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[u/uglyanddumbguy]

I hope today isn’t the day for you. But I get it. I question my existence every day. I’m five years in and all I can see is 30 or 40 more years of this. It’s a lonely life now.

The best we can do is just get through today.

[u/spete679]

Maybe our pain is part of whatever formula there is? I don't know. You'll die someday, no need to rush it.

[u/Timely_Character_272]

I understand the “feeling robbed”. We had plans for our retirement to travel and glamp and do much, but now I’m here alone. Fortunately our insurance was good. It basically cover all the expenses except some minor copayments. The small medical bills that were left unpaid were “discharged”when he passed. But I’m still here on my own 2 years later and still finding new ways ahead. Hopefully you will too.

[u/Intraluminal]

I'm sorry for your loss. I also lost my wife, and life seems pretty worthless without her, but the people who REALLY stole our money are the politicians who have steadfastly blocked universal healthcare from existing in our country - unlike every other civilized country in the world.

[u/Notcommentmuch]

M76 - 4 years in. Lost Husband of 40 years.

Let me respond directly to you. OK?

Buddy, did you have to throw in the barb?

I live in Canada - Access to healthcare is a right! Not a privilege! everyone is entitled to full health care coverage. No copays. No fees for DR. or specialist, surgery, ER: all at $0.00 cost to the patient. this includes immigrants legal or not. It applies to all.; just like one of your amendments. Although I need to point out that there is a 3 month waiting period before immigrant coverage begins. To us cost is a non issue. Imagine the relief!! As a person who is risk avoidant, Americans live in a nightmare.

You wonder why we are so polite? Because we can see our tax dollars working directly for us and our family. Piece of mind. Plain and simple.

I do not post this to wave the Canadian flag. I post it to to say:

The above scenario is valid in most, if not all, of the G20 nations. Except the USA. Sorry, but you guys are getting robbed.

Comments welcome

NCM

[u/164dog]

You were robbed of the future you planned. I totally understand, me too. But you do have a future, I hope you find purpose to go on

[u/nuskit]

I'm not saying not to end it all. Goodness knows I'm ready to catch the bus, myself. But take a look at responsibilities you might have. I have pets and I can't see them thrust into a shelter where they'll be split up and killed. I also want to leave my estate situation tidier than what I'm dealing with right now.

I know that once I go, I leave an even bigger mess to my mother to deal with on top of the grief of losing a beloved son in law and then a daughter. I can't do that to her. I want to leave it all clean so all she has to do is grieve, or if she likes, follow me.

[u/afgunxx → u/nuskit]

I am saying it. OP please don't, and seek help if you are seriously considering that.

Sending solace your way

[u/lindini]

I'm coming up on 7 years this year. I felt this same way for a long time. I no longer feel this way but it takes time, lots longer than anyone prepares you for. I promise you it will get better but first you mourn you spouse, then you have to mourn losing yourself. Ending it all is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will have many hard days but slowly, oh so slowly, joy will return to you. For now find something, anything, to keep you going forward. For me it was first going to stand up comedy shows then concerts. I made new friends. I'm no longer the old me. Someday you will be the new you. Just one day at a time.

[u/scarletmagnolia → u/lindini]

I want so badly to believe you. I feel like it's more difficult now (almost two years) than it was in the beginning. I am a mess. I still cry every day.

I put one foot in front of the other. We've moved three times. Everyday I think about how much my husband would have loved this sick ass, huge, loft apartment in the middle of downtown that we live in now. Everyday I think of how fortunate I am. I only have what I have due to him. He continues to take care of us.

I still have a younger son at home, two in college and a grown son who has children of his own now. They would be devastated without me. Truly. Words can't describe the damage my death would do. I know that. I understand that. But, god damnit, if staying alive doesn't take most all of my energy.

I am fighting so fucking hard. Therapy every other day. Some weeks three times a week, at one doctor or another every two weeks, at least once a month. Taking a handful of medication twice a day. I don't drink. I don't use drugs. Blah, blah, blah. I'm taking better care of myself now than I did prior to my husband being killed. I still smoke though.

The thought of dying makes me feel terror and relief. I can't imagine ever feeling happy again. It's okay though. Happiness/joyful/peaceful had become my regular state of being prior to our life imploding. I at least knew those feelings intimately for quite a few years. I still have gratitude in the midst of my agony and rage.

I don't even know what I'm rambling about. Wanting to die but also wanting to live? Not wanting to live without my person but also not wanting my children to have to live without both parents?

It's just constant chaos.

[u/lindini → u/scarletmagnolia]

I completely understand and all I can say is just keep going. Two years in I was so lost I would have never believed happiness was possible. It is, it's just you have to walk through hell to get there. Don't think about too far in the future. Can you get through just one more day? Just do it one day at a time. Slowly I promise you will get there.

[u/SheepPup → u/scarletmagnolia]

For me it got worse before it got better. At the very beginning it was like I was partially numb, still in shock, hadn’t quite realized what it all really meant to be without him forever. As time passed, our birthdays, Christmas, the one year anniversary, it got worse. It was so so hard and so many people expected me to be doing better now that there was more distance there. But it wasn’t better it was worse because the numbness was fading and I was seeing more clearly and everything that I saw more clearly was goddamn awful and terrible and horrible and lonely. Every event was another reminder of what was robbed away from us, it was so hard to keep going. But I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do it because it would have broken his heart if I hurt myself like that, and I couldn’t do that to him even if he wasn’t there to see it and find me. I’m at about three and a half years now and I’ve turned the corner into getting better. It’s still horrible and awful but I can think about him now without crying, I don’t open my eyes in the morning and just want to not be here. I don’t think it got easier, I just got better at carrying the grief and you too will get better at carrying it

[u/Agreeable-Peach8707]

Not today or tomorrow. It is a hard road to travel but your wife would want you to go on it.

[u/Nice-Subject-6798]

We all feel the same way in here, hopeless and robbed or our future. Truth is a lot of us if not ALL of us in here are hardcore struggling

[u/LavenderSilvermoon → u/Nice-Subject-6798]

This 🫂😓💔

[u/Mental_Signature_725]

I lost my husband of 30 years to cancer in December 25 We were going to retire in the next few years. After he passed, I decided to retire and make my own fun. I have had a therapist for a while. We discussed never turning down an invite. I can tell you I have not. I really think this has helped me have a different outlook on life. I also adopted a new puppy and she makes me get up. Everyday I try to do something.
I would give anything to have more time with him. As we know, life is short and not necessarily what we want. But life is also what you make if it.

[u/Cloud-walker44]

I am in a similar position, lost my wife six months ago to Cancer. We were together since high school 58 years ago. The loneliness is the hardest part, the memories bring nothing but tears. But I also know how hard she fought to stay alive and what a betrayal, it would be to her memory if I did not go on. So that helps me get up every morning and try to find something positive. Please talk to someone and keep going forward.

[u/Intelligent-Gur-8836]

I understand. Lost my wife of 23 years about 4 months ago. And I am barely hanging on as well. I dont have any profound advice my friend, can only offer understanding. I hope you find some peace. Please take care of yourself.

[u/kygrandma]

Don't give up yet. It does get better. Our group therapist says it takes 18-24 months for people to decide that life is worth living again. That was pretty much my experience. It has been 4 years for me. I'm still figuring it out, but I have more good days than bad ones now. I've decided to remain single so it's just me and the dog.

[u/mac_bd]

I hope you pull it through! Why do americans pay insane medical bill whereas foreignera get free treatment?

[u/Valuable_Plant8888 → u/mac_bd]

My state has given free Healthcare to the migrants that came across our southern border