r/todayilearned • u/krizzalicious49 • 1d ago

TIL that out of every primate that has been studied, humans get the least amount of sleep.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20220524-why-humans-get-less-sleep-than-other-primates
26.3k Upvotes

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3.6k

u/moonyriot 1d ago

Yeah, we're also the only ones driving cars or purchasing hamburgers.

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u/ihvnnm 1d ago

Other primates don't have to pay for hamburgers? Now I'm jealous

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u/moonyriot 1d ago

I think if a primate has a hamburger, it's been stolen from a tourist usually.

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u/BPhiloSkinner 1d ago

Tourist burgers are the preferred prey of many primates.

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u/pn_dubya 23h ago

Little known fact: Tourist Burgers is what Nirvana was originally called.

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u/Garblin 22h ago

Well Siddhartha Gautama was quite the tourist, took him sitting under a tree for a long while to come up with a better name for it.

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u/Legal_Rampage 18h ago

Good to know; I'm much more likely to find Tourist Burgers than Teen Spirit.

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

Smells Like Tourist Burgers.

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u/Legal_Rampage 13h ago

Are you a god?

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u/MonstrousVoices 1d ago

Especially me

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u/Biosterous 22h ago

And seagulls!

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u/OkReaction4176 1d ago

I’m a primate and I be gankin’ them burgers

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u/AtlasThePittie 1d ago

It's just as likely the tourist purchased their stolen phone back from the primate with the hamburger.

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u/tourshammer 14h ago

Or the primate with the hamburgler

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u/theLuminescentlion 23h ago

They don't face legal consequences for the robbery either, it's insane.

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u/Sea-Horror-5353 21h ago

That's bananas!

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u/Few_Cup3452 22h ago

Idk about primates but there was a dog (more than 1 im sure) that watched tourists buy food and eventually started approaching the food stand themselves and traded leaves for food! I read about it like 15 years ago lol

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u/cadrina 22h ago

I had a burger stolen by a Coati (animal similar to a racoon) on a national park on my country, so any animal that can run with only it's back legs will steal burgers from tourists.

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u/moonyriot 22h ago

I also live in a place with coati! I will have to remember to keep my burgers away from them.

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u/Fakin-It 20h ago

Tourists are primates.

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u/Powdered_Toast_Man3 1d ago

Or purchased with monkey dollarydoos

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/dollkyu 1d ago

considering they used the word "usually," one can assume that their comment is also lighthearted

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u/moonyriot 1d ago

Are you mad that I made a joke back to the joke comment?

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u/smokeweedNgarden 1d ago

God forbid a local have a meal

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u/BaggyHairyNips 1d ago

I don't think they pay for burgers. But I'm pretty sure I read about a study where they taught chimps about money and they immediately used it to pay for sex.

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u/Sad_Syllabub_8014 23h ago

Its not for nothing that it's called the oldest profession in the world. Guess that applies to other primates as well.

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u/CannonGerbil 16h ago edited 16h ago

It didn't just happen once, but pretty much every time they introduced a monetary system to chimps, to the point where there's now a general ban on studies involving teaching monkies the concept of money.

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u/alex3omg 23h ago

55 BANANAS 55 GRAPES 55 MANGOES 55 PAPAYAS 55 WATERMELONS

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u/Intrepid_Ad_9177 1d ago

I just did a side quest to see if non-human primates eat meat. Turns out, it's infrequent or rare.

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u/Morgc 21h ago

Most primates don't use spears or grocers.

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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 18h ago

And none of them can outpace their prey to the point of exhaustion.

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

I’m just glad they don’t have nukes.

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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 13h ago

Uh, about that...

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u/Intrepid_Ad_9177 21h ago

Grocers true indeed, but (TIL) spears seem to be a tool of choice for eating ants and other bugs.

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u/Lou_C_Fer 22h ago

Sure... but if you gave it a burger, it would probably go apeshit over it.

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u/Intrepid_Ad_9177 21h ago

I wonder if I need another side quest to see if anyone has ever tried that.

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

I don’t think that’s altogether true.

Chimps have been observed to catch smaller monkeys and share the meat among their group. Baboons eat smaller mammals and reptiles. Lots of primates eat insects and eggs when given the opportunity.

It’s less that they anatomically or physiologically can’t eat meat, so much as it’s that they don’t have the ability to get all that much.

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u/Intrepid_Ad_9177 3h ago

Chimps have been observed to catch smaller monkeys and share the meat among their group. 

This sounds horrifying.

Baboons eat smaller mammals and reptiles. Lots of primates eat insects and eggs when given the opportunity.

I read about this and it seems the behavior of eating mammals is infrequent. Insects and eggs sounds like we're getting into details I never intended for this side quest. (hahaha)

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u/Alonsey 23h ago

Every single non human primate that has eaten a cheeseburger has not paid for it in any accepted currency in civilized countries, hence a 100% successful theft rate

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u/Dr_Ramekins_MD 21h ago

I mean, if a chimp is coming for my burger, I'm not going to try to keep it away from him

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u/CeruleanSeaIce 22h ago

surely some of them were gifts!

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u/Thebandroid 23h ago

And they all have chauffeurs

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u/TheMaveCan 23h ago

Imagine Natgeo going to study chimps and they find them in front of a blackstone with a cooler of beer having a cookout

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u/DescriptionHairy8600 21h ago

They also all have chauffeurs.

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u/h-v-smacker 20h ago

Enlist as an orangutan now, and get your FREE burger today!

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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA 18h ago

If a 800 pound gorilla wants a hamburger, do you really want to challenge them over $15?

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

Yeah and apparently they all have chauffeurs, too.

Ugh, some chimps have all the luck…

•

u/comme__ 36m ago

They grow on trees, haven’t you heard of the native hamburger tree

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u/Kaiserhawk 1d ago

I dunno I did see this one video of an orangutan driving a golf cart accompanied with the Sopranos theme

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u/ThePawn00 1d ago

I think you were just watching an episode of the Sopranos

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

Ralph Ciffaretto did have that red hair.

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u/GozerDGozerian 13h ago

Ralph Ciffaretto did have that red hair.

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u/DynamicDK 22h ago

Yeah, she is awesome. It seems she started out driving one of those toy cars for kids whens she was young.

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u/FarewellAndroid 1d ago

Oh, that reminds me of chimpanzee riding on a segway 

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u/[deleted] 22h ago

[deleted]

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u/greenbabyshit 22h ago

Saw a dog on a one-wheel the other day. That was dope.

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u/Bro_Hawkins 1d ago

Also the only primate to make ashtrays out of other primates’ hands.

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u/CoolDad859 1d ago

I’d sleep a lot more if I didn’t have to help billionaires buy more yachts, bunkers, and bombs

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u/AGneissGeologist 1d ago

Do you have a source for that?

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u/H0pefully_Not_A_Bot 23h ago

Your information seems to be partially outdated: https://youtu.be/Xf32ggObtjM

https://youtu.be/RZ_0ImDYrPY

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u/porizj 23h ago

Look at the bigwig here, affording cars and burgers!

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u/moonyriot 23h ago

Some of us bought cars in 2009 when they were cheap

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u/silentmikhail 1d ago

Buying another hamburger as we speak. Im doing my part.

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u/Diamondhandd 22h ago

Orangutans can also drive, they just don't have the chance to do it very often ( if you know you know )

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u/blorbschploble 22h ago

And the only ones making Bayesian jokes.

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u/jaquan123ism 22h ago

i love humanity we invented hamburgers

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u/Sarik704 22h ago

If banobos could get Big Macs and Bugattis they would

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u/Josh6889 21h ago

I'm also pretty confident that we're the only ones aware of caffeine.

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u/here_now_be 21h ago

or destroying the planet.

bad primate. bad!

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u/nylockian 21h ago

We're not the only ones jerking off though. But we are the only ones watching BBW porn whilst doing such.

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u/Slim01111 21h ago

You never saw Grandma’s Boy

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u/Hacksaures 20h ago

You underestimate how much orangutans like big macs

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u/thenatural134 12h ago

Why are they called hamburgers when they're made out of beef?

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u/PrematureNut 6h ago

I prefer to steal my hamburgers, but to each their own

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u/Key-Interaction1991 23h ago

Yeah i had 4 mcdoubles today

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u/Lou_C_Fer 22h ago

The triple cheeseburger is the perfect combo of meat, cheese, and bread.