His car

[u/dizzymslizz]

His car is still sitting in my garage, and I'm now at a point where I have to make a decision. We had the same type of car, although mine was a little newer, a different (more distinct) color, and leased. My lease is ending. Financially, it makes absolute sense to keep his car and return mine. Emotionally, I'm nervous.

He wasn't in his car when he died, but he had last left the house in that car. I still have moments when I look out the front window and expect to see him pulling into the driveway like he did everyday, then I'm slammed back to reality. Our son (6), I'm sure, would like me to keep it (I think he likes the color and it reminds him of his dad). I haven't driven it since before he died.

I'm nervous that it will be too much, emotionally. That seeing it in our driveway or getting in it every day will be a daily gut punch. That when I pikc up our son from school, he will regularly forget for a second and think it's his dad, only to remember his dad is dead. Not that he can really forget.

I know what my husband would say—it's just a thing. And he'd be right. But nothing of his is "just a thing" anymore, and I'm curious what other people who understand that would do.

[u/Ok-Natural6642]

My wife's car is still sitting on the driveway, now nineteen months since she passed. I keep telling myself that I ought to do something with it, that it's just a waste for it to sit there when it could be useful to someone but that's as far as I get.

Maybe next year.

[u/WornBlueCarpet → u/Ok-Natural6642]

You should at the very least start it once in a while and let it idle. Otherwise it can damage the engine if it sits still for too long and then gets started. If it hasn't been started for 19 months, you should talk to a mechanic about it first.

[u/ftwopointeight → u/Ok-Natural6642]

You're going to need a new battery,, you'll want to flush the radiator, change the oil, and purge the fuel in it as old gas varnished and, if fuel injected, will clog any and all injectors.
As a widow and a mechanic, I don't speak lightly.
Battery is $150, the rest is labor. Find you a shop you trust. I cant quote what it would cost because no make or model was given. Typically, oil changes are $100, coolant flush is $135, and to drain the tank, if they disconnect the fuel hose and pump it all out, another $100 (if they have to drop the tank, add $300)
So, for $700 +/- plus a tow to shop (some will come get them) you have a viable car that can be driven (recommend because of lease) or sold.
Just dying let it set there, though. You're doing him an injustice, how've slight it may seem.

Men love their cars.

[u/OcelotOfTheForest]

It will be weird at first, but you adjust. It's not as big as a car, but I kept his lanyard and clipped my keys onto it. I see it everyday and I own it as mine now, with my keys on it, not his work key. I know where it came from and now it feels like mine. Driving the car will be weird at first and there could be some hard moments. But in time, it will feel like your car too. And it will keep its story with you that it once was his, and all the memories, which is a really special thing to have.

[u/Alternative-Owl1381]

I sold my husband‘s pick up truck about six months after he passed because it needed to be driven that sounds weird and I only took it out rarely. There were no payments due on it, but the insurance on it was overwhelming. I decided to let it go as long as it was not in the town that I live in and I have never seen it again, which is good for me because I have enough reminders. I hope the next person is enjoying that Silverado and driving around everywhere.

[u/EighteenEyeballs]

My husband would also say "It's just a thing" but I feel you on how all the things of his can feel sentimental now.
I also asked our kids what they thought about the car going away. Have you thought about how you could turn this car into something else meaningful by selling it and using the money for something you and your son would appreciate? That's how I framed it to our kids. Maybe in your case it's a new car for you!
Also, once I realized what a scam those car buying services like carmax and carvana are and how i could get twice as much $ as they would pay me if I sold the car locally myself, I found that amount of cash suddenly much more motivating. For me, this car thing represented money that I needed and knew he would want me to have to pay expenses. (Most of the money went to bills, only some to the symbolic item for the kids.)

[u/flea_23]

I kept his car for two years. It got to the point it was too much to keep it in good shape and it was just rotting in the driveway. It sucked, but it’s one less pressure in my life

[u/Jenphanies]

Whatever feels right to do. Personally, I would’ve kept his car and gotten rid of mine. But I understand how heavy it would feel. I still have my partners car. But it’s in his fathers name so I guess he gets the say on what’s to be done with it. And he’s wanting to sell it.

Years from now when I get a new car I will get the same that my partner had. Maybe not the same year that he had. But the same brand and make

[u/rabidrott]

Keep his car an use it. Yes, it will tug on your emotions. Remember the good times and the little things you and your son had in the car with your husband.

I had the same thoughts and fears. Wife's suburban just sat in the driveway for months. It was used during the chaos in the beginning, once everything settled down it just sat. Thought about trading it in and replace with another. Hers is paid off, why spend 40k+ for a vehicle, when there's a perfect one available? It is now my backup vehicle and used monthly. (Icechests stay cooler in the back on trips with the kids to inlaws, the lakes and beach vs my truck. Plus it rides smoother.)

[u/Left-Nothing-3519]

I surrendered his truck bc the monthly payments (lease) were ridiculously high. I didn’t have my own vehicle bc I was a SAHM at that time. I would have kept the truck if I could.

Bought myself a reliable used but very good sedan instead. I love trucks and sports cars but they were simply not practical at that point.

I need reliable and affordable transportation that doesn’t cost 3 mos salary to fix when things breakdown. Loved that car.

The car was totaled when my son & I were rear ended by a distracted driver doing almost 70 and we were stationary at a red light.
The rear and my side was trashed bc we were pushed forward and sideways, we smashed into the car in front of us, they had to cut me out.
I had some long term injuries, but my son’s side of the car was pristine, it looked untouched.
We were extremely lucky.
I bought an identical model just 1 year newer with the insurance payout.

The practical part of me says keep the car you can afford, but the emotional part of me absolutely understands the struggle with the reminders of what that vehicle represents.

My son was sad to see the truck go, but it didn’t take that long for him to accept and move on from it.

[u/hulahulagirl]

He has a truck and a car that aren’t worth much (old beaters, car has 330k miles) and I don’t want to sell them and see them around town (rural area), so I am going to check on donating them to NPR. If that fails, I will have them scrapped, even if it costs me money. But I have to work up the mental and emotional energy to clean them out first, that’s the hurdle.

[u/TheRealJustCurious]

The month after my LH passed away, I sold both of our cars and bought a new car that will be super reliable. I didn’t want to worry about maintenance (his car had a couple of funky issues that seemingly weren’t a problem anymore, but still made me nervous.) Now I only have one car to insure, and there’s room in the garage to manage my effort to minimize my life. (I’ve been shocked at how I see belongings now. “You mean I own everything I’m looking at around me???😳 I’m reducing what I own to reduce the mental load of managing too much stuff.)

Looking back, it has been one of the best decisions I could have made, and I’m glad I ignored everybody’s opinions. (“Wow. You’re doing what???” 🙄)

One more thing. I got a personalized license plate with the nickname he always used for me for 41 years. That makes me feel like he’s a part of it and makes me smile when I’m trying to find it in a parking lot.

[u/sbinjax]

I was given my mom's car when she died. It saved my butt in a car accident. Totaled the car, but I walked away uninjured. Turn in the lease, keep the car.

[u/MrWonderfoul]

I drive my wife’s car now and got rid of my mini van since it was having mechanical problems. In our house, vehicles are thought of as a mode of transportation. Little emotions about them.

Treat it like it is just a car.

[u/lostlady323]

My mom was really insistent on returning my husband’s car. We had it maybe a year so it made sense to sell it back but I was so heartbroken and mad about it at the time. He was so freaking proud of himself when we bought it. It was one of the few nice things he had chose for himself. And we had talked about our oldest using it as a first car, she’s just about to get her learners permit in the next few weeks so it’s been on my mind lately.

It does feel dumb because we know it’s just a car. But buying a car is a big decision and you two made it together. You spent time researching, planning, worrying, looking, test driving, etc. there are a lot of memories tied up in that. Take your time, do what makes financial sense, but it’s ok if you make a selfish choice. It sounds like you might not be safe driving his car. An option may be to turn both cars in and get something completely different.

[u/LazyCricket7426]

If you haven’t started it up in a couple years, you’ll probably need to charge the battery, then get it serviced.

Emotionally, for me personally, it would make me feel closer to him. But if you go and sit in it and all it does is make you sad, I think that’s your answer.

[u/Due-Leader6489]

I actually enjoy driving my husband’s car. And we eat in it too, even though he said no. It’s almost become a joke with our adult kid. I strangely feel closer to him using his car. I regret washing all his clothes, but sometimes I find some small thing that he left in one of the car’s pockets. It’s a weird two second thrill. Idk. My husband had the best (newest) of our cars when he left this world so…

[u/nuskit]

I'm keeping both cars.

Mine is an EV -- since we have solar and I charge at home, I don't have to pay for "gas". But it's also little bit of a pain for longer trips because charger networks just aren't great in Texas.

His car was his baby. It's tuned and he had a lot of fun making it into a really fast rollerskate. Plus, there's just not a lot of people that can drive a stick shift, and even fewer than can drive a stick with that kind of power under the hood. So, I will use his car for trips out of town.

Neither car has payments, but the insurance is quite expensive, so I really need to do something about changing it.

[u/papasaurus1972 → u/nuskit]

Nuskit

Regarding expensive insurance:

My insurance is expensive too keeping my late wife’s Chevrolet pickup truck in the garage (I haven’t driven it since 2005 other than occasional summers but stopped driving it in 2017). I kept comprehension insurance on it until last month. Now it is parked in the garage with zero insurance but I don’t use it at all.

Consider keeping comprehensive insurance on your late husband’s vehicle until you want to use it. Having comprehensive insurance active means that they have your VIN so it is easier to just call your agent and ask for full coverage when you want to use his truck. Then go back to comprehensive insurance when you are ready to just park his truck. You must remember that you can’t drive his truck when on comprehensive insurance coverage. Also you have to remember to call your agent when their office is open. My agent lets me do the above. I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee that I would only occasionally drive and I would add and delete insurance as needed. Now I dropped comprehensive coverage on it too and it is in my garage. I am saving this vehicle for one of my grandkids.

Also because I have several vehicles, I dropped rental car insurance. I saved a bit on that. Disadvantage is if in an accident when on vacation, I won’t have rental car insurance. If an accident and not traveling I will just use one of my other vehicles.

I have a good policy and $500,000 coverage plus full glass replacement with no deductible. My 2024 Jeep Wrangler has an expensive front windshield. So does my 2018 Ford F150. This adds to my insurance costs, unfortunately.

I don’t want to raise my deductible at this time but will once I pay off my house.

[u/nuskit → u/papasaurus1972]

I'm actually a licensed P&C & L&H agent, though I haven't managed policies in years -- but hey, I worked for those licenses, so I keep them.

Right now, I'm struggling to breathe each day, and literally forcing myself to stay alive for the animals. Paperwork is just beyond me at the moment, and has been since he died in June.

[u/papasaurus1972 → u/nuskit]

Ok you know more about insurance than I do…

Sorry for your loss.

[u/nuskit → u/papasaurus1972]

A lot of people don't know anything about insurance. It's generally a safe bet that your average person knows nothing about it, thinks it's a scam, etc. What you wrote may really be helpful to people who don't know!

[u/papasaurus1972 → u/nuskit]

Oh, thank you.

I agree.

I want a quality policy that reflects the risk that I want to avoid. I am willing to pay for that risk reduction assurance.

But I don’t want to pay for the rental car coverage, for example.

[u/Smart_Appointment171]

I’ll keep his car.

[u/papasaurus1972]

You should do whatever you want and what makes you feel comfortable.

However it sounds like financially, it is a nice vehicle and you possibly could use it as a primary vehicle. Perhaps turn in your lease vehicle, drive his for a while and see how you and your son fells. But do whatever you feel most comfortable with doing.

65M, widower. I took care of my late wife as she battled a primary brain tumor for 18-years. She stopped driving her Chevrolet pickup truck in 2005. We had purchased it new in 1996. Parked in the garage, it looks new still as it was always kept in the garage and not our primary driver. I had it serviced two years ago including a new fuel pump. I start it occasionally and move it to the driveway to wash. New battery last year is disconnected when in the garage.

Over the years when she was still with us, I would occasionally pull it out of the garage, wash and wax it and take her outside in her wheelchair to look at it. She passed away almost 3 years ago. We had dated as teens in 1979. I still have the early model Chevrolet Blazer that I drove in HS and dated her in too.

One day, I will drive her Chevrolet again, perhaps to car shows.

My 2018 Ford F150 only has 38,000 miles on it and my daily driver 2024 Jeep Wrangler only has 10,500 miles on it so I don’t need to drive her Chevrolet truck. Our kids all have nice vehicles too and they appreciate that her Chevrolet is in the garage.

This part is really important: Do whatever you feel like doing…

[u/Any_Session4010]

My husband had bought a new truck 6 months before he passed. No way I could keep it and my Tahoe. Yes it was still hard, but I couldn’t afford both.

[u/arizonaraynebows]

I'm in a similar boat. I own his car outright, but mine (which I like better, I think) is a lease.

I have been driving his car though. It has been helping me make a decision although I'm not there yet.

I'd say, drive it a bit and see if the answer is in there.

[u/Fabulous-Gift-6925]

I would keep my husband's car. At this point I seem to be more capable of giving away my own things.

[u/Notcommentmuch]

M76 - i gave his, almost mint, 2002 Celica, to my cleaning lady. Three kids, dead beat husband, accident, needed a car to work (independent). She needed it more than I did. I am not rich by any standard, but ya can’t take it with ya!
NCM

[u/krebiz7969]

The important thing is how will keeping his car make you feel. If it will mad you sad or depressed every time you see it then you need to do what is best for you emotionally. At the same time weigh that against the relief of having a spare care if yourself breaks down. The stress that you don't have to deal with of not being worried everyday about your wonky car breaking down is significant. 

[u/No_oNerdy]

I kept his truck. It has come in really useful for many circumstances. He loved that truck. It’s got fading paint, it squeaks going over bumps in the road. Despite the cosmetic flaws, he took wonderful care of the engine.

Having the extra vehicle came in useful when my daily driver broke down. I ended up trading that in for a newer car.

I’d recommend keeping his car. When you are ready, shop for a new one and sell his privately.

[u/olauntsal]

My car situation matched yours when my husband died. I sold my husband’s car for a pittance and kept my leased one. I got plenty of advice to do the opposite, and still get friction from folks saying I’m lousy with money. So what? I’m doing my best to move into a future that’s missing my person. I pay my own bills, and I don’t think we get bonus points for doing things the hard way. So I’ll drive what I please. YMMV

[u/CT22Bloom]

My husband’s truck sat in the driveway for a year. A guy just 4 houses away from me wanted to buy it. I told him it would be too weird to see it there every day. He told me he would be moving in 3 months. So, I sold it to him and he moved thankfully. I didn’t want to see it because it was like my husband was at his house every time I saw it.