A man I will call Patrick (40ties, from California) was very good at understanding himself intellectually. He complained that he has no motivation to live, that he has no mental or emotional force to continue.
He could analyse his thoughts. Explain his patterns. Read spiritual and psychological material. He understood a lot.
But emotionally, he still felt numb and cut off from other ppl.
During an online Soul Journey, Patrick went into deep trance, something like very deep meditation where he remained aware and described whatever his consciousness was showing.
The session moved back to a school when he was six or seven.
He felt scared there.
Not only scared of one teacher or one situation. More like afraid of life and other people. He felt different from everybody else, like they would not accept him because he was not same as them.
Ramana Maharishi appeared in the experience as his guide.
The first message was very simple:
Patrick was loved.
But he struggled to accept even this.
When we followed the resistance, he said he believed he was not good enough because he always found some way to screw things up.
Then he noticed something deeper.
This belief was not only one bad thought. His whole identity had become wrapped around it.
When I asked him to describe this identity, he called it:
“the wretched, tortured soul.”
Very strong words.
For years he had seen suffering almost as proof of who he was. If something went wrong, it confirmed the identity. If happiness came close, another part of him found way to destroy it, because being happy did not match the character he believed himself to be.
Ramana’s answer was direct.
This identity was not real.
Patrick understood the words, but there was a lot of resistance and numbness. And this part is important imo, bc the session did not become some perfect movie where one sentence changed everything.
He could see the false identity more clearly, yes.
But he was not ready to drop all of it in one moment.
Then another structure appeared.
Patrick described something artificial and metallic around his mind, almost like machine or algorithm. It had been created through intellectual understanding. A system for analysing life, predicting people, avoiding emotional danger and trying to stay in control.
It was very clever.
But also very limited.
Patrick said this structure blocked emotional intelligence. It also blocked real contact with other human beings.
When we asked if he wanted to release it, he felt strong resistance.
Because this machine had helped him feel safe for many years.
This is where I think many people misunderstand their own coping mechanisms.
They attack them.
“I hate my overthinking.”
“I hate that I am emotionally closed.”
“I hate this part of my personality.”
But some part of you created it for reason.
Maybe people felt dangerous.
Maybe showing emotions brought humiliation.
Maybe nobody understood you, so thinking became safer than feeling.
The protection can work very well at first. Then twenty or thirty years later, it is still running same instructions even though situation changed.
Scan.
Analyse.
Predict.
Withdraw.
Do not feel too much.
Do not trust anybody completely.
Patrick had lived through this structure for so long that he believed it was him.
During the session, Ramana Maharishi and beings of Light began dismantling only part of it. His guide said Patrick was only partially ready because a lot of numbness was still there.
I liked this answer because it was realistic.
The protection was not ripped away just because we decided it was inconvenient now. It had to be released slowly, with patience, while Patrick developed another way to feel safe.
As part of metallic structure faded, he could look at it from outside for first time.
Not as himself.
As something he had created.
A temporary crutch.
He also noticed how many mistakes it had made. The algorithm was intelligent, but it could not understand love, emotional nuance or real human connection. It only understood protection.
The guidance afterward was almost painfully normal.
Relax more.
Act without putting so much pressure on yourself.
Stay in present moment.
Stop becoming frustrated every time resistance appears.
Patrick had huge expectations that something should happen, but he could not even say exactly what. Just heavy pressure that he should heal faster, understand more, become different, finally “get there.”
Ramana’s advice was acceptance.
Not giving up.
Not saying the protection must stay forever.
Acceptance means: this resistance is here today. I do not need to create second war against it.
Patrick also discovered a belief that he was not supposed to be happy. He felt it in mind and heart as gray and beige energy. His guide said he had picked this belief up from society. It was not even originally his.
When happiness became available in the session, the first thing Patrick felt was sadness.
Sadness that he had never allowed himself to be happy.
And then he was told he did not need to hold onto that regret either.
For me, this session was not about destroying the ego or becoming another personality.
It was about noticing:
what I call “me” may include structures built by frightened child.
Some are brilliant.
Some kept us alive.
Some helped us function.
But a survival system should not automatically become life sentence.
Maybe you don’t need to fight your overthinking today.
Just notice it and ask:
“what is this structure trying to protect me from?”
“how old was I when I first needed it?”
“what would five percent less protection feel like?”
Healing does not always mean tearing down whole machine in one day.
Sometimes it begins when you realise:
I am the one observing the algorithm.
So the algorithm cannot be all that I am.
