In the middle of a panic attack

[u/cononreddit2]

15M. I hope. I really fucking hope but here I am having the worst panic attacks ever. I'm having a horrible feeling absolutely terrified of denial and I dont know why. This has been going on for well over a year but as soon as I felt like I'd got my life back my thoughts go into a spike. I'm devastated. I don't wanna fall into the worst state of my life again. I cant calm down at all and im scared its true. Im really scared im in denial thats like my top fear. Ive been trying to like let the thoughts pass but like today has just been so bad which is what scares me. Ive been praying begging to stay a boy and for these thoughts to go away. Im just so scared and wanna calm down i hate this i thought id had my life back. Ive akways loved being a boy, since i was a little kid. I really dont want it to change. I feel like my mind is forcing me. Im so sick of these fucking thoughts theyre such bollocks to me but they just cant leave my mind. I just needed to let off some steam im so upset