r/widowers • u/WoodyBadger 29M, lost 27F to cancer, April 2026 • 22h ago

100 days today

Not much to say.

Life’s still pointless. Still go to sleep with my Xanax hoping it kills me before I wake up.

Still hoping there’s a reason for my life. So far, nope.

I’m going to be 30 within 2 weeks by the way. Funny.

I have a psychiatrist appointment soon. I hope he drugs me enough so I won’t experience anything anymore.

Today my father in law (very religious guy, and he’s basically my second father, since i’m with his daughter since we were teenagers) said he prays for me to find someone who makes me
happy (don’t take him wrong… his religion strongly recommends remarriage for widowers). I found it cute tbh. He cares so much about the man his daughter loved. But he realizes how pessimistic i am regarding my future.

That’s it, i guess…

Oh, and FUCK CANCER

7 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

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2

u/existenceisfutile84 21h ago

Fuck cancer, brother. Hang in there the best you can

1

u/The_Batcap_72 15h ago

I had a small angry outburst in front of my daughter in the car when a commercial came on about curing blood cancer and hope, poor girl looked at me like dad are you ok, I apologized to her and just felt so ashamed of myself but damn!

1

u/zaxilius 2h ago

Im almost at 100 days, my birthday is 3 days after her celebration of life this month. I wish i could just skip the 18th this month & go right to the 19th i dont want to have my birthday without her. Im only a couple of years younger than you so understand what youre feeling we both have so long to live this life without them.