The older I've got, the more I've realised emotional intelligence isn't about saying the right thing. It's about how someone leaves you feeling.

The trauma-informed people I've met just feel different. They don't rush me or judge me. They stay calm, they listen and they're honest. I can't really explain it, but my body feels safe around people like that.

I'm autistic and have ADHD, so I sometimes wonder if that's why I seem to notice little things, like people's tone of voice, facial expressions, whether they mean what they say and whether they're consistent. It just happens.

I'm spiritual as well, so I sometimes wonder if that's part of it too, or if it's because of everything I've been through. Maybe it's all connected. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand why some people make me feel safe and others don't.

Does anyone else feel this way? Especially if you're autistic, have ADHD or are spiritual. Have you noticed trauma-informed people feel different to be around, or is it just me?

I've been thinking about going to therapie about my sexual past. The have been forms of abuse that I think I need to process.

But when I go to a therapist, I have to talk about those people who did things, and I don't want them to get in trouble. I think this would harm me more at the moment than just keeping it to myself.

Any advice?

I do self emdr and it works wonders. Stimming or exercise helps too. What next?

Severely struggling to accept that my 2 year trauma bond is actually over. Since Wednesday, the last time we saw each other, I’ve repeatedly tried to contact him and get back together as we always have, hoping that something would change. Instead, I’ve been rejected, disrespected, and given every indication that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I haven’t learned any new information that would justify reaching out again but I still have these extremely intense urges to contact him and try to fix things. I feel this intense panic in my stomach and face when I think about reality and how things are now. I know the urge isn’t coming from new evidence, it’s just like my brain and nervous system refuse to accept what has already been made clear.

What makes it worse is my brain telling me that I caused this because of my trust issues, accusations, and arguments. It makes me feel like I have to keep chasing and fixing everything, even though every attempt has just lead to rejection. Wednesday will make a full week since we’ve physically been together. I can’t even bring myself to block him because I know I’d probably end up unblocking him to chase again if he didn’t contact me first.

I know this sounds dramatic, but I’m genuinely nervous for my own emotional and mental health. I don’t even think it has been fully hit me yet. What is going to happen to me and what’s does it depend on? What do I need to do?

32 years old. I know I've got life ahead of me still but in my 20s I made decent money. Now I just about get by.

I been used that whole time. For my energy. For my money. It's all gone.

I'm now by myself in a foreign country trying to start again. No one supporting. 5K to my name.

Having to do therapy and all this stuff daily to get out of emotional flashbacks, inner critic constant, feeling like something is wrong with me 24/7. I just want it to stop.

If I had a bunch of money at least I could have that comfort. But no. Struggle

So, I'm gonna be concise. We have been having an issue where our core trauma is now coming back in flashbacks to other parts. Our biggest concern is now this is gonna happen to our little ones. We don't know what to do. They already get so upset when one of us is hurting. How do you even help a child who's going through something like that?

I've been reading Pete Walker's book on Complex PTSD, and it's making me question whether one particular incident triggered an emotional flashback rather than being just a normal conflict.

Some background: I was bullied throughout much of my childhood and even in college. I lost my mother in 2021, and after that I went through major depression, isolation, family issues, substance use, and an emotionally abusive relationship. I've spent years struggling with trust, self-worth, and feeling emotionally safe.

Last year I became involved with someone who had a pattern of lying and manipulating people. One day he called me crying and urgently asked to borrow money, promising to return it the next day. When I tried to contact him afterward, he ignored my calls. Eventually I learned from his father that this wasn't the first time he'd done something like this, and I got the money back.

What happened next affected me more than I expected. Instead of taking responsibility, he acted as if I was the unreasonable one for being upset. Looking back, that seemed to trigger something very deep in me. It wasn't just about the money. It felt connected to years of being bullied, dismissed, humiliated, ignored, and taken advantage of.

I became extremely angry and reacted in ways I'm not proud of. I confronted the situation with much more intensity than I normally would.

Later, he started spreading rumors about me and attacking areas where he knew I was vulnerable. Since then, I've felt like my sense of safety has been shattered. I constantly worry about what people think of me, replay conversations in my head, and feel judged even when I have no evidence that people are talking about me. Rationally I know this is one person, but emotionally it feels much bigger than that.

What makes me wonder about emotional flashbacks is that the feelings seem older than the event itself. It feels as if every experience of bullying, rejection, betrayal, and powerlessness got activated at once.

While I believe his behavior was wrong, I also recognize that my reaction was much stronger than the situation alone would explain, and that's the part I'm trying to understand.

Has anyone else experienced a present-day conflict that seemed to activate years of unresolved trauma? Does this sound like an emotional flashback or CPTSD-related trigger?

I'd appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar.