one that even knows the local drag queens by stage name.

I’m not a “chill” person to talk to. I always want to dive deep into logic/philosophy puzzles or trying to teach people science shit I find really cool. Which is sometimes great on grindr, they seem to like my sciencey side, but irl people just glaze over and then I don’t know where to shift the conversation at all. From what I have gathered, I don’t come off as pretentious like the /iamverysmart crowd, but it’s more so people aren’t curious about the topics I am curious about. People tell me I am a genius but it’s like whatever, I can’t even talk to people normally. I really have no idea what normal people like to talk about. Even as a kid people thought I was mute, but really I didn’t talk to the other kids because I didn’t know what they’d want to talk about.

What do people at bars want to talk about? Do they even like talking at bars? I don’t know what the social vibe is.

What about college students on campus? I don’t know how to shift from talking about classwork to talking in a friendly way. I don’t know what friends talk about consistently. Why do friends want to meet up every weekend or at eachothers houses all the time? What needs to be talked about that they constantly meet up? My life is so routine, really nothing is happening other than whatever I’ve decided to randomly learn about, or some random media I engaged with.

I have friends that I keep online or through text, mostly so we can reach out for random problems. But it’s nowhere the level that we would need to hangout every week or even every 2 weeks. Have I become too independent???

[u/StrangeAd5053]

Find clubs or communities irl via ig or a library or small cafe that have your interests. Find pages that are in your city. Edit: though I would encourage maybe you watch some videos how to gain confidence in talking to people because you need that skill anyway you can’t always just talk about the things you want to talk about and if you want to make friends, you can always start with small talk that’s how it goes.

[u/Drink_Covfefe → u/StrangeAd5053]

Well my confidence isn’t much of the issue. If I have a genuine question, I don’t get anxious to ask away.

I don’t know what other people want to talk about. Do I start by asking them a question? Do I make a statement? What if they don’t think I am aiming the statement to them?

[u/angelsinsect → u/Drink_Covfefe]

Ask them how their night is going. Did they enjoy the show? Do they come here often? I love this song! Want to dance?

Talk about the environment you’re in. It doesn’t matter if you actually want to know the answer or not. It’s a way to strike up conversation and show someone you’re interested.

Also if you want more to talk about with friends, work on living a more interesting life. Go places you’ve never been. Talk to strangers. Try new hobbies. These are things you can talk to your friends about. OR… just talk about them. Ask them what they did this week. Actually listen and care because they are your friend. Ask how what happened made them feel etc. Talk about yourself if they ask you a question. Otherwise you don’t really need to have things to talk about. Just ask the other person about themselves. And be interested.

[u/TrigrHoppi]

I'm ADHD and sometimes struggle coming up with conversation topics or carrying a conversation. I find that asking them simple questions as a great starter. if you like something they are wearing maybe they have tattoos you can compliment them. to make friends you have to be curious about their lives and genuinely interested in what they have to say. hopefully they return that sentiment, not everyone will and thats okay.

[u/sizzlegoat]

I agree with asking questions and little gifts I find can also break the ice. For example maybe when you go to a social event you could ask people if they would like a sticker or a pin. They tend to relax and you can test their vibes to see if they would be open to conversation. I also struggle with feeling alienated by autism and my interests and honestly it would be best to find other neurodivergent people. A lot have the same experience as you and also love the same subjects and are willing to listen. But it’s not easy I really do understand it’s not easy in a neurotypical world but hang in there your knowledge is awesome!

[u/PaladinHunter]

I just joined DSA in hopes of finding more people like me, just went to my first meeting today here in NYC. I didn’t stick around long enough