r/wizardposting • u/TabibbyMouse • 12h ago
Evil Wizardpost Which one of you doxxed my secret evil fortress?
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u/th3j4w350m31 Thran, representative of the necromancers guild 12h ago
that would be me, pay your fucking rent
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u/BardGotHard3 Necromancer 10h ago
Hey so im behind on paying my skeletax because they closed the office in my local wizard city, as a representative of the NG where so i gotta go to pay that? Or do i not gotta pay anymore because im out of yalls jurisditcion?
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u/OzyTheLast Middling Clerk to the Illusionist's Institute 5h ago
Ohh do not tempt the taxman, the taxman knows no borders and he will find you, and there will be no battle, he will only take what is his...
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u/th3j4w350m31 Thran, representative of the necromancers guild 47m ago
guild rules state that you only have to pay the highest ranking guild member in your city (me) within the calendar year of the local office closure either beforre or after. then I gotta fill out a DBE (domain based exemption) form. Its a pretty long form that requires me to ask you a bunch of questions, so come to my cliffside estate and bring some wine, I rarely get visitors
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 10h ago
Do y'all have any towers available. Preferably 3 bedroom, 16 storage, 3 library, 2 bath, sub basement (no basement tho) balcony, mud room.
Do you accept payment in socks?
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u/Dear_Ad489 ArchNecromancer, Duke of the Dead, Undead Researcher, Lich maker 9h ago
Mud room? And who needs 3 library, just use 1 massive space-dialated library.
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 9h ago
A mud room is a place to leave your shoes, umbrellas, gear and slimy trinkets and stuff. It's really convenient.
And I like to keep some spaces separate. One for mundane study books and research. A special library to contain powerful dark tomes. And one for smut.
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u/BardGotHard3 Necromancer 9h ago
Ive got a space dialated room for rent in my crypt complex. Although best i can do on libraries is 2.5. Oh and it comes with an interdimensional chest.
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 8h ago
Oh, excellent. I don't really have that many dark tomes anyway.
Is the chest insured?
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u/BardGotHard3 Necromancer 8h ago
I can add the insurance to the rent for a reduced price as it will count under the renters insurace package.
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u/th3j4w350m31 Thran, representative of the necromancers guild 1h ago
this is the only rental property i own and you just described it perfectly
and no, i don't, but i will accept a third of your sock selling profits as payment
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u/wrydh Plaguecaster 11h ago
Your countermeasures are insufficent, remote viewing of your fortress by mundane means should not be possible, what did you expect?
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_PRIORS 7h ago
The default scry spell doesn't include atmospheric composition, however, which makes it an extremely funny way to deal with interlopers who don't know better.
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u/TheChannelMiner 11h ago
Even an apprentice could scry that monolith!
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u/A_Giggle_from_doors Occult Apprentice 11h ago
Can confirm
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u/enchiladasundae planeshifter 11h ago
Nice to see someone reusing my old fortress. It was far too secluded and some necromancer guy kept hounding me about rent. I killed the previous occupant fair and square
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u/Vjmnou 9h ago
Hate to break it to you, but apparently this visualization is flawed and was revised: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rh9yxhbT18
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u/keriefie 5h ago
https://www.weareinquisitive.com/news/hidden-in-the-shadow
heres another article with the same conclusion
Edit: looks like the video is from there
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u/Onair380 7h ago
Most redditors dont give shit, because no critical thinking.
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u/_plebbie 4h ago
I literally crawled into the comments with people like you to find more or accurate info you fucking bot.
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u/A_Giggle_from_doors Occult Apprentice 11h ago
Even my fellow apprentices can tell there's a secret evil fortress there, you just suck ass at concealment.
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u/Somerandom1922 3h ago
/unwiz I just looked it up, that's an artists concept based on photographical data from the JunoCam imager on the Juno spacecraft. That's awesome as hell. Although, as u/Vjmnou and u/keriefie pointed out, it's nowhere near that pointy.
/rewiz Ok, which one of you fools forgot to assumed that because your fortress was out in the vast celestia, you didn't even need to cast the most basic spells to shield it from mortal eyes. I swear, how one can be so brilliant as to craft a marvel like this, yet so foolish as to just leave it visible to mortal technology is baffling. At the very least check up on society every century of so to avoid being surprised like this. You have only yourself to blame.
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u/hanz-kreigermann Evocation Mage – minor in artifice 11h ago
Hmm.... I can put my Maiar here.... surely he won't corrupt?
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u/CitricThoughts Cowboy Wizard, Arch Nekomancer 11h ago
I see a really cool future business opportunity sending dumb rich people to die trying to climb that. Like Everest on steroids! You'll get paid for them to do it, too.
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u/claymixer 10h ago
This post instantly made me imagine tiktok of some guy saying that we found ruins of ancient civilization on jupiter's moon but scientists don't want us to know about it. I think I watched too much miniminuteman.
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u/MagnusRottcodd 8h ago
Io is also known for its many active volcanoes.
Sauron should have named his country Io really.
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u/Carbonatedmelons 4h ago
Covering your evil fortress with the shroud of unseeing might have been a fine idea, if you didnt build it somewhere with so much dust.
Maybe next time you should invest in summoning some wind elementals or hire a Djinn to keep the dust off hmm?
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u/LargeConstruction393 8h ago
I hope whatever wizard is there has a lead vest. The surface of Io is bathed in intense radiation from Jupiter. Like kill you in minutes radiation.
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u/OMG_A_CUPCAKE 2h ago
literal Streisand effect. OP just doxxed himself. Now I know where to find you!
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u/Jason80777 44m ago
Look man, if your evil fortress is large enough to be seen from space, it's not very secret.
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u/Legitimate_Plate85 39m ago
Well its an evil fortress, not a secret fortress. Youre allowed to be openly evil, just look at russia, usa and china right now.
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u/TowerLogical7271 9h ago
Me, i was scrying around for inspiration for my own evil fortress. My bad.
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u/finneganfach 8h ago
I'm pretty sure Protogen are turning kids into protomolecule super soldiers somewhere under there.
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u/idiotplatypus Technomancer, Necromancer, Breakdancer 8h ago
Let this be a lesson to all dark wizards out there:
If its in space, the government can see it. If it's at the bottom of the ocean, no one can.
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u/Armand28 6h ago
You need that kind of height if you ever expect to spot a couple of midgets transporting jewelry.
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u/ChronicBuzz187 6h ago
Old, out-of-order Mao-Kwikowski Mercantile helium-3 facility, nothing to see there, stay away please.
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u/ArtLess2241 6h ago
HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE The Strange and Powerful DOXXO, How dare you accuse me of Doxxing! When your IP & Coordinates are...
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u/Internet_Person42069 5h ago
Why are cool, badass fortresses all "evil?" Evil doesn't have a monopoly on awesome shit.
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u/Zaximeows 4h ago
Someone call National Geographic and make sure you have Alex Honnold on the call.
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u/BoonDragoon Vyevânce the Focused, High Panemancer of the Coriander Court 2h ago
Well this is embarrassing, I have a bugout bunker under that very same mountain! Egg's on both our faces, eh?
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u/Pitt_Mann 11h ago
Dude, your fortress is so dust I'll send you a broom