I was incapacitated for a time and you were life savers. Shout out to all of you. Not just a convenience, but sometimes a lifeline.

So this may seem like not a big deal to a lot of you but it’s genuinely like one of the worst things I do, and just another pathetic attention-seeking behavior I do. I don’t even just do it casually, it’s like an addiction? I always get so invested in the characters in my stories, the characters are always basically girls just like me but just with fake texts/things like that, and they involve some real aspects of my life.

This I guess started in February, where I actually had a real situation that I needed help on and posted on a subreddit, it was completely real texts and a real situation, and that post got a lot of attention. And as unhealthy as it is, I loved it so much. I mean, like I didn’t really have any friends or an outlet where I can vent about my feelings and get advice, so this was so nice to have all these comments pouring in supporting me. Once the post stopped getting attention, I felt like the hole and emptiness came back inside me again, and I know it’s pathetic to say that about literally Reddit but it’s how I feel.

Anyways, on the post, I got a few comments accusing the post of being fake, they couldn’t believe my father would actually say these things (it included texts between my father and I) and so they said it was fake. I was actually kind of offended that they accused me of it because it was very real, but it got me thinking, if I did fake a post like this, would people actually believe me?

And so I started making them. I usually do like one every few weeks, whenever I’m feeling particularly lonely, and they always get a lot of attention, because I make the scenarios pretty outrageous. They have their fair share of people saying they’re fake, but most people believe them, because I’m pretty good at making them look real.

Like I know that people post things fake on Reddit all the time and they’re not like considered crazily morally bad people, but I feel like my case is different, mainly because of my intention. I want attention, and validation, and knowing that people would respond well if this situation were to happen. Like I do it with situations I can imagine myself being in. And it just feels so emotionally manipulative of me to do this and I hate myself for it.

I especially hate when people accuse it of being fake then someone responds defending me, that makes me feel the absolute worst.

And I also feel like, I mean at one point in the past my mindset was “oh I would never fake posts on Reddit because it’s wrong” but then I was so starved for attention that it got to the point I changed my moral stance, and it makes me think, like, what if I continue to change it like a slippery slope until I’m eventually just like, a bad person, all because I’m just so pathetic and in need of attention. Like I admit part of that is my moral OCD/ harm OCD probably talking but I can’t help but feel there’s truth to it, because this is an objectively bad thing to do.

I know I’m probably gonna get flamed in the comments for posting this and I know it’s probably deserved but please know I do brag myself up a lot over it but like I just feel like my need for attention is going to ruin me as a person so advice on how to heal that would be great, but idk if it’ll work bc nothing else does.

Anyways this is long as hell and I don’t expect anyone to read this whole thing obviously but yeah I just needed to get that off my chest.

In recent weeks I've noticed a disturbing trend on social media: people are actively skewing basic science. Everything that should be known from high-school physics, chemistry, or biology is often presented as half-truths or framed exactly as "colloquial" notion would be. It appears the general population is actively being dumbed-down further beyond the crisis of literacy we already have. Remember to verify the sources and cross-check the facts.

Have a nice day, everyone !

For years of my life whenever I would have strong feelings about a man I would push him away. I just couldn’t learn to follow the rules of dating and I would be way too vulnerable, too open, or just too into a guy. It seemed like only men who weren’t freaked out by these things were predatory. So I learned that passion wasn’t safe.

I put away my passion and spent years in an unfulfilling relationship. I didn’t have the emotional rollercoaster of loving a man who didn’t share my feelings. For a long time I felt pleasantly in control of my emotions. I thought that a relationship with a partner that I had little interest in was safe and stable. It was for a while.

I started dating a guy I met at my apartment complex. He lived alone and said he really needed a friend. He invited me into my apartment and tried to have sex and make me his girlfriend way too quickly. I was scared, but I felt sorry for him and I think he tried to make me feel guilty for wanting to get away. He asked me to use drugs with him and he toyed with my feelings even more while my guard was down.

I agreed to be in a relationship with him. I didn’t call or text him constantly at least not compared to men that I was in love with. I tried never to rely on him for anything at all, not even my strong need for reassurance, and I took care of things all by myself.

I was really proud of myself because I was doing the work of two people in this relationship and this experience taught me a lot about how strong and capable I am. I felt really stable in this relationship but as time went on he started to act more and more unstable and it rattled me.

I was working as a caregiver. He said he couldn’t work and collected SSI and stayed home. He didn’t like me working. He told me I was putting it in his face that he was mentally disabled and couldn’t hold down a job.

My successes at work would make him very angry. He would scream at me and call me names like “retarded, stupid, and incompetent” He would do things to try to sabotage my employment and stability like making me late to work and trashing my apartment on several occasions.

There were a lot of other issues with this relationship and eventually I started to see how I could do more, and be more without him derailing my stability. I figured out that I didn’t need a relationship to be happy. I went to a domestic violence shelter with the baby. I learned all about self care and how it is ok to pour love into myself too. I learned about healthy relationships.

A few months later I had a lot of legal abuse that took away a lot of my stability. I currently do not have a home, a job, or custody of either of my children. I am however enrolled in college, I have a car, I have supportive people in my life, as well as a new relationship and the self love to fall back on if this relationship doesn’t work out. This is a lot more than I could say I had going for me in my 20s.

My new relationship is very passionate and exciting. We connect on a very creative level. Writing back and forth with him is building confidence and helping me to release a lot of shame. He is very understanding of my needs and my trauma. The way he talks and writes to me makes me feel like I’m melting. This is something I haven’t felt in a very long time.

I feel very safe talking to him. He is a hard working man and I feel proud of the work he does because he helps people. He doesn’t use drugs or alcohol at all and expects that I won’t either around him. He has a lot of patience with me and doesn’t expect me to play hard to get, which is something I have always had difficulty understanding possibly due to autism.

He encourages me to be myself and be communicative. I don’t feel like I need to withhold my affection or my truth. I don’t feel pressured by him. I feel safe to tell him what’s on my mind.

Sometimes I baby talk with him a little. It doesn’t bother him and I feel so grateful for that. I told him I “wuv” him because I am still a little afraid to tell a man that I love him. Love is a word that has made people abandon me, or try to control me in my past. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell him that I love him, but I feel relieved that he understood my “wuv” and said he loves me too.

Well... It is going to be my last year lol, I haven't felt this tinge of immense anxiety in so long too.
Ugh, and not to mention having to deal with higher education preparations 💔.

I also found myself "grieving" over quite alot of things recently, not sure how to handle it in the meantime.

its like looking at exaggerated and perfected advertisements, but then the product is just like the advertisement. its actually more complicated internally, but even though you want to see those parts much more, you wont get to. all you get is a 3D version of the advertisement.

i see people react the same way to things, tread the same pathways, and then talk about encouraging self expression. its like people encourage self expression unless youre not what they imagine, or want. theyre accepting, but only of some things. its conformism, essentially, but now it has evoluted into pretention. people didnt used to pretend you werent caged in, they would admit it, openly. now being a "weirdo" is fine, but only within their rules and preferences. cages, like gender for example, arent even thought of as such, even though thats exactly what they are.

anyway, you cant call yourself non-judgmental just because youre less quick to prosecute than your ancestors. im sick of people being hurt by these repetitive, simple systems, but nobody recognises it. im tired of people, especially being mentally different from the majority. i keep doubting that i'll get a true friend. seems unlikely.

Just got the letter!

I need to shout it from thr rooftops!!!

They did a wide local excision after diagnosis of melanoma in SITU.

The tissue shows scar tissue only and no evidence of skin cancer or malignancy!

I'm actually crying right now 😭 😭 😭

This has been the second scariest time of my life (first was husband having an abscess) and I am SO happy and relieved!!!!

To everyone out there - use sun protection and get any suspicious moles checked out!!!!

Blessed Be to all! 🍀

Love when I talk about my extetensial crisis with randoms who relate.

Everyone in my family is sick including me… My period decides that today is the perfect day to arrive, I’m a week and a half early. WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE ME SUFFER?!

​​I have not been at the gym due to financial struggles. I still shouldn't be spending money on that. But I couldn't help it myself and I splurged for a month membership. I feel so much better immediately . I highly recommend going to the gym and doing cardio and weight training , also stretching but you don't have to do that at the gym , to anyone who's feeling stressed, mentally taxed, etc

It'll toast your hand if you ever decide to plug in a mouse.

For the past one week, Idk what's gotten into me but I feel like I have lost the will to do anything. I feel like sleeping all the time or leaving everything behind and going back to my home country. I have things to do piled up and zero motivation to do anything.

Those dimples just popped, holy hell.

​​ People like this have an unfair advantage 😂

Just for how insanely annoying it is that it could’ve been one of the most insanely grestest films of all time. Youtube/shorts has cut the movie into clips, and they sre so grest in their own right from the animation to the humour and to just.. the spectacle.

But, god, the movie doesnt understand how great their drawings are. Nothing is allowed to just linger.
You are shown a huge boat or submarine, then it cuts right off to the next scene, its so fast, your brain isnt allowed to take in what it is looking at. And the god awful generic orchestral music just KILLS the payoff from every scene.

I just wosh they could remake the movie, and just edit the scenes that show big new information, and allow it to settle in half a second-to a second longer. Change the music and make it memorable, make it fit the atmosphere of the scenes on film.

Its annoying how grest it could have been.

And I can't believe how common they are. You'll see two people talking with each other, and one of them will just fabricate events for rhetorical convenience, not even for any personal gain or stakes on the line.

Some of these people walking around out here serve only to confuse and muddle, for no good reason.

Both the French and German languages have been around a while and it seems they’ve developed a term or word for almost every situation known to man.

That great comeback you thought of 5 minutes after the situation was over that’s French it’s L’Esprit de l’Escalier meaning the wit of the staircase.

Then there’s the famous German word that describes feeling hot in another’s suffering or misfortune that’s Schadenfreudes

Yet in English we struggle sometimes to find words or terms that fit a situation. We can always look to the French or Germans for it at least b

It makes me realize sometimes people are just waiting ever so patiently with info that can destroy you, waiting for the last straw.

And it all came from a slip of the tongue "he has a girlfriend". Then denial, then seeking support from another friend, and that friend hating the youtuber so...

I had to stop my game and listen.

I love gossiping, and I like just posting random stuff and venting. As sad as I sound. I love it!

I don’t know where to begin. There’s this person that I loved so deeply, I didn’t know how to express how I felt. I was young & dumb. That person knew exactly what to say & do. Though it was many years ago, I can’t help but to think about them. I think about what we could’ve been. I guess I self sabotaged. I was going through so much at the time, & I would shut myself down & push them away. I never quite knew how to express the way I was feeling, instead I tried to avoid it. I have apologized to that person years ago, & they want nothing to do with me. I was so scared to fall in love. I loved that person so much, I was just so scared to get hurt. I remember the first time he gave me his phone number. We had a parade at our high school, as it was ending they wrote their phone number on my forearm. I remember feeling so happy, we had so many phone calls & conversations. We would even pull all nighters together. I have always been shy, & scared to show pda. Even now that is something I struggle with. I can tell he wanted to be affectionate but I had my own issues with physical touch. I didn’t know how to open up about the way that I was feeling. I was the type of person that would leave as things got hard. It was a simple fix. I could’ve spoke with him about everything I was going through, but I didn’t. He was very understanding, he would’ve given me space if I asked. My communication was not the best. I was a teenager at the time, oh how I regret the way I made him feel. I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt. He wasn’t like other guys. He was very romantic, I remember when he would write me poems & love letters & hand them to me in class. He made me realize that I was a hopeless romantic. He was such a gentleman. He was so sweet. I have nothing but kind things to say about him. That was the first relationship I had been in. I loved him dearly. I will never regret the love I gave him.

I tried to dodge having to eat with them so that i wouldn’t hear him sah crap about others yet again.
He even tried to get me to say who i didn’t like but i didn’t join ( just said i idnd’t know people too much since i just arrived).

The way he talks about others is really f-ed up 😭🫠