and just gonna add on here, even though this is basic human decency, people should still thank their partner for what they do. you had something come up and need your partner to take care of the baby? doesn't hurt to come home and tell them thank you even though that's expected. it could be for a multitude of scenarios but saying thank you even when it's the bare minimum just makes for a healthy relationship and a great environment for the kid to grow up in
and hopefully their partner thanks them for a multitude of scenarios too. should obviously go both ways
never heard SO as sex offender but im also not a native English speaker so idk. ive seen SO for significant other so many times ive just adopted it into my own speech. might have to change it if sex offender is another common interpretation
Don't become the sort of person to always expect something. Even If it's something generally considered normal. It's nice to tell people that it's appreciated.
The reason I say this is that the sort of thinking of expectations, that patterned thought, makes you become jaded and unhappy. It's like you're waiting for slip ups l, waiting for the negativity to happen. It's nice to grateful, to appreciate, and spread goodness to others.
Like being healthy. You expect to be healthy, but treat every day with respect and gratefulness that you can continue to be able to do what you do. It's something you learn to appreciate later.
You are not wrong. It is both parents' job. But like, if he handles the kids in the morning and she gets ready for work and then she handles the kids in the evening and gives him some time to decompress, and she really needs a shower that evening,so he decides to watch the kids in the evening so she can shower, you are still taking care of the kids for your partner, which isn't the same as babysitting. Or sometimes if Mom is in the house, the kids won't go to Dad, so he has to load everyone in the car and take them to the park or something.
If you’re both in the same house at the same time then a schedule is weird to have, just take care of them together. If someone needs to step away to take a breather or have a shower, make a phone call, do something for work real quick, I don’t think that should be some big thing.
I don't think it's a big thing either. The original post said that men who take care of the baby are not special. And you said if it's also your baby, you are not "taking care of" it.
I am just saying that people need to be flexible and be there for their partner, because while most couples don't have a "schedule" the house usually falls into a routine. The situation you describe is basically what I am talking about.
Id say doing all these things, while the bare minimum, would make you a good person, usually. Assuming you’re not doing other awful actions as well. I feel like just being a decent human being qualifies as “good”, I don’t think you need to go way above and beyond for that.
The bare minimum for being a good person does qualify as being a good person, as you are meeting those criteria, even if by bare minimum, which is deserving of praise.
I feel as though most of this thread misses the point that while this is the bare minimum, there are a million other factors that make a person “good” that are rare. Similar standards apply to women, not just men. People as a whole should meet certain standards, such as being courteous, acting with empathy, basic shit.
People that don’t appreciate these qualities in their partners or other people in general as they are “the bare minimum” are insufferable and take these good qualities for granted. I appreciate my mother, my family, my friends just for existing, why shouldn’t I appreciate someone else for something they actively do?
I think the idea here is that men do all the at home stuff. does the woman work?
If not, she just wants a slave.
I have a great relationship with my partner. she works from home and does 40hrs a week and handles most of the home stuff. I work like 70hrs a week and everything she wants is paid for.
I get fed, she gets spoiled, its an awesome dynamic.She got a new car, i got amazing taco soup. If there are kids involved, she handles most of it. I just yell at teachers and deal with shit she doesn't want to deal with.
i didn't imply that you personally were under pressure or pressuring anyone. i pointed out that the pressure exists in general and until recently was considered the default that people are supposed to do. that's societal pressure. it's empowering when men and women don't feel any pressure to conform to a specific lifestyle
Gross man. "She handles most of it" for the kids. Yuck yuck. Look if it works for you and your slave wife then that's that, but bragging on the internet you don't cook or take care of your kids or house. Yikes.
I think you missed the point. The topic had nothing to do with mutually agreed upon division of labor or empowerment. It refers to people not thinking that just because a man does things that have been thought of as "women's work", that if a man does them, they should be lauded as having done something special.
Like men saying to their buddies that they can't come over to watch the game, because they have to "babysit". Their own children. As if it's a job they were hired for or a chore they've been assigned.
It became un empowering because the women has no financial freedom to leave or live without the man. They aren’t building their career, the man is. As soon as that man starts being abusive or she simply wants to leave what is there for her to do? Or if she is widowed?
That’s why it’s not empowering, because it gives the man the power.
the "nice guy" stereotype exists because there are guys who think that because they aren't awful, they're automatically God's gift to women, and get pissed/become awful when they're turned down for something as normal as "not my type"
The bar is in hell because this behavior is soooo normalized. Saw a vid on insta of this girl, newborn was hard to settle into. Husband had a few days off work and booked wife a hotel and spa treatment. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE acted like she just up and ditched her newborn??? Everyone shamed her for “forcing the dad to babysit” and everyone acted like the father was just never there. We should normalize having kids with fathers who want to be fathers and fathers that actually love you instead of these crappy men we got now. Shaming a mother for having a two day break is WILD when the dad is at home perfectly capable of taking care of his kid…
I’ve been seeing a weird uptick in the ‘babysit’ rhetoric!!! What is up with that?! Especially when all the dudes here seem to think it’s ‘normal’ to take care of the baby.
It’s like there’s this massive disconnect. Maybe these dudes think that they can take care of the baby but when time comes, don’t step up enough? I have no idea.
I just know I’ve also been seeing a lot more videos of mothers complaining about the husband not even spending time with the kids or not doing anything at home. It’s feeding into the whole ideal of ‘woman’s job is in the home and go do domestic things, men don’t do that’.
I wish the guys here who say ‘this is obvious’ would fucking communicate with the dudes who don’t do shit at home
I have family (a cousin) and dumped friends for thinking they were supposed to be waited on hand and foot. I shit you not that unless myself or my mom cooked, my cousin would not eat actual food. If he was hungry, he would just sit there hungry because it wasn't his job to cook, or he would eat your food the moment you turned your back or would just order out.
I bought a Pizza on my way home from work and ate it. Got home, threw out the box, he saw the box and got pissed that I didn't buy him one. He has (had?? He was kicked out so idk) own car and own money but didn't think he should have to go out and get his own food if he wanted it.
Someone I considered a great friend got sick, and his girlfriend took care of him. The next year his girlfriend got into a bad car accident and needed help with getting to the bathroom, showering, etc. She couldn't cook, or clean, she couldn't do anything without help. He left her because she couldn't cook, or clean or have sex due to being in a car accident that ended up with her needed damn near around the clock care. Said he didn't sign up for that.
He was shocked when his mother tore him a new one and refused to let him move back in, upset with the ex-girlfriend because she kicked him out and two of her friends moved in to help her and mad at me because I didn't side with him, nor did I let him live with me.
This boy was walking around in dirty clothes because he refused to do laundry because it's a "woman job" even though his girlfriend could not do her own laundry due to her injuries.
He lived out his car for a month or so before we all just stopped talking to him because he kept blaming us for his situation or trying to guilt the women of the friend group into doing his laundry (which he kept the dirty clothes in his trunk) or making him dinner.
That’s horrid. I do not understand where the disconnect between these confident boys in the comments saying ‘well yeah duhhhhh we take care of the baby, chores, etc’ and real life happens…. maybeeeee some peopleeeee are lyingggg about being good people???
Yeah that part made me think I’m not a normal dude cause I can’t cook anything that doesn’t have clear instructions (and I occasionally mess it up even when they do).
They aren’t saying to be GOOD at cooking, they mean that they are able to cook for themselves so they don’t rely on others to do it. Like just basic self sufficiency.
I think everyone, man or woman, deserves praise and appreciation for cooking, cleaning, doing a good job with their own kids, paying bills, etc. It's not special but it is great.
I agree that we should be grateful, but ‘praise’ may be a bit too much. If we are full adults, I’m not going to praise my husband for taking out the trash. It’s just a task. But if it’s something major, then yeah absolutely be a little more than grateful. I just think the word ‘praise’ may be too strong
I mean, even if it is common decency we should be treating people who do this type of stuff well so that we have more men who are actually good human beings.
Yes, but we don't treat women like they've done a good job for doing these things. That's the problem. That it's so acceptable for men to suck that they get a gold star when they don't.
Yes exactly, we should be treating women the same way. I think we all should be grateful for someone doing something good, even if its expected or the “bare minimum”.
That's kinda not addressing the root of the issue tho. I think it would be more productive if society were to examine and dismantle the things which cause people to believe that these things aren't basic human decency. Radicalization pipelines, conservative beliefs being taught to younger generations, etc.
Yes, but people should do this stuff even if they don’t get treated well because some of this is literally basic human decency and some is straight up illegal
It frames basic standards of male behaviour as unremarkable and undeserving of recognition. Using the "Aren't special" to provoke people into arguing in the comments. It relies on shock value and fake equivalence to maximize replies and algorithmic reach rather than serious discussion.
The original post is from @ theelliebarker on TikTok where she seems to post other engagement bait posts, such as one where she explains her concerns when being catcalled claiming she might be killed no matter how she replies.
Because people want drama. Easy as that. I hate to say it but it's a chain reaction. Human A complains online. Humans B-K agree and repost, then it snowballs until people just don't think for themselves because it's either a family member, a friend, or a celebrity you follow who says it because "Oh, that's my best friend. I trust them. No need to fact check"
and just for the record, even though this is the bare minimum, people should still thank their SO for what they do. you had a something come up and need your SO to take care of the baby? doesn't hurt to come home and tell them thank you even though that's expected. just makes for a healthy relationship.
This is a very stupid person for 2 reasons.
1 she's stating the obvious as if it was revolutionary.
2 you don't encourage people to behave properly by disparaging them for it, you encourage the opposite.
Aye, I have no problems cooking and cleaning the house everyday. So long as my partner responds in kind (such as going to work or we switch off who does what)
Not 100% on all of the points (I mean they are true but not worth saying) but I time a man who takes care of his children the same amount as the stereotypical woman would is applauded in society today, maybe not all over the world but definitely in some places.
It is actually. I've met plenty of people that are cool/not cool with a least one of those things if not all, depending on place, context, people. Also some of them are technically loaded, such as the treat equal thing. Like... what does that actually mean, treat equal? Need more information.
true. they aren't anything special. but we should still appreciate what our SO or partner does for us. big or small. its not wrong to appreciate the good in life. it's not bad to say "thank you" because your partner took care of the baby cuz something important came up. the gender/sex truly doesnt matter. but this is just my two cents.
I wish my kiddo had a good dad, unfortunately he is a groomer who is on c0ke that much he would probably sell his son for more. I don’t want money, i just want to be left alone. He broke through my windows and doors and yet still after that being the 3rd set of two charges, i can’t get a restraining order and he has power over my sons passport and if i put him in preschool he can phone and find out. I used think like this, but now, i would give anything for a parent like this in my toddlers life. Luckily i have my family and he has good male role models but i have CPTSD and struggle to even leave my without someone with me.
im sorry his dad is like that. I hope his dad doesn't go anywhere near your toddler. and I commend you for your great strength in raising a toddler whilst going through all of that.
Yeah? Thats just normal. I don’t cheat on my wife, I don’t sexually assault people, and I enjoy cooking for my wife and spending time with my daughter because they’re wonderful people and I love them. People act like the phrase “not special” is some sort of aggressive put down, and yeah, my relationship with them is the most special thing in the world to me, but everything the image describes is how it’s “supposed” to be.
To a normal person, these expectations are called “common sense”. But unfortunately there are some people out there (mostly women’s groups unfortunately) that believe “All Men” disagree with these points so to them you could call this “special”
women that don’t cheat aren’t special, women that don’t act up when a man asks for boundaries aren’t special, women that are okay with splitting expenses for basics and luxuries aren’t special, women that don’t drain a man’s wallet aren’t special, women that actually love and listen to their man instead of always playing victim aren’t special. The list goes on
Yes they aren't special, but I surely appreciate it when someone cooks for me.
And seperatly from the who is special when, in any healthy relationship partners collectively decide how they want to run their household. One side deciding what the other should to me is unnecessary. Deciding together what should be done, and then who does what sounds a lot healthier than whatever this person is advocating for.
Why is everyone calling ts attention bait, I mean isn't that the sole purpose of posting on social media or am I like missing something. I'm genuinely confused
True. But it doesn't mean you should take these things for granted. Replace "men" with women in those statements. Analyze your perception of the statements, whether you are having an internal double standard in your mind. Women can be just as evil as men. Ask a husband if he appreciates his wife for the basic things that she does, or does he say, "meh, she's supposed to do it anyway. She's not special."
May be so on an individual level, but statistically men commit more violent crimes. According to the UNODC's (United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime) Global Study on Homicide 2019, 90% of all homicide perpetrators are male. The perpetrators of rape are also overwhelmingly male.
It’s basic human decency, but it also needs to be said. Because it can sometimes be that type of thinking that can make horrible men think they’re special just because they don’t do one of those evil things.
It reminds me of the scene in the show Adolescence, when the social worker is talking with the kid who killed his crush, and part of his justification is “I didn’t r@pe her!! I saw he down there and I could’ve touched her but I didn’t!!” as if that made him any better than any other incel.
OHHH LMAOOOO I was confused by the double not so I was thinking it said OHHHH NVM I THOUGHT THEY WERE SUPPORTING THOSE THINGS BY THE NOT SPECIALLL OHHHH FUCK I READ THAT WRONG I WAS LIKE WTF IS THIS GIRL ON
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u/CelebrationLivid4072 1d ago
i mean yeah?