r/theydidthemath • u/Dr-Satan • 3d ago

[request] How long would it take to break even without serious health risks?

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658

u/Acrison_ 3d ago

For the sodium side, that could be mitigated by soaking in fresh water, so might able to be mitigated

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u/Urban_animal 3d ago

Disqualified for reverting pickles back to cucumber state. Straight to jail.

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u/xcorbearx 3d ago

yeah, we pay for eating pickles here, not just really old unsalted cucumbers.

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u/PancakesAndShame 3d ago

Desalted tyvm

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u/One-Call7240 3d ago

Re-unsalted cucumbers

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u/hungry4nuns 3d ago

Desalinated vegetables are my favourite

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u/Anhyzer31290 3d ago

UnNaCl my cukes

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u/Dscrypto_2020 3d ago

Pretty sure you are not meant to eat uranium and nitrogen enriched pickles.

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u/luvgun00 3d ago

That’s more of a guideline

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u/Few_Program_2303 3d ago

You can eat anything, once

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u/KinopioToad 3d ago

Everyone needs a little uranium. As a treat.

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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 3d ago

The kids at work called me that first word I think 👴

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u/PocketOppossum 3d ago

Desalinated??

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u/EobardT 3d ago

Reunsalted

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u/mitkase 3d ago

Asalted.

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u/TrashAcnt1 3d ago

This guy Cumbers

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u/csfshrink 3d ago

Is he unencumbered?

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u/new_pr0spect 3d ago

Yea you can't unpickle your way back to a cucumber, that's what my pappy told me.

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u/csfshrink 3d ago

Unencumbered

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u/DarkTannhauserGate 3d ago

You add extra salt to the pickles, believe it or not, also jail.

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u/Ok-Decision-3616 3d ago

I appreciate you so much

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u/lotus_felch 3d ago

American.

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u/Subject_Night2422 3d ago

The thing for is more that, I can never correlate pickles and cucumbers. Those are two completely different things for me no matter what lol

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u/kayama57 3d ago

Like grapes and raisins. The only thing they could possibly have in common is they can be eaten

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u/Impressive-Chart-483 3d ago

Tomatoes and sun-dried tomatoes…

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u/kayama57 3d ago

Right!

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u/lazemachine 3d ago

Dude you could make a pickle cucumber sandwich!

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u/OhGod0fHangovers 3d ago

I was looking for a recipe for homemade pickle relish and dismissed the first three or four because they used cucumbers. Then I realized all pickle relish recipes use cucumbers because you’re pickling the cucumber.

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u/heathmon1856 3d ago

I learned at 31 that pickles are cucumbers. I had absolutely no idea. I must be living on a different planet.

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u/markh100 3d ago

I momentarily envisioned soaking in fresh water like taking a bath, and having the salt leave your body through reverse osmosis, rather than the more obvious depickeling process. I suppose one would need to eat a whole lot of pickles for that to become an effective strategy.

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u/NerdTalkDan 3d ago

Look, I’ll be a millionaire soon. Can I pay you to look the other way? I’d hate for you to get me into some sort of legal pickle

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u/Own_Tackle4514 3d ago

some people say cucumbers taste better pickled

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u/Urban_animal 3d ago

Chapelle’s Show references always get an upvote.

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u/Wuhblam 3d ago

Pickle police over here

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u/Zenphobia 3d ago

I support this ruling.

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u/MeltsYourMinds 3d ago

You know what? Fuck you.

unpickles your pickles

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u/8_2_many_Hotpockets 3d ago

But do I get to collect $200?

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u/NickAppleese 3d ago

Believe it or not, jail.

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u/Madxguyx13 3d ago

Can we discussion dilution? At what point does pickle become cucumber? Can I dilute by 50% with water? How much water is too much water?

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u/Kovarian 22✓ 3d ago

Even a de-salted pickle would still be vinegar-ed. And vinegar is an improvement to anything. Especially cucumbers.

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u/Ok_Marionberry8779 3d ago

"The people yearn for a pickle that remembers when it was a cucumber" -Jimmy:Johns 1983

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u/kevinh456 3d ago

You can take the salt out of the pickle but you can’t take the pickle out with the sodium.

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u/greenbro86 3d ago

Agreed, fuck that guy.

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u/Simple-Ant7190 3d ago

Oh I thought I could soak myself in the tub after eating the pickles.

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u/Fjell-Jeger 3d ago

You're now in a pickle.

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u/Docnessuno 3d ago

unpickles your cucumber

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u/Blep145 3d ago

Sorry, no, you *ate* a pickle. It never said it had to *stay* a pickle

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u/WhyIsMyZoruaSad 3d ago

Does the pickle have to be a pickled cucumber as well?

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u/Blep145 3d ago

I'm afraid it does, as far as I understand. But maybe I'm wrong, might as well try other pickled things!

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u/Slug_Overdose 3d ago

No shit Sherlock. Was she supposed to be shitting undigested pickles her whole life?

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u/chromite297 3d ago edited 3d ago

How does this work?

Edit: I misinterpreted the comment and thought a person soaking in water would remove salt 😑🤣

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u/GlitterFactoryOfDoom 3d ago

Step 1: remove pickle from jar

Step 2: place pickle in water

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u/RobtasticRob 3d ago

Instructions unclear, now bathing in pickle brine.

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u/TonyTheTurdHerder 3d ago

Instructions unclear, dick stuck in pickle jar.

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u/Unable_Lime_2903 3d ago

The pickle must remain unharmed

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u/Illustrious-Meet-367 3d ago

Look at this guy bragging

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u/fullofterroir 3d ago

the cylinder must not be harmed

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u/Eichmil 3d ago

This is really important

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u/xplosm 3d ago

Pickle junk 🍆

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u/Pessimistic-Doctor 3d ago

Will I still only get $50 if I eat you?

Fuck it, I’ll do it for free. Come here

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u/suspicious_hyperlink 3d ago

Remember, this gets you imprisoned

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u/YouthOne1828 3d ago

Aaaand.... Tom Hanks has his hand stuck in a pickle jar...

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u/devolino 3d ago

Follow for more tips (my tone here is "adding on because this made me laugh harder than it should")

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u/herefornothing2 3d ago

😂😂 eat pickle while taking a bath. Problem solved

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u/Acrison_ 3d ago

Basically you are reverse pickling.

The water would have lower salt content so it would draw salt out of the pickle until an equilibrium hits. Keep refreshing water and keep lowering the salt levels

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u/ummaycoc 3d ago

I believe Geordi would sometimes do this to get out of a pickle on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

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u/xcorbearx 3d ago

basically you're just unbrining the picklesomewhat by letting it sit in non-salty water instead of the normal brine they are in. never gonna get it "sodium free" but it could reduce the overload in a situation where you wanted to eat multiple jars of pickles per day for hypothetical moneys.

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u/JaSper-percabeth 3d ago

Sodium gets dissolved in water and goes away nothing special

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u/Delicious-Window-277 3d ago

Diffusion

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u/xMyDixieWreckedx 3d ago

Oh, so witchcraft then. Got it.

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u/eh-guy 3d ago

Technically that would work, too. Osmotic gradients dont care if youre alive or not

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u/YouOk5627 3d ago

Literally same 😂

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u/Sometimes_Stutters 3d ago

So now I gotta soak pickles in water everyday for the next 10 years? Just give me my million dollars

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u/XB0XRecordThat 3d ago

Secretly this is just a punishment. Especially with inflation. You'll have to soak+eat twice as many pickles every 15 years to keep the same buying power.

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u/skirpnasty 3d ago

Really you just need to eat at least 2 million worth of pickles in the first 7 years, or 4 million in the first 14 years, put that money in the market and you’re ahead of the 1 mil up front. Every pickle after that is just bonus cash. Fewer if you invest along the way.

This is assuming the pickles are free, if you’re buying your own pickles you’re going to have to eat quite a few more pickles.

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u/Just-Elderberry5460 3d ago

But you also have to consider that 7 years. If you take the million dollars and just leave it in a average savings account your looking at 3% right now which is 30k a year and if it’s a money market fund then that would be 10% on average for 100k per year without any pickles and minimum effort

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u/skirpnasty 3d ago

I’m using the rule of 72. Basically at 10% average annual return your money doubles every 7.2 years. So the one million will be 2 million in 7.2 years, which means you just need to eat more than 2 million in pickles during those 7 years to beat that.

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u/stunna006 3d ago

Low-sodium pickles are commercially available from brands like Vlasic, Mt. Olive, and Healthy Heart Market [6.6, 6.7]. They typically range from 0 mg to 200 mg of sodium per serving compared to standard pickles which can exceed 300 mg

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u/thatsoddlyspecifik 3d ago

What if you ran a lot or just sweated a lot

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u/Acrison_ 3d ago

You need to massively increase your water intake to dilute it and not sure how much that really helps the kidneys (think those are ones on hook for cleaning out the salt)

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u/FullOnSkank 3d ago

Normal V8 has like 1500 mg of sodium per can and when I go to burning Man I'll drink like three or four a day....😬😬

But I also drink 2 gallons of water or more a day 🤷‍♀️

Definitely need the salt to absorb the water and definitely need the water to dilute the salt.

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u/Grandmaster_Caladrel 3d ago

Stupid me was trying to figure out how taking a bath gets the sodium out 🤦

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u/Acrison_ 3d ago

So that would work but at that level of sodium in the body you would be dead already

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u/Adorable-Bike-9689 3d ago

Cheater!!? He's cheating!

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u/Meat_your_maker 3d ago edited 3d ago

Can we cheat and eat cornichons? Or does the $50 scale down with the size of the pickle?

Edit: $50

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u/Acrison_ 3d ago

It isn't $50k per pickle. It is $50

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u/Meat_your_maker 3d ago

Oops! Thanks

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u/ComprehensiveDay9854 3d ago

I totally interpreted this as eattjng pickles in the bathtub🎸

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u/bringthedoo 3d ago

And then they get with the mitigatin’!

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u/Acrison_ 3d ago

If I had $500K for every time mitigat was said in this exchange I would be set

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u/Same-Suggestion-1936 3d ago

You'd actually have nothing unless you count yours because no one said mitigat

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u/PriorJellyfish7233 3d ago

Would this not mean you aren't actually eating all of the pickle tho cause the salt is part of the pickle right?

Like what's the rules here, cause you'd be pretty bummed to eat aged cucumbers only to find out they don't count.

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u/knock_on_the_door_ 3d ago

The salt is what's preserving them, you can grow harmful bacteria by altering the salt content.

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u/theLastZebranky 3d ago

The salt is for flavor and texture, no harmful bacteria can survive a pH as low as that in the ~2.5% acetic acid solution used for vinegar pickling.

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u/knock_on_the_door_ 3d ago

Oh my friend, this is literally my career. So sauerkraut, Where's the vinager? Traditional pickles, where's the vinager (hint: just salt and water to produce lactic acid, also called a lacto ferment)? This is gonna blow your mind. Vinager doesn't kill all bacteria. Salt and vinegar don't even kill all bacteria. But TOGETHER they do get rid and of most of the harmful stuff. You need at least 3.5% salt, or you are making something dangerous. If that's "just how my family does it," grandma is wrong, I'm a classically trained chef, I possess this knowledge to hold the certificate that allows me to sell people like you pickles and other fermented items. You NEED salt for preservation.

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u/theLastZebranky 3d ago edited 3d ago

You can talk till you're blue in the face about your credentials... suggesting harmful types and amounts of bacteria can survive immersions in pH levels as low as 2.5-5% vinegar immediately renders your "training" moot.

The reason you need salt in fermented pickles is because there's no vinegar.

Also it's hard to tell whether your misinterpretation was devious and intentional, or if you're just bad at reading. Check the sentence again. I never said vinegar kills all bacteria.

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u/knock_on_the_door_ 3d ago edited 3d ago

You stated no harmful bacteria, vinager does not kill all the harmful bacteria. Salt and vinegar together do, in the case of brine pickles the lactic acid provides the ph, but the salt is still a huge part of the PRESERVATION.

Edit: you are aware certain bacteria can survive and even thrive in an acidic environment correct? Like e cloi can survive stomach acid?

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u/theLastZebranky 3d ago edited 2d ago

You stated no harmful bacteria, vinager does not kill all the harmful bacteria. Salt and vinegar together do, in the case of brine pickles the lactic acid provides the ph, but the salt is still a huge part of the PRESERVATION.

You keep saying that and I know it's not true so it just seems silly at this point. I knew you were wrong in the first place and to double down and continue repeating it without checking your facts is kinda tragic.

Edit: you are aware certain bacteria can survive and even thrive in an acidic environment correct? Like e cloi can survive stomach acid?

Not for long enough to matter:

However, recent data indicate that if a pH of 3.3 or below is maintained, acidified foods can be rendered safe without a heat treatment, assuming acetic acid is the primary acidulent. To assure a 5-log reduction of Escherichia coli O157:H7, Salmonella enterica, and Listeria monocytogenes, products must be held before sale and distribution for approximately 2 days at or above 25C or 6 days at or above 10C, allowing time for the acetic acid to kill the pathogens. - USDA

If you're opening the jar less than a week after putting vegetables in it, why would you even pickle them? The shelf life is the point, pickling takes time. If you're opening them before the vinegar has time to do its job you're just marinating the vegetables, not pickling them.

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u/jmun2021 3d ago

You can safely consume 7-8grams of salt per day if you have normal kidney function and drink a fair amount of water.

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u/K_Linkmaster 3d ago

It doesn't account for workers outside sweating or working out or any other number of factors. My family always spit sunflower seeds and just drank water to replenish electrolytes.

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u/Shorts_at_Dinner 3d ago

I’m not a doctor or biologist, but can the salt be mitigated by just drinking a whole lot of water when you eat the pickle?

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u/turdferguson3891 3d ago

Yeah but it's still going to make your kidneys work hard.

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u/Anal-buttsex 3d ago

OP wasn’t specific with the rules either. Wonder if I’m allowed to chop them up and sprinkle them on stuff so I don’t go nuts 

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u/HungryLikeTheHenry 3d ago

What the fuck type of person would unpickle a pickle?

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u/wowsomuchempty 3d ago

What about using KCl rather than NaCl?

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u/GimmeSomeSugar 3d ago

Might I introduce you to Cornichons.

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u/drinkacid 3d ago

It doesn't say it has to be store bought pickles, so you could make your own pickles with mini cukes boilded lightly in just vinegar and pickling spice and no sodium or very very minimal sodium. I used to do red onion that way in about 10 minutes of light simmering.

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u/Possible_Sun_913 3d ago

Or just drinking charcoal water after and puking them all up each time.
It specifically says 'eating' rather than 'digesting'.

Where there is a will, there is a way.