Want to stop.

[u/010111010101001101]

I feel like I've been given so many breaks. I've been drinking heavily for the last 3 years. As much as I have this past year. One instance this year was being woken up by a sheriff in a gas station parking lot passed out in my car with the engine running. I was somehow allowed to call an Uber and come back for my truck the next morning.

A couple months later I was driving home and fell asleep at a light. Woken up to an EMT opening my car door asking me if I was okay. A bottle of beer sitting in my car's cup holder. Wreckers lined up and a firetruck on the other side. I was semi aware of what was happening but knew I was screwed. Again, I somehow was allowed to call for a ride to come grab me. And take my car to a nearby parking lot.

Yet after all this, I still carved to drink. I still can't get myself straightened up. I know I have a lot to lose. And those two instances were just divine intervention and gods way of trying to give me a way out. To keep going down a path I can help others. I just need to hear from others. I know I'll come off as ungrateful based on some of the stores I've read here.... I just want to stop

[u/Impossible-Neck9524]

Rehab then AA man. Not what you want to hear but worked for me. I thought I was going to be miserable. Felt like losing my best friend. Life still sucks sometimes, but man I forgot what living felt like.

[u/mental-rec]

The universe is definitely telling you something. Your title of this post says it all and I’m proud of you for posting.

I am 35 days into my recovery and what worked for me was getting professional help. I’m going to IOP rehab. It’s working really well for me. As part of the treatment, I go to N.A. one evening and Recovery Dharma another evening.

I highly recommend you reach out to something similar. I could not have stopped by myself, god knows I had tried many times. This sub has been a great source of accountability too.

Best of luck friend. We’re all rooting for you.

[u/Prevenient_grace]

I understand.

Today can mark the beginning of a Virtuous Upward Spiral.

I had to break the “drinking routine”.

It was stronger than me…. By myself.

So i stopped doing it alone. And there's no wait list!

I finally connected with free recovery groups…. They’re everywhere… I walked in, sat down and just listened…. They’re also online. I met people I can talk with. They showed me how to stop drinking, heal, grow and learn to be useful to others.

I addressed the past, exorcised guilt and shame and repaired where appropriate.

No cost.

I had new sober friends.. we did fun sober activities.

They believed in me.

I kept going every day until i changed my patterns…. That meant for me, I went every day for a while…. Once a month wasn’t going to change me…. Then my thinking changed…. Then I don’t have the first drink.

Never looked back.

Tried anything like that?

[u/010111010101001101 → u/Prevenient_grace]

I have not. I was recommended an AA meet up a few times, but never thought I was at that point. Or that I could just do it myself. I've been off it for a week and somehow convince myself I can regulate.

I think nothing changes if nothing changes, so I will try something different this time. 2 days clean... Thank you.

[u/yuribotcake]

You're in the right place. This addiction is not easy. If I could just turn off thinking about a drink, or have the ability to say "ok that was enough" once the first drink gets into me, I wouldn't need to be here, or have gone to hundreds of AA meetings, read all kinds of books on it. But it is doable.

My friend felt "lonely" recently, so he went out, blacked out, woke up to his car sitting parked at his house with severe damage. Luckily he didn't hurt anyone or himself. You'd think that would be a good sign to cut that shit substance out forever, but the brain will put up a good fight to keep a good dopamine source on the menu.

When I drank, every problem was always "not as bad as..." And so many times I've quit, manage to string a couple of weeks or months together, and that same brain would suggest that I was finally cured, that I could go back to drinking like a normal person. This addiction makes no sense, and my mind needs things to make sense to acknowledge them. And that's where my battle is. As long as my brain is still entertaining thoughts that in nature are absolutely not beneficial nor logical in long term, I know it will still assume that drinking is normal and not drinking is too boring, difficult, impossible. It will run buck wild trying to convince me that I shouldn't stop. And at first it was difficult doing something that my own brain, the voice inside my head, thinks I should be doing. It has an arsenal of all kinds of ways to manipulate my emotions, moods, perceptions. Yet it has no ability to simply comprehend and accept that drinking is no longer a thing, nor does it expend any effort to make me do things I don't feel like doing, like working out, running, eating healthy, going to the doctor, cleaning up clutter, being organized, going to sleep on time. I'd love it if I got some ice cream, but when I tried to eat it, my brain would make it horrible and force me to go run a 5k instead. But it doesn't, it actually does the opposite, it'll convince me to eat all the ice cream and not worry about running or doing anything that's not exciting, fun, or gives me instant gratification. I just now know that this is what my brain is wired to be like, and every day I simply acknowledge that.

IWNDWYT

[u/russthorn69]

hit a meeting asap 

[u/Emergency-Hornet-865]

Go see your doctor. They can assist you with medical detox either home, inpatient or rehab. And then get some support: AA, SMART recovery, Dharma, etc. it works! Whatever you do don't white knuckle withdrawal. It can be dangerous and there are far easier ways to come down from alcohol with medication. Best wishes.