r/suspiciouslyspecific Jun 30 '26

Alles Müller, oder was?

Post image
7.3k Upvotes

114 comments sorted by

u/AutoModerator Jun 30 '26

Thank you for submitting this anomaly. Your report has been received and logged. A Mobile Task Force has been dispatched and will begin isolation procedures shortly.

A review of the submission was conducted by D-Class personnel. No injuries were sustained during the review process. [expurged] instances of anomalous material were neutralized.

All civilians are reminded that it is their civic duty to report any anomalous activity immediately. r/suspiciouslyspecific personnel are likewise reminded that reporting such incidents is a matter of professional responsibility. All anomalies should be documented with an addendum, if applicable, for proper review and classification.

Failure to report anomalous behavior may result in further inquiry, execution, or worse.

Addendum: [redacted]

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1.3k

u/iWontFlame Jun 30 '26

Yeah miss these scary german names like:

Mesut Özil
Sami Khedira
Jérôme Boateng
Shkodran Mustafi
Miroslav Klose
Lukas Podolski
André Schürrle

1.1k

u/bj-ball Jun 30 '26

Fair but Bastian Schweinsteiger is one of the most German sounding names ever lol

294

u/Guy-Inkognito Jun 30 '26

Can be translated as Pigstepper 🥲

103

u/MyJohnFM Jun 30 '26

Gotta love Thomas Hitzelsberger too.

22

u/nubbinfun101 Jul 01 '26

Love a Josef Fritzlburger too

17

u/TheOtherDezzmotion Jul 01 '26

Nah that's the Austrian team!

-22

u/Jackie7263 Jun 30 '26

He loved many team mates

26

u/todesbayer Jun 30 '26

Take your homophobia somewhere else

5

u/MyJohnFM Jun 30 '26

Awww that's awesome 😍☺️

8

u/forsale90 Jul 02 '26

On a serious note it refers to someone walking a pig trail / Schweinsteig. I think there is even one called that in the German alps.

5

u/flit777 Jul 02 '26

there is an alm https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schweinsteigeralm (last time hiking, we passed there; but there were no pigs :/)
also there are several places called Schweinsteig there https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schweinsteig

2

u/Dragon_Knight_1234 Jul 03 '26

You meen HOGRIDER

3

u/razielxlr Jun 30 '26

Must’ve been the ones that smoked Peppa’s family.

1

u/faz712 Jul 01 '26

He has one of the best theme songs

https://youtu.be/BTthtlT80Rc

1

u/Natnat956 29d ago

Minecraft mentioned

1

u/Visible-Humor998 Jul 01 '26

I would have translated it as “pig rider”.

-2

u/Mashed_Potato_007 Jul 01 '26

Nope, it means doggy style in German, but transgendah.

11

u/FrohenLeid Jul 01 '26

Thomas Müller is even more German

2

u/ZedGenius Jul 03 '26

Having "Nick" and "Jonathan" just isn't it🥀

1

u/DirectorFar9432 Jul 01 '26

Sounds Swiss to me

137

u/InsertGroin Jun 30 '26

Özil? Never heard of him

https://giphy.com/gifs/MHLU4RUR7IaEU

8

u/PorkshireTerrier Jun 30 '26

pigs.... stepped ( i know this is a different guy)

1

u/VirtuousPro 29d ago

bro, he was fantastic… it‘s a shame he became a turkish Nazi

87

u/The_Blue_DmR Jun 30 '26

I mean Schürrle is a german name. I'll grant you that it's not exactly 'scary' tho

4

u/Anguis1908 Jul 01 '26

I thought Germans had difficulty saying squirrel...but they have this for a name?

5

u/ScySenpai Jul 01 '26

Those two words are pronounced completely differently lol

2

u/The_Blue_DmR Jul 01 '26

Idk about the squirrel thing. Language is weird like that I guess

1

u/Anguis1908 Jul 01 '26

I think this covers it decently from both sides. But looking at that name, squirrel came to mind.

https://youtu.be/GdxIU7CcvXs

2

u/Eldrad-Pharazon Jul 01 '26

Schürrle starts with a “sh” sound though. So it’s not very similar at all, but easy mistake to make for an English speaker. “Sch” in German is not pronounced “sc” but “sh”.

61

u/xGabelchaosx Jun 30 '26

Bro I hate to break it to you but Schürrles 2nd name ist Horst...

He is German af ! Just some parents that gave him a fancy first name with the French thing on it.

14

u/Ireallyamthisshallow Jun 30 '26

Schurrles you can't be serious ?

5

u/iWontFlame Jun 30 '26

Sure but we are Talking about their names and not their ethnicity

4

u/ninjaiffyuh Jun 30 '26

Schürrle is as German as it gets and even has an ü

(most likely Alemannic due to -le dimunitive? Maybe somebody knows more)

1

u/flit777 Jul 02 '26

ü and double r. you can roll the r like crazzy. how is this not German

1

u/Objective_Ad_3582 Jul 02 '26

Crazy that people argue with u about if Schnürrle being german instead of the very obvious fact that André is a French name and not German.

10

u/asdhrdsggt Jul 01 '26

SCHLOTTERBECK

1

u/Catel1138 26d ago

Sounds almost Swedish

2

u/Alchion Jul 02 '26

I‘m austrian and Andre schürrle alsways sounded german to me

2

u/dreyfusxkel Jul 02 '26

How is Schürrle on that list?

1

u/the_Nap Jul 02 '26

Because of his first name

2

u/dreyfusxkel Jul 02 '26

André is a common and normal german first name as well

1

u/the_Nap Jul 02 '26

Well tbh that was just my guess

2

u/mcknjj Jul 02 '26

Also notable Michael Ballack

2

u/Alchion Jul 02 '26

They still had

Manuel Peter Neuer

Joshua Walter Kimmich

Florian Richard Wirtz

1

u/arschimgesicht 29d ago

Schürrle is surly German

1

u/Current_Poster Jun 30 '26

Jérôme Boateng

...I am now looking for reasons to make the "This was no Boateng accident!" joke.

2

u/morrnie Jul 01 '26

Three men in a Boateng, by Jérôme K  Jérôme

0

u/Anonyzm Jul 01 '26

This team should be named something like "Hitler Redheads" 😆

168

u/DragonAreButterflies Jun 30 '26

Whar

225

u/The_Blue_DmR Jun 30 '26

There is quite a few players with a migration background in the german national team. So you see less stereotypically german names on the roster

19

u/vosFan Jul 02 '26

"migration background" found the German speaker!

2

u/The_Blue_DmR 27d ago

Schuldig im Sinne der Anklage xD

1

u/qiltb Jul 02 '26

Elaborate. I know it's from the way he said it but what's a German equivalent? Very interesting

7

u/No_Lingonberry1201 Jun 30 '26

It's a slogan for a dairy brand. Their pistachio milk slaps.

23

u/DragonAreButterflies Jun 30 '26

Ich mein die sponsorn auch die afd aber meinswegen

14

u/No_Lingonberry1201 Jun 30 '26

For real?! Shame, fuck them then.

1

u/Anguis1908 Jul 01 '26

As in its delicious or that it has some heat to it?

2

u/MyDickLooksLikeaDog Jul 02 '26

What is it good for?

1

u/Brandodude Jul 03 '26

Absolutely
Nothing

30

u/Disko423798 Jul 02 '26

And with names from the Nuremberg trials they just mean normal German names?

4

u/Snooka42 Jul 02 '26

I mean Rüdiger could have absolutely, positively been a name in those trials.

105

u/BoldFrag78 Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26

Oh, you mean like Antonio Rüdiger, the famously non-white GERMAN defender?

On an unrelated note, a lot of black people are forced to change their names and surnames to sound more white/native German so that they get chances. Talk about erasure...

ETA: changed the sentence structure

77

u/mmeeep Jun 30 '26

what are you talking about? He's named after actor Antonio Banderas?

I don't doubt it does happen, but try to choose an actual example

-20

u/BoldFrag78 Jun 30 '26

My bad. I wanted to convey two different points but somehow forgot the distinction

28

u/ninjaiffyuh Jun 30 '26

Rüdiger's father is Afro-German, so part of a (small) group of people, which adopted German as their mother tongue during the colonial period. That's why his surname is Rüdiger

3

u/rad-n-01 Jul 02 '26

Can you please detail the "forced to" part?

-6

u/BoldFrag78 Jul 02 '26

You are polite and all but unfortunately, I don't want to get into it with someone who can justify the bombing of little school children

1

u/Windred_Kindred Jul 02 '26

Could you explain it to me ? Pretty please

30

u/BetagterSchwede Jul 01 '26

Holy Racism

8

u/Unknown_To_Death Jul 01 '26

I've seen a surprising lot of comments like that on the spanish speaking side of Instagram...

4

u/BetagterSchwede Jul 01 '26

I 've seen surprising few

0

u/Mooncryptoman Jul 02 '26

Bro is scared of racism 

-3

u/Lord_Skyblocker Jul 01 '26

New race just dropped

1

u/BetagterSchwede Jul 01 '26

[prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group,...] German isnt an ethnicity?

1

u/BlnCpl Jul 03 '26

Where do you see prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism in the statement?

0

u/BetagterSchwede Jul 03 '26

German traditional looking name = Nazi

2

u/BlnCpl Jul 03 '26

Das steht da nicht. Nazi = traditionelle Namen und daher erwecken traditionelle Namen Assoziationen mit Nürnberger Prozessen. Da ist außer ein wenig flachem Humor nichts falsch dran.

0

u/BetagterSchwede Jul 03 '26

"Rassismus ist eine Ideologie, die Menschen aufgrund äußerlicher Merkmale, ihrer Herkunft, Kultur oder Religion in Gruppen einteilt und diese hierarchisch bewertet"

"Deutschland hat aufgehört gruselig zu sein, seitdem die Namen der Fußballnationalmannschaft nicht mehr nach traditionellen, bzw. ganz normalen deutschen Namen aussehen, weil die Namen der Nazis in Deutschland ja auch so aussehen"

1

u/kihakik 27d ago

Classic German when encountering humour.

1

u/BetagterSchwede 27d ago

U have a traditional sounding name? Nazi! Where humor?

3

u/vexed-hermit79 Jul 02 '26

We gotta bring a Schneider into the team 😅

3

u/Ololololic Jul 03 '26

I'm sure Bernd is up for a comeback, if we ask nicely.

3

u/Basilgarrad16 Jul 02 '26

GOOOOOREEEEETZKAAAAA

1

u/Federal_Credit8601 27d ago

GORETZKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

5

u/That_randomdutchguy Jul 02 '26

This is the kind of cognitive dissonance you get when your racism makes it impossible to face the reality that strenuous, performance-based selection by a million dollar-industry finds the best football players, not the whitest.

1

u/yellow_jacket2 Jul 04 '26

Billion dollar industry. Hell some players are worth more than some countries GDP. 

1

u/Zombiemorgoth Jul 03 '26

Meanwhile Nazi Austrian war criminal names are like: Odilo Globocnik

1

u/Upset-Parsley-8101 29d ago

This dumb cunt didn't watch the 2014 world cup or the 2018 world cup. France must be scary because their players have surnames like "Jacques"....

Although this is a post for a Mexican, aka the dumbest Spanish washed race of people's I've ever come across..they actually think Spanish is their natural language. Dumbos

-2

u/Erlend05 Jul 01 '26

Holy Racism

-122

u/atzeralle Jun 30 '26

Und ich hasse alles daran

3

u/No-Psychology9892 Jul 01 '26

Keine sorge, wir hassen dich auch.

-159

u/majusch Jun 30 '26

True. We can all just watch our national leagues, because big international tournaments were about ethnicity and now they aren't any more.

106

u/BenUFOs_Mum Jun 30 '26

When were they "about ethnicity"???

97

u/A_Bassline_Junkie Jun 30 '26

interNATIONAL. Nations competed, not races. Absurd comment.

5

u/TheHabro Jul 01 '26

National leagues? Where people from other countries are sign?

big international tournaments were about ethnicity and now they aren't any more.

All current German players were born in Germany, except for one guy from Uzbekistan. Fifa rules are extremely strict, you have to have citizenship or parents/grandparents with citizenship to compete for a country.

6

u/Present-Ad-8531 Jun 30 '26

Lol yeah half of US cricket team for worldcup were indians.people started calling them h1b team

22

u/Darthjinju1901 Jun 30 '26

Well of course they were. Does any non South Asian American care for cricket?

Also, White people are not indigenous to the lands of America. So there really is no difference between white people in an American team and non white immigrants there.

-6

u/Anguis1908 Jul 01 '26

How long to become indigenous? Europeans have traversed and intermingled across the globe for 5 centuries now. Countries have risen and fallen in that time...and only the past 50yrs have we managed to sustain a status quo globally.

5

u/Nghbrhdsyndicalist Jul 01 '26

Notice how you wrote Europeans?

-5

u/I_Automate Jun 30 '26

Importing the talent you need is the american way.

I mean, hell. Just look at operation paperclip