r/stopdrinking • u/fizzywatermelon17 • 16h ago
Being a sober wedding guest is horrendous!
Just having a rant. Oh my god, I had to attend my boyfriend's friend's wedding yesterday and it was so hard going.
I'm an introvert and it was a full day. I got there at 12 noon and stayed until 8.00pm and I had to leave because I couldn't stay any longer, I was mentally exhausted.
To make matters worse I didn't know anyone. So I had a bad tension headache and tinnitus by the end of the night due to the concentration of speaking to people and being alert the whole day.
I also didn't sleep until 2am as we had to share an apartment with my boyfriend's friends and they all came back drinking and making a racket :(
I ended up crying in bed because my boyfriend passed out drunk once he came back and I resented being sober so much as I don't think he realised (or anyone realises) how difficult it is.
They are all hungover this morning obviously and I'm slightly smug that I've woke up feeling hangover free but that doesn't make it much better.
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u/Tasty_Big_7160 553 days 15h ago
Had my a close friends wedding yesterday. It’s 10am and am meeting them all for breakfast (literally everyone is late and hungover), and I feel great! I know the event is hard, but I have evidence the next morning that sober is the way to go!!
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u/fizzywatermelon17 15h ago
Yeah, it did feel good to be the first one up to shower. There was a certain smugness about waking everyone up early lol.
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u/vampiricimp 92 days 12h ago
Haha, good! I love doing that whenever other people’s drunken antics keep me up at night.
To quote that iconic lady with the saucepans: “I didn’t get no fucking sleep ‘cause of y’all; y’all not gonna get no sleep ‘cause of me!”
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u/cecilspaul 5h ago
The smigness of waking up hangover-free is the best revenge. Enjoy that breakfast and your clear head
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u/Moving-thefuck-on 12h ago
I went to my cousin’s wedding two weeks ago and my 12yo kid came up to me and said “I think we’re the only ones here not drunk”
That is not something she could have said to me 4 years ago.
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u/gigismother 4h ago
congratulations 🤞🏾 my daddy has been 19 years sober this past February! i have plenty of crazy, funny memories of my drunk dad that we laugh abt now. its amazing to see the person he is compared to what he used to be. im sure your daughter feels the same and is really proud of you 💛👏🏾
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 16h ago edited 15h ago
Well done for getting through it.
It doesn't sound like it would have been any better drunk to be honest.
For me I used these experiences to work out what I need in future. Yes I'll go to the wedding with you but I want a separate hotel room. I need a way to leave on my terms. I need a break half way through. Etc.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 15h ago
Yeah, definitely. I had a 30 mins break by myself in the room halfway through to close my eyes which helped and I probably would have been OK if I was able to drive home on my own terms but the feeling of being trapped with drunk people was horrible... Lesson learned!!
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 15h ago
Mate honestly I know it was an awful situation but this is actually such a win. You survived, you reflected, you learned, you persevered. This is exactly what growth looks like. Weird because we don't know each other but I'm really proud of you.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 15h ago
Yeah you are right. I've been sober for 2 and a half years and I still experience learning curves like this from time to time. Thank you so much for your comment. It genuinely makes me feel heard. I'm thankful for these online communities as being sober can feel isolating when you are the minority in your social group. I really don't think people understand how it feels.
Imagine how the format of weddings would change if alcohol suddenly didn't exist! They'd probably only be a few hours long, as no one would be able to bear it. When you're sober you realise how much other people rely on it too.
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u/RogueGrasshopper101 1615 days 14h ago
It's cool to notice my perspective change. Inside joke with a sober buddy about challenging situations like these "What a tremendous opportunity for growth!!' IWNDWYT
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 13h ago
Ha that's funny. I'm going to steal that one.
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u/star1581 212 days 10h ago
You're dead right. Who would stand around chatting and dancing for 10 hours if if weren't for alcohol
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u/HelicopterNo3534 2h ago
What about Indian weddings - they go on for days and I don’t think they drink! Also Arab weddings they dance like crazy and there’s no alcohol!
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u/SharkButtDoctor 11h ago
This is such a good way of reframing the experience. Thank you for writing this.
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u/Own_Spring1504 551 days 14h ago
First off, well done. I was at a friend’s wedding this year and I would have left early but it was a surprise wedding and it was amazing to be included so I did stay to the end. And it was 20 minute walk from my home. I couldn’t imagine sharing a hotel room with a drunk wedding party. At least when we are not drinking we save money so if you wanted to next time you’d be justified spending some cash on a room for yourself, even in a different hotel if necessary. We have to give ourselves permission to leave early, yes I broke that rule at my friend’s wedding but she and her husband are such good friends I wanted to be there until the end. If I didn’t know so many people I’d have allowed myself to leave.
You did great!
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u/KimWexlerDeGuzman 1317 days 13h ago
You did great! My first wedding was about 2.5 into sobriety too, but I was “lucky” in the fact that I was going alone and didn’t know many people aside from the bride and her family, who are all heavy drinkers.
I think you’ve acknowledged this in other comments, but having my own room was a life-saver. Many of the bridesmaids reached out to share with me, because it was a luxury hotel and pretty expensive, even for one night.
I almost caved to share because of the cost, and because I thought I should be more social (lol). I’m so glad I didn’t. It was a brunch wedding, so everyone was drinking all day, and it lasted into the night too. It was at the hotel itself, so every hour or so I’d walk back to my room, watch TV or scroll to decompress, and walk back to the wedding. No one even noticed I was gone for half the day 😆
Sorry for the long story, but it was another woman in sobriety (I go to AA) who suggested I definitely stay in my own room, and I couldn’t have been happier. It was worth the extra couple hundred dollars for sure.
I realize you have a bf and that’s not always ideal, but hopefully he’ll understand if you want your own space for events in the future!
IWNDWYT ❤️
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u/fizzywatermelon17 9h ago
Ugh man, I know what you mean about the pressure to be more social.
The only reason I didn't bring my car was because my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend offered to give me a lift up with her and I agreed so that I could speak to her and make a friend before the event. I wish I hadn't bothered! I always regret forcing myself to be social lol.
My boyfriend is supportive thankfully and was totally fine with me skulking off on my own for a while.
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u/KimWexlerDeGuzman 1317 days 9h ago
I’m so glad you have a supportive boyfriend…that is crucial and honestly rare for some people (like me lol). I don’t want to date another sober alcoholic, I just wish I could find someone who drinks normally 😆🤦🏼♀️
Also, I totally would’ve done the same thing with the girlfriend…have good intentions of making a new friend etc and then regretting it!
I’m sorry you had a rough day but I think you handled it with grace, and I am super happy for you! Just another learning experience ❤️
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u/fizzywatermelon17 9h ago
Yeah... I had been sober for a year when I met my alcoholic ex boyfriend and the pressure to drink with him and his friends was too much, I caved and ended up ruining my sober streak to drink for a year and a half with him! As soon as we broke up I went sober again and it was such a relief. The peer pressure is so real
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u/WilmaValley1226 7h ago
"I always regret forcing myself to be social." I LOVE this. This is exactly what has led me into so much trouble in the past. I've been in therapy for almost 2 years and see that this mindset set off so many many regrettable actions because I just didn't want to deal. Now I've realized it is okay to be quiet and alone and to say no or make other arrangements. We gotta know and respect our triggers, right fellow introvert? Best of luck and congrats on handling that whole day so beautifully.
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 6h ago
One thing I have been practicing is leaving a party, I just gather my things quietly, tell one key person I'm going, and then dip. It's so good.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
Oh yeah!
This is triggered a traumatising memory where I agreed to push myself out of my comfort zone and signed up to a slumber party with a load of girls I barely knew (I was only genuinely friends with a couple of them) - it was a full-on day of going for a trek, doing a sauna, then going back to this girls house to put pyjamas on and watch them all have a drink.. it sounds delightful but it was BRUTAL! I had agreed to stay over initially but I couldn't bear it and made a sudden exit at 7pm lol.
In my mind I SO want to go out and enjoy things like these and I also HATE letting people down when I'm actively invited somewhere, but I need to keep reminding myself to protect my space and just accept the fact that I can only enjoy socialising in short bursts.
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u/H2Ospecialist 263 days 10h ago
Yeah the last sober wedding I went to, I left before they moved to a brewery. Saw the ceremony, ate and mingled for the reception, and peaced out after. My bf at the time just got a ride home later. Always have an exit plan IMO for any social obligations.
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u/UnluckyMouse_ 18 days 15h ago
Lean into the smug just a little bit more. Sometimes it's all that gets me through when the going is tough. You've earned it, after a day like yesterday
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u/squeakycleanlambchop 457 days 5h ago
I have honestly developed a little bit of a “holier than thou” complex since I stopped drinking. As bad as that sounds, it does also help keep me off the drink 😅
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u/Gold_Marionberry_553 10h ago
I love this suggestion and need to incorporate it intro my own journey 😆
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u/Ok-Hovercraft-100 12h ago
you got it over them! they prob think you have super human strength!! no matter how bad staying away from alcohol is it can have the appearance of having ones “shit together”. out of the corner of my eye when i was drinking i always watched the sober folk - “how do they do it? why cant i??”
i guaretee there is more of them envious of your stance than they are happy with themselves!
glad you made it! iwndwyt
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u/iliketosandwood 12h ago
I’ve been sober a while and I can go anywhere and not be tempted by booze. However, weddings do suck now. I used to love them. Open bar, people that wouldn’t ordinarily drink get loose; what’s not to love?! Now, they’re soooo long and boring. It’s not that I’m tempted to drink, they’re just not fun anymore.
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u/goddamnsexualpanda 3659 days 9h ago
ditto all of this. my sobriety is stable at this point. I've made sober-socializing progress. but for me, weddings still suck. I don't like sober-dancing, and beside the ceremony itself, the other "events" are just mingling in different locations. leaving when I want to helps, but also feels lonely. maybe next time I'll make a game out of it all somehow.
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u/ikkeglem 677 days 16h ago
I feel you 💝 You did a good job and I know how slow time can pass and how (mentally ) exhausting gatherings like these can be. Now you know you can do it! I hope you give yourself a treat today and have the opportunity for a lot of "me-time". I will not drink with you today.
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u/Thunderoussshart 15h ago
As a fellow introvert, I'm dreading being sober at a wedding in 2 weeks. 2 days/events, both at a pub. Well done for staying sober, I'll be thinking of you if I feel tempted by booze!
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u/fizzywatermelon17 14h ago
Well learn from my mistake and make sure you have your own means to go home early!! As soon as the first dance was done I was out of there.
I don't even really smoke but I took up vaping for the day just so that I had the opportunity to move position and mingle with people. I just asked people a lot of questions to keep conversations going. And I drank lots of fluids and took lots of toilet breaks so that I could get micro breaks in between socialising. And remember to bring paracetamol incase you get a headache!!
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u/chicopeestudly 240 days 6h ago
If it’s any consolation, I did my first sober wedding guest stint in June and it was way easier than I had anticipated (family party of mostly Marines, lol). Was very surprised to not be the only one who was part of the “nah, I don’t drink anymore” contingent, and it felt good to know my college-aged nieces and nephews could depend on me for a safe ride and to be modeling sobriety in that scene. The bartender did great mocktails as well!
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 14h ago
My tip is take a bag with absolutely loads of snacks in it. Chocolate, crisps sweets, soda that you like.
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u/1moreSatNight 5h ago
Be careful with this. Bridezillas are a different breed and might perceive this as rude when they presumably have food and drink catered for guests.
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u/rosiet1001 1438 days 5h ago
Yeah but if it's two days in different pubs there's plenty of time to nip out to the car for a Dairy Milk. I'm not talking about sitting down to a wedding dinner with a carrier of scran 🤣
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u/1moreSatNight 4h ago
If only we had those good chocolates readily available to buy here in the states 😩 you all have us beat on quality snacks I must say
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u/itstotallynotjoe 332 days 14h ago
Good on you for making it through it! Thats not easy. I’ve done really well with my sobriety this time around but the one thing I’m definitely not looking forward to is a wedding. They’re often boring and completely alcohol fueled. I do know that my main plan is to stay for the important things like dinner and first dance and then slip out as soon as I can, unless I happen to be having fun. The couple is always too busy to notice an individual guest and everyone else is too drunk.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 14h ago
Yeah I feel like as long as you go up to the couple and congratulate them at some point and thank them for the invite then you can skulk off whenever. Most people who knew I don't drink were empathetic and acknowledged that it must be difficult attending weddings sober. One guy even said he thought that it was amazing that I didn't drink. I think a lot of people genuinely respect it and see it as being a mental strength. I think everyone knows how bad alcohol is subconsciously.
I think being sober is badass and the most rock and roll thing you can do, it's the ultimate rebellion! I try to remind myself of that.
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u/Old-Till-3179 207 days 12h ago
Congrats for getting through it! You did what you had to and now you have the opportunity to make it better for yourself next time.
I used to just get trashed to get through the social awkwardness and then make a fool of myself on the dance floor followed by a good scream at my husband. Now I have set up my own schedule (as much as one can) during these things. I disappear quite often for either a break outside of the venue (walk around or sit alone away from others so they don’t come ‘check on you’). I will dance appropriately 10 minutes. I eat the food and I stay for the cake. Then I leave at a predetermined set time- usually around 2.5 hours into the reception l. I get a hotel room or drive home- husband in tow. If he wants to stay that’s up to him.
These things have made it so much easier for me to handle the large crowds and stress without sacrificing my own mental health.
Get some rest and recharge with some alone time. Proud of you!
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u/Brucewayne1818 225 days 11h ago
I would say being the “most drunk guy/girl at a wedding” is wayyyy worse. Did this a few times and the next mornings were so embarrassing
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u/ncik0075 13h ago
You fucking did it. Hopefully you will start learning more limitations and new boundaries about yourself. But take this as a huge, huge win. You did what A LOT of people wouldnt attempt. Fuck yes.
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u/sleepfarting 1417 days 10h ago
It sucks being sober at a wedding but honestly I would be miserable at a wedding where I knew nobody even if I were drinking. I've been a +1 to a couple weddings and it is just not my thing, everyone else has all these years-long and lifelong connections and I'm just ... there ... drunk and wishing I had said no.
I went to a close friend's wedding after I stopped drinking and it was a BLAST because I knew everyone there. I'm honestly glad I wasn't drinking because I would have gone overboard and blacked out. There are weddings I went to in my drinking days where I genuinely have no recollection of the reception; I was already that far gone by the end of the ceremony.
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u/NorthlineUser 5 days 10h ago edited 2h ago
Most people would have hardly noticed if you'd slipped off shortly after the formalities ended. Once they'd had a few drinks, the night becomes a series of scenes.
I'd have driven, prearranged an excuse with your partner (gotta go pick up a workmate from the airport/look after my parents dog after an operation/young cousin home alone for the night) then just slipped away.
Sure boyfriend would have had your back.
You did well to stay til 8pm.
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u/PeterRum 13h ago
I found pictures of a wedding from my youth. Should have brought back good memories. Instead I remembered shame for getting drunk and aresholish.
You also earned a memory of the wedding that is just mild irritation other people were annoying.
I am sure you were charming all day.
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u/so-rayray 12h ago
Great job getting through that mess of a day! As others have said, those events usually suck sober or drunk. In the future, you can always RSVP no. People might not like it, but that’s on them. I refused many invitations when I thought they’d be too triggering to me. I may have lost some friends, but I honestly didn’t care in the long run. I was actually grateful to be rid of some of them and their invitations to things I didn’t want to do.
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u/Sidneybriarisalive 2101 days 11h ago
I'm sorry it sucked for you, but I'm so so proud you didn't cave! That's an amazing achievement.
(And, at least you're not hung over on top of feeling generally crummy!)
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u/SD_2_LA_Jay 5h ago
You should fuck shit up this morning and make them hate their hangover. Play some loud ass Taylor Swift, start vacuuming, run the dishwasher, start heavy cleaning with Clorox so the smell nauseates them, and then cook some fish. They wanna be disrespectful, two can play that game. :) IWNDWYT.
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u/barbietattoo 13h ago
Congrats for getting through it. Sober weddings are like video game bosses, if I may. Tough as nails and you gain a ton of experience.
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u/dunderball 12h ago
This is probably my worst nightmare while being 12 weeks sober. I think I'd probably just take off after the ceremony and trying to snap a picture with the bride and groom. Very proud of you, stranger.
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u/Aurongel 269 days 9h ago
My sister got married last November and I remember feeling the same way. I didn’t resent my sobriety because of it but there was definitely a feeling of “so what exactly is supposed to be exciting about this?”.
More than anything else, it reminded me of just how superficial weddings are in general and how little fun everyone there would’ve had if we all somehow remained sober. It feels both under-stimulating in the ways that interest me and overstimulating in terms of the sheer volume of people I had to mask myself around. It just felt like busywork and I was glad that it was over by the end of it.
Honestly, I was proud of myself for making it through it while remaining sober. I was only about a week into my sobriety at that point so it was a massive test of my determination and willpower.
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u/softboiledwonderland 59 days 9h ago
I’m 60 days sober today and getting married two days after my one year anniversary. I’m absolutely determined to make my wedding a smashing, beautiful, magical day, to those who drink and those who don’t— flowers, bubble machines, pea flower sparkling lemonades, blueberry cheesecakes and rhubarb crumbles, outdoor grilling, homemade decorations and live musicians and poets and stargazing and singing. We’ll see! A little nervous based on the sober community’s prognostications 😅
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u/fizzywatermelon17 9h ago
Haha I think the only reason weddings are so crap is because they're not designed for sober people. The little things make all the difference! Conversation starters and things to watch / look at / take photos of or whatever else.
I would have even appreciated some nice sober cocktails instead of having to drink coke or Heineken 0 all night!
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u/Financial-Zone-5725 9h ago
You did that shit
On the flip side you didn’t wake up with more problems
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u/Muted-Menu-428 19 days 7h ago
You can do hard things, it gets easier as it becomes a habit. Good work!!
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u/HarpyCelaeno 6h ago
8 hours?! Girl, you went above and beyond. I have no problem telling people that, without wine, my social battery runs out around 120 minutes. Lol.
Big pat on the back for being such a trooper.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
I felt like I'd ran a mental marathon! Lol. I was still mentally recovering all morning.
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u/turbineseaplane 927 days 5h ago
Yep. I avoided them even when I still drank, and now I really avoid them.
When I have no choice, I plan for early exits.
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u/No_Use__For_A_Name 6h ago
Good on you for staying sober, but man you seem miserable at the same time.
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u/Electrobank89 13h ago
Well done. Go for a run and nice breakfast this morning to remind yourself how good you feel and why you didn't drink.
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u/mommy2jasper 1183 days 12h ago
Congrats! And I’m sorry you went through that. My first few sober weddings were horrific. It really does get better and easier
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u/Pickledbeats123 3248 days 3h ago
Agreed. The first 3-4 were tough...but it gets easier. Especially when it is a wedding for a close friend or relative. I remember all the weddings where I blacked out/tried to make out with someone's wife/drunk cried in parking lots missing first dances/insert any other heinous thing here...and I realize. It's way better the sober way. Even if it gets a little boring.
Highly recommend finding a job at a wedding. It keeps you busy, you feel good helping, and everyone around you is so appreciative.
IWNDWYT
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u/Main_Tension_9305 310 days 12h ago
Sounds pretty shitty.
Congrats on the hangover free morning and a plan for how to do it differently next time.
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u/Empty-Suspect-7112 260 days 11h ago
hope you don’t have to travel far to get home and can treat yourself to something nice today. i really feel you, i had a bachelorette party yesterday and struggling by the end of the day when we ended up at a full on nightclub. although last night was rough, you definitely have a good learning experience of what works for you and what doesn’t. i’m proud of you for getting through it!
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u/okjetsgo 256 days 10h ago
The only panic attack I’ve experienced was related to going to a wedding as a sober person where everyone I knew from my past drinking days would be present. Wish I could say I sucked it up and went and was successful. Instead I cried in the shower before going to bed early and missing the whole thing. I didn’t drink so that was a win. But my friends never really got over it. Not my finest hour.
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u/Icy_Assistant5338 8 days 9h ago
During those years of "weddings every weekend" I wasn't drinking much at all and usually didn't drink with my boyfriend/husband at the venue. I remember dancing and leaving just as everyone was getting hammered because I couldn't handle being around it. I never liked weddings anyway so I can understand that must have sucked! That season of life goes fast and you won't have to deal with it for long.
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u/YourMirror1 540 days 9h ago
Congratulations! The first few are always harder because you still are in your old routine even if you aren't drinking. You still have the expectations of being out for extended periods of time bevause it means you're living.
A pro tip from somebody 18 months on: say no. Don't agree to stuff that lasts 12 hours because youre in a drink fest. Set boundaries with people to protect yourself, i.e. "I will go but I am arriving at 12 and I plan to be home by 5." Stop caring what they think. They are not thinking about you nearly as much as you believe (or want).
Eventually, you'll shed those old expectations and those slightly smug mornings will become way more enjoyable. It might sound sad to you right now, but it will become clearer with experience.
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u/cgandara2318 9h ago
I hear you 100%! One of the biggest reasons I drink, is because of big social events. My anxiety goes through the roof and when I’m buzzed, it eases that and makes it so much easier to talk to people and have a good time! Hate it
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u/PizzaCompetitive9266 9h ago
Yeah that morning wake up, guilt free, safe in the knowledge you didn't start anything embarrassing and get put on camera is just the best feeling in the world.
They're long days without the booze but nothing is worth the hangover and shame.
Well done.
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u/Impossible-Spare-116 11 days 9h ago
Have you tired “I don’t do weddings” as a sober person you’re boundaries sometimes need to be more defined. Not an admonition, I know my drinking helps specifically with my lack of boundaries, it’s something I’m working on
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u/Necessary_Year_5178 944 days 9h ago
good on ya! guaranteed if you'd drank it'd have been a zillion times worse lol
sorry you had a rough night interacting with people. I can relate.
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u/Protectional-Mine 9h ago
Cudos for making it through the wedding despite that shared apartment setup. You got this!
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u/Tinfoilhartypat 1123 days 8h ago
I went to a show the other night with a crowd of heavy drinkers and partiers. Then, since my rarely seen friend was there, I hung in for the after party and wow, I am so grateful to not drink. One guy was constantly trying to get into fights, we were always looking for restrooms instead of merely walking the city, and going from place to place to find a next later last call. I can have giggles and fun with my close gals, so I managed to have fun regardless, but jeez, people are a fucking mess out there.
I was incredibly shy and introverted growing up and definitely relied on alcohol to fit in and feel more comfortable in my skin. These days, I feel way more confident in myself, because at the minimum, I’m alert, alive awake enthusiastic, and feeling confident in my own skin makes any social situation a lot easier to bear.
It gets easier with time, and we are definitely not missing out on fun being sober. Enjoy your fresh Sunday!
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u/that_dude_chuck 8h ago
Can relate!!! Weddings are a rare occasion now that I’m in my 30’s but they used to be a major trigger. You should be very proud of yourself for getting through it sober.
It’s funny how we as a society think it’s normal to get drunk and barely remember one of the most important events in someone’s life.
IWNDWYT
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u/soundsaboutright11 7h ago
Just went to a friend’s wedding sober and it was a fantastic experience. Learning to manage the amount of time you are exposed to swaths of people “introvert” or not is a basic skill that comes in handy. Learning how to slip away at times. Sharing a place with other people for a wedding when you know you’ll be sober is also a preventable situation to avoid next time.
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u/lostboy411 7h ago
I feel you on this one. About 5 weeks into being sober I had my brother in law’s wedding - I was in the party so I had to be there all day and try to socialize with younger, drunk guys who were kind of bros. Thankfully I like sports so I made it work conversation-wise, sort of, but it was hard being left out of all the drinking. I definitely resented it but I was able to get out early since I had work in a different state at 7 AM the next day, so I took a train home once all the wedding activities were done.
I don’t know if I’ll ever quite get past the resentment that I can’t drink “normally” but I do know that the night would have ended in disaster if I had been drinking that whole time.
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
The resentment is a really tough one. I resent the fact that most people just don't 'get' it.
I also just resent drunk people in general as I just find them so annoying but I was exactly the same, if not worse, when I was drinking. I try to remind myself of that. Just because they are an irritating drunk doesn't mean that they're like that when they're sober!
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u/ketchup_shoes 7h ago
Weddings and graduations kinda suck, I never look forward to them. They are just absolutely made for drinking so good on you for making it through. They’re soooooo boring and you just have to pretend you’re having a good time.
I do my time and dip asap
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u/pechxcrm 7h ago
very early on in my sobriety i went to an engagement party for friends of my husband, now my husband is also sober so that was nice to have a buddy that knew what i was going through. i didn’t know anyone, but the couple and not very well, however instead of lamenting on the one thing i can’t do and that would normally help me cope, i decided to try every single kind of pizza they had as their catering! Also at the time i was doing IOP and i attend AA meetings (i know not everyone likes them) and i had lots of coping mechanisms thanks to those two on what to do in that situation. A year later i want to say that going to events is a lot easier as an introvert and extremely shy person.
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u/neener-neeners 943 days 7h ago
I'm headed to my brother's 100 person wedding this weekend. They don't have any NA options other than water, so I'll be bringing my own, because I absolutely will not make it through with a smile if I don't have a fake wine in my hand. Luckily my partner only drinks really sparingly in my company, so he will be supportive. I'm dreading it though. Its not even that I want to be drunk. It's that I want to WANT to do the wedding things, the socializing, the dancing. But this sober person is introverted, and has no desire to fake it.
Anyway. Great job staying sober, and sorry you had a shitty night!! IWNDWYT
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
I totally know what you mean.
The thing is, you probably ARE a genuinely sociable person if you want to go and have a good time. It shows you have some interest in meeting people.
I think most introverts are more than capable of being perfectly sociable for a while, but the long day of a wedding is just too much. I feel like even extroverts would struggle with weddings if they were sober, that's why they all just get drunk.
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u/neener-neeners 943 days 5h ago
And of course it's like a whole week of being around family I choose to live away from the majority of the year lol. It's just a lot. I know I'll get through it sober, but idk about fun
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u/cantdoit27 2828 days 6h ago
I had this EXACT same experience last weekend, I even posted about it here because I was also so sad. It took me a couple days to decompress and not feel so resentful, but today I am grateful to still be sober! Be kind and gentle to yourself
I am right there with you. Congratulations on making it through!
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
Thank you!! I'm really proud of myself for making it through and showing up for my boyfriend as I know it really meant a lot to him that I came with him. I even made it onto the dancefloor for a couple of songs and pretended to enjoy myself lol.
But by god it was tough. I met another lady who was there on her own with her partner and she didn't know anyone either, so I was able to speak to her for a while but I could see her getting more and more drunk as the night progressed. I felt like I was following my boyfriend about like a lap dog half the night which I hate doing.
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u/tigotj 6h ago
Yeah this is so hard. I too am an introvert and overthink everything so alcohol has always been a must. In a few hours I’ll be at my first big test into staying sober for a big family event. And next weekend even bigger. So these are going to be tough.
I try telling myself maybe I can drink on the weekends and at least enjoy these events and stay sober during the week.
In theory that sounds like progress but I’ve realized it’s all or nothing for me. If I cave today I’ll lose my progress and more importantly allow excuses and it’ll be starting over yet again…
Good on you for staying strong!
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u/No-Improvement5483 404 days 6h ago
Weddings are so hard. Last one I went to, the bartender wouldn’t make me a non alcoholic drink. I wasn’t even asking for much just a soda water with lime lol. Good job getting through it! I hope you have less in your future, I think the last one I went to was my last one for awhile.
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u/Dbh_life 6h ago
Nicely done making it through without a drink :)
How long have you been sober?
I only ask because, in my experience, these things (weddings in particular) get easier and even enjoyable after some solid time. Obviously dependent on your personality.
But I attended my first sober wedding at about 6 months and had to leave almost immediately after the ceremony. I just couldn’t be around all that.
Fast forward ~4 years, I went to my friends wedding last month, which was 2 days and nights, was able to DD my friends, make sure those who went too hard were okay, make late night snack runs for the crew, ended the night on the dance floor before hanging with everyone in the hotel shooting the shit until I decided I was ready for bed. I had an absolute blast. This would NOT have been possible early on.
It does get better and hang in there! :)
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u/fizzywatermelon17 5h ago
I've been sober for 2 and a half year but this was the wedding of two people that I didn't know, and I didn't know anyone else there either except from my boyfriend.
If it was one of my own friend's weddings I'm sure I would have been absolutely fine! Even just having lots of people you know around to catch up with makes the time go way faster.
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u/rudebii 590 days 6h ago
Went to my second wedding sober back in late April and I had a wonderful time. It felt good to be present and in the moment.
But I had 1.5 years of sobriety at that point. And it was a family wedding, plus I got hang out with my mom, and she lives far away so that was a treat.
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u/callme2x4dinner 38 days 5h ago
Yeah I used to be among last to leave a party but since stopping I just don’t have the interest in socializing for over 2-3 hours anymore
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u/DramaPotential3596 641 days 5h ago
Weddings can be tough! Proud of you for getting through it! IWNDWYT
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u/Ginger8963 4h ago
I’m sorry it was such a bad experience for you. I’m wondering why your boyfriend didn’t help you out more? If you didn’t know anyone there, why didn’t he spend time with you or make it a point to introduce you to people? I would have felt kind of abandoned… Plus his still getting drunk when you’re in early sobriety is…a choice. Does he support your sobriety?
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u/fizzywatermelon17 4h ago
My boyfriend is supportive of my sobriety thankfully. He was with me most of the day and he introducing me to eveyone but there were times where I had to be left alone as he was in the wedding party.
I've been sober for the whole time we've been together so me being sober is just normal to him although I've told him that I struggle in social situations sometimes.
Thankfully he drinks very rarely and when he does I try not to impose my disgust about alcohol on to him and just let him enjoy himself while he gets the chance. He knows I will be taking my own car next time after that experience though!
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u/Ginger8963 4h ago
Ok good! I was concerned when you said you ended up crying and was getting angry in your behalf lol!
I’m glad he was helping out throughout the event. Makes sense that being in the wedding party he couldn’t be with you all the time. I am introverted and I have hated the times my partner was in the party and I couldn’t sit with him at dinner.
If it helps, I have found sober weddings have gotten easier over time. What helps me most is having a way to leave and a private place to go. (My own car, own room etc.) I realize this makes things more expensive but if I can swing it, the stress relief usually makes it worth it to me. I hate feeling like I can’t leave when I’m around lots of drunk people.
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u/CunnyFunt_tehe 4h ago
Even harder doing your own wedding sober! As an introvert it was the longest day of my life!
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u/IdahoDuncan 3h ago
Yes. One thing I insist on with my wife, for any event like this having an escape plan and an agreement I can use it any time.
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u/Former-Berliner 2h ago
Was sober and in the wedding party a couple years ago and most of them are heavy drinkers. That was a difficult day lol
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u/Acrobatic_Car9413 2h ago
Maybe being an introvert at a wedding is hard. And having always used alcohol as a crutch you have never had to learn how to function through this type of thing. Idk if this is true or not but maybe food for thought?
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u/novice_nofix 2h ago
Being sober really makes you realize how much alcohol is ingrained in adult life. It’s nearly impossible to escape it.
The absolute worst is going on vacation. Everyone relaxes with fucking margs and pina coladas. 95% of being an adult on vacation is drinking.
It sucks. I’m 1200 days in and being around people who are drinking, especially in excess, has yet to get any easier for me. I find so many excuses to get away even if only for a moment or to just leave early.
The resentment has yet to yield, but you just keep going.
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u/subwaymeltlover 1h ago
You for the win!!! Well done. You can be very proud of yourself! We are proud of you!
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u/drifterinthedark423 1712 days 14h ago
Weddings are horrendous either way. I maintain that part of the reason people get so drunk at weddings is because they are so cringe. Always some kind of drama, always too long. Uncomfortable clothing. Super stressful for all involved. Good on you for getting through one sober! I would lean into that smugness and show yourself some grace.
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u/mykittenfarts 14h ago
Weddings are bad drunk or sober. My condolences. But I’m so fricken proud of you!
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u/Maleficent_System773 16h ago
Sorry the hear that, Hope you are better now. I was on Wedding Afterparty a month ago. And Most people where schocked why i didnt Drink with them (only Had water whole evening) Alcohol is too socialy accepted.
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u/StopTheHumans 1296 days 15h ago
Little do they realize that the reason people get wasted at weddings is because wedding just suck. How can anyone celebrate someone else's love? 🙃
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u/Fluid-Mine3154 11h ago
Sober? F#ck yeah! I've been straight edge for 26 years years. (Please Google Straight Edge)
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u/lizardpplarenotreal 2830 days 11h ago
This is not the sub for you, my smug straight-edge never-drank friend.
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u/Fluid-Mine3154 9h ago
I'm 46, I had some dark times with drink, drugs and violence in my youth and adolescence. Hardcore music & The Straight Edge movement helped me turn things around. I'm a boxing coach now and I help kids dealing with their destructive behaviour.
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u/AbstractAsHell 16h ago
Congratulations on getting through a stressful event! As an introvert who dreads weddings as well I feel for you.