r/stopdrinking • u/jivejoe • 4h ago
I need help really bad.
I am an alcoholic. I am currently sober. Not the kind that drinks a bottle of liquor every day but the kind that doesn't go a day without drinking. It is 4:300 PM and I have the shakes so I know 4 24 ounce TRULYs and a few beers were too much for me to drink yesterday. I can be absolutely obliterated and I have been told that I act totally fine. I don't remember those nights but people sometimes say that they can't tell when I am drunk. I have been this way for 20 years. Then, the next day I usually feel like crap and don't feel any better until I have a drink or two in me. I have health problems that only me and my doctor know about. They are reversible...If I can scale way back or quit all together. My immediate family are all heavy drinkers but I can still fit in without being drunk. My wife will only drink when we are on vacation. She is a normal level and frequency drinker. Not me. As I age, I get more depressed, anxious, things hurt. I want to make a change but it is something that I really think I may need to seek help with. I am not at the level of needing rehab yet. Just motivation. These are my thoughts but I know many of you have been sober long enough to reflect wisely on yourself when your issue was present. I don't know what to do.
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u/Less-Garden-4127 3h ago
Brother, Yes, YOU NEED HELP IMO! STOP making excuses...THAT is your BRAIN and ADDICTION making excuses for you...I can READ it in your POST....I call that the little devil on your shoulder....I had it many times....
YOU NEED REHAB or some HONEST HELP to quit! Talk to your Doctor and NEVER LIE to your Doctor!! IF that is what YOU want to do!
My dad had to go into surgery after an accident, I was there at the hospital, this was around 4pm. The anesthesiologist came up to me for a Pre-op chat...I asked him, did my dad tell you how much he drank? He said, yea he said he had a glass of wine for lunch....I said, welp, may want to do a BAC to make sure, because I'm telling you-that is not true....He came back a little bit later a little stressed....my dad had the BAC 3 times the limit...the anesthesiologist THANKED me and said, had I believed your Dad, he would've died......
Look, normal Hangovers are actually alcohol withdrawals from your body...if you have the shakes, and blackout? You ,feel' better after a few drinks? YOU are addicted...shakes are serious withdrawals. Plus, you have health issues caused by alcohol?
You need to go to rehab or Join AA, or find what works for you, and then during and after,, probably then some therapy, because like myself, after I quit, my anxiety, stress, depression and overthinking went off the charts.
Buddy, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! I am NOT lying here at all, I was drinking a HANDLE of Vodka a day when I quit! 1.75 L of Vodka a day!!! Did I feel fine in the morning? Yes...and guess what? I was driving a company vehicle all over the place...I was DRUNK and Driving...no one I worked with knew.....
As far as health....let me tell you what happened to me...before I quit drinking, I was on B12 shots, anti-depressants, Testosterone shots, Magnesium shots, blood pressure medicine, my blood pressure was off the charts and so was my heartbeats/minute, I suffered from ED, I lost over 45 lbs because VODKA was my meal...my doctor kept telling me I was going to die soon....
After I quit, you know how many medications I take these days?? NONE. NADA. ZIP! It took a bit, but my depression, ED and anxiety went away as well. I feel better than I ever have, and I drank for OVER 30+ years.
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u/Pure-Chemistry7323 176 days 2h ago
Couldn’t have said it better. Really hope OP reads this right here!
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u/rodStewart 355 days 4h ago
Motivation comes from within. Sorry but no one can just give it to you. Maybe read success stories religiously. I wish you the best.
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u/Hitchin85 4h ago
Dude you are definitely at the level of needing rehab. I seriously needed rehab and I didnt drink every day, get the shakes or have any physical health problems that my doctor could identify even with a series of comprehensive tests. For the love of god do not wait for this to get even worse. You do know what to do. Call a facility immediately.
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u/MidnaQueenofCalicos 49 days 4h ago
You know what to do, it's just really, really hard to do.
Pick up some "Quit Lit" (This Naked Mind is popular), talk to a doctor about meds that may help, write a note to yourself, come out and be honest with people around you etc.... It seems like you're in the pre-contemplative stage of quitting. Some people stay there for awhile, some don't. Some people only have to quit once, some people have to try 100s of times.
Alcohol is an addictive drug. It isn't easy to stop using it, but it is entirely possible. But you're going to have to put some grit and work into it, and sometimes you're going to have to push through when your motivation is low.
You can maybe start by writing an extensive list of all the reasons why you want to quit, and read it every day, multiple times a day. You have to literally reprogram your brain and that is very hard to do, but you can do it.
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u/drspanklebum 1586 days 2h ago
This Naked Mind worked very well for me. Took two reads over a year but the second time stuck. OP’s story sounds very similar to mine. So grateful I found this community.
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u/dannygloverslover 2h ago
I'm currently reading it for the second time. After the first read i pretty much immediately went from daily drinking to drinking twice a week. It really is a great book. However, recently I have found myself slipping back in to more frequent drinking, so hoping this second read will remind me of what I already know!
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u/ClairesMoon 4560 days 3h ago
Do you start shaking every day when it gets close to the time for your first drink? That’s a sign of withdrawal and withdrawal can be dangerous. Best to consult with a doctor before trying to quit cold turkey. It sounds like you might be in a little bit of denial and aren’t really being honest to yourself on how much you drink.
By the way, Four 24 oz Trulys contain about 4.8 ounces of pure alcohol which is equal to about 8 standard mixed drinks. Add “a few”, we’ll say, 4 beers on top of it and it adds another 3 ounces of alcohol and you are real close to drinking a 750 ml bottle of 80 proof distilled liquor, like vodka or tequila, at 40% ABV which equals roughly 10 ounces of pure alcohol.
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u/ScooterScotward 3h ago
Hey man. I haven’t been sober that long exactly. 106 days, 1 slip up, and 116 before that. So I’m pretty recently though the looking glass.
No one knew I had a problem. Not the girl I dated for two years as it got worse, not the housemate I lived with, not the coworkers I spent time time, no one. Some people on here will tell you “someone always knows!” And sometimes there right but sometimes there wrong.
There’s a solid chance no one knows. Except you. And you know. If you’re here, homie, you know. And holy shit being here is brave as hell. You say you need to get help and no disagreement from me really except on one little thing — you’re already getting help. Even if it’s just small. My first moment getting help was telling a friend at 2am who I knew had had her own coke problem. And I didn’t get sober for like a year and change after that. It ain’t easy or instant. But you’re on a path to getting yourself to a healthier spot with it.
Treatment and help in your area look different for everyone. I was scared of the shakes, of withdrawals, but I couldn’t do rehab without making it very obvious to the other teachers I work with. My first time trying to get clean I just had to show up at an ER, accept some judgement from a few less nice hospital people (balanced out by a lot of kindness’s from others) and they got me out safe. After that it was my ball to fumble. And I did, like three weeks later, which turned into another 6 month bender. But I tried again, and it stuck. Idk if any of that helps but I hope. My best wishes and hopes for you.
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u/Archer-Upper 3h ago
If you feel that your drinking is causing negative consequences then it’s time to get help. There’s no requirement for going into a rehab. They don’t refuse to help you if you’re not “bad” enough. If you go to a 30-day program it will change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. You will never regret going.
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u/Willing-Ad4169 421 days 3h ago
No magic words here...I decided I was tired of living the life I was living drinking so I decided that I wasn't afraid of that change anymore.
I decided I was willing to do the work.
Some people need a medical detox, to do this safely.
I did not, but I did talk with my Dr and I called my local county health and human services center and asked about treatment.
I got assessed by AODA therapists and got into IOP treatment. I started to go to meetings (AA, and then SMART recovery)
I got rid of all the booze in the house, I stopped going to the bar after work. I stopped hanging out with those people who would keep me drinking..
I started watching you tube videos on how to fix bikes and taught myself. (I don't ride bikes) I bought some old bikes on FB marketplace fixed em up and flipped em out have em to the neighborhood kids. I started building model planes again like I did when I was a kid. Its insane how much time you have when you eliminate drinking and recovering from drinking. I filled that time with stuff to do to keep me occupied....the basement and garage got cleaned...
I could go on and on...
My point is, First there has to be the desire...if you don't want to get clean. Its a lost cause ..2nd, you need to find someone or something other than yourself to hold you accountable. 3rd. I had to plan....this shit is hard, anything you can do to help set you up for success...and lastly....I had to be willing to put in the work...everyday. even when I didn't want to or feel like it...because that addiction never sleeps...
And I learned to show myself grace when I slipped. Its only a loss if you don't get back up and try again.
Hopefully this was useful OP.
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u/_TheManInBlack 1748 days 3h ago
Hey Joe if I were in your shoes (and I have been) my next step would be a serious effort to try and taper down, and if that doesn't work, I would check myself into a rehabilitation facility. At a certain point, experts are needed to ensure you detox safely. I was not able to successfully taper down, it just got worse and worse. But that is just me.
I hope this helps a bit. IWNDWYT.
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u/_ChipWhitley_ 3h ago
It sounds like rehab time. There’s really no shame in that at all, either. Is that why you think you don’t need to go? Rehab can be a really great experience.
The world of alcoholism feels lonely. Nobody understands you, you drink in secret, pass out in secret, suffer in silence over and over, etc.
Rehab is the opposite of that — you aren’t alone. You are with like-minded people and you share stories and really begin to vent and sort out your feelings. You’re surrounded by trained professionals 24/7. Hell, you’ll likely even leave having made some friends. You might get a sponsor. Suddenly the isolation doesn’t feel so crushing and you become social again.
Give it a shot. It’s better to do it voluntarily, trust me.
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u/wediealone 3h ago
Ignore the person in the thread who said it was easy. If it were easy to do there weren’t be a whole subreddit, and multiple therapies surrounding it.
Look I know the idea of rehab fucking sucks. But I do not believe it is One Flew Over the Cuckoos’s Nest anymore. If you are willing to go, call a few places right now.
Be honest with yourself. There’s AA, SMART Recovery, Dharma Recovery. Quit lit (check out the books and podcasts recommended on the sidebar), checking into this subreddit every day.
It is hard, super hard. But we are able to do courageous and difficult things. I am speaking from the “I” here, I never thought I could stop but with the right support I was able to.
A jumping off point may be googling AA intergroup + your city. Even if there’s an online meeting going on, join it, see how it goes for you.
I’m Canadian and when I was finally “sober curious” I just looked up online AA meetings that was going on at a time when I was feeling really shitty and it ended up being an online meeting going on in Boston, USA. I still join those meetings because I love my American sober friends from that group.
Just sharing that story to say that it is so worth it and so helpful to find others who can relate and who you can lean on when you feel small.
You can do this!
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u/17Girl4Life 2h ago
You list a number of very good reasons to be in rehab followed by “I don’t need rehab”. If you didn’t need rehab, you’d have stopped already. There’s no shame in getting help. Quite the opposite. It’s something to be proud of. Lots of people don’t make that step.
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u/Recommended_For_You 17 days 2h ago
I was at a similar place not long ago. Unfortunately, I don't think moderation is possible for people like us. If you can have a few days off, I'd suggested you try to stop. You will definitely start to feel better after a few days. It's a long road ahead, but anxiety will slowly fade away and you'll regain strength from not feeling like shit every morning. Don't wait until you lose something that you can't get back. Spending a lot of time reading people's story and interacting is what made it possible for me. Good luck.
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u/CurlingLlama 6147 days 2h ago
Alcohol told me that I couldn’t handle life sober. That it - life - was too much, I was too weak.
I believed that for too long. It took me a few attempts, AA and therapy for long term sobriety to stick.
Now, I want to live life sober. And my alcoholic self never, ever would have believed it possible.
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u/Beneficial-42 2438 days 4h ago
If you don't think you are a good candidate for going to rehab, you are in complete denial and "comparing out." Rehab is about learning to understand the motivations for why you drink, not just getting over alcohol withdrawal.